If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 32

[mare54]

Originally Posted by imgr8ful 

rach - i'm so sorry.  your story is very similar to mine 7 years ago.  i was a nervous wreck taking him in, it took way longer than i expected, and when they brought him back to me he had stitches in his penis. :( i think i have forgiven myself but the guilt i feel is still there and still very strong 7 years later.

mare - does your son have children?  i am waiting for the right time to talk to my son about his circumcision.  i'm nervous because i don't want him to think there's something wrong with his penis but i want to get the message across that i'm sorry we did this to him and that i hope he doesn't choose circumcision for his sons someday.  my husband is 33 and was circumcised and he wishes his very pro-circ parents would talk to him about it.  he wants them to know he's not happy with the choice they made, but at the same time he doesn't want to bring it up with them because what's done is done. 

well your husband is right, what's done is done, and you have to do the best with what you have.  What else can you do?  At 33, your husband could restore if he wants too, but some men just aren't going to do that.  My son married a gal who had a daughter already and I don't think they are having any more children to my dismay (Ha Ha,  I love grandchildren!).  Even so, I am going to talk to him at some point about it and make a formal apology (even if it's just for me).  I would say that if your son isn't asking you at his age, I would wait until he is older to talk to him (before he has any kids of his own).  Of course, if he asks, you have a perfect opportunity.  BTW, my husband will not talk to his mother about his circumcision, but I have (she's 80) and she was totally in the dark about it all and said they just "did" it to the boys then and no one questioned a doctor.  Thankfully things have changed since then, but the problem is still with our society.
 

[Night_Nurse]

Bumping...because I think this is the most powerful thread I've ever read on any message board.

[janky swank]

I circumcised both my sons. With my first, I did it because I was young and very uninformed, I went along with what the doctors told me and assumed it was the normal and correct thing to do because I had never even seen an intact penis. With my two year old I went ahead with the same procedure so that he would look the same as his older brother. I should have done more research and asked more questions, especially because I had seven years between my children and had come to a clear understanding about how effed our society was in what it considered normal in birthing, raising children, and medicine in general. Somehow I still missed the reality of what the procedure really was. During the operation my two year old had a blood vessel severed which I caught immediately; I had to sit and listen as they "fixed" the issue. I cried outside the door, feeling like a monster, as my new baby screamed in pain all alone. Two years later I am horrified that I somehow allowed twisted conditioning dictate a major life choice that will forever affect both my boys. I deeply regret putting my children through the barbaric, painful experience of genital mutilation. I wish there was some way I could go back and leave them intact. It has been very comforting though to realize that there are other mothers who share this perspective and also regret choosing circumcision.

[mare54]

This is a great place to come to get support with the feelings that go along with making this permanent decision for our boys.  The way I am dealing with the regret of not only my failure to protect my son, but also of the ignorance I was in, is by trying to spread the word to others.  The more information people have, the better, although as sad as it sounds, some parents will still allow this cutting to be done on their baby.  The tide is turning, but it has taken many years to get to this point, so the more people out there who are willing to provide important information about circumcising to others is vital.  You can go online and visit NOCIRC;  Peaceful Parenting; Saving Our Sons; The Whole Network; IntactAmerica; Not Just Skin.org; and there are a bunch of others with great information and resources.  Good luck.

[ssp76]

My son just turned 4 and I still cannot forgive myself for having him circumcised. it is the biggest regret of my life. My feelings of guilt come in waves and this has been a particularly hard time for me. I cry about it all the time. I will never be able to forgive myself but I don't want my son to grow up thinking that there is something wrong with him. I hate myself for not doing enough research and for being swayed after giving birth by my OB.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

ssp76 maybe writing a letter to your OB explaining how you feel would help you to at least feel like you are doing something for other little boys out there. The only way to get the message out is to let the ones who do the circs know that there are people out here who are upset about it.

We cant change what we have done in the past but we can sure work at changing the future.

