or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Understanding Circumcision › If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 4

post #61 of 719

Hugs

Dh still thinks "it was a good decision and I stand by it " :CRY :CRY
I have talked to my oldest ( the one that was taken by my dad when I wasn't there and circ'd) about restoration and to NEVER NEVER NEVER do that to any future grandbabies..
so I can empathize with you sylith ((HUGS)))
post #62 of 719
Just wanted to let everyone here who has helped to educate me that we are having a BOY!! And you can bet your bottom dollar that his penis is going to stay the way it is right now~! (hopefully getting bigger at some point)
Dh and I are in total agreement. I'm so glad I had people to show me the way on this one and not end up hurting my son. I wonder now though how parents follow the herd so often and never consider the damage and morality of such an act. What the hell drives otherwise great parents to do this to their sons?
post #63 of 719
Another regretter here. I was 16 when my son was born and there was still that theory that it was cleaner and healthier going around. And my mom was a nurse and was adament he be circ'd because of that, what did I know so I did it. All of the men in mine and dh's family are circ'd also so I figured it couldn't be that bad.

I felt horrible when he would scream at the top of his lungs at every diaper change and when he peed for the first 2-3 weeks of his life. I felt like the most horrible person in the world . And after hearing of some horror stories of really badly botched circs I felt worse that I had put him in that kind of situation and that we were lucky he didn't lose half his penis or something.

The guilt really set in when I had my first daughter and I realized no one came to ask me when I wanted to sign the paperwork to cut off part of her genitals. . I had 2 girls after my ds was born but if I had other sons I wouldn't have cir'd them.
post #64 of 719

The more I see...

I work as a maternity nurse and if I had worked in this field when my son was born I would NEVER have had him circumcised. The OBs don't believe in any anesthetic, except sugar water, and it totally makes me ill to have to assist doctors with these awful procedures. I try to let moms here know that there is not any medical reason to do this to their babies, but this is not a real popular view around here. As my uncircumsized dad told me when my son was born, "Leave his little joint alone! God made it the way it is for a reason!" I realize in restrospect that he was right.
post #65 of 719
I am completly devistated. I was pressured into circ-ing my son. I really didn't want to but I felt pressured by everyone but my partner- he was supportive about the whole situation. In retrospect, I should have gone with my gut feeling. I get so sad sometimes, knowing that I had a hand in mutalating my son.... My sympathy is with the mothers that feel the same.
post #66 of 719
My first son was NOT circumsized. It was not covered by the insurance I was on and I could not afford it. That was the extent of my research. However, from birth until age 5 he had infection after infection. He was CONSTANTLY in pain. no matter what we did for him, he was in pain. his penis was purple and inflamed and he was a wreck. We took him to a urologist who was anti circ, but he reccommended circ'ing him because of his pain and disconfort. he was circ'ed at age 5 and he has never had another problem. Because I had no other experience with an intact penis besides the experience with DS #1, it was no question that DS#2 would be circ'ed. i do wish I would have researched it more with him. I would have then found out that what happened with DS#1 is NOT the norm. Sometimes I think we did the wrong thing with #2. I definitely regret not researching it more.
post #67 of 719


my first son yes......i regret it. i was stupid for not trusting and listening to my gut feeling. and i was ignorant..... i know what was right but i did it anyway because of a dumb ass stupid reason like "i want him to be like daddy". soooo idiotic!

i'm so sad.

my second son isn't.

i love my sons. i messed up the first time.
post #68 of 719
My husband (who is uncirc'd), was very insistent that our son be circ'd. He said that he had a lot of discomfort during puberty when his foreskin was stretching over his growing penis. (I later found out that when the foreskin is routinely pulled back to be cleaned in an uncirc'd boy, this action can cause painful retraction during puberty.) So mothers/fathers of uncirc'd boys...DON'T PULL THE FORESKIN BACK...EVER! IT'D UNECCESSARY TO DO SO! I later asked my MIL if she halled pulled my DH's foreskin back to clean when he was young, and I was horrified at the torture she used to put my DH thru uneccessarily. They thought they were doing something right...when they should just leave things the way they are...which is what I should have done. Instead I gave in and had him circ'd. I cried the whole time (I couldn't go with, but my husband did). I still cry, and am crying while I write this. The circ was not performed properly and therefore, the skin did not heal properly. Now what is left of my son's foreskin has attached itself improperly to the glans. I can either have it fixed, which means he would have to be cut again, or I can wait until he grows a bit and gradually the skin will probably rip itself away from the glans. Either way, he will suffer. I am devastated that I was not strong enough to protect him. Now my husband has a change of heart, and we will not circ the next child if it is a boy. But that does my first born son no good. I will be eternally sorry for the choice I made.
post #69 of 719
Where your son's foreskin has reattached will separate naturally when the time is right as long as the scar line is not involved. It should be painless for him and there is no need for further surgery. This is a common complication of circumcision that will resolve itself.




