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If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 34

post #661 of 719
I reported griffyn's post. I don't think it has any business on here!
post #662 of 719

There is also a few posts up of a graphic video of a baby screaming.  I don't think it is an appropriate place to put it.  The mothers are sharing their regrets.  It would be horrible to be opening up and sharing their regrets and coming across a post about a screaming baby.  I think it would be better suited not in this one post but as a separate post.

post #663 of 719

 If your sons were circumcised and you were not warned of the dangers and loss, you are a victim as well.   If  everybody backed off when we were babys and let us have part of our  anatomy that fascilitates sex, to create new life cut off out of sheer ignorance and greed, we likely would not even have the infants whose human rights we now discuss.

Americans obviously don't communicate, and routine infant circumcision was allowed to become widespread in the us.   Newborns are the future of this country not to blame for aids spread. they are born clean, perfect intact and a foreskin is natural born protection that as well as a working part of their genitalia and not a birth defect or expendible flap of skin.  It is a protective covering that we should not even have to consider defending..  It is an unimaginable nightmare that we question  whether or not we should traumatize an infant for public health, rare issue prevention, or any reason.  His healthy life should, without further question take precedence over all other issues.  Common sense and reality should kick in immediately if we prioritize correctly. No, cutting of my sons protective covering that makes his penis work properly sexually to protect society from aids is not logical no matter how it is worded!   It is preposterous some of the crap I hear as to why they want to strap a baby in a restraint and cut his penis covering off.  It just dumbfounds me and insults my intelligence that they would say "oh, it prevents the very rare penile cancer and infections that girls get much more frequently than boys.  Traumatically sacrificing the life and health of  infants for any reason is not logical and not healthcare.  I don't know how to word it other than,  ITS A NIGHTMARE AND CLEAR VIOLATION OF THE MOST BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS.  I read somewhere that 10 out of 10 infants would oppose circumcision, but, the sad truth is, not one got the opportunity to OPPOSE anything.  It happened to them at their most vulnerable days of life.  Mothers and fathers having to know about it  and accept that this was done to their infant under the assumption it is for the babys good is mental abuse towards all concerned and heartbreaking to anyone with human compassion and feeling for newborns.  And I consider compassion and feeling a very important aspect in any healthcare provider.  A newborn should be greeted with warm loving touch and light voices and protected, not strapped to a restraint and injured. How can that even be tolerated for one second?  Am I just sensitive or has compassion been breeded out of humans and taken over by the almighty dollar?

       You, mommy are as much, if not more a victim than your precious son.  But you are a hero if you stop  this unfortunate abuse time can't heal from happening to another baby.  

Starting one baby at a time is the only way.  Every baby saved from this protects the fabric of society  and the healty normal future of both males and females.  Nothing is more beautiful than a perfect newborn, or sadder than a child with his manhood cut out of ignorance and stupidity on the part of people supposed to be looking out for our interests.  Trust is taking on new meanings with what is happening here and cirumcised males are the largest victims, but mothers are as well because they did not know better and we did not have the means to get to them with information, and most of us did not even know it was happening.  I always thought a circumcised male was deformed.  I was freaked out when I learned their foreskin was actually surgically removed .  Body parts just need washed with soap and water, not cut off.

 

post #664 of 719

My first 2 boys are circ'd and i am expecting again, i do believe this one will be another boy. Gut feeling is telling me so...and if so i will NOT circ him.

I did what i thought was right for my 2 boys because i was going by what my mom was telling me...how its much cleaner if you get it done...and he won't have any infections....and blah blah blah...

I regret having it done to them. my 9yr old has burried penis syndrome...and i know he will be teased when he get's to be much older...where at my 4yr old son when they did his circ they didn't take a lot off, so he's still got quite a bit of foreskin left around his head...and it doesn't get burried in the fat pad...

 

had i known how the procedure was done i wouldn't of gone through with it...I got my information about circ too LATE.... mecry.gif

post #665 of 719

i regret circ'ing my son :,(

post #666 of 719

Six years and two foreskins after my husband convinced me to take my oldest son BACK to the doctor to be circumcised (I refused it initially), my husband admitted today that we did the wrong thing. He apologized to me for steering me away from a decision I'd made based on much research and strong gut instincts. Why we argued about it for years when we couldn't have had a real debate ahead of time, I don't know. I was sort of afraid to hear him concede, but it was actually a relief.

