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Peanut Allergies and Peanut-Free Schools - Page 4

post #61 of 119
Apparently, though, it's nothing like the inconvenience of not being able to pack peanut butter sandwiches when that's *all* a child will eat. . .
I assume you are referring to the OP's friend, because not a single person here has said that they don't think peanuts should be banned because it is inconvenient for them to make something other than PB&J. In fact, I think every poster here has said that they would willingly comply with a peanut free school policy, but that they think it is problematic because it puts the responsiblity of a child's safety onto every other parent, child, caregiver, maintenance worker, etc., and because they feel that it isn't effective enough given the severity of the situation.
post #62 of 119

Hidden Meaning?

What are you really saying?

The notion of feeling like schools are LEGALLY required to bow down to my every whim for everything I want for my kid makes me ill.
WOW, every whim?@#! I'm not even touching that one.

they think it is problematic because it puts the responsiblity of a child's safety onto every other parent, child, caregiver, maintenance worker, etc., and because they feel that it isn't effective enough given the severity of the situation.
So, what are you all really saying? That because of the severity, children with Peanut Allergies should not go to school? The only alternative is homeschooling, which takes having a partner working to pay the bills to do. I wish I could homeschool (I was planning to homeschool) until my husband turned back to his alcoholic ways and tried to kill me and harass me, pay no child support... So I have to do this all by myself. I HAVE TO WORK!

You are missing the point. Having schools make it a safe environment doesn't take away from the precautions that each family of Peanut Allergy kids have to take. Obviously we're not shirking our responsibilities. We're just saying that our society needs to also take responsibabity to make the school environment safe for everyone!

A lot of your arguements sound familiar to those about oil! Americans are so dependant on harmful substances and refuse to find alternatives because they are addicted to the ease of it.
More and more people are becoming allergic to Peanuts, we still don't know why. In the years to come, it will be interesting to see how this issue plays out, because the more children are exposed to peanuts, the more allergies will develop!

post #63 of 119
My ten yo dd goes to a small private school. There are twenty kids in her combined 4-5-6 grade class that eat together.

SHE is careful about checking labels "so Cody doesn't get sick".

It's a nice lesson in empathy and it broke the "I will only eat pb" trend.

We go with it, cause it's the responsible and caring thing to do.

However....on one occasion I was not responsible for making her lunch...she got snowed in at Grandmum's and her aunt made her lunch. She's ten. She got snowed in with her cousins, and was excited. She didn't remind her aunt and frankly, neither did I. My sister sent in a granola bar that had been processed in a facility which also processed peanuts.

When Maeve (dd) got to school, she read the label and asked her teacher to throw it away. She's an extraordinary little kid, really.

It's easy...SO EASY....for a mixup to occur. I don't care what you (generic you) say about whether or not it's anyone's legal responsibility to provide a safe enviroment, if my kid could die over an easy mistake, I'm not going to rely on ANYONE but myself and my family. If that means taking a hit in my way of life (by having to stay home to homeschool or whatever), thats what I would do.

I mean, I wouldn't throw my kid in a shark pool and say, statistically, his chances of getting bitten are less than 1%, so it's just nifty he's learning to swim.

I just can't fathom the naivete that would trust a public school to be able to enforce a peanut free (and not just peanuts, but the products made in same facilities, yadda yadda yadda) zone. I just don't get that. I don't even trust them to TEACH, and that's what they're supposed to be doing.

If my kid were that sensitive, there's no way in h*ll that kid would be walking into a public school. Spare me the ADA thing, ok? I believe in it, I'll support it, I'm not saying accomodations shouldn't be made, but when it comes right down to it. ....ugh. The thought of putting my kid's life into the hands of hundreds of other families is just ......incomprehensible.
post #64 of 119
Many of the posters said that they would all homeschool, and implied that I'm a bad mom if I have to send my child with Peanut allergies to public school! Like I don't freakin care and worry about it like them?@#!~$!@ I resent people of privilege acting like some of us have choices about schooling our children. You are all right, it does suck to have to worry about sending our kids to public school... some of us don't have a choice! Maybe you could be more empathetic to our situation instead of complaining that we are making your life more inconvenient. I know it isn't the end all be all solution, obviously we have to take precautions every minute of the day. But when we HAVE NO CHOICE but to send our kids to public school, then we could breath easier knowing that precautions are being taken in the school as well.

