If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 24

[novaxmomof2]

Both of my boys were circumsized and both my husband and I deeply regret it. I am so angry with myself for not doing the research and for just doing what the doctors recommended. I was DEVASTATED when I realized what we had done. I failed them as a mother during a critical time and I just pray that they don't resent me one day for not protecting them from a horrifying procedure.

[Bitzy]

My dh was 100% set on circ'ing our son and I didn't put up enough of a fight. If the circumstances at the time had been different (long story), I might have been stronger but I caved and "went along to get along". I have regretted it wholeheartedly. It is a savage and unnecessary procedure and I'm ashamed for putting my beautiful boy through it.

Today, at the age of just 3, my son has a lot of issues with chafing and irritation. This ONLY occurs where his foreskin should still be. It saddens me beyond words because I *know* that he would not have these issues if he'd been left intact.

The only bright spot in this story is that I've finally been able to convince my husband that circ'ing is unnecessary, as is the whole "sons should look like daddy" nonsense. Our future sons will be left intact, as God intended. It won't change what has already past but at least we won't repeat the same horrible mistake.

[jenneology]

I too regret consenting to my son's circumcision. I hadn't know what I know now about it at the time. After the fact, I felt the ONLY argument that had any semblance of reason to it was preventing infection, but then I learned that my LO is prone to infection around the penis head, probably because of the circumcision! Makes me so mad! My husband who is also circ'd has to pay very close attention to cleaning around his penis head, very much like a pp said about wiping one's butt. If he's having to show the same intensity of care to his circ's penis as a unaltered male, doesn't that procedure defeat the purpose????

[Super Glue Mommy]

First of all, I thought my kids penises looked better before they were circ'd. We did it "just because" with my first son. With my second son, I didn't feel comfortable, but I was busy trying to gain support from my husband over the vaccine issue, which was a huge priority at the time because my DS1 is ASD. We didnt have a "bad" experience, like nothing "horrible" other then the obvious, as circ in itself is pretty horrible, but I still regret it. I am really big for children's rights (especially the no spanking issue) and I can't believe my mind was so warped by society that I thought this was normal?! It was my son's decision to make, not mine, and I regret it.

[3kidsclmr]

I posted awhile back, but years later just feel so much sorrow and guilt over circumcising my two sons. I've tried to accept it and move on. I've tried to turn my pain into something positive, and I've continued to try to talk to and educate people who are expecting. Still, deep down, I'm so angry at myself that I did nothing to protect my own kids. I didn't even research circumcision... just blindly accepted that it was the "right" thing to do. I'm still very disheartened by the number of medical professionals who think the procedure is fine. I have a friend- an OB/GYN nurse, who is expecting in a few months. I pray she has a girl, as she has flat out rejected everything I've talked with her about and says the procedure is "quick" and "painless".

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by 3kidsclmr

I posted awhile back, but years later just feel so much sorrow and guilt over circumcising my two sons. I've tried to accept it and move on. I've tried to turn my pain into something positive, and I've continued to try to talk to and educate people who are expecting. Still, deep down, I'm so angry at myself that I did nothing to protect my own kids. I didn't even research circumcision... just blindly accepted that it was the "right" thing to do. I'm still very disheartened by the number of medical professionals who think the procedure is fine. I have a friend- an OB/GYN nurse, who is expecting in a few months. I pray she has a girl, as she has flat out rejected everything I've talked with her about and says the procedure is "quick" and "painless".

I am sorry to hear this too. It sounds like you're doing all you can and that is the best we can hope for. Some people just don't want to listen to the logical, factual truth. If you want to try a different tract perhaps you could ask her why it isn't recommend by any pediatric organization, not done in any other western country, and why there is consideration of a ban on the practice in Australia and Denmark. If you need help finding those resources please let me know.

[Swan3]

Originally Posted by Yulia_R

.

OMG, I just watched that video (closed my eyes a LOT). That poor poor precious babe! I sobbed while watching it and couldn't go to the end. I already knew no son of mine would be circumsized but DH still talks about doing "research" before deciding. End of discussion. This video will be part of the research he'll be forced to do next time he brings it up.

My job as a mother is to protect my children. This will NEVER happen to a child of mine. NEVER.

OMG, why is this LEGAL????

[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by Swan3

OMG, why is this LEGAL????

That's what I keep asking myself all the time. How in the world do doctors get away with that?!

[TerriCA]

I regret circumcising my son. I did it because my sister had her sone done too. I wish though I had read up on what circumcision entails. It was awful watching him being circumcised (yes I watched). I couldn't forgive myself for putting my son through it then and I don't think I shall ever forgive or forget.