Now, I know that if my sons resent us for making such an unnecessary decision for them, they will, at least, be faced with two very apologetic remorseful parents who will honor their feelings, rather than one sorry mom and a dad who maintains that he was in the right.

That won't change anything physically, but it might be less alienating.

I love my kids so much. I only wanted to do right by them. I was so afraid that not circumcising them was imposing my values on them, that I went against my own code of ethics. It's true that I knew nothing about being a mother, yet, but I knew about being a human being and this procedure violated my code of conduct as a human.

I resent my husband for not supporting me when I first got our oldest home from the hospital intact. I had stood up to my doctor under some crazy circumstances. I was exhausted, foggy, and taken by surprise. She walked in and asked for my son so she could circumcise him, and I obediantly handed him over, then instinctively grabbed him back. I got home and felt like we had gotten away with something, but I began to doubt myself. I began to think that I was condemning my child to something horrible, that my aversion to circing was just cowardice.

It wasn't cowardice. It was a strong maternal instinct and a healthy fear of frivolous surgery.

My kids are OK. as far as I can tell, but I am beyond heartbroken.

I see this is a zombie thread and, ironically, one that might have prevented me from my mistakes as it's from before we even conceived our oldest.

Misty, I hope your friend is having some peace. I hope her husband either presented her with a compelling argument to do the circ., or that he apologized and admitted he was wrong as mine did. This kind of guilt is tremendous and hard to shoulder alone.

post #667 of 719

I seem to remember there was an update on the original post... maybe someone else can bring it up?

I benefited from this thread and it is one that has been referenced by many and continues to be added to month by month over the years.  I know the heart-breaking accounts gave me the strength to stand up for my son- and my self.   I consider this thread to be one of the most honest resources for parents there is on this issue.

Jessica

post #668 of 719

I can't believe after 4,000+ posts there are still so many of us out here.  I am the mother of an only son, three daughters.  Sorry to say the very uneducated decision to circ our son could easily have been avoided with a little thought and persistence (my young gut was telling me "no").  It was long ago and many apologies later to my son that I have at least stopped feeling as badly as I did.  I still regret that it is possible now, as he is a 40 year old, that we cause him more troubles in his later sex life.  I hate that aspect of the discussion and circ. the most.

As a midwife I have saved many baby boys from circ,  which soothes my soul a bit, but doesn't change my son.  My grandson is wonderfully untouched, that too soothes my soul, but again does not help my son.

So regret over such a non decision that was made, gets easier, but doesn't fade altogether.  So sorry, my blue eyed boy.

post #669 of 719

oh sorry,, 600+ posts..might as well be 4,000!

post #670 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeanie View Post

As a midwife I have saved many baby boys from circ,  which soothes my soul a bit, but doesn't change my son.  My grandson is wonderfully untouched, that too soothes my soul, but again does not help my son.

So regret over such a non decision that was made, gets easier, but doesn't fade altogether.  So sorry, my blue eyed boy.


Jeanie, your post so vividly portrays a gentle and compassionate personality.  I just want to hug people like you.  Those that go through life denying that that there is any harm from circumcision are the ones that I shake my head in despair over.  How can they have so little logic in their heads that they do not see the risk of physical and psychological damage?  And I live with one them!
 

 

post #671 of 719

I've had this hanging over my head for about 15 months now... I really regret circumcising my son. gloomy.gif

I found out 3 months too late what i have really done. It sucks feeling this way. I hope DS will forgive me when he gets older about my decision.

But...my future sons will definitely not go through this useless procedure. I am not sure if DBF will be okay with that. I described to him what a circumcision was all about and what is really doesn't do and showed him some of the websites...and he just said "Oh..." but I saw the sorrow in his eyes. :(
 

post #672 of 719

I regret with every oz of my being circing my oldest son:(

post #673 of 719

I totally regret having my son circumcised. I was wrong in so many ways and I am still having a hard time moving forward. I hope that he will be okay as he can be, considering.

