Homebirth Fantasies vs Reality

[Lineymom]

I am so excited about homebirth! Well, I have been, but now after talking with and deciding on the midwife we would use, DH is excited, too:

I fantasize about how everything will go all the time. I go through different scenarios on how my labor will go etc. I am afraid I am idealizing things too much! It just seems things never really play out like you imagine, you know.

I would love to hear from moms who did what I am doing now. How close was reality to fantasy?

BTW I have had 2 natural births in a hospital, so it is not labor I am naive about.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Great post! I have also felt so confident about this hb and I've "got it all worked out in my head". I am in love with the idea.

I do know things can change and there is a tiny fear about the baby's health and "what ifs?", but I know that if I transfer, it will be on my terms, not because I didn't give hb a chance.

[Bitzy]

I loved my homebirth but it wasn't an easy or quick labor like my previous hospital births. That was a reality I was surprised by but then if I'd been in a hospital with the same birth it would have ended in c-section. I'm certain of that and would take the long, hard labor over that any day!

Dh and I also weren't entirely prepared for all the work that had to be done after the birth. I rested with our baby but dh ran around like a maniac for days...we have a 6yo and a 4yo and unfortunately we don't have the kind of family that will hop in and help out. If anyone offers support, TAKE IT!!! Have them come and fold laundry, prep easy "grab and eat" snacks and meals, entertain the older kids and generally give your family the chance to just relax and bond. We did so much prep work ahead of time and it still wasn't enough.

With all of that said, I would never again give birth any other way. It's been almost 6 weeks and dh and I still talk about the experience nearly daily. It will be wonderful to tell our daughter how she came into this world...in her home, in the nest we made for her, surrounded by faces, sights and sounds that would soon become most familiar to her.

Congratulations on your decision

[mommyfied]

I think it's good to visualize your ideal birth. I do Hypnobabies and a lot of it is about your body following your mind. When I thought about my homebirth, I had an idea of how I wanted it to go but I had trouble committing to details. I think I worked it out in my dreams. I saw myself giving birth and I was by myself kneeling, pulling my baby up to my belly. I had an accidentally unassisted homebirth so it actually came pretty close to happening that way except that DH handed her to me. Thinking about it now, I wonder if an future birth could be as perfect as it was. I think so, even though it probably won't happen exactly the same way again.

Your personality may be important to consider too. The ideas I have in my head are based in reality and if things don't work out I am flexible enough to avoid major disappointment.

BTW, it was sooo different than my first hospital birth so I really had no idea what to expect when hospital staff wasn't interfering with the process. The active part of my labors were similar though... fast, especially at the end.

[Onemagicmummy]

39 hours ago i had a homebirth. the reality of it was pretty close to the fantasy of it except a few things.

my waters went at twoam on 14th, i didnt give birth for another twenty five and half hours, i was not prepared for that.
i planned on cord ties, didnt happen
i planned on havin my 7yr old present, at the last moment i was able to make a coherant thought i said no, let him sleep, i wont be able to focus.

all in all i did almost everything i wanted, i even delivered my own baby, and placenta. i did have a pph, but not too bad, the mw's handeled it the same way they would of in hospital, they were very reasuring as i have a history of PPH.

my advice is dont overthink things, be prepared for the unexpected, and relax, enjoy the experiance.

good luck

Kiz

[XanaduMama]

My HB (2nd birth) was everything I fantasized and even better! It was so perfect...I felt really lucky. And it is partly luck, though partly also that I was so prepared and researched about the whole thing.

My first birth, in a hospital, definitely proved the truism that you shouldn't idealize your birth too much. The one thing I never considered--ROM with no cx'es all day--happened, which threw everything for a loop. That said, and despite the fact that it was in a hospital and less than ideal, it was still a beautiful experience.

So yeah: do as much research as you can, be realistic, but fantasize away!

[loraxc]

Mine was actually even better than I had imagined. It didn't hurt that labor was only 6.5 hours.

[averlee]

I agree with Bitzy on 3 big things: 1, it was a lot more painful and difficult than I expected, but in hospital would have been c-sec. 2, totally unprepared for all the post-birth work, laundry, food, shopping, etc. and 3, I am so totally glad and proud and would never want to approach birth differently.

