Dilemna--should I wean or pump?

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Not now, but in March, I will have to leave my baby for a month to go to a training program for my job on the other side of the country. I do not believe that taking her will be an option as I will be staying in a dormitory situation. And not going is also not an option. She will be about 11 months old at the time. She's 4 months old now. She should be on solids by then.

Now, I've got a few options. 1. Pump enough milk (how much would be "enough"?) between now and then and store it in the deep-freeze (which we will need to buy) in order to (attempt) to not have to give her formula. Then either a. continue pumping and hope I get her back on the breast when I return, b. continue pumping and just EP when I get home and give her milk in the bottle, c. stop pumping when I'm there and let my milk "dry up". 2. Wean her before I go and switch her to formula for the last month or 2 before her first birthday.

(I'll miss her actual birthday, but we'll celebrate when I return. She's a baby and won't know the difference.)

((ETA: I think I'll put this same question on a more mainstream board and see what answers I get. /evil laugh smiley))

[Dahlea]

I would start pumping now, and put her back to the breast when you're back.

[Baby_Cakes]

I wouldn't consider weaning that early, especially if nursing is really working out for you both otherwise. The emotional aspect alone would be really hard on your baby (and on you).

If it were me, I would continue nursing, pumping now to save up as much milk as possible. I would definitely keep pumping while away, too, so that I could resume nursing when I returned.

At 11 months, your baby will probably be doing pretty well w/solids, so b/w the frozen milk and solids it should work out. I wouldn't be opposed to doing formula for a baby that young though, especially if I weren't able to pump a ton of milk, since it's only a temporary situation.

What a tough situation. I couldn't imagine leaving my DD for that long of a time, especially with a nursing relationship. Hugs to you for having the determination and commitment to nursing that you are going to try this hard to continue. Good luck!

[alegna]

Originally Posted by Dahlea

I would start pumping now, and put her back to the breast when you're back.

:

I would have to be in a situation where our family would be in peril to leave a 1 yr old though.

-Angela

[kriket]

If I was you I would get a stash going now like PPs suggested. You have plenty of time, just one pumping session a day would yeild PLENTY!

Also, while you are away consider pumping and donating to a local mom. I see on Milkshare all the time where a mom is out of town and doesn't want to dump so she will meet a donor family at the airport of bus station for a one time donation!

[riverscout]

Originally Posted by Dahlea

I would start pumping now, and put her back to the breast when you're back.

:

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Originally Posted by alegna

:

I would have to be in a situation where our family would be in peril to leave a 1 yr old though.

-Angela

I would say, at least I'm not deploying (in which case, I'd be gone over a year). (Then watch me get back, after doing this, get the baby back onto the breast, and be told to pack my bags for a nice little several-month trip to Iraq. My unit is deployed right now. I'm 'non-deployable' due to having had a baby within the last 6 months, but I could now waive my non-deployability because she's 4 months and go. A lot of women I know are doing just that. I'm not, though.) Yes, I chose the military as a career. Maybe another woman might decide to wait to have kids until she retires, but, honestly, my first pregnancy occurred a few years before I intended it. I was adamant about my kids being about 2 years apart, so I went ahead and had my son. He's autistic, so I'm staying in the military because it covers his therapies and treatments and I actually like my job. And my third child wasn't exactly planned. I was actually prepping to deploy when I found out about her.

[bodhitree]

Originally Posted by 2lilsweetfoxes

I would say, at least I'm not deploying (in which case, I'd be gone over a year). (Then watch me get back, after doing this, get the baby back onto the breast, and be told to pack my bags for a nice little several-month trip to Iraq. My unit is deployed right now. I'm 'non-deployable' due to having had a baby within the last 6 months, but I could now waive my non-deployability because she's 4 months and go. A lot of women I know are doing just that. I'm not, though.) Yes, I chose the military as a career. Maybe another woman might decide to wait to have kids until she retires, but, honestly, my first pregnancy occurred a few years before I intended it. I was adamant about my kids being about 2 years apart, so I went ahead and had my son. He's autistic, so I'm staying in the military because it covers his therapies and treatments and I actually like my job. And my third child wasn't exactly planned. I was actually prepping to deploy when I found out about her.

You're obviously doing the best you can for your family within the constraints of your situation (like we all do), so please don't feel like you need to defend your choices.

And I agree with PP about looking on MilkShare to see if someone needs donor milk in the area where you'll be while you're away. A month's worth of pumped milk could really help somebody out!

[yarngoddess]

I think you should pump. I see no reason to wean at this time...

[CrunchyChristianMama]

Do you plan on wanting to nurse for over a year? I think that's a big part of the question here. Because if you don't plan on nursing longer than 12 months then there would be no real need to pump while away. On the other hand, if you want your DD to continue to get breast milk (either pumped or straight from the tap) for longer, then you will need to pump either way while you are away.

[Ruthla]

I suggest pumping, and having enough frozen ebm for her while you're away. I agree with whoever suggested that you start pumping NOW to fill the freezer.

Will it be possible to ship the milk you pump while you're away to give to the baby? If so, do that. With the milk your'e shipping plus the freezer stash, you'll likely not need to give her formula at all. If you have no way of storing or shipping the milk, then pump and dump to retain your supply, and be prepared for her to possibly need a little formula while you're gone, if the milk in the freezer isn't enough.

Then, when you get back home, see how it goes. Chances are that your milk supply will diminish somewhat in your absence. Women who sucessfully EP (exclusively pump, baby doesn't nurse, and they don't need to use any formula) generally pump frequently to get and keep their supply. With what you've described, you'll probably be able to pump at certain set times during the day and no more than that.