 

I wrote an email to my husband one night when we started talking about the circumcision and I became really upset. I try not to think about it, but surprisingly, it seems like it gets brought up a lot. Every time it is brought up, I can't help but think about my son, strapped to the table, screaming. It runs over and over in my head how I should have snatched him up and screamed "NO!". But I let it happen. I know I failed him. So instead of rewriting the whole story, I will just copy most of the email I originally sent to my husband. I think it might be helpful for others to see my thought process too. Also- Someday I will tell my son that I am sorry. My husband doesn't want me to bring it up to him  because he doesn't want our son to think something is wrong with him. But someday I will say I am sorry.

 

 

Husband-


I can't sleep and I can't stop crying, so I thought I would write an email to get it out. Maybe it will help you understand why I am having such a hard time with it, not that you need to understand. I know you are tired of me being emotional and I don't expect you to be involved in my resolution process. I guess when you asked me what I was thinking tonight, I didn't want to tell you because I know I need to move past this. I think I told you because I hoped you could help me with it? I don't know. Whether or not you help me, or are interested in my mental issues about all this, I at least hope that writing it all down will bring me some peace.


I feel upset like someone broke up with me. Like someone died. Like I made a horrible mistake that I can't take back. Heartbroken like my chest is caving in. I just think about the day he was circumcised and my throat closes up, my eyes fill with tears, and it feels like my chest is being crushed. And I know this is weird. Who else freaks out like this over their son's circumcision?


1) I feel like I failed a major test as a mom. I knew when I saw him being strapped down that it was wrong. I think about that day and I wish I could go back and snatch him up and scream that I don't consent. I imagine it. It's what I should have done. It's what every cell in my body told me to do, but I just walked away and cried. I didn't listen to my heart screaming at me to stop the process. To protect my perfect baby. I let it happen. I failed him.


2) I am disappointed in myself. I am an intelligent person. I read book after book about childbirth. I read natural parenting blogs, books, and articles. Why didn't I think more about this? Why didn't I make it more of a priority to research the pro's and con's? Why did I slack off on such an important decision? Why did I defer to you? I was informed enough to know that I should have researched more, but I didn't. If I had researched more, I wouldn't have let it happen.


3) God made our son perfect. Why did I PERMANENTLY physically change him? Why would I think it was okay when God/Mother Nature makes every single male mammal this way? It's not there for us to remove. It served a purpose. I read recently that the sexual experience of a circumcised male is like an orchestra with parts missing. It's not the full experience. I know that he will never know that- I guess. I hope. But it's an experience that I let be taken away from him. And that's not okay.


4) I allowed a permanent alteration to our son's body that can NEVER be changed. I didn't have the right to do that. I allowed for his most private parts to be permanently altered without his consent. With all my talk about birthing rights and physical autonomy, I should have given him the same considerations. It was an unnecessary permanent procedure that has a relatively high rate of complications. How arrogant. How wrong.


5) I can't get over that I can't change this. I just want to go back and do the right thing! This is making me tear up again. I feel it in my chest. In my head I just feel like screaming- "Please! Let me do this over again! I will do it right!" OMG. I know this is crazy. This is the part that beats me up. I can't fix it. There are no "do-overs". I f'd up. I changed him forever and I hope that he is never bothered by this. I hope that he never has another day of pain from it. I hope that he has a fulfilling sex life. I hope that he can still get an erection when he is old.


6) Circumcision information is everywhere I read now. I have my favorite blogs now and I have done a lot more reading over the last two years. I have found much more circumcision information. And I've read some of it. I can't even read it all because I get too upset. It's so obvious that I've made the wrong decision. And I can't fix it. So I try not to read it, because there is no point. But it's still there, reminding me. Long lists of the ways I failed him.


So yeah. Those are the things I get upset about. I just need to figure out how to let it go. I am just so sorry. I can't even tell him I'm sorry. I can't even check in with him someday and say "Hey- is your sex life as good as you think it should be?", "Do you have any pain in your penis when you have an erection?". OMG. We can just never talk about this. I can only hope that he is okay and he is happy in this area of his life. This personal area of his life I had no business messing with.