Also, no one ever said that it would be business as usual! No one ever said that by banning peanuts, parents and children wouldn't take every other precautions regarding keeping the children with allergies safe! You are making assumptions! It is not an either or thing, it is both and thinking.

post #65 of 119
Thread Starter 
Someone, somewhere along the line, is going to slip, and it's NOT going to be because they are not compassionate or don't want to be inconvenienced (and to suggest so is just plain mean).
Did you get a chance to read my story about my friends kid from Mum's group? Well ALL slip up! Every one of us makes boneheaded mistakes in our parenting at one time or another, and unless your name is Jesus Christ, we're all gonna continue to make mistakes. That isn't the point!!! Peanut free zones/schools are not a solution to the problem! They are a precaution taken to reduce the risk of a fatal reaction for a CHILD , not a number nor a statistic, A CHILD.

If you put your child in a moving vehicle, you are putting her in harms way. If you let your child ride a bicycle in the street, you are putting her at risk. If you take your child TO ANY public place, allergies or no, you are putting her at risk of kidnapping, violence and the stupidity or ineptness of other people. Yes, we all take precautions when performing these activities with our children, but we still do them!! So how canb you say that homeschooling our children with severe disabilities is the answer and please don't inconvenience me or my child? With respect,let the parents of the afflicted child worry about whether or not peanut free schools are effective! All you need to do is to nix the nuts.
post #66 of 119
dreadmama--you are a terrific mama!!

I know some people, for whatever the reason, don't have a choice and I'm so glad that you found "a socially conscious public elementary/junior high school that values people and promotes healthy positive action towards a better world" with the common sense and decency to work with you in keeping your child safe. PM me if you want to talk.

Me, I'm slinking off now. I don't have time to argue with people who have no intention of listening. I'm too busy protecting my little one from the peanut-totin', milk-guzzlin' folks in the world.

See ya'!!!
post #67 of 119
I'm sorry if you felt like I was saying your were a bad parent for sending your kid to public school.

I wasn't.

But I still think that people make choices based on what's important to them, and in your shoes, I would make other choices.
That's not to say I would necessarily be right and you wrong, ok?

Just different.

FWIW, I'm very lucky now, I have the most amazing, caring, generous man on the planet finacing my kid's school. But for the previous 6 years, I cleaned the school at night to be able to keep her in it by working off my tuition. She slept on the kindergarten cots whilst I did it.

So yeah, I get how hard the choices are.

There's no way anyone with a concience could send their kid to school with pb knowing they were going to sit down next to a kid whom the pb could kill.

But some people aren't careful, some kids live lives that are inconsistent, some parents may not care or understand, whatever, and if it's THAT deadly, I'm sorry, it's a no brainer for ME.
post #68 of 119
wow, what an interesting discussion. i have a friend (grown up :LOL ) who has life-threatening peanut allergies and a buncha other ones, too. she grew up taking cream cheese and jelly sandwiches to school.

seems like a lot of folks who responded to this thread have been coming from the "if it was my child" perspective -- y'know either, "i couldn't count on the school to keep her safe", or "you better believe i'd want the school to do all they could".

how about the "what if it was your child's school perspective"? for everyone who sends their kids to public school or will when your kids are school age, if you got a notice today that said effective tomorrow all peanut products would be banned how would you feel about that? that's really what i took the OP to be about.

i guess for me, it would depend on how far they took it. i certainly wouldn't mind giving up PB&Js since DD1 doesn't like them anyway. i could see where it would be a pain to read every label before you packed a lunch, but since i read that other poster's story about the chocolate popscicle i don't think i'd have a problem with it. i mean, it's not like we couldn't eat it anywhere else. it's just a matter of not packing that granola bar like moon said. no, i would not be upset if my DDs' schools banned peanut products. i don't think it would solve the problem of any potential peanut exposure to an allergic child, but it would be a step in the right direction. i also don't have a problem with my DDs' schools banning soda machines :fire or guns or knives or cigarettes. i'm sure some kids will still sneak cigarettes in the bathrooms, but banning them at least keeps the exposure down. now, i know that guns and knives are healthy nutritious snacks for 95% of the school population, so that's a very flawed analogy, but...