I had a lot of fantasies too, but you know, the ones that didn't materialize, I'm not dissappointed about. I couldn't eat, didn't want to eat in labor, kept barfing. Not exactly part of my ideals and daydreams, right? Also, didn't enjoy the bathtub, and the sheets came loose so I ended up birthing on the plastic. I did not catch baby myself, and I tore. Other than the tear, I didn't have any bad feelings about any of that when it came down to it. It was fine, it was the best we could do.

[Gray's Mommy]

Loved my hospital birth with my first & loved my home birth with our second. Looking forward to our first home water birth (both water births planned before, just didn't work out). I was exhausted after my births...very little new mom high, but I have REALLY long drawn out labors (43 hours with first & 25 with second).

The only thing I am counting on this time around is to give birth. No fantasies at all.

[mnnice]

My two big motivators for having a homebirth where that I didn't want to get shot full of pit after the birth and have a large episotomy (and the corresponding fear of pooping) like I had had with my previous hospital birth.

I had just the tiniest of tears and definintely no issues with BM or episotomy sitches to deal with. I am still astonished at how little my bottom hurt.

Unfortunately, the postpartum bleeding and corresponding shot of pit happened again (in fact was worse).

I do feel that the first minutes after my homebirth are such vivid memories and that the same minutes after my hospital birth are more hazy (I had an vaginial, unmedicated birth both times). This might be a function of having pushed 20 minutes with the homebirth versus 2 hours and 15 minutes with my hospital birth.

[Lynn08]

Well, my hb was my first birth, so I had no idea what to expect in terms of the physical aspect of labor and giving birth. But I did envision pushing in a squatting position and dh catching the baby, while the mw announced the sex. (When I think back on that scenario now, it doesn't make any sense at all! It seemed right at the time tho. )

The reality of the birth was the student mw caught the baby because I was on my knees in front of dh (who was sitting on the couch) with my arms locked around his waist while he rubbed my back and whispered encouragements in my ear. And no one announced the sex - they passed the baby to me and I had to pry the legs apart to see it was a girl (I was actually the last one to find out because dh could see her over my shoulder as she was being born).

Oh, and I also never thought I would beg dh to take me to the hospital for an epidural/drugs, telling him I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. But I did. Transition was fast and hard for me, so even if he had conceded, there would not have been enough time (for which I am sooooo grateful).

[*MamaJen*]

Mine was different that I expected, but way better. The really big important things went according to plan -- the baby came out healthy, I didn't tear, the labor was relatively short, I birthed in the pool, the environment was supportive, that sort of thing.
The things that were different were more subtle -- more about how I responded to being in labor. The actual birth was actually much more peaceful and gentle than I imagined.
In my fantasies I was this raging warrior woman giving birth, incredibly strong, swearing like a sailor and laboring all over the house. Or in another version I was laboring in partnership with everyone, talking to them and cracking jokes as they rubbed my back and gave me sips of juice. I also was very sure I wanted a big roaring fire (it was December) and I kept on getting really mad at DP (now XP) because I had to ask him a zillion times to get firewood, and I was so worried I was going to go into labor and we wouldn't have any.
As it turned out, the fire was going for about three minutes before I decided it was too hot and made them put it out. I didn't want anyone talking to me or touching me or distracting me in any way. The biggest difference was how calm everything was. I found this really comfortable position sitting back on my heels in the tub, and I just sort of sank into it. I went so far off into laborland, I seriously felt like I was on a large amount of psychedelic drugs. I completely forgot I was giving birth. I was just off in another universe. There was discomfort, some pain, but never unbearable. Once I started pushing, it really didn't hurt at all. I remember the midwife encouraging me and saying I was working hard, and I was like, what in the hell is she talking about?
The one weird thing was I kept on joking that my baby would be born in the caul, because I loved reading old fashioned fairy tales as a kid, and the heroes in the fairy tales were always lucky because they were born in the caul. And DS was! The midwife said she had never seen it before in a water birth. So that was cool.

[hennaLisa]

Mine was better than I had ever believed possible

I had my first at home and really didn't know what to expect. I had no idea how I would handle labor, being that I'm a total wimp in every way. I was planning a hospital birth with epidural up until about 30 weeks along. By that point, I had realized how unhealthy a lot of hospital practices are (and how they cause more chance of episiotomy, cesarean, etc.) I hired a home birth midwife at first just so I would have the option to stay home if I wanted. I did a hypnobirthing class, and started visualizing positive birth experiences. I didn't really believe that I could have such an "easy birth" but I did watch some videos that made it seem possible.