So how am I not supposed to cry about this sometimes? I have no way of knowing he is okay. That he will be okay. And even if he is "okay", he was perfect and he will never know what he is missing. It wasn't my place to take that. I am so sorry but I can't even tell him.


I am not mad at you about this. I understand why you wanted him to be circumcised (the same as you) and I understand why this doesn't bother you the way it bothers me. And I promise to never say anything to him about it. He is perfect and I love him so much it hurts.


Okay. Goodnight.


-Emily


PS. I'm trying to let it go, I'm just not doing a very good job of it.

post #674 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily79 View Post

I totally regret having my son circumcised. I was wrong in so many ways and I am still having a hard time moving forward. I hope that he will be okay as he can be, considering.

 

I wrote an email to my husband one night when we started talking about the circumcision and I became really upset. I try not to think about it, but surprisingly, it seems like it gets brought up a lot. Every time it is brought up, I can't help but think about my son, strapped to the table, screaming. It runs over and over in my head how I should have snatched him up and screamed "NO!". But I let it happen. I know I failed him. So instead of rewriting the whole story, I will just copy most of the email I originally sent to my husband. I think it might be helpful for others to see my thought process too. Also- Someday I will tell my son that I am sorry. My husband doesn't want me to bring it up to him  because he doesn't want our son to think something is wrong with him. But someday I will say I am sorry.

 

 

Husband-


I can't sleep and I can't stop crying, so I thought I would write an email to get it out. Maybe it will help you understand why I am having such a hard time with it, not that you need to understand. I know you are tired of me being emotional and I don't expect you to be involved in my resolution process. I guess when you asked me what I was thinking tonight, I didn't want to tell you because I know I need to move past this. I think I told you because I hoped you could help me with it? I don't know. Whether or not you help me, or are interested in my mental issues about all this, I at least hope that writing it all down will bring me some peace.


I feel upset like someone broke up with me. Like someone died. Like I made a horrible mistake that I can't take back. Heartbroken like my chest is caving in. I just think about the day he was circumcised and my throat closes up, my eyes fill with tears, and it feels like my chest is being crushed. And I know this is weird. Who else freaks out like this over their son's circumcision?


1) I feel like I failed a major test as a mom. I knew when I saw him being strapped down that it was wrong. I think about that day and I wish I could go back and snatch him up and scream that I don't consent. I imagine it. It's what I should have done. It's what every cell in my body told me to do, but I just walked away and cried. I didn't listen to my heart screaming at me to stop the process. To protect my perfect baby. I let it happen. I failed him.


2) I am disappointed in myself. I am an intelligent person. I read book after book about childbirth. I read natural parenting blogs, books, and articles. Why didn't I think more about this? Why didn't I make it more of a priority to research the pro's and con's? Why did I slack off on such an important decision? Why did I defer to you? I was informed enough to know that I should have researched more, but I didn't. If I had researched more, I wouldn't have let it happen.


3) God made our son perfect. Why did I PERMANENTLY physically change him? Why would I think it was okay when God/Mother Nature makes every single male mammal this way? It's not there for us to remove. It served a purpose. I read recently that the sexual experience of a circumcised male is like an orchestra with parts missing. It's not the full experience. I know that he will never know that- I guess. I hope. But it's an experience that I let be taken away from him. And that's not okay.


4) I allowed a permanent alteration to our son's body that can NEVER be changed. I didn't have the right to do that. I allowed for his most private parts to be permanently altered without his consent. With all my talk about birthing rights and physical autonomy, I should have given him the same considerations. It was an unnecessary permanent procedure that has a relatively high rate of complications. How arrogant. How wrong.


5) I can't get over that I can't change this. I just want to go back and do the right thing! This is making me tear up again. I feel it in my chest. In my head I just feel like screaming- "Please! Let me do this over again! I will do it right!" OMG. I know this is crazy. This is the part that beats me up. I can't fix it. There are no "do-overs". I f'd up. I changed him forever and I hope that he is never bothered by this. I hope that he never has another day of pain from it. I hope that he has a fulfilling sex life. I hope that he can still get an erection when he is old.