Frank
post #70 of 719
My oldest son (and second child), now almost 20, is circumcised. It was against my better judgement that I let it happen, but at the time I had no line of defence (no educational info, no mothering group, no resources) when both my MIL and mother talked me into doing it. Consequently my son was two weeks old when it was done, and I was in the next room. I heard him scream as he was cut, and at the time I'd never, ever heard a scream like that coming from a human being. I vowed then and there that I would never allow another son of mine to be tortured like that.

When my youngest son was born in 1989 (we had a girl in between), he was left intact, and has told us that his sons, if he has any, won't be circumcised either. So maybe we've helped saved generations of our family from the "procedure".

When I was in nursing school we were given the option to watch a circ. At first I balked, and then I figured it was a good idea, because then I could describe the circ in detail to questioning parents. I won't go into detail; most of you know what's involved. When the baby was strapped down and the device put on his little penis it was all I could do to keep myself from leaping in front of the doctor. What I saw was a child being tortured--no anaesthesia, no nothing. I stood next to a classmate from Scotland (where they don't DO this kind of thing) and we both were crying.

I do regret having my first son circed. I don't feel guilty about it anymore. What's the point? I'd rather turn my guilt to activism, and tell my story to as many parents as I can.

Kelly
post #71 of 719

Please listen to your heart!!!!

I have two boys, one intact, the other circumcised. My oldest and I have had many discussions about why he was circumcised and why i did not have his younger brother circumcised. Those questions were so difficult for me to answer. He is now 11 years old and able to understand things better. His anger has subsided and he directs it more towards the pediatrician and the medical establishment. But, ultimately I have to accept my responsibility for allowing it to happen to him.

I knew in my heart that having him circumcised was wrong. I felt it so strongly, yet I let them take my son away from me and take him to a table where he was strapped down and then literally tortured. That pain is torture and they are not anesthesized at all. Even still, the process of them strapping them down and cutting off part of their body is so traumatic. I still cry when I think what I let them do. It has been 11 years and I still cannot accept it. Please if you read this, believe me when I say, it isn't necessary for you to have to feel what I am feeling and even more important, it isn't necessary for your son to have to go through that. There is no medical reason to do it. There is no valid reason at all. Listen to what all these people have said and then listen to your heart!!!! You will know what to do.
post #72 of 719
PaganMommy,

I am SO sorry that you feel such anguish over your son's circ. No one should have to feel that way...

My oldest son is circ'ed and youngest is intact. I really though nothing of having DS circ'ed (no flames please, I know better now) and sent him off to have the procedure done when he was 10 days old, so he would "match his daddy". I never knew how they circ'ed a baby until I watched the videos this week and it about killed me. I can't believe I let someone do that to my baby boy.

The questions have not started here yet, because DS is only 6. I don't think he cares about the differenece between him and his baby brother.

DS #2 is intact, but only because he had so much other crap to deal with when he was born (OHS and everything that goes along with that), so we never had it done. Of course, now I know better, I am SO glad that we never had that done.


Nikirj,

Your reference to the foreskin being part of the injury had me LOL! I can't believe some people are SO ignorant!
post #73 of 719
Hey, paganmommy and ScrappingMommyof3. . .just trying to make sure you both get a chance to read this:

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...d.php?t=157594
post #74 of 719
I don't know if I want to get into my story right now. I am so sad about circing my son. It was a horrible experience. Unfortunately, barely any of the shaft was cut off, so he doesn't appear at first glance to be circumcised. So, we have both the negative of feeling the pain of the circumcision (yes they do - the screaming almost made me run screaming through the rooms until I could find him.) Plus, he has the look of being circumcised. Oh, yes, and the pain from pulling back the foreskin. It's just awful. Plus, where I have moved to, very few are circumcised. We have a neighborhood pool. Everytime I see moms changing their boys by the pool, I notice they are all intact. I am very self-conscious about it.

