I lost my child today. I am the worst mother ever! - Page 2

[lilyka]

don't beat yourself up. I know at least 10 people this has happened to and most of us have had it happen with more than one child....this does not make you a bad mother. not at all. even a little bit. these things happen. all.the.time.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Originally Posted by queenjane

When people heard your name being announced, i can almost guarantee you they were NOT thinking "oh what a horrible mother how could she lose her child??" but rather thinking about the time THEY lost their child, or when they almost did, or being so glad that didnt happen to them (but totally recognizing that it *could*)....we've all been there, or will be there....its so so scary when it happens to you.

This completely! I'm so glad that you are all back together. It happens and you're not a bad mom!

[cedoreilly]

This happened two years ago to me. We were at our company picnic and DH and I were talking with a co-workers as the kids ran a continuous circle in and out of this bouncy obstacle thing. My DD came out one time and instead of going back in she walked off not realizing where she was. She had a name tag on with her name and my name on it so when they found her they took her to the DJ booth can called out over the loud speaker for us. It was the most terrifying 10 minutes of our lives.

[leighi123]

Do you have a plan that you tell your kids to follow if they get lost?

When I was little, any time we went somewhere with a lot of people, my dad would choose an obvious landmark - something thats easy to find like a fountian or tower or something, and if any of us got lost we were to go to that spot. This rule applyed for everyone, like if my dad wandered off and couldnt find the rest of us or something. (he likes to stop and look at random things!).
We used this 'plan' from the time my sister was about 2 and it worked really well, even as adults we still use it!


Also, the other plan was to find someone 'who works here' (at places like theme parks, stores etc), in places where a 'landmark' wouldnt work as well, or if you forgot where the landmark was (although we always picked something big and obvious).

My sister was a major wanderer - once we were in switzerland (or maybe it was paris - I forget, somewhere in europe!) and taking trains everywhere - my sister was about 6, she ran ahead of us to get on the train, and just got on a random one, and right when she got on the doors closed! My mom, dad and I were kinda stuck behind people, it was crowded, my dad was banging on the doors yelling 'get off at the next stop'.
We went to find out where that train was going, which took some time b/c of all the people in the way. We finally found another train going to the same first stop, and got on that one.
It took at least an hour for us to get to that station which was also very big and crowded, lucky for us my sister got off at that stop, and was sitting on her suitcase under the big sign that said the name of the station (which was the landmark we had set at the other station 'the big sign' - she remembered!).
She was crying, but fine. Some old lady had stayed with her (my sister said she was crying too when the doors closed!)

Now that one was really scary!

[Marsupialmom]

It happens ((HUGS))

[Katsmamajama]

Don't beat yourself up too much. Like the other mamas, I have my own "I lost my child" story, only I sort-of started it. We ran to Wal-mart (I know, bad place, but it was close to home!) to get cat food and litter, and as I'm grabbing the bags to put in the cart, she said she needed to go to the bathroom. No biggie, give me 5 seconds to get the last bag in the cart and we'll go. She's doing "the dance" and says she has to go now. At that point, I have the bag of littler off the bottom shelf, up in my arms, I just need to settle it in the cart, right? So I tell her she can start walking that direction (it wasn't that far to the front of the store and the bathrooms, and she was 8 at the time) and I would be right behind her. I head that direction, and don't see her directly, so I figured she literally ran to the bathroom. So I park the cart in front of the bathroom and wait.....and wait.....go inside and check the sstalls and there's no shoes like hers. I start panicking, go back to the pet department, she's not there, start to the back where there's another set of bathrooms.....and here comes DD, hand in hand with a blue vested employee. She went to the ones in the back because there was a wet floor sign by the front ones so she thought that meant they were closed. So she went to the ones in the back, and then couldn't remember how to get back to the pet section to see if I was still there. She told me that she asked an employee where to go, because "even though they're strangers, if they're wearing the blue vests then they know where I need to go." Thankfully it was quick, but was still the scariest probably 2 minutes of my life so far!