6) Circumcision information is everywhere I read now. I have my favorite blogs now and I have done a lot more reading over the last two years. I have found much more circumcision information. And I've read some of it. I can't even read it all because I get too upset. It's so obvious that I've made the wrong decision. And I can't fix it. So I try not to read it, because there is no point. But it's still there, reminding me. Long lists of the ways I failed him.


So yeah. Those are the things I get upset about. I just need to figure out how to let it go. I am just so sorry. I can't even tell him I'm sorry. I can't even check in with him someday and say "Hey- is your sex life as good as you think it should be?", "Do you have any pain in your penis when you have an erection?". OMG. We can just never talk about this. I can only hope that he is okay and he is happy in this area of his life. This personal area of his life I had no business messing with.


So how am I not supposed to cry about this sometimes? I have no way of knowing he is okay. That he will be okay. And even if he is "okay", he was perfect and he will never know what he is missing. It wasn't my place to take that. I am so sorry but I can't even tell him.


I am not mad at you about this. I understand why you wanted him to be circumcised (the same as you) and I understand why this doesn't bother you the way it bothers me. And I promise to never say anything to him about it. He is perfect and I love him so much it hurts.


Okay. Goodnight.


-Emily


PS. I'm trying to let it go, I'm just not doing a very good job of it.

hug2.gif  I'm sorry you have to deal with this.  Thank you for sharing, and I truly hope it will make a difference to another little boy. When we know better we do better.  Please try to forgive yourself.  You've made a mistake that you regret.  As a parent, we all make mistakes.  Learning from them, apoligizing for them, and not making the same mistake again, are the things you can do now.  hug2.gif

post #675 of 719

Emily, thank you for sharing.  QueenoftheMeadow articulated my thoughts better than I ever could, so I'll leave it at that.  You're in my thoughts, mama.

post #676 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily79 View Post

I totally regret having my son circumcised. I was wrong in so many ways and I am still having a hard time moving forward. I hope that he will be okay as he can be, considering.

 

I wrote an email to my husband one night when we started talking about the circumcision and I became really upset. I try not to think about it, but surprisingly, it seems like it gets brought up a lot. Every time it is brought up, I can't help but think about my son, strapped to the table, screaming. It runs over and over in my head how I should have snatched him up and screamed "NO!". But I let it happen. I know I failed him. So instead of rewriting the whole story, I will just copy most of the email I originally sent to my husband. I think it might be helpful for others to see my thought process too. Also- Someday I will tell my son that I am sorry. My husband doesn't want me to bring it up to him  because he doesn't want our son to think something is wrong with him. But someday I will say I am sorry.

 

 

Husband-


I can't sleep and I can't stop crying, so I thought I would write an email to get it out. Maybe it will help you understand why I am having such a hard time with it, not that you need to understand. I know you are tired of me being emotional and I don't expect you to be involved in my resolution process. I guess when you asked me what I was thinking tonight, I didn't want to tell you because I know I need to move past this. I think I told you because I hoped you could help me with it? I don't know. Whether or not you help me, or are interested in my mental issues about all this, I at least hope that writing it all down will bring me some peace.


I feel upset like someone broke up with me. Like someone died. Like I made a horrible mistake that I can't take back. Heartbroken like my chest is caving in. I just think about the day he was circumcised and my throat closes up, my eyes fill with tears, and it feels like my chest is being crushed. And I know this is weird. Who else freaks out like this over their son's circumcision?


1) I feel like I failed a major test as a mom. I knew when I saw him being strapped down that it was wrong. I think about that day and I wish I could go back and snatch him up and scream that I don't consent. I imagine it. It's what I should have done. It's what every cell in my body told me to do, but I just walked away and cried. I didn't listen to my heart screaming at me to stop the process. To protect my perfect baby. I let it happen. I failed him.


2) I am disappointed in myself. I am an intelligent person. I read book after book about childbirth. I read natural parenting blogs, books, and articles. Why didn't I think more about this? Why didn't I make it more of a priority to research the pro's and con's? Why did I slack off on such an important decision? Why did I defer to you? I was informed enough to know that I should have researched more, but I didn't. If I had researched more, I wouldn't have let it happen.