Its sad that so many people think that circumcision is the right thing to do and have their sons done even though there is no medical requirement for it. Whats even more sad is that many women think an uncircumcised penis is sick/disgusting/gross, etc. Here's a link to an article I came across that potrays how these women think. Think its about time people were educated about this.

http://www.healthmad.com/Men's-Healt...n-Women.541911

[TerriCA]

Originally Posted by 3kidsclmr

I posted awhile back, but years later just feel so much sorrow and guilt over circumcising my two sons. I've tried to accept it and move on. I've tried to turn my pain into something positive, and I've continued to try to talk to and educate people who are expecting. Still, deep down, I'm so angry at myself that I did nothing to protect my own kids. I didn't even research circumcision... just blindly accepted that it was the "right" thing to do. I'm still very disheartened by the number of medical professionals who think the procedure is fine. I have a friend- an OB/GYN nurse, who is expecting in a few months. I pray she has a girl, as she has flat out rejected everything I've talked with her about and says the procedure is "quick" and "painless".

I can identify with what you are feeling - I feel the same right now. I hope your nurse friend does have a girl. One would have thought that health professionals would know better, but I guess they've been numbed by watching this supposedly "painless" procedure. I hate docs/nurses - they just don't give you the full picture or the full facts.

[robertandenith]

Originally Posted by TerriCA

I regret circumcising my son. I did it because my sister had her sone done too. I wish though I had read up on what circumcision entails. It was awful watching him being circumcised (yes I watched). I couldn't forgive myself for putting my son through it then and I don't think I shall ever forgive or forget.

Its sad that so many people think that circumcision is the right thing to do and have their sons done even though there is no medical requirement for it. Whats even more sad is that many women think an uncircumcised penis is sick/disgusting/gross, etc. Here's a link to an article I came across that potrays how these women think. Think its about time people were educated about this.

http://www.healthmad.com/Men's-Healt...n-Women.541911

I just wanted to give you my support...

[invitation]

If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here.

I will be sending this link to a friend who is due with a boy in February. Last week I sent her an e-mail and told her my experience with circumcision(oldest son cut and youngest intact) along with links to articles. She and her husband talked about it and he feels very strongly that the baby needs to be circumcised.
I would like to share this link with her so she can see how more people felt about it. I've thought hard about just backing off because it isn't my business but this subject is very, very important to me.
I know that we can all get very passionate about circumcision but what I'm specifically asking for today are calm responses. I know she feels very strongly that her husbands views need to be respected so please keep this in mind. She is a very sweet woman who will read this with an open mind, so let's please keep this polite in regards to her husband.

[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by invitation

I know she feels very strongly that her husbands views need to be respected...

How about respecting her SON's views and basic human rights? After all, it's not her husband who will be baring the life long consequences of this senseless amputative
surgery.

[JenniferLS]

why did i even bother...

i recently (as of a week ago) found out the TRUTH about circumcision...unfortunately it was three and a half years too late for my precious little boy. i'm dealing with very serious regret. My mother was a nurse...she told me the logical benefits of circumcision...she had trouble with my little bro who ended up "needing" circumcision at AGE FIVE!!!!!!
So, I guess that convinced me, in spite of my dad's incredible opposition, to circumcise. So, to make a long story short...now that I know the truth, I apologized to my dad for not listening to him...and I asked him to share the mdc articles with my mother. I guess I was hoping, to A) get her to understand the error of her way (even though uninformed and well-intentioned) and B)get her to sympathize with my regret...and I was hoping that she would in turn feel regretful for her decisions so she could understand me better. (believe me, I'm not saying that I wanted her to feel bad, but I wanted her to feel bad).

I just asked her about it, if she'd read the article. She read one and said, WOW it's amazing how much they know about circumcision now. As though this was unknown info...I think it was known, but brushed aside.
She didn't feel bad at all, though. She said she could understand why I would wonder about my decision and why I might not choose that again.
But she couldn't understand why I should feel bad about it.

AARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!! So now I wonder if it was even worth passing on to her, or should I just have kept my mouth shut. Now she'll probably just assume that I'll be judgmental of her. UggGHHH!!!!! No wonder I was so afraid to have a daughter---thank goodness I do have a daughter though!

Any advice?

Jennifer

[Galatea]

Originally Posted by JenniferLS

i recently (as of a week ago) found out the TRUTH about circumcision...unfortunately it was three and a half years too late for my precious little boy. i'm dealing with very serious regret. My mother was a nurse...she told me the logical benefits of circumcision...she had trouble with my little bro who ended up "needing" circumcision at AGE FIVE!!!!!!
So, I guess that convinced me, in spite of my dad's incredible opposition, to circumcise. So, to make a long story short...now that I know the truth, I apologized to my dad for not listening to him...and I asked him to share the mdc articles with my mother. I guess I was hoping, to A) get her to understand the error of her way (even though uninformed and well-intentioned) and B)get her to sympathize with my regret...and I was hoping that she would in turn feel regretful for her decisions so she could understand me better. (believe me, I'm not saying that I wanted her to feel bad, but I wanted her to feel bad).

I just asked her about it, if she'd read the article. She read one and said, WOW it's amazing how much they know about circumcision now. As though this was unknown info...I think it was known, but brushed aside.
She didn't feel bad at all, though. She said she could understand why I would wonder about my decision and why I might not choose that again.
But she couldn't understand why I should feel bad about it.

AARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!! So now I wonder if it was even worth passing on to her, or should I just have kept my mouth shut. Now she'll probably just assume that I'll be judgmental of her. UggGHHH!!!!! No wonder I was so afraid to have a daughter---thank goodness I do have a daughter though!

Any advice?

Jennifer

Hi Jennifer,

You just cannot expect someone else to react in the way that you would, unfortunately. It sounds like she actually reacted more positively than most in that she acknowledged that circumcision is not such a good idea. Many people don't even admit that. She may feel bad but be unable to admit it, or she may think there is no point in crying over spilt milk. Neither of which means that you cannot feel bad about the circumcision. It is normal for you to feel bad, and though you cannot change what happened to your son, you can make a difference by speaking out to save other boys who aren't born yet. We understand your pain. When your son is older, you can tell him about foreskin restoration, but that is a long way off. Don't beat yourself up too much - you do what you knew how to do, and in many places there is overwhelming cultural pressure to circumcise.

[Yulia_R]

I'm so sorry, mama (HUGS).

Originally Posted by JenniferLS

she had trouble with my little bro who ended up "needing" circumcision at AGE FIVE!!!!!!

If I could bet my money on it, I'd say your brother was needlessly circ'd. I bet it's whether he failed to retract by the age of five (which IS totally NORMAL) or your mom (or a pediatrician) was retracting his forskin to clean (which is a HUGE mistake that can cause multiple problems, one of them is infections. Like if you keep ripping a nail off its finger bed it WILL get infected sooner or later)

[LionessMom]

I regret circ'ing my 13 yo DS. He was circed in the hospital days after his birth. I am grateful that he did not have any complications.

I hadnt read about circ'ing since then until i was preg with DD and found MDC. If this one we are expecting is a boy, he will not be circ'ed regardless of what DH has to say about it. IIf he wants it done he has to watch that video of the baby being circed. if he still wants to do it after that, then too bad b/c my foot is down.

[JenniferLS]

thanks for replies

Galatea...thank you so much for the positive feedback. It's very helpful.

Yulia R...you are ABSOLUTELY right! My mom said she just had so much trouble cleaning my brother under the foreskin----BIG NO NO now we KNOW! I don't know if this is too much psycho-babble, but the doctor who did the circ (thankfully my brother was under general anesthesia) told my mom that my brother would probably hate her for the rest of his life. Don't know if my brother remembers it (maybe it's supressed) but he definitely has NEVER gotten along with my mom EVER probably since around that time...he was always a behavior problem and ALWAYS resents my mother's criticisms, etc. He has no respect for her and when they're not fighting, they basically don't say much to each other at all. It's a very uncomfortable situation and it is extremely painful for my mother. I just can't help but wonder if psychologically that most probably unnecessary circumcision is the very deep root of the problem. It would be interesting to see studies on this.

Thanks again for everyone's input.

I thought of an idea last night to help me get through this...don't know if anyone else has done this (probably so) or thought about it. But, I think for closure, it would be most helpful to write a letter to the pediatrician who circ'd my little boy. Just want him to know how painfully I now regret it and wished he could have at least MENTIONED that it wasn't medically necessary...and pray that he can think about discouraging other new moms who might not know...I think pediatricians have an obligation to at least say it's not medically necessary. He's not our pediatrician any longer, simply because we had to move to another state a couple months after my son was born.

These message boards sure are helpful in dealing with all these thoughts and feelings. What a blessing!

Jennifer

[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by JenniferLS

Galatea...thank you so much for the positive feedback. It's very helpful.

Yulia R...you are ABSOLUTELY right! My mom said she just had so much trouble cleaning my brother under the foreskin----BIG NO NO now we KNOW! I don't know if this is too much psycho-babble, but the doctor who did the circ (thankfully my brother was under general anesthesia) told my mom that my brother would probably hate her for the rest of his life. Don't know if my brother remembers it (maybe it's supressed) but he definitely has NEVER gotten along with my mom EVER probably since around that time...he was always a behavior problem and ALWAYS resents my mother's criticisms, etc. He has no respect for her and when they're not fighting, they basically don't say much to each other at all. It's a very uncomfortable situation and it is extremely painful for my mother. I just can't help but wonder if psychologically that most probably unnecessary circumcision is the very deep root of the problem. It would be interesting to see studies on this.

Jennifer, I'm so sorry about the relationship between your brother and his mom. It must be so painful for both of them as well as other family members. I don't know if circ itself had anything to do with this (after all he was under GA), but the fact that forcible retraction is VERY painful, kind of like ripping off a finger nail (so if your mom did that on a regular basis it definitely could be VERY traumatizing for your brother) did not help it.
I know your mom had your brother's best interest in heart and thought she was doing the right thing by retracting and cleaning it. But emotions and sentiments aside, how would you define a constant very painful manipulation of child's genitals against his will? So, of course this could form a lot of bad feelings and resistance.

[JenniferLS]

Yulia R

Very interesting point...thanks for sharing that. Don't know if it helps now, but it sure helps with perspective. Maybe one day they can both heal from this.