[fruitfulmomma]

My parents lost me when I was about 5. We were getting off of a train and they thought my grandparents had me. I wasn't sure what to do but knew where the parking lot was, on the other side of where we had come off, and decided to go across the tracks right in front of the train! It starting moving just seconds after I moved away. Yikes!

[mysticmomma]

So I get the Worst Mother of the Day Award.

No, not at all. Your daughter did everything right. that reflects on YOU.

[swd12422]

How scary! Everyone here is right -- it happens, and it's not your fault. We had neighbors who woke up at least 3 times a week to find their front door open and their 3-year-old gone. Finally one morning (at 2am), they got a knock on their door from another neighbor, who had insomnia, went downstairs, and happened to see the little boy wandering naked in their front yard. Apparently, he'd been leaving the house not at 6am right before everyone got up, but IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. Wandering naked.

They were so embarrassed (and thankful that nothing had happened to him, yet). They put an extra lock on the front door to keep him in. The next morning, he wasn't in his (second floor) bedroom, and the window was wide open!

So yeah, yours is a one-time small miscommunication that fortunately ended as well as could be expected! Be thankful for that! *hugs*

[lilyka]

oh, and your dd did really well too.

[Stephenie]

My mom has stories about losing all three of her kids and I thought she did a great job raising us. It happens. Try to feel better, mama.

[~pi]

Following this thread reminded me that ever since DS could walk, whenever we travel (which is quite often) or go anywhere that is likely to be crowded, we put personalized wristbands on him with our family last name, our family "emergency" email address (set up for precisely this reason -- it automatically forwards to every single other email address we have), and both DH's and my cell phone numbers.

It isn't a total panacea, but since DS isn't old enough yet to memorize our phone numbers (or even our names other than Daddy/Maman), it keeps me from my previous over-the-top anxiety about airports, train stations, zoos, etc.

We got ours at Mabel's Labels when our daycare had a fundraiser with them, but I don't think they would necessarily have to be that fancy.

again mama. I hope you are feeling better today.

[pauletoy]

Wow you guys are awesome. Thank you so much for making me feel better. Everyone sharing thier own lost child story has really helped me with the guilt.

I really liked the advice of finding a landmark for us to use if someone gets lost and also the bracelet idea. I am going to order some this week.

[nextcommercial]

I lost mine in a shopping mall. Fortunatley a nice mommy stopped her before she left the store she got lost in.. she was heading out to the mall area.

I got lost in Downtown Chicago when I was five. LOL. I was stupid enough to get back on the subway that took me BACK to the airport. So, they were looking for me in town, and I was wandering around the airport.

[kblackstone444]

We've all done it...

My Hubby and I have lost out son, twice, because we thought he was with the other, and more recently, lost our little girl once, because we thought she was with the other (but she was really with my son, she's 8 and he's 14, so no real danger there, just scared to death parents!).

My Mom had me, my sister, and my first brother all within a five year time period, when my brother was two weeks old, my Mother was exhausted, had "Mommy Brain", had to bring the three of us to an appointment, and then left... forgetting that she'd already had the baby and that she'd just left him in his carrier on the waitingroom floor! Apparently, we caught the bus, she realized what she'd done, we got off at the next stop, and she did the marathon run with her then five year old and 2 1/2 year old daughters, all the way back to the office, to find about 30 people oohing and ahhing over this newborn baby boy, everybody passing him around, trying to figure out who's baby he was. Can you imagine how embarrassed she must've been?!

One of my co-workers, an older woman, likes to tell the story of, when her sons were four and two years old, they were traveling by commuter train and she was carrying her two year old son and holding her four year old's hand, and she let go for half a second, but told her four year old to stay close. They got on the train, the train started to pull away, when she hears the little one, waving out the window and saying, "Bye, bye Omar.". Omar (the four year old) was on the train platform, smiling and waving at the leaving train! Can you imagine? It happens to all of us.

[eclipse]

I have two stories of times when I lost one of my kids. We lost dd (then 4) due to a similar miscommunication between dh and I at Legoland. The upshot was that we had had numerous discussions that morning with dd and ds1 about what to do if we got separated (find an adult who worked there or a mom with children and tell them you're lost and give them the paper in their pocket with our cell phone numbers) and when I found her, even though she was crying hysterically, she was doing exactly what I had told her to do. That was very, very comforting. DS1 is my wanderer, and we had mostly had the conversations for his benefit, but she picked up on it and was able to handle herself even though she was scared.

The second story STILL freaks me out, even though it was 6 years ago. DS was 2.5 years old and dd was a newborn. We had a weekly playgroup that usually met at a park, but the weather was bad, so we went to Barnes and Noble instead. There were tons of familiar adults around, and we are all really good at keeping an eye on everyone's kids. Well, dd needed a quick diaper change - I looked down for a few seconds to snap her diaper up, and ds completely vanished. I thought he went around a shelf or something, but he didn't answer when I called. I asked a friend to keep an eye on dd and I looked all over the kids area, but he was gone. I was too panicked and scared to even tell the playgroup moms that I couldn't find him, or grab an employee. All I could think about was my son's love for running into traffic, and the fact that there were two doors to the bookstore - one led to the mall, the other to the parking lot. I ran at top speed to the parking lot exit, and didn't see him anywhere. It finally occurred to me that I needed to get an employee right then to close down the store and have people search the lot and the mall. I was headed to find an employee when I saw ds running up to me from the other direction. He handed me a toy car and asked if we could buy it. I thought it was a car from inside B&N until I looked at the tag - it was from a toy store in the mall. I was so happy to have found him, but terrified that he had left the store, gone into the mall, gone into another store, browsed , taken up shoplifting , and come back in the time it took me to realize he was gone. He could NOT figure out why I was crying! When I took him back to the (completely empty) toystore to return the car, the employee said something like "I was wondering why he was in here by himself. . ." argh!

Anyhow, if you're a bad mom, so am I. I think we've all done it. I still remember getting lost at the beach when I was 4. My mom seemed so calm and collected about it, but now that I'm a mom I know she must have been freaking out to have her four year old lost near water like that - I know I would have been!

[A&A]

My parents left me at church one Sunday when I was about 4 because they had driven separately and both thought the other one was taking me home.

It happens! I'm so glad everything turned out ok.

I tell my kids that if we get separated somewhere, they are to STAY WHERE THEY ARE and I'll come back and find them (so we're not "missing each other" by both moving around.)

[Mandynee22]

It happens to LOTS of people. Did the police officer threaten to call social services? I would imagine not, and that's because it happens all. the. time.
Just be glad you didn't think you lost your LO at home, called the police, gone out and searched and then found out LO fell asleep in the toy box (which has happened to a GF of mine and is WAY more embarrassing). Actually, that happened with my aunt and cousin too except she didn't call the police but did have to search outside and everything before he turned up.

ETA- I love these stories. I know they were scary at the time but some have me dying of laughter.
And FWIW- I haven't lost DS yet, or at least not in any memorable way, but I did lose DD when she was 8 at Magic Kingdom. When she realized she didn't know how to get back to where I was sitting from the food cart she went to, she went BACK to the cart to buy a snack in case she was "lost for a long time". I could see the cart from the bench where I was nursing DS. I guess she got my sense of direction, the poor dear

[eclipse]

Originally Posted by jojojojojo

Even the New Testament has a similar story, so you know it's been happening to families for ages! You are not the worst mother ever.

::

I'm not a Christian, but still, this is funny.

[eclipse]

Originally Posted by ~pi

Following this thread reminded me that ever since DS could walk, whenever we travel (which is quite often) or go anywhere that is likely to be crowded, we put personalized wristbands on him with our family last name, our family "emergency" email address (set up for precisely this reason -- it automatically forwards to every single other email address we have), and both DH's and my cell phone numbers.

It isn't a total panacea, but since DS isn't old enough yet to memorize our phone numbers (or even our names other than Daddy/Maman), it keeps me from my previous over-the-top anxiety about airports, train stations, zoos, etc.

We got ours at Mabel's Labels when our daycare had a fundraiser with them, but I don't think they would necessarily have to be that fancy.

again mama. I hope you are feeling better today.

Ooo, I like this idea. It's better than a piece of paper in their pocket like we do.