Plus, you know how the head of the penis stays more sensitive if it's protected by the shaft? And how the head of the circed penis is less sensitive. I've noticed this in both my boys. My little guy just goes bananas when I clean his penis. My older guy never did that. It's like the sensitivity is definitley "calloused" so to say compared to my first one.

It was my dh's decision. I totally regret it. I wish I had educated myself a little more then I would have prevented it at all cost. My dh totally regrets it, too. We cried.

You know how in the states, your son is taken away from you, so you never really know exactly what happens and what sounds of protest your child makes? Well, in Mexico, where we were, you're only a few rooms over and you hear EVERYTHING. I'm telling you that IS ALL IT TAKES TO KNOW IT IS STILL PAINFUL. AWFUL.

I just let my baby boy be tortured.

I still get upset just thinking about it.

And I don't know if and when I will every forgive myself.
post #75 of 719
I'm another mother who regrets having her son circ'd, and I am having a really hard time dealing with it.

Why did I do it? I did it because at the time I felt it was best. I felt that DH should be allowed the decision (after all I don't have a penis and he does) I heard all the "horror stories" of intact boys who had to be circ'd and who had infections all the time etc. etc. I surveyed a bunch of men who all agreed that it was the way to go (and again, I figured if they were for it than why shouldn't I be)

So we had it done. DH and I were present. DS had numbing cream and the block as well. I insisted that we both be there. I told DH if he felt strongly enough to have it done then he could be there for it.

Fast forward a couple of months. I start cloth diapering and in my research I come across MDC and other AP type sites. I start to read and I am horrified. I always sort of in the back of my head though, "why is there a foreskin if there is no point to it" I mean it has to be there for a reason....but I defered to the knowledge of everyone that was around me because so many people must be right...right? I now know that all the infection stories that I was told was most likely due to forced retraction. I know have to deal with worrying that my circ'd son will have adhesions etc to deal with. I now have to deal with the GUILT...and at every diaper change I feel this all incompassing guilt. I am having such a hard time dealing with this and what I allowed....I'm just so angry at myself because I already followed so many AP/NFL things like co-sleeping and no cio etc...but I did the most mainstream thing in the world to my boy!!

So that is my story. I now have to deal with this forever. I also have to deal with not having researched enough for my baby boy. I also have to deal with if I ever have anothe son I will have to explain why one is circ'd and one is not (and how I failed ds who is) - I'm not even sure how to deal with that when and if that time comes...

Sigh, obviously my advice to anyone who may be considering it is don't...if for some reason your DS grew up and really wanted it done than he could go have it done...but he can't have it undone...don't let that be on your conscience because believe me, it really sucks.
post #76 of 719
i came across a really great website by a doctor about it AFTER the fact. i totally regret not researching it beforehand. that's my best advice: do as much research as you can and, like i used to do, quietly e-mail them or sections of them to your husband's e-mail address or print it or parts of it and leave it for him to read.

i found the website by doing some research here. maybe some of the other moms know where they are. if noone gets back to you soon, i'll do some searches.
post #77 of 719
I, too, circumsized my son & I regret it immensly (sp?). When he was born in '99 & I did everything straight by the "book" with him. Circ, vax, etc. Thankfully I learned the error of my ways & did the complete opposite with my daughter. So far my son really hasn't asked any questions about his penis. I just wish I had known before hand that thios didn't have to be done. I will never forgive myself!
post #78 of 719
mom2go, check your private messages.
post #79 of 719
I also regret having my son circumcised. We were really stupid. I wish with all my heart we had found this website before then.

We went ahead with it because we didn't have all the facts.

We certainly will not be circumcising any future sons.
post #80 of 719
sparkprincess, i'm so with you on this one!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Understanding Circumcision
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Understanding Circumcision › If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here.