I need a polite way to say.... - Page 2

[Vancouver Mommy]

I think I would probably start with a simple, non-confrontational question such as "so, what are your beliefs around circumcision?". Regardless of the answer it is probably more likely to open conversation and provide you with the opportunity to follow up with either "oh, I'm so glad to hear that" or alternatively: "since becoming a parent I've learned so much about this subject and I have some information that I'd really like to share with you".

[georgia]

This discussion reminds me of something Peggy wrote years ago:

In natural family living, we want to trust in the body’s innate capacity to heal itself and see illness as a necessary immune stimulant, not a bothersome nuisance. Accordingly, natural family living is cautious about medical interventions. Medical circumcision, for example, is questioned because the procedure’s claimed benefits remain unsupported by scientific evidence. Vaccinations are also questioned so that parents can exercise informed consent. Both medical circumcision and vaccination are complex, personal matters for which there is no single, easy answer. Here in particular we fall back on trust in the individual, which is the foundation of natural family living. We trust both in the inherent integrity of the child’s body and in the inherent authority of the parent to make decisions for the family.

The values of natural family living are the values that have sustained the human species for millennia. They are inspired by evidence of the historically successful practices of our species. Our ancestors, for example, lived in community; birth was a ritualized cultural act with customs that ensured safe outcomes. Women attended other women during birth. Today, science has confirmed that a woman is much less likely to have birth interventions if she births in the company of another woman.

Natural family living is about optimum survival, but it is not about making rules for proper behavior. That is the last thing we need. Parents don’t need any more guilt or more inflated standards of perfection. This is the beauty of natural family living, which is about falling back into ourselves and trusting our own natures again. It is not about conforming to anything. Natural family living is about trust in the natural order of things, trust in the innate goodness and perfectibility of people, trust that each child is following his or her individual timetable for development. What this means practically is: Trust your body. Trust your baby. Trust yourself.

I know that it can be hard to trust ourselves as parents. We want to ascribe a dogma to others and invest our authority in them. It’s easy for Mothering, or for me personally, to be seen as such authorities. We publish articles with strong points of view and encourage parents to trust the legitimate needs of their babies. However, what we really hope for are authentic and original individuals, people who are thoughtful about their parenting choices and who look at all sides of an issue before making a decision. What is most natural, it seems to me, is the need to choose for ourselves. I have no disagreement with someone who has examined things carefully and made a decision different from my own. I just want to make sure she has all the information.

[Belia]

Why not just be honest? Have a conversation about having the conversation before you actually bring up the Big C.

"You know, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about but I'm afraid that it will be too personal or seem weird for me to bring it up. But at the same time, it's something that I feel very strongly about. I know that you're having a boy, and I was wondering what you were thinking about circumsicion."

Then take it from there.

[Noel_P]

I'm glad my sisters don't end their relationships with me over differences in parenting techniques. I think it's great that you want to educate her so that she can make an informed decision. Sharing information and ideas is great but I would hate to have someone else's view of what's 'right' forced upon me.

[FernG]

Originally Posted by Noel_P

I'm glad my sisters don't end their relationships with me over differences in parenting techniques... I would hate to have someone else's view of what's 'right' forced upon me.

Children who are circumcised do have someone else's view of what is right forced on them.

[alegna]

I have emailed. We shall see.

Talked to my mom today and she's right behind me Says not to worry- she's gonna bring it up with sis and point out that if she'd been a girl mom wouldn't have circed her Go mom! Says she's going to make sure it's mentioned in front of the dad-to-be as well.

Some days I really love my mom....

-Angela

[milimama]

Originally Posted by alegna

I can't maintain a relationship with anyone who knows better and does it. Simply where my ethical line lies. So hopefully she doesn't.

-Angela

This is an honest question: will you remain friends with bottle feeding parents or parents who vax?

I often get irritated with moms who don't bf mostly because I've done it through really difficult circumstances, but if I stopped being friends with people based on their child-rearing practices I'd have a small amount of friends. Plus, I often love someone as a person and as an adult but not as a parent.

Sorry if that's off topic...

[PuppyFluffer]

Originally Posted by FernG

Children who are circumcised do have someone else's view of what is right forced on them.

This is a very important point to understand.

We are raising adults, not children. They are only infants for such a short time. The decisions that are made for them now will impact them for the rest of their lives - when they are adults.

Good luck with the email. I hope she understands the issue and respects her child.

[alegna]

Originally Posted by milimama

This is an honest question: will you remain friends with bottle feeding parents or parents who vax?

Yes. Though I would have a difficult time with someone who had no intention of breastfeeding at all for no good reason. Vaxing I think is a personal choice.

IMO neither of those is as clear cut as allowing someone to take a knife (or crushing clamp) to an infants penis.

-Angela

[alegna]

Originally Posted by PuppyFluffer

This is a very important point to understand.

We are raising adults, not children. They are only infants for such a short time. The decisions that are made for them now will impact them for the rest of their lives - when they are adults.

Good luck with the email. I hope she understands the issue and respects her child.

Thank you! I'm hopeful.

-Angela

[Quirky]

Originally Posted by PuppyFluffer

This is a very important point to understand.

We are raising adults, not children. They are only infants for such a short time. The decisions that are made for them now will impact them for the rest of their lives - when they are adults.

ITA, esp. as circumcision has nothing to do with *parenting.* It is something that parents do to their children, but it isn't *raising* them, disciplining them, teaching them, nurturing them, or any of the other senses of the word *parenting.*

Circumcision is a permanent alteration of the child's penis to satisfy some need of the parent's. But only the child will live with the consequences his entire life.

[PuppyFluffer]

Originally Posted by Quirky

ITA, esp. as circumcision has nothing to do with *parenting.* It is something that parents do to their children, but it isn't *raising* them, disciplining them, teaching them, nurturing them, or any of the other senses of the word *parenting.*

Circumcision is a permanent alteration of the child's penis to satisfy some need of the parent's. But only the child will live with the consequences his entire life.

This bears repeating many times over! So true!!!

[tutucrazy]

Originally Posted by alegna

Yes. Though I would have a difficult time with someone who had no intention of breastfeeding at all for no good reason. Vaxing I think is a personal choice.

IMO neither of those is as clear cut as allowing someone to take a knife (or crushing clamp) to an infants penis.

-Angela

Agreed. Bottlefeeding and vaxing can not compare to violating a child's right to bodily integrity.

Personally I hate when people compare circ to other parenting decisions. Circ is not a parenting decision it is a PERSONAL decision.

[jessjgh1]

I didn't see this till today, just wondering about an update. Hopeing for a positive one.
Jessica

[sept15lija]

Originally Posted by tutucrazy

Agreed. Bottlefeeding and vaxing can not compare to violating a child's right to bodily integrity.

Personally I hate when people compare circ to other parenting decisions. Circ is not a parenting decision it is a PERSONAL decision.

Yes exactly, and by personal meaning the penis owner should make the decision. So many people call this a "personal" decision when they are deciding for another person, namely their children. Sorry, doesn't fit the definition (btw tutu I know this is what you meant!).

[alegna]

Originally Posted by jessjgh1

I didn't see this till today, just wondering about an update. Hopeing for a positive one.
Jessica

Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. We've talked a couple of times about other stuff (IMed actually) but nothing on this yet.

I expect I will not hear anything directly, but Mom is bringing it up soon... I'll hear something that way.

fingers crossed.

-Angela