How to get a 4 1/2 yo to help pick up toys without yelling??

[ShwarmaQueen]

I am seriously at my wits end. I know my DD can pick up her toys, but it just seems she's so lazy and spoiled that she won't. Am I expecting too much out of her? For example, today (Saturday) is our normal major house cleaning day. We have coffee, relax a bit, and then it's cleaning time. I ask her to pick up her toys as I am picking up laundry and trash that has been left here and there, but I feel like picking up her toys and taking them back to her room should be her responsibility. Is that unreasonable? But what normally happens is I ask her nicely a few times, then I start getting pissed off at her lack of focus (she'll stop and play along the way, she needs constant cueing) and then get angry and start yelling. Then I usually start threatening to throw them away if she doesn't pick them up, which always works, but makes her cry! So then I feel so bad, because I don't want to her feelings, but I'm at my wits end! I'm 7 mos prego and it's getting harder to bend over and pick up everything, plus I'm tiring so easily!

Help! :

[junipermuse]

I think its likely that she still needs a lot of hand holding to clean her things up at her age. I've taught preschool for a number of years and found that most 4-5 year olds still need the job broken down into specific tasks to avoid being over whelmed. Hand her a container and say "please help me find all the blocks and put them in here" When she gets distracted you have to redirect her back to the blocks until the task is complete. If she is just dawdling or getting distracted I doubt it is on purpose. Heck I still get distracted when I'm cleaning up. On the other hand if she ignores your request or stands there looking defiantly, she may be testing you to see if you're really serious about your request. In that case I might take her (gently) by the hand and walk her around the room guiding her through the clean up process or hold her on your lap while you put the blocks away in the box. She may not be actually doing the cleaning at that point, but she is not off playing and having fun and she is watching how the clean up should go, so that when she realizes that this is part of the routine she'll know how she is expected to participate.

Another thing that might help is thinning out her toys so there are less of them to make a mess. Also it might be a good idea to help her put one toy or activity away before starting a new one, so that there aren't so many toys of hers left out on clean up day. Then she might be happier helping you with your more grown up cleaning tasks like using a rag to clean the tub or helping to transfer laundry from the washer to the dryer. She may prefer in general to share a clean up task with you then to do a separate one on her own.

ETA: I totally get the being exhausted during pregnancy. I'm due with #2 on monday. I think in that case you also might need to let some stuff go. You just can't expect to do as much in the last trimester as you could when you weren't pregnant.

[NiteNicole]

Mine is only 3.5 so who knows if things will still happen this way next year, but I agree with the poster above - we've been pretty successful with being involved and very specific. Here is the box for your blocks, find all the blocks and put them in here. Find all the books and take them to your shelf. I do sometimes have to point out - there's one, here's one, and gather up a few myself. It's really like she just can't focuse on ONE thing or one KIND of thing in a whole big room (even if it's not full of toys). She seems willing to help but just "pick up all these toys" is, I think, within her physical abilities but her mental filter and focuse just isn't there yet.

I often combine tasks - like I fold clothes on the sofa while directing (and sometimes helping a bit) with the toy pick up. Or I'll fold her clothes on the bed in her room while directing the pick up in there. Otherwise it starts to feel like it would just be easier and faster to do it myself. And it WOULD but SHE needs to learn to do these things.