My labor was pretty fast, and pretty easy to be honest. I didn't really believe it was true labor until I was already 6 cm (the first time my midwife checked me). Then three hours later, she asked to check me again and I told her that I didn't think I had progressed much since it had been so manageable. I let her check anyway, and I was 10 cm and 100% effaced. I didn't ever get an urge to push, but I actually felt like I was in control of when I had contractions. I was still walking around, spending time in the shower, and then hanging out in the birth tub. I was smiling for the camera in between contractions even as he was crowning. I did push a few times at the peak of my contractions to deliver him. He was 8 pounds and both shoulders came at the same time (rather than being offset). But the pushing I did was extremely minimal - mostly just my body doing it.

It was really great to be at home, and I can't imagine doing it any other way. I look forward to my next! Oh, and I got a nasty chest cold a few days later, and remember thinking and even telling people that I would MUCH rather go through labor and birth again instead of having such a miserable stuffy nose.

[Say]

In my fantasies I was going to have one of those five hour, fast and easy labours two weeks early. In reality, I had an 84 hour labour with a posterior baby delivered face-up almost two weeks late (and would have definitely had a c-section at a hospital). So it was harder than I'd imagined but it was also awesome and I have days worth of silly stories to tell my daughter some day. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

[lindsayjean]

I totally think that it's good to visualize your ideal birth. I did hypnobabies and it really encouraged one to do this. I think it's so good to be positive and to tell yourself you are going to have an awesome birth and deal with your fears, but not be ruled by them.

I had a great 3 hour home water birth that was just how I had envisioned it (even down to my 2 y.o. sleeping through it!)

[Ruby2]

Thank you so much for all of the positive home birth stories! Until last week I was seeing a CNM at a hospital and having serious reservations about all of the restrictions that I was going to have to deal with during birth.

After a lot of stress and tears, we're meeting with home birth midwives this week and I already feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders because I know we're doing the right thing. It's been a VERY stressful week so reading this thread this morning just made my day. I'm looking forward to posting my own story in December!

[ligavin31]

I had a HB with my third that is how i prepared it with my mind i practiced and at the end of the day i did nothing i was doing in my head. I acutally did not last long in the water and i used a birthing stool. I loved it I loved everything about it but i am not sure if with my fourth I am going to do it again. I dont know why i feel this way it was the most beautiful thing that happened to me in my life.

[evanleighorion]

I had a home waterbirth three months ago and it went so much better than I ever fantasized (and I fantasized that it would go very well!) I can't imagine doing it any other way. I know everyone's experience is different, though.

I labored all through the night by mainly walking around and, while I was uncomfortable, I never felt much pain. When the midwife showed up I expected to have a ways to go but I was already at a 9 - misconception #1 - I had always heard that transition would be noticeable and painful. I totally missed it!

DH set up the birth pool and I spent most of the time in there. It was very relaxing for me. The part that surprised me the most was that labor and giving birth were nowhere near as painful as I expected them to be. I think I was psyching myself out ahead of time because so many people talk about the unimaginable pain, but I never really got to that point.

DH was able to hang out in his sweats all day. I was kind of in my own zone so he was able to go off and eat food, check e-mail and call relatives while I labored in the birth pool. He did have to clean out the birth pool once we were done, but he said it was well worth it to not have to go to the hospital. He also loved having the midwifes come to us for those first two postpartum checks!

I tend to be a fairly cynical person so the fact that my daughter's birth went so well means a lot to me. I think it's important to consider the different possible scenarios surrounding a homebirth (don't go into it with rose-colored glasses,) but, yes, your fantasy birth can definitely happen!

[Belle]

It was actually really close to the way I imagined it. I went into labor, I labored quickly, I gave birth in the water, Dd1 and Dh were there, Dd2 was smaller than her sister, and I didn't feel like wearing clothes.

Some of the things I didn't expect were to have my water break and no labor starting. I thought that I might be able to pop some food in the oven for the midwives while I was in early labor. Ha! I don't have early labor. Only hard and fast labors. And it would have been nice if we could have had a support person for Dd1 we could count on. My MIL went to Canada the week she was born. Fortunately my water broke a day and a half before I went into labor so she had enough time to drive back down.

[ShwarmaQueen]

: