If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 5

[loving-my-babies]

Originally Posted by newlife

Well, i see why people fel so strongly about not having this done to their sons, but have ya'll ever talked togrown men who have not had it done. I talked to one man that said, he couldn't get up the nerve to have sex, and when he finally did he couldn't get erect because he was so imbarrased. Another said that, no matter what under his foreskin had a horrible odor, that could be smelled as soon as he dropped his underwear. So my thing is it may increase sexual pleasure, if the person can get over being embarrassed and have and erection, but what if he can't. And it is supposed to be more protective, but if so why do some experience an awful strong odor, no matter how much it is cleaned.

oh, i'm sorry but this is not true, my husband is not circ'ed and believe me there is no disgusting odor. it's a body part, and if you dislike odor so much then as women we'd have to remove our vaginas as well.
my dh and the whole male side of the family (un-mutilated, btw) has never been embarrased. I think I would feel embarrased if I had no foreskin, which makes the penis 50% smaller, I must add. (and weird looking too)

[ShadowMom]

I regret having my son circumcised. My DH was fairly insistent about it; I had some reservations.

I differ from a lot of people on MDC in that I don't think it is that extreme of a procedure, but I do feel it was completely unnecessary and not the right thing to do.

Also, I have done a ton of reading and research on babies and newborns, how pain affects them, and how events when a baby is young can have an effect on them later in life, subtle but still there. That is most of all why I regret it.

If we have another boy, I think DH and I are really going to butt heads on this. He is fairly set in his ways about his parenting ideas (it's so true that people just accept the parenting philosophies of their parents, without necessarily thinking about it!). I just can't imagine doing this again knowing what I know now.

Babies aren't little lumps like most people think of them... they are thinking, feeling creatures who are affected by things just as much as we are. Just because they can't consciously remember the events later on, it doesn't mean they aren't affected by them!

Thanks for letting me confess/vent.

[Angie676]

My regret is not over having my own son circumcised, but for bullying my brother to get my nephew circumcised.

I feel an enormous amount of guilt. SIL wanted my nephew circumcised, and my brother said, "Absolutely not. Nobody is going to operate on my son's penis!". SIL appealed to my mother and, as the oldest sister, I was also encouraged to tell him the error of his ways. Mom and I told my brother he was uneducated about the issue (we, who had NEVER read a single article on circumcisions), and that he was putting his son at serious risk. At the time, both parents were teenagers.

I don't know that what we said had a great deal of effect on my brother, but the fact remains that his son was circumcised.

When I found out I was pregnant and was having a son, my friend got a video to watch about circumsions. She watched it, and still had her son circumcised. I watched 2 minutes, almost threw up, and started doing research. I shared my research with my husband and he was not totally swayed. I showed him the video. He watched the entire thing, and said we'd never do that to our sons.


I was disgusted with myself. Had I not happened to find out about the video, would I have changed my mind? Would I have gone with status quo? Of course I would have, convinced that I was doing everything right. Why don't the doctors try to talk you out of it? Why don't they at least try to educate you on the issue? Even the professional papers of our major medical associations admit there is no justifiable health benefit to circumcision. It angers me that so many people are doing this simply because they believe if the insurance pays for it, and the doctor does it without discussion, it MUST be right.

Since then, I've tried to convince 2 people close to me not to have their son's circumcised, and I failed. I wish insurance didn't pay for the surgery; that might make people think twice about it.

Oh, my mom did change her mind after I did my research. She admitted that, like me, she had been assuming it was normal and healthy. She says she doesn't believe she would have had my brother circumcised if she'd realized she had a say in it. She really thought it was something required by law, back in 1978. So we are both reformed; it is tragic that it had to happen after my brother could have really used us on his side. All he had was his gut feeling, and we let him down.

