My kids just DONT listen

[Ummy]

My ds who is 3 and my dd who is 6 just don't listen. I have tried time outs and I am even reading the "Unconditional Parenting" book, but it doesn't seem to work. If I say something once, I just get blank stares or ignored, and then I have to say it again the second time and the third I have to threaten them like I have to take away something of theirs or they lose a privilege. It seems they just don't seem to respect me. When my dh says something they listen but when it comes to me..i get taken advantage of.

I don't know If I am being firm or even consistent enough...but I need some good helpful tips if any.

Any suggestions b/c sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out...

[Phantome]

When you threaten them with losing a priviledge, do you actually follow through? Maybe because you tell them multiple times, then threaten a few times, then maybe or maybe not follow through, they know they can ignore you for quite awhile before getting into any real kind of trouble. If you tell them once, and they don't do it, they lose a priviledge. Every time. Then they'll know that they'll only hear it once or consequences will follow.

BTW, this isn't to be mean or controlling or squelch their childhood, but can literally be a matter of safety. If they're standing in the path of a moving vehicle and you can't get to them (for example), and you yell to get out of the way and they just stare blankly, well....But if you yell to get out of the way and they do, then life is good. I'm all for letting kids assert independence, but I think that is something better suited to older kids, not little tykes who are practically babies. HTH!

-Phan

[RoundAbout]

Oh this one kills me. My son is only 2.5, and I'm normally an extremely patient person (also trying to practice UP), and my son is quite easy, but having to ask the same thing 4-5 times with no response is really getting on my last nerve. It's not just requests, but opinions (Would you rather do X or Y?) Honestly, I'd almost rather have a kid who said "no" all of the time than just ignore me. I'm trying to teach him that its polite to give an answer or acknowledgement to the speaker at a minimum, but not sure how (any advice there?).

What seems to be helping a little bit is:

1) to always make sure that I'm giving him eye contact and full attention when I ask him something.

2) Only make requests if I absolutely need him to do something (ie. Do toys really *need* to be picked up now or is that just what I want).

3) Slow down. I realize that much of my frustration with DS comes because I'm in a hurry and don't leave enough time for him to get ready at his own pace. Shoes have become a big battle so I now leave plenty of time for him to put them on or give him the option of putting them on in the car.

4) Explain why I need something or need an answer. I know at 2.5 he's not understanding everything, but I'm trying to make explanation a habit.

I definitely don't think threatening or punishment is the way to go.