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If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 27

post #521 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mirichka View Post
This is a huge reason why I am afraid to have another child. I feel like the only way I can have another son safely is if my family runs away to some place on the other side of the world..Australia maybe? The pressure from outside family would be enormous. No seriously, I cannot do this to another child of mine. The issue that one would look different from the other does not bother me so much, though it is unforgivable that my son is circumcised, I cannot allow it to be done again.
I feel for you. Unfortunately, lots of other moms don't think like you and so this practice continues. Its because of hypocrisy like this that this hasn't been abolished as yet.
post #522 of 719
Bumping for someone...
post #523 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by TerriCA View Post
I feel for you. Unfortunately, lots of other moms don't think like you and so this practice continues. Its because of hypocrisy like this that this hasn't been abolished as yet.
the link doesn't work.

sus
post #524 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama24-7 View Post
the link doesn't work.

sus
It worked for me. If you can't get it to work again, just google the headline:
By Zensar on February 19th, 2009
Circumcision of Males in America and How it is Viewed by American Women
post #525 of 719
I'm not sure if I regret it, but I know that I will not circ any more males that i have later on down the road. After reading this forum and then doing research, I sat down with dh and told him no more.

Our ds, was circ'd without either of us being present. I did not fill out the form for that and while I slept, a nurse or doctor, I don't know, came in and took him from his bin and I woke up hearing my child screaming. She (the nurse i believe) brought him back, put him in my arms and said, "he's going to need to be soothed now" then left.

Dh at first wanted him circ'd because he was disgusted by the look of an intact one and wouldn't be able to look at his child. However, after I told him what had happened, he saw what it looked like afterward and hated it.

We are NOT doing it again and luckily our son has no memory of any of it.
We are not doing it
post #526 of 719
Deshanna,

I can't believe the nurse didn't even ask you if you wanted it done or not . That's unethical of that nurse to do that especially since you didn't sign any form.

Glad your keeping any future boys intact .
post #527 of 719
I'm still traumatized from that experience. I have never thought I would understand the fear of waking up to my child missing and hearing him screaming, but I have NOT forgotten it to this day.
post #528 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by unschoolinmom View Post
I'm still traumatized from that experience. I have never thought I would understand the fear of waking up to my child missing and hearing him screaming, but I have NOT forgotten it to this day.
You could EASILY sue and win.
post #529 of 719
Just sending a to everyone here.
post #530 of 719
I have to say that this thread has taken me a few days to get through but I've read every story on here and even though we're having a little girl the information and personal stories have led me to the decision if we have another child down the road and if it's a boy, he will never ever ever ever be circ'd.

Before MIL passed away, she had mentioned that she fell into a deep depression after circ' DH; she asked if DH was still scarred. I asked DH about it later (wasn't really comfortable talking about DH's genitalia with MIL!) and he said that the doctor performing the circ' screwed up and only cut 1/2 of the foreskin off so they did it again. He has 3 scars and it pains me to look at it every time.

No way will my children go through that, ever. I'll cut off someone's arm before they touch them.
post #531 of 719
I absolutely can't believe they did that without your consent. Did either of you sign any forms? I know I was asked when my son was born and was told I had to sign a form if I wanted that done.

It's weird how I first started thinking about circumcision way before I was even a mother. I teach college and one time we were talking about FGM (female genital mutilation), and some adult male said, "Well, what about what they do to us??? They cut off parts of our penis, and we didn't have a say in that!" Whenever I'd talked to guys about it (on the rare occasion it had come up), they'd talk about how gross it was to NOT circ and how uncircumcised guys were gross (weird looking, smelly, and whatnot), so I was surprised when a BUNCH of men in my class piped in and said "Yeah! What about us! That's messed up!" I was a new teacher at the time, about 24-25, and I was shocked! These were mainly working class men at a community college, like mechanics and landscapers and sort of traditional "macho" men, not a bunch of hippies or alternative types. That's what first got me thinking about it and how weird it was that we'd remove something that boys were born with, something that was natural!

Later I dated a chiropractor, and in school they were all forced to watch a video of a circumcision. He said that he and all the men in his class said they'd NEVER do that to their kids after seeing that.

On the sex end of things, I've dated both circumcised and non-circumcised men, and the circumcised men definitely have a harder time keeping an erection, especially with a condom. It really does remove tissue that's important for arousal!

To top that off were the rare complications that I read about (penises being mutilated) or the more frequent infections. It seems crazy to subject a newborn to possible infection for no reason (no harm/insult meant to those of you who did decide to circ your boys).

After all of that, when I found out I was having a boy, I knew I wouldn't circumcise. If he wants to have it done later, that's his choice!

One thing that's weird to me is that men would even be in favor of this at all. They are generally so protective of penises! It seems weird that they'd be ok with someone coming near their son's penis with a knife under any circumstances. I know there's the impulse for the child to look "normal" and like dad. Thankfully now fewer and fewer boys are having this done, and now "normal" will really start to look like, well, what IS really normal!

(On a random side note, if only we could turn the tide with breast implants! They are so common now, I wouldn't be surprised if we considered that a routine surgery for girls at some point! Geez.)




Quote:
Originally Posted by unschoolinmom View Post
I'm not sure if I regret it, but I know that I will not circ any more males that i have later on down the road. After reading this forum and then doing research, I sat down with dh and told him no more.