3) God made our son perfect. Why did I PERMANENTLY physically change him? Why would I think it was okay when God/Mother Nature makes every single male mammal this way? It's not there for us to remove. It served a purpose. I read recently that the sexual experience of a circumcised male is like an orchestra with parts missing. It's not the full experience. I know that he will never know that- I guess. I hope. But it's an experience that I let be taken away from him. And that's not okay.


4) I allowed a permanent alteration to our son's body that can NEVER be changed. I didn't have the right to do that. I allowed for his most private parts to be permanently altered without his consent. With all my talk about birthing rights and physical autonomy, I should have given him the same considerations. It was an unnecessary permanent procedure that has a relatively high rate of complications. How arrogant. How wrong.


5) I can't get over that I can't change this. I just want to go back and do the right thing! This is making me tear up again. I feel it in my chest. In my head I just feel like screaming- "Please! Let me do this over again! I will do it right!" OMG. I know this is crazy. This is the part that beats me up. I can't fix it. There are no "do-overs". I f'd up. I changed him forever and I hope that he is never bothered by this. I hope that he never has another day of pain from it. I hope that he has a fulfilling sex life. I hope that he can still get an erection when he is old.


6) Circumcision information is everywhere I read now. I have my favorite blogs now and I have done a lot more reading over the last two years. I have found much more circumcision information. And I've read some of it. I can't even read it all because I get too upset. It's so obvious that I've made the wrong decision. And I can't fix it. So I try not to read it, because there is no point. But it's still there, reminding me. Long lists of the ways I failed him.


So yeah. Those are the things I get upset about. I just need to figure out how to let it go. I am just so sorry. I can't even tell him I'm sorry. I can't even check in with him someday and say "Hey- is your sex life as good as you think it should be?", "Do you have any pain in your penis when you have an erection?". OMG. We can just never talk about this. I can only hope that he is okay and he is happy in this area of his life. This personal area of his life I had no business messing with.


So how am I not supposed to cry about this sometimes? I have no way of knowing he is okay. That he will be okay. And even if he is "okay", he was perfect and he will never know what he is missing. It wasn't my place to take that. I am so sorry but I can't even tell him.


I am not mad at you about this. I understand why you wanted him to be circumcised (the same as you) and I understand why this doesn't bother you the way it bothers me. And I promise to never say anything to him about it. He is perfect and I love him so much it hurts.


Okay. Goodnight.


-Emily


PS. I'm trying to let it go, I'm just not doing a very good job of it.

Emily, 

 

I'm sorry we live in a society that even contemplates doing this to children, that it's even an option.  If we lived in a culture that valued children & their *whole* bodies, there'd be no one to take advantage of mothers, fathers & babies.  I'm so sorry.

 

When you feel ready, please consider sharing your story w/ others again.  Perhaps you can save another mother & baby from what you are living w/ each & every day.

 

Thank you for sharing your story.

 

Best wishes,

Sus

post #677 of 719

Here is the link to my story.  I did not think I would share this story, but I never want another mother to feel the pain that I do...

 

post #678 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by Our Muddy Boots View Post

Here is the link to my story.  I did not think I would share this story, but I never want another mother to feel the pain that I do...

 

hug2.gifThank you for sharing your story with us. 

post #679 of 719

Dear Mama's,

I think it would be extremely beneficial to bring your voices out to a wider audience but I realize that there is safety in the privacy here at mothering.  For this reason, I have decided to create a blog that is exclusively comprised of stories of circumcision regret.  The stories can be emailed to circregret@gmail.com and will be published at circregret.blogspot.com.  All stories will be published anonymously unless otherwise specified.  I have already published 3 stories and would be honored to add yours, too.

I am the Director for Intact Michigan, a local chapter of The Intact Network, our chapter page is facebook.com/IntactMI if you want to PM the page, I can answer your questions.  I can also be reached on Twitter @IntactMichigan and via email at IntactMichigan@gmail.com

Thanks for speaking out,

Jenn

 

post #680 of 719

I was fed the same BS stories for years about how its "cleaner" etc etc. My oldest was done and so was my youngest (7 months!) I regret this EVERYDAY! I should have listened to to my instincts that screamed "NO!!!!" 

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