[IncaMama]

my beautiful son is circumcized, and i regret it immensely as well. DH was adamant about having it done (he's circ'ed) and i had some qualms but i didn't know enough. i asked the medical professionals we were dealing with, and i asked several friends. several friends had intact sons who experienced SERIOUS complications and BOTH had to be circ'ed before the age of 10. i know now that that is rare, but it didn't feel rare at the time when the 2 moms i spoke to BOTH had that happen! my mom was a nurse for over 30 years and when she worked in pediatrics she saw soooo many intact penises with problems, and ZERO circ'ed penises with problems.

these are all anectodal, and who knows why the "facts" i was presented with were so skewed...but it was enough for me at the time.

my god, i wish i'd questioned it more. thank heaven, my son has had no complications (other than the fact that his penis is not whole and will never be)...i will never do this to another son if i have one. but it will be a battle with my husband. boy, will it ever be. but my husband quite simply will not win.

i will live with this guilt for the rest of my life.

[Frankly Speaking]

We've had many mothers of intact sons come here with prescriptions from doctors of "necessary" circumcisions. Not a single one of them have happened because those mothers have gotten correct information here. It's amazing how simple it is but the doctors completely miss it. I suspect that every single one of those boys you heard about were circumcised unnecessarily. The problems are really simple and are easily treated with the same medications a girl would get for the same problems. What would they cut off of a girl for the same problems? Nothing of course but oftem the first course of treatment for a boy is amputation and if that doesn't work, THEN they try medication. That is just so totally wrong I can't understand why they don't see it.



Frank

[Acksiom]

Another reminder just to help make sure michelemiller, & whoever else, get a chance to read this:

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...d.php?t=157594

[kvan]

Originally Posted by michelemiller

my god, i wish i'd questioned it more. thank heaven, my son has had no complications (other than the fact that his penis is not whole and will never be)...i will never do this to another son if i have one.
i will live with this guilt for the rest of my life.

I wish every day too, that I had not had my baby son circumcised. I was ambivalent, but had no real resources. I had not even found the MDC community yet. All I went on was my husband's (circ.) advice, and that of the pediatrician. My husband was not adamant at all, he really wasn't sure what to do either, but he thought that the pain would be short-lived and not remembered, and his son would be more 'normal' then. Wow. I'm not sure why I explore this further.
I honestly felt a little ill-equipped to make a decision about a procedure and the appearance of an organ I don't have and therefore don't know all that much about. Now, I know that the function of the organ was also compromised- didn't realize that before, and I also realize that ...
even though I was overwhelmed with decisions and stress at the impending birth of my son, that is no excuse for treating so lightly my personal responsibility as his mother in making this huge healthcare decision for him!

I have to say that I did want to have a full awareness for what my husband and I chose to do to our son...and I did not want my baby son to have this experience alone...so I attended his circumcision and cared for him as best I could during and after the procedure. I am not a squeamish person in the least, and the operation itself was not gory, but the look on his face during it...I cannot believe that I put my beautiful son through that- and I didn't even have a compelling reason.

I have changed a few important things about his life by this act

and I am truly sorry
Please, take the whole baby home with you.

[loftmama]

kvan - I appreciate you sharing your story. I totally relate and totally agree. It helps to not feel so alone. Thanks.

[Epicurus]

I didn't read all the pages of parents who realize they shouldn't have circed, but it pleases me to see so many who have realized how unnecessary this "procedure" is.
I am also one of those parents. I had my son circed almost 15 years ago with hardly a thought. It was just what was expected and what everyone did. After that child was born I got Mothering Magazine as a gift and started to learn that not everybody circed their kids. I went to the library (largely doing birthing options research) and started to read more and more about circumcision that made me question it (no internet yet). I did not want to circ my 2nd son. My dh did. I interviewed family members who were intact and they all (3) said they wish they were circed! I felt bullied and I succumbed.
I insisted on taking him and being with him (like that would make some great difference ). Anyway, it was horrifying. The whole time my inner voice was screaming at me not to let them do this yet I kept responding and cooperating. I cried with him. I look back and cannot understand why I didn't run out the door with him. He was circed.
We were done having kids so that was the end of that. 7 years later we had s surprise pregnancy and guess what? Another boy. My dh asked me a few days after he was born when I was going to get him circed. I told him that no one was going to mutilate this baby and they would have to kill me first (something to that nature). That was the end of that.
It took me many years of mothering to grow a spine it seems but I finally have. My youngest is doing great and is now 4. He does get redness and puffiness from time to time but mostly a bath cures that. He occasionally has yeast. He had thrush as a baby and it was systemic.

That is my basic story. I debate circ on the internet in appropriate debate forums. I use Dr Fleiss articles always. They are my favorite!

Collette

[zaftigmama]

Originally Posted by Epicurus

...I did not want to circ my 2nd son. My dh did. I interviewed family members who were intact and they all (3) said they wish they were circed! I felt bullied and I succumbed.
Collette

Hi Collette,
I'm just curious, and maybe it's none of my business. Did your three family members give a reason why they wished they were circed? I don't regret leaving my son intact, but I do wonder if he'll ever wish I hadn't. I haven't met anyone who has ever said they wished they were circed - I'm curious to the reasons behind those feelings.
Take care!

[loving-my-babies]

Andie- please don't worry about that! If your son *ever* feels like he'd like to be circ'ed, you can show him a video.. I'm sure he'll be glad he's intact after he sees a video. and then.. if let's say he really, really wants to be circ'ed, he can go to a doctor and get it done himself.. I am not saying there are ANY reason to, but in the very off chance that he's want it done.. it'd be his thing, not your doing, KWIM?

[Epicurus]

I wouldn't worry about that either I am MUCH more worried that my sons who have been left with no choice will want to have been left intact. I figure if my intact son wants to surgically alter his penis as an adult that will be his business. Just the same as if they want to surgically alter any other part of their bodies as adults. The difference is your son will have that option if he so chooses.
I account for the responses I got (two of them from the wives) in this way. They are all from the era when circ became common/routine in the US. It was a wonderful new thing to cure all of the ills a boy might ever have. It was supposed to be cleaner and healthier. They were indoctrinated into this thinking.
One of the women who told me her dh hated not being circed was my mother. She was divorced from my dad for many years at this time. I talked to my step mom many years later and she said otherwise. She went further to say my dad was the best lover she ever had. This was a little embarrassing to hear but I think I needed to hear this. My step mom is the one who gave me the gift of Mothering almost 15 years ago. Her son is intact. I wish I had talked to her when I was talking to everyone. She had moved far away and was no longer married to my dad.

You made the right choice by leaving your son with the choice!

Collette

[zaftigmama]

It's not something I worry about - didn't mean to give anyone the wrong impression. It was a decision I had to fight for, and it's something I'm proud of every day. I hope he won't decide to become circumcised later, but if he does it will definitely be a choice of his own. I'm very happy that I have left that decision to him.

It always surprises me to hear someone say that they know someone who wishes they had been circumcised. I always wish I met someone who said that so I could ask why. Unless there were medical issues, why would a man wish someone had cut off very sensitive skin from their penis? So, I was just asking for some reasons.

Hopefully when my son is older, he won't be in the minority, and there won't be such pervasive untruths about intact men being less clean, more prone to disease, etc.,. Isn't it a mother's job to worry about what it is their kids will be mad about when they are older? Such a brouhaha was made about my decision to leave him intact that I worry that that's what he'll be mad about. But really and truly, I'm never sorry that I have left him alone in all his perfectness.

Take care!

[Salihah]

I completely regret doing circ with our first son. We didn't know anything about it at the time, my dh is, and of course all the medical staff told us "it was the best choice to do" even though my heart was totally against it. I still am disappointed in myself for not pushing for more information or going with my instinct. We didn't do it with our next son and will never do it again. For us the problem won't be explaining to our uncirc sons why they aren't like their dad or brother, but more so why our first son was.