gotta run...
post #69 of 119
I cleaned the school at night to be able to keep her in it by working off my tuition. She slept on the kindergarten cots whilst I did it.
Does your child have peanut allergies too? I don't understand why it is better for a private school to ban peanuts over a public school? And there would be the same inconsistancies with a private school as with public schools (parents bringing or sending products with peanuts, etc.). How does me working as a janitor in a private school to fund my child's education help the situation? How does it change anything if it is a private school... unless it is a private school solely for children with peanut allergies. If it is, please tell me where it is, I'm interested.

If the private school isn't devoted to children with Peanut Allergies, then it is the same difference as going to a public school, only more expensive.

So the only other alternative is homeschooling, which I've already discussed.

This is a no brainer for me!

post #70 of 119
I think......I'm shocked, actually, that some folks seem to feel that their children are their only responsibility. It's the same as if you were walking along a street & saw a child step out into the road- you'd grab that kid off the road, wouldn't you? Would you stop if someone were lying passed out on the footpath? Or saw a road accident? I don't quite have the words to say it well......what has society come to when it's all about looking out for number one- yourself & yours? I'm sure a lot of you don't see your lives like that, but that's the way it looks to me, reading this. There's a big difference between being libertarian & being selfish. Wow- my heart goes out to all those folks who are dealing with these alergies on a daily basis, all those people who are looking for a village & finding themselves outside a gated community.......
post #71 of 119
I don't quite have the words to say it well......what has society come to when it's all about looking out for number one- yourself & yours?
Geez, is there one person here who has said that they would not comply wholeheartedly if their school was to ban peanuts? Every parent here has said that they would do whatever they could to keep the other child safe. Is anyone hearing that?

It's just that some of us don't see the position of banning peanut products schoolwide as the right solution. Every single person here has said that they would NOT send their child to school with peanuts if they knew there was an allergic child at the school.

So can we stop with the line of how selfish and insensitive and uncaring we are? Some don't feel it is their responsibility, some don't feel that it is effective, some don't feel that it is the the place of the public school system to make such a policy, but regardless, WE WOULD ALL DO WHAT YOU ARE ASKING IF YOUR KID WAS IN OUR KID'S SCHOOL - WE WOULD NOT SEND OUR KID TO SCHOOL WITH PEANUT PRODUCTS!!!
post #72 of 119

oh good grief people.

aussiemum: there is a HUGE HUGE difference between a child running out into the street and me stopping him because there is no one else around and a child about to run out into the street with his mom right there and his mom saying to her friend "oh don't worry...someone will stop him".

I've said before....it's not that I *personally* don't care about anyone elses kid....when will you hear that? I'd bend over BACKWARDS to accomodate a child in my home with those kind of allergies.

And you may want to ignore the statistics but they HAVE to be taken into consideration. I'm sorry, but they do. And you have to acknowledge that your child is a SMALL minority. It doesn't matter WHAT the inconvenience is, when one person with one really rare, odd thing requires that an ENTIRE institution change JUST FOR HIM...thats not ok. The precident it sets for our kids is that every stinkin little special need they have should be catered to at any expense, that our kids don't have to take responsibility for their own actions and health, and it sets a standard of litigiousness that we do NOT need raised in this country.

Again..I've asked...whats the modivation? Do you want to be able to sue your school when they mess up? No? Then why make the rule? Because there is no other reason to in a socially conscious, forward thinking area.

Someone brought up a good point...the schools POV. Having worked in an elementary school for years, I think of it the same way.

Making the rule, by default, makes it MANDITORY that the burden falls on other parents and the schools. You really want to FORCE people to care about your kid? When you try to force people into anything, it usually backfires.