See if the baby is willing and able to get back to the breast. See how much you're able to pump for her if she won't. Just keep an open mind, and don't let yourself feel too dissapointed or rejected if your unavoidable month-long abscence leads to weaning. Just do your best and leave the rest up to a higher power (whether you call that G-d, Fate, Luck, or whatever.)

I'm really angry FOR you that the US military isn't more family-friendly and lactation friendly. Mothers shouldn't have to make these kinds of choices.

[LadyCatherine185]

Just wanted to say whatever you decide, a lot of babies aren't too into solids at 11 months. DS is almost 1 year (sniffle!!) and is still only eating a few bites here and there each day. Most nutrition still comes from BM. If you do decide to wean, I would test out a few types of formula before making the switch to see if she reacts at all to any of them.

[pookel]

I think you should pump in advance, but don't freak out if you can't get an entire month's supply. If she gets at least some breastmilk throughout the month, I don't think it's terrible if she has to be supplemented with formula. And you can pump while you're away and try to re-establish your nursing relationship when you get back.

I left my younger son for four days around the time he turned 1, and we were fine. I brought 12 bags of frozen breastmilk (about 8 oz each) for my parents to give him, and they used it up just about exactly, IIRC. If you have an easy time pumping, you might be able to get a month's worth in advance - figure 3 bottles a day, so 90 bottles' worth, so if you can get one extra bottle a day for three months, you're good.

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Originally Posted by 2lilsweetfoxes

((ETA: I think I'll put this same question on a more mainstream board and see what answers I get. /evil laugh smiley))

Just for giggles, I did so. The answers were pretty split between 'try to keep her nursing' and 'what? you haven't weaned her yet? (or you don't plan on already having weaned her.?..I was done at x weeks/months)'

And, I know it is academic. She may forget how to nurse while I'm gone and not be interested in resuming nursing. I may not be interested in resuming upon my return and decide pumping is "too much trouble". I might have weaned her before then (doubtful, but possible).

[lalemma]

No advice, but I think it's great that you're thinking about this well in advance and trying to figure out what's best for you and your baby!

I'm less than thrilled that you felt like you had to justify that you have to work. My husband is military, so I know a tiny bit about how tough and committed moms in the service have to be to make military life play nicely with motherhood.

It's nice that some people don't face tough choices like this, but that's just not how life works out for everyone. It would be nice if folks could remember that a bit more often.

[Penelope]

You're so smart to think about this well in advance. Pumping and storing the milk sounds like the best strategy to me; it's possible you could also pump and freeze or ship, rather than dumping, while you're away.

Even if she won't return to nursing when you're back, you could continue to pump and provide her with breastmilk rather than formula.

If you don't have a really good pump, this seems like the time to get one! Good luck with your pumping/storing.

[KweenKrunch]

Originally Posted by alegna

:

I would have to be in a situation where our family would be in peril to leave a 1 yr old though.

-Angela

:

I would personally figure out a way to avoid separation. Is there any way your husband could come and stay in a nearby hotel, and bring your daughter to you several times a day to nurse? If your husband isn't available, you could bring an aunt, cousin or friend out with you to do the same.

[mamameg]

Originally Posted by KweenKrunch

:

I would personally figure out a way to avoid separation. Is there any way your husband could come and stay in a nearby hotel, and bring your daughter to you several times a day to nurse? If your husband isn't available, you could bring an aunt, cousin or friend out with you to do the same.

sorry for laughing, but this does not seem very practical. i don't know many people who have a month to spare to hang out in a hotel near a military training camp.

it seems much more practical that the baby be home, in a familiar environment where she is comfortable, with the rest of her family.

OP, little ones are incredibly resilient. if this transition is handled with love, i am sure all will go well. pump now to build your stash, pump while you are gone, and try to get her back to the breast when you return. i'm sure everything will be fine.

and THANK YOU for your contribution to and service for our country!!!!

[KweenKrunch]

Originally Posted by mamameg

sorry for laughing, but this does not seem very practical. i don't know many people who have a month to spare to hang out in a hotel near a military training camp.

it seems much more practical that the baby be home, in a familiar environment where she is comfortable, with the rest of her family.

OP, little ones are incredibly resilient. if this transition is handled with love, i am sure all will go well. pump now to build your stash, pump while you are gone, and try to get her back to the breast when you return. i'm sure everything will be fine.

and THANK YOU for your contribution to and service for our country!!!!

Hmm... I definitely see what you're saying, but 11 months is awful young to be separated from mommy for a whole month IMO. I tend to think that appropriate mother-baby separation is about one hour per 6 months of life. Kids are resilient, yes, but they also internalize a lot of pain and stress. When they're pre-verbal it's hard to know what's going on.



OP, best of luck with your decision. And indeed, thank you for your service to our country.

[mamameg]

i agree it's young, but what can she do? she's obligated to her service.

i believe keeping the rest of the child's life as consistent and familiar as possible is the best course of action. uprooting the child from the family, or uprooting the entire family for a month seems more disruptive and potentially traumatic.

also, i don't know if you are familiar with military training, but they don't get too many "breaks" and they will NOT be sympathetic to the OP missing any part of her training so she can nurse her baby.

baby will still be getting breast milk and will resume nursing upon her mother's return. i think the OP is doing the best she can in this situation. if it's not a situation you would choose, that's fine, but i don't see the value of stressing that point in a thread where she's clearly asking for suggestions about her specific situation.