Our ds, was circ'd without either of us being present. I did not fill out the form for that and while I slept, a nurse or doctor, I don't know, came in and took him from his bin and I woke up hearing my child screaming. She (the nurse i believe) brought him back, put him in my arms and said, "he's going to need to be soothed now" then left.

Dh at first wanted him circ'd because he was disgusted by the look of an intact one and wouldn't be able to look at his child. However, after I told him what had happened, he saw what it looked like afterward and hated it.

We are NOT doing it again and luckily our son has no memory of any of it.
We are not doing it
post #532 of 719
Hello all,

I am the proud father of beautiful 5 month old baby boy. Unfortunately he was circumcised without my consent. We had our son out of wedlock and I spent the whole 9 months trying to talk his mother out of performing this ritual on our son without his consent. I sent her countless videos and emails regarding the subject. I am circumcised as well but also regret the fact that my mother made that choice for me.
This really disturbs me that this ritual was forced on my son unwillingly.
Her only reason was so he looks like other boys and so girls aren't disgusted by his penis. That is so ignorant!
How could people still perform this medieval ritual on a defenseless infant?

I am wondering if I have any legal recourse against her or the doctor. I never gave my consent.
post #533 of 719
Hello Nicksdad. Congratulations on your new son! Depending on where you live, I doubt you have any legal recourse. You could check with your lawyer, but typically in the US the hospital/doctor will honor the mother's wishes on newborn matters and the father doesn't have much say.
You might be able to have a legal document drawn that states both parents must be informed and in agreement for any future medical procedures that aren't life threatening (in case she wants to have him re-circed - it does happen). You can also talk to your son when he's older about how you didn't want him circed and how he can seek foreskin restoration if he desires. At least by talking to him he will know it was important to you and maybe he won't circumcise his future sons. I think that's really about all you can do at this point but maybe others will chime in with more info.
post #534 of 719
Nicksdad-where are you from ? Sorry your wife was into "be like everyone' fear that he wouldn't get a date if he had a foreskin' . I don't think you have any legal recourse to her or the doctor but you might have if you spoken upfront that you 'demanded that your son no be circ'ed but if you didn't . You just have to look up stats to show in the area where that intact males are becoming more of a trend than circ'ed males. Circ'ed males are going to end up the minority down the road but right now it's half half .
Also, show that the older generations were not around the foreskin population but now since parents are choosing to not circ their kids that the girls will more lkely see a mixture of circ and intact penises . But more likely to see more intact penises at their generation than we would have had as young uns . So more likely they won't be disgusted because who knows the boy may end up meeting an foriegner and have her freak out at his circ penis because overseas people rarely circ .
post #535 of 719
Hi Nicksdad:

That's sad that this happened without your consent, and for such a dumb reason. In other parts of the world, female genitalia is regularly cut off and sewn up for similarly ridiculous reasons, and we are so uptight about sexuality in the US, I am surprised people don't think female mutilation is a good idea here as well!

If you are established as the legal father of your son, it seems like BOTH parents should have to consent to such a procedure, but the previous posters are probably correct that there isn't any law prohibiting this. That said, the absence of a law doesn't mean you can't sue. I'd seek a lawyer's advice on this topic, if you really want to go that route. I'd also think about writing a letter to your son, dated (and even notarized, if you want to go that route) that explains your feelings about what happened to him. He may end up feeling that it was no big deal when he is an adult (not that I think it's no big deal, but he may just accept it, as many men do), or he may feel the same way you do about it, but in any case, documenting your feelings and objections might not only show him how you felt at the time and that you cared, but it will also probably be theraupeutic for you.

I am a single mom, and I was glad that I didn't have anyone I had to argue with about this issue. My son's dad, though he is not involved, wasn't circumcised either, so I know he wouldn't have wanted that for his son. There's nothing gross about a natural/normal penis that's properly cleaned, just like any other part of your body!

I think we can take comfort in the fact that the tide does seem to be turning on this issue, even if slowly, and that circumcision is becoming less and less common as time goes on. I believe in my state, fewer males are circumcised than are uncircumcised, which is a great thing.
post #536 of 719
Wow! So many sad stories... I'm trying to read them all, I'm up to page 7, and I'm already pretty overwhelmed with emotions. I'm a soon-to-be father and won't circ any of my future sons. I am intact and I've thanked my parents for it. They told me they wanted to leave the decision up to me, and I've greatly repected them for that. This was back in 1977 when I'm sure the push for circs was in full-swing.

I'm sorry to hear about all the pain and regret many mothers face. It takes a lot of courage and bravery to share something so painful.

Thank you.
post #537 of 719
Nicksdad,
I think it might be nice to write the doctor a letter. It wouldn't change anything official but you could tell him that he should informally consider both parents' wishes in the future. It's possible this could change the doctor's consent process.
post #538 of 719
This thread really needs to be made into a Sticky. This is one of the most valuable threads in the entire TCAC section IMO.
post #539 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by KGB View Post
This thread really needs to be made into a Sticky. This is one of the most valuable threads in the entire TCAC section IMO.
This thread is the first link in the Resources sticky. We are not having individual stickies anymore due to how crowded and untidy the sticky area was becoming. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me, To-Fu or georgia via PM.
post #540 of 719
I regret having my son circumcised.I was only 17 when he was born, and didn't really know better . All the males in my family were circumcised without question, so I felt like I had to . I wish so badly that I could take it back. I started lurking on MDC when he was only a few months old, I wish I had started sooner .
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