Wow, I have been reading through these posts and I just want to throw out big
to all of you moms. I know that this could easily have been me.
I went back and forth with the circ decision while I was pregnant. When I was 19 weeks, I threw out the idea to my DH and my dad (who happens to be a Dr.). They both said "Yes you are. You have to." Well, something about it rubbed me the wrong way and I mentioned it to a few friends and got the "eww gross" response. So, when we were interviewing pediatricians, I asked about circumcision. The first doctor we went to (and didn't choose) went into these horrible stories (I thought he was being dramatic, but now I am so grateful he tells moms to be this) about the complications, how some babies die, etc. He was a little offbeat (not in a good MDC way
) so we interviewed a second pedi. I can't believe how far I've come, really. When we went into his office which he shared with another doctor, I asked if both of them performed circs. Since the other doctor didn't, I only wanted to speak with him (the doctor who did). Gross. Anyway, while we were talking with him, he really emphasized how medically unnecessary circ is. Like over and over. I had to keep saying "Yes, but we want to."
Well, anyway, after my son was born, I never even really got to see his intact penis (and the only ones I had seen had been on the internet) because he was in the Level 2 Nursery...and honestly, while that was very difficult and made BF a challenge (which I ultimately never conquered), I am SO thankful for that extra time he had. My son's bassinet was also right by the circ room and the screams out of that room....
: I was trying to learn how to nurse, and the cries of those poor babies made me so nervous and shaky. Yet, somehow, I still convinced myself that somehow it would be OK. Anyway, fast forward to my release date. The pedi comes in and asks me if I still want him circ'd. I said "yes" (seriously wth was I thinking?!?!) and he told me that we'd wait until one of his check ups since he had been through so much at the hospital. Well, fast forward to his 1 week, 2 week check up...the pedi doesn't mention it. I keep asking my DH why he hasn't brought it up and telling my DH to ask about it. By this point, I think my wonderful DH was not wanting to do it at all. He kept telling me he was "fine either way" but he wasn't active in seeking it out (he even took DS to his 2 week appt alone and he was intact when he came home!). I spent SO many nights just holding my sleeping baby boy, crying, agonizing over the decision. At this point, for some reason, I still had so many mainstream thoughts in my head (likely b/c I was part of a much more mainstream board that I have since left). Something inside of me rejected the idea so strongly, but I felt like I HAD to, for some reason. So, finally at the one month appt. the pedi brings it up...he just says "So, you still want to circ him?" and thank goodness I had spoken with my doulas, watched DVDs, internet videos, changed a ton of my son's diapers and I said "No, we don't want to do that anymore" and the pediatrician just said "OK." You know, we ended up switching pedis for a family doctor but I am SO beyond thankful for this doctor (on this issue at least!). I have to think he purposefully mentioned 123819832 times how unnecessary it was, made me wait (maybe he could tell how torn up I was about it?) until one month old, etc.
Anyway, that was a really long story, but even though my son is intact, I feel like I can really identify with you women who regret it b/c I was thisclose. One thing my mom always used to say to me was "There but for grace go I." (OK, not exactly but I want to avoid religious references
) I know that I could easily be posting my own horror story here, but instead I am able to post a comforting message to you Moms and for that I am truly thankful.
I really think giving parents time to get to recover from their birth, research, get to know their child etc. would be greatly beneficial to moms and avoid some of these feelings of regret. But
to all of you from me. I can really understand how you feel, and while I hope you are able to break the cycle, I also hope you are able to let go of the guilt and move on as best you can.