[mare54]

Just remember that Moms can be victims too and if a doctor is "swaying" a patient in one direction or the other, it's a red flag to sit down and really do your homework.  Many doctors are circumcised too, so it has become a vicious cycle that they continue to do it to babies.  I really don't know how a doctor cuts on a newborn like that and then sleeps at night....but sadly they do.  Try to give yourself a break, and know that later you can explain it to your son so he understands.  What helps me ease the guilt I feel (and my son is not saying anything to me about being unhappy he is cut), but even so, I know I failed to protect him and "gave in" to pressure.  It is not my proudest moment as a Mom, but what I do is try to educate other people about the facts of circumcision and hopefully save other babies from being cut.  It really helps to communicate with others who feel the same way too.  You can private message me if you would like.  

[Failure]

If I allow myself to fully confront the horrors to which I exposed my sons (yes, two of them, two years apart) I will drown in a well of despair. I allowed my husband to make the decision and he chose vanity over my precious babies' right to wholeness. I will regret my resignation to this decision for the rest of my life, and there are times when I feel hatred towards my husband for his complete inability to recogise the profound impact that his decision will have on our two otherwise perfect beings. My eldest son returned from theatre and seemed okay, but my youngest returned weeping and very clearly traumatised. During both of these events (done in the first few days of life out of the womb), my husband was at work, leaving me to fully bear the burdon of his decision. It is at unexpected times that I am overwhelmed with guilt, and I see evidence of this decision on their already tortured souls. No mistaking, on the outside they are happy and healthy and beautiful children (currently four and almost two), but I would give anything to take back that moment of agreeing to my husband's decision, and instead give them wholeness. I am striving every day to repair the psychological damage, and it is my hope that when they are old enough, I will be able to openly ask for their forgiveness and act out whatever is required in order for them to restore their trust in me, their primary caregiver, and their whole physical and emotional selves. To my eldest son I have explained simplistically that there are different "kinds" of penises in the world, but I am conscious of boosting rather than breaking down his self-image, so I have been unable to share with him any aspect of the emotional torture I live with every day. They are beautiful, perfect beings, and I am overwhelmed with love and despair as I face this situation alone (my husband feels no guilt and has yet to fully realise the consequences of his actions). Please, please, please do NOT allow your friends and family to inflict the same torture upon their own offspring. It is time to speak out. It has to stop.

[mare54]

Thank you for sharing your inner feelings.  I think it is healthier to express these regrets rather than deny them and maybe help someone else avoid such regret. When we know better, we do better...... and acknowledging that you made a big mistake is the first step.

[agbirch]

Hi,

I know the thread says this a thread for those who regret circumcising their sons, but I hope it's ok if I post about my mothers regrets about circumcising me (I won't be offended if you delete it or anything ).

I was born in the early 80s in Australia, and already had a brother, who had been circumcised (I believe this routine at the time, though I was pretty young so my memory may be at fault ).  Unfortunately my circumcision had complications, for whatever reasons, and apparently I am lucky to be alive.  My entire penis turned black, and required a great deal of care and attention on the part of my mother.  I also (though this may be unrelated) had a great deal of trouble with severe urinary tract infections when I was young, which were very painful and made it impossible to urinate.  Of course there is a fair amount of obvious physical damage to the penis - you certainly don't have to be a doctor to identify it.

What, to me at least, is most tragic about this is how I can to find out about - my mother never (and still has never) directly spoken to me about the issue, and I only found out when my Mother asked my wife if my penis was functional.  For over 20 years she had lived with the possibility that a choice she had made might have left me with a non-functional penis - it breaks my heart just to think about it!  My poor mum!  She told my wife that she would never have a child circumcised after what had happened to me, and I agree with her stance.  I don't blame my mother (or father) at all for what happened - I think to a large extent they are as much victims as anyone - I can only imagine how my mum felt when she had to look after little me, her child, because of what had happened, the guilt she must have (and I think still does) feel!  I certainly don't feel that I should (if I ever have any children that is) pass on this tradition, or feel threatened or need to justify what was done to me by continuing the cycle, and fortunately my wife strongly agrees (well, she is always right! ).