[Itlbokay]

Dear friend of Misty,

Against my better judgement we circumcised our first son, I still regret it. His skin kept trying to reattach itself, of course as his body was treating it like the wound it was, and when I would pull the skin back during diaper changes as they tell you to do it would at times bleed a little....ouch. Of course my son's saving grace was that he had a "good" circumcision (oximoron...I know) and the doctor had left him extra skin, thank goodness.

When I was pregnant with our second baby I knew if it was a boy I would not have him circumcised. Hearing a story a friend told me about her cousin's son really reaffirmed that decision, his doctor did such a bad job that this poor boy had to go through many surgeries to have it reconstructed. Apparently that does happen more than you think.

We did have another son and he is not circumcised. It helps to research and educate yourself when making any important choice and you are lucky to have a friend dear enough to take the time to gather some of this research for you.

Having 1 son circumcised and the other not has lead to several conversations about circumcision with my sons, who are now 7 and 10. My cicumcised son is okay with how his penis is, but says he will never "cut" his son's penis. Explaining that every penis looks different whether it's circumcised or not, just as every set of breasts, hands, feet looks different is very easy for children as well as adults to understand. My husband had a concern that circumcision would make our son look "different" and I gave him literature that helped him agree with me on how circumcision wasn't really necessary, especially for such a trivial reason.

Good luck with your decision.

Steph

[mattemma04]

It has been a year now since the parents mentioned in this thread circumcised their baby boy. How do the parents feel today about the decision they made a year ago to circumcise? Why type of circ method did they choose? Did they stay with him? What was their boy left with(tight,loose,adhesions)? Were they happy with their choice and the results of the genital surgery on their son? How is their son today?Do they have any regrets-either parent? Will they do it again? Again,why did they choose to do it? Just curious.

[Itlbokay]

oh my gosh, I didn't pay attention to that....I thought it read Feb. of 2005. I wonder how things did turn out for them?

[Anglyn]

I have two sons, ages 13 years and five weeks. My first son was circumsized, I heard all the conflicting advice and left it up to my ex. He chose to do it just because it was done to him. That plastic ring apparently worked most of the way around, but not on one side so the ring was trying to come off, like its suppose to, but couldnt due to the skin that had grown back and it was rubbing him raw there and was painful. We went to the pedi and they had to cut him AGAIN. And I was there that time (in hospital, I wasnt present for the procedure) and anyone who thinks it isnt that painful can think again! It was horrible and I regretted it from that moment on. Now that I know all the facts I regret it even more. I took an anthropology class in college (after my first son) and when we studied about femal genital mutilation, I asked why women would perpetuate this, knowing how horrible it was for them, why do it to thier daughters. The instructor said because they truly believe that it's more hygenic, it's the "moral" thing to do, and etc. etc. and I was horrified, because the reasons on one hand were so obviously stupid and wrong and on the other hand sounded just like american arguments for male circumcision. Ouch. Then I wondered if thats how europeans see us, they look at us doing the male circumcision with the same horror and incredulity that we look at femal genital mutilation in other cultures. Yikes.

My second son is not circed and I have discussed with ds1 about why he was and his brother isnt. He's ok with it, but I dont think he will do it to any of his own sons.

[rachelle-a-tron]

Count me in as a Mama who regrets it everyday of my life, sometimes I get defensive about it because I feel so awful. I did it because that is what my Hubby wanted, if I had to do it again... I would fight him tooth & nail.

[atomicmama]

Originally Posted by rachelle-a-tron

Count me in as a Mama who regrets it everyday of my life, sometimes I get defensive about it because I feel so awful. I did it because that is what my Hubby wanted, if I had to do it again... I would fight him tooth & nail.

I'm right there with you. I have kept quiet about it until recently on another thread.
I simply did not fight hard enough to keep my ds intact. My dh wanted it, and is still satisfied with his decision.
I have constant guilt. And, I hope ds never hates us for what we did.