Ripping books is bad

[NorthernPixie]

I don't know a lot about GD - I'm just learning for 19 month old dd - but when my husband said this, after asking her to stop ripping a page out of a book (which she usually never does), explaining why we don't rip books, etc., he ended with this. It doesn't sit right with me but I can't articulate why and want to be able to explain it to myself and to him. He thinks she should learn that some things are 'bad' and learn not to do them, and he especially thinks this applies to safety issues, i.e. not running out into the street because it's bad. He thinks she won't understand concepts about safe/dangerous, being careful, or consequence of cars, but that she will learn not to do 'bad' things.

We don't tell her everything she does is 'good' or say 'good girl' or the like, and this seems like the same thing. Help me articulate this please!

[ssh]

I'm more comfortable with using the words 'dangerous' or 'that's a bad idea' when describing an action we should not do. So we are not doing bad things, we're just using poor judgment sometimes. For books I always just said 'be gentle, it's fragile' and then gave DD board books until she was out of the tearing pages stage.

Now that my DD is 3.5, I usually tell her why something is a bad idea. She often tells us to 'be careful' or tells us when she thinks something is a bad idea. I don't really find anything negative about having bad ideas or better ideas. It's just part of making decisions. We only use the good to mean intrinsic value, so DD is always good. DH, chocolate and having fun are good too.

[mamazee]

It doesn't communicate very well. I like saying specifically what I don't like. "If we rip the book, we won't be able to read it again." And take it away. Toddlers really can't be trusted alone with things that can be ripped too much anyway. And the difference between "ripping books is bad" and "you're bad for ripping books" is too slight for a young child to be expected to understand.

[Susan Kunkel]

At 19 months old she should get to hold board books. Books that she cannot rip. She can learn not to rip books when she is older. Mommy or daddy can hold the other books when reading to her. You can give her old paper to rip for fun.

[NorthernPixie]

She's usually very, very careful with books. She never rips them, except this one time. She tends to be bored with board books (tee hee) so I am fine to let her look at them, was just wondering how to talk to her re the behaviour. Perhaps it's because her grandmother and great-grandmother are librarians!

[hypnoticsymphony]

It helps to explain to them what ripping the books can lead to. Tell them you won't have stories to read to them anymore.