I do think, and I hope I don't offend, that cutting your child's genitals for what is essentially cosmetic reasons is a wrong decision, and I hope that more and more people come to realise this.

Hope that its ok that I post this here!

[mare54]

Thank you so much for posting your story!  It is always great to hear from men who were circumcised as a infant and are able to acknowledge the damage done to them, no matter how painful.  We need to hear from more men, since so many of them refuse to  talk about it and even refuse to acknowledge what was done to them without their consent. I understand the feelings of your Mom.... I, too, was a victim of lies and an overbearing spouse  who demanded his son be cut.  I feel regret for not protecting my precious son every day, and that was 32 years ago!  The fact that you are not angry with your parents is huge, many men are very angry. What I don't understand is, with all the available information on circumcision today, why parents are still putting their babies through such an unnecessary trauma.  It is ONLY cosmetic surgery on an infant, since the touted health benefits have not been proven, but people still use such ridiculous excuses to alter their baby boys genitals.  Good for your Mom for not forgetting what she and you went through, and Good for you and your wife for making a commitment to leave your children intact as nature intended.  Thanks again.

[sahmof2girls]

I just saw this thread.  I posted a week or so ago about my issue.  My soon to be 4 y/o ds was circumcised.  I regretted it immediatley, I Have now been reading through the forums (old and new), so that I can be better informed.  I wish that I didn't, but I did, and now I just have to be informed so I can Maybe help friends in their choice as they have sons.  I honestly don't know why I didn't inform myself earlier. But anywho, thanks for all who shared.

[mare54]

When we know better...... We do better........ Many of us are just like you and maybe we can save another boy from being cut by our commitment to inform others.    Private message me if you want to talk further.

[RDInman]

Dear Fruitloop-

You do have legal recourse because the current standard is informed consent which you did not have.  There are attorney's who pursue these cases and the more that are pursued the closer we get to stopping the practice.  If you go to IntactAmerica online the director Georganne posts links to articles and videos.  It is one of those videos currently posted where you can find the attorneys who take these cases.  Note-I think informed consent is crap and no one but the child has the right to make the decision but it is the current standard so you have recourse under that.  So glad you have learned the reality of this barbaric practice.  You will now have the information to educate and help save baby boys.  I have saved a few in my life thanks to my mom who started saving boys in our family starting in the 70's to present.  We can make a difference.  :)

[Love]

Ive read through about ten pages of this thread and i am so thankful it is here. I am due april 17th 2012 with our first child, a boy. I have spent endless hours researching absolutely everything ensuring that we have bonding time and that unnecessary things not be done to him. During all of this i was still being convinced by family friends and husband that circing is ok. In fact my husband is adamant about having it done. With all of the evidence that i have read i was still considering it because husband isndetermined. That is until i read this. Why in the world would i allow others to make me feel badly and wrong when i have sound evidence on my side and because i want to protect my son. Well the answer is that i absolutely will not... He can always have it removed later in life but i will not be allowing this to happen... Over my dead body. I love my son even though he isnt born yet and i cannot imagine willfully hurting him for something that is not going to benefit him in the slightest.

I am not going to be one of the mothers or athers here who have regret. I shouldnt have to feel that way and my son should never have to ask me why i willfully allowed him to be mutilated.

So what i am really trying to say here is thank you for the support and thank you for sharing your regrets. It is something i would have been facing if it werent for all of you.