I would never try to force someone to care about my kid and I would never force the responsibility of my child on anyone else.
post #73 of 119
We had an incident where a child shoved an open bag of nuts in to my peanut allergic son's face just "to see what would happen". That's the type of thing that can kill a peanut allergic child and it took only seconds for it to happen.
post #74 of 119
My kids don't have a peanut allergy, thank goodness, they just go to kindy with a kid who does. And I'm saying it's not a big deal to respect that- it's really truly not. And i'm sorry, but some posts are coming across as selfish, IMO, whether or not the poster intended them that way.

Anothermama, if a child ran out into a street & his mum was right there, would you let him get hit by a car because it's the mum's responsibility to look out for him? That's a rhetorical question, btw.....

Some folks do not have the option to homeschool. Some folks don't want to homeschool. They have a right to have their child safe in a public school, IMO.
post #75 of 119
I'm closing this thread....just temporarily, to let everybody cool off a bit.

Everybody take a deeeeep breath, and "ooooohhhmmmm".
post #76 of 119

Open for business!

Sorry ladies, the thread is now open...

Also, I had to remove the thread referring to this one being closed. That's a no-no! In the future, please address such requests or questions to me personally by PM.

Now, let's talk PEANUTS!
post #77 of 119
I don't think there's much left to talk about, frankly. We mothers on this board who have children with life-threatening peanut allergies are coming from a place that nobody else understands.

The mothers who give lip service to abiding by school requests to eliminate peanuts, but then undercut that by making sure how well we parents of children with allergies know the level of 1. inconvenience we've caused and 2. how we're making society in general responsible for our children's safety so that we may enjoy a false sense of security.

I'm outtie. I don't want to hang with this type of unkindness and I don't understand the rightousness; like our kids are somehow less because there's a relatively small percentage of them.

Shame on some of you.
post #78 of 119
The mothers who give lip service to abiding by school requests to eliminate peanuts
Whatever. I don't know how much clearer I can state that I would do whatever I possibly could to make sure my child did not bring any peanut products in their school. Lip service is saying you will do something and then not doing it.

The parents of peanut allergic children themselves have said they feel inconvenienced by having to take precautions. But I'm somehow selfish and inconsiderate because I might also feel inconvenienced while taking the same precautions? Talk about not listening to another's position.
post #79 of 119
there was a thread? Gosh, I was tickled to see something locked for a bit rather than removed...I so prefer that.

I just feel like life for anyone is not perfectly safe...we get into cars even though they are not perfectly safe. We do inconvenient things to make them a little safer. Peanut limitations are not perfect, but they decrease the risk and allows a child who wants a regular school education to get one. Their whole life will have some risk to it, this is an easy step that makes things just a little easier and little safer for them to have a more normal life. So I really don't understand why people would not want to bother if it's not 100% effective, or assume a parent would not want to weigh risk vs benefit...andthat for some children getting to do normal child things is worth some risk.
post #80 of 119
Thread Starter 

With respect, I have to disagree with you here:
It doesn't matter WHAT the inconvenience is, when one person with one really rare, odd thing requires that an ENTIRE institution change
JUST FOR HIM...thats not ok.
Do we not cater to minorities everyday in our lives? Do store and schools not have wheelchair access ramps? Do our payphones not have volume controls for the hearing impaired? Do our elevators not have brail beside the number keys? Most schools have to install elevators and ramps if there is just one child who requires them. Perhaps all of these things do not inconvenience us per se, but they do inconvenience us in that they utilize funds from our taxpayer dollars. They are also cases of entire institutions catering to minorities.

Please know, I am not trying to annoy you here. Just trying to maintain an intelligent debate.


We mothers on this board who have children with life-threatening peanut allergies are coming from a place that nobody else understands.
I'm pretty sure there are a few Mamas who have posted on this thread who don't have children with life threatening allergies who *GET* where you are coming from. I respect that you can't really understand a situation fully until you are forced to live with it. However, I think I have made it pretty clear from what I have posted here that I'm sympathetic and appreciative of what you ladies are going thru as have a few others.
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