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Edited by Love - 1/20/12 at 12:22am

[mama24-7]

Originally Posted by Love 

Ive read through about ten pages of this thread and i am so thankful it is here. I am due april 17th 2012 with our first child, a boy. I have spent endless hours researching absolutely everything ensuring that we have bonding time and that unnecessary things not be done to him. During all of this i was still being convinced by family friends and husband that circing is ok. In fact my husband is adamant about having it done. With all of the evidence that i have read i was still considering it because husband isndetermined. That is until i read this. Why in the world would i allow others to make me feel badly and wrong when i have sound evidence on my side and because i want to protect my son. Well the answer is that i absolutely will not... He can always have it removed later in life but i will not be allowing this to happen... Over my dead body. I love my son even though he isnt born yet and i cannot imagine willfully hurting him for something that is not going to benefit him in the slightest.
I am not going to be one of the mothers or athers here who have regret. I shouldnt have to feel that way and my son should never have to ask me why i willfully allowed him to be mutilated.
So what i am really trying to say here is thank you for the support and thank you for sharing your regrets. It is something i would have been facing if it werent for all of you.
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

This is the reason why your husband (whom I'm figuring it circ'd) and any males who are trying to convince you (who are all likely circ'd too) that it is the right thing to do.  It is for you, only:  http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/vincent/vulnerability_of_men.html  And, the women in your life who are trying to convince you to do so because they were convinced & it's easier to try to convince you than for them to admit they made a mistake.

Your boy is lucky to have you.

Best wishes,

Sus

[mare54]

I am so overjoyed that a mom has a run across this thread.....and actually read it!  It is important to tell the truth and unfortunately most doctors and hospitals are not doing enough of that.  Pressure from a spouse and family can be powerful.....but when you have truth and knowledge on your side, you can make the right decision for your son.  If you are on baby center at all, there are two boards with wonderful moms (and some dads too) on it.  You might want to check it out.  The boards are "choosing not to circumcise" and "Questioning circumcision and caring for intact boys".  I hope it's okay to refer you to another site because all resources are important.  There are quite a few internet sites that are terrific too:  DrMomma.org; TheWhole Network; Peaceful Parenting;  IntactAmerica, etc.  Congratulations on your new baby boy!  Please know that you always have my support and if you want to discuss this any more, feel free to PM me.

[ashleyteller]

Circumcising my oldest son is the biggest regret of my life.  I didn't think anything of it.  My husband was circumcised, every male I ever knew or he ever knew was circumcised.  There was no questions.  I didn't research it or learn anything about it.  I remember someone in my pregnancy suggesting that I watch a video of a circumcision so that I knew what would happen.  I ignored them.  I was very lucky that my son healed properly and we had no complications.  It wasn't until we were pregnant with our second child that my new provider told me it's technically a cosmetic procedure because there's no medical reason to do it.  I decided to go home and do my research this time.  I finally saw the video and I bawled.  I couldn't believe I put my son through that.  The doctors and nurses told me that my baby boy would feel no pain.  I watched a few more videos.  All the same.  I've never seen one where the baby seems comfortable and painless.  So if there's no reason medically, why do we do this?  I started to do more research.  I learned about the function and importance of the foreskin and the damage that's caused by removing it.  I learned about the risks and complications from circumcision, including death.  There was no question now, we left our second son intact.  I live with extreme guilt over what I put my firstborn through.  And because of my regret, I am highly motivated to speak out to other parents about the truths of circumcision that my doctor didn't tell me.

[ejmom777]

I regret it. very much so. I was so young & learning to be natural with everything was very new to me. I'd only read about 1 article before labor hit the next day. had JUST started getting into researching it. I was lucky enough to talk my sons father into me staying home & breastfeeding, not vaxing etc I couldn't win the battle w/ circumcision.. i didn't have enough ammo/proof against it (its like common sense to me now) & I didn't have enough strength after 12hrs of intensive non stop labor pain to stop them. It haunts me at times. I've prayed for healing of any trauma that he went through. I could type more but I'm in a rush.

[kalohabreeze]

What happens when you and your husband can't agree. Like literally there is no way to convince him otherwise? Do you take the matter to court? Risk an otherwise awesome marriage and kindly ask him to step off? 

Has anyone had to battle in court over it? who won? 

 Even if it's an elective procedure could it be construed as denying Medical care?