UC Support Thread II - Page 2

[2much2luv]

Congratulations to all of you on your pregnancies and on your planned UCs.

I just had my first UC baby almost 2 weeks ago and am here to offer support.

Beth

[nicandboys]

I want to UC, but am letting my fears get in the way.

Hi all,
I'm Nicole, 27, mama to 3 and one due in May. I had 2 hospital births and then had my 3rd child, my 1st girl, at home. It was so empowering! I am using the same midwife this time and I really like her a lot, and she was very respectful of my birth wishes. Dh did the delivering, she stayed out of the way. She was really only there for "insurance". However, she did do a few things that irritated me: she did a pelvic exam when she arrived, I was alread starting to push then and she wanted to check that I was fully dilated, and she would shine a flashlight into the birthing pool to see the baby and I felt that this was disturbing my gentle birth.

I also noticed that during my labor, I did most of the laboring on my own, even without dh, and I felt in control and like I was handling the pain. It seemed more painful when she arrived, I have a lot of trouble relaxing with other people around.

I have never had a pregnancy complication or birth complication with any of my babies. My last baby was 9 lbs. with a 15 1/4" head circumference, and I am 5'2" 110 lbs. prepreg, and delivered her fine. But I still have some fears about birth complications- like cord prolapse.

This entire pregnancy I have felt so drawn to UC, I have an intense need for privacy this time. I feel resentful of anyone interfering, even my sweet midwife. My favorite birth fantasy is actually of delivering the baby entirely on my own.

I don't know what my point is, but I wanted to share and look forward to hearing your UC stories.

[DreamsInDigital]

I felt so out of control for my first two births, like someone else was running the show. Since coming here and reading about UC a light came on like AH HAH! That's what I want.
I am not sure when I am due. I got 2 pink lines, but I am not seeing a medical professional for this pregnancy because I am trusting my body to do it without any interference.

[ChildoftheMoon]

concerns

Right now I am wondering how to handle the cord around the neck by myself. First-how do I tell? I mean when you feel for it, is it readily apparent? I am mostly worried if it is tight what to do on my own (or would it be better to have dh help at this point). My last two dds had short cords. I don't think they were abnormally short, but I remember the doc (with #1) commenting how large my placenta was and how short the cord was. With dd2 before I delivered the placenta I could not pull her all the way up to my chin because the midwife was worried about tugging on the cord (there was not much slack). How common is cord around the neck and what causes it? I am not really worried about it happening, it did not happen with the first two, but if it does, and I have too short a cord, then I wonder what to do.
Thank you!
Brandi

[2much2luv]

Eden's (my UC baby) cord was around her neck. I felt it really easily when her head was out. I tried half heartedly to unwrap it but couldn't get it. When she did come out her cord was very short. I could bring her to my breast but no further. With my Hero (homebirth with midwife) the cord was wrapped also. I can't say how tight because I didn't play a part in catching her, but she came out with no problems, and the cord was wrapped around her neck and body...she was pretty wrapped up.
So in my personal experience the cord around the neck posed no problems even with a short cord.

[cottonwood]

Part of the reason I want to do an unassisted birth is so that the pushing phase is not interfered with (and therefore prolonged) in any way. In managed birth you often see the mother pushing for a hour, two hours, or even longer. I don't think this is normal. I think this is a potentially dangerous aberration that is a direct result of some interference with the process. And babies simply aren't meant to be stuck in the birth canal for much time at all, not least because of potential cord problems.

Cord around the neck is VERY common. I don't even know if the cord was around my baby's necks, because my last two homebirths were relatively unhindered so that after the baby's head was out the body quickly followed, so there was no point to checking for the cord. But it is easy enough to check. If you are unsure what it should feel like, loop a piece of rope around a doll's neck and with your eyes closed feel it. It's definitely different than if the rope is just *next* to the neck. I'd say, though, that unless the baby looks to be in distress or the pushing is taking a long time you shouldn't fool with it.

[Spark]

Short cords/Around the neck: Ok, now I was told my son's cord was short, but I didn't realize how short until listening to what defines "short". I could not get my son past my belly due to the length of his cord. If I had wanted to nurse him to help bring out the placenta, I couldn't have. It just didn't reach that far. I would have to think that the cord at any length really wouldn't cause much harm being around the neck. It really is common. And, most of the time can be slipped over the baby's head if you feel it needs to move. Like Blueviolet and 2much2luv said though, most of the time, it's not really an issue. It's just a variation of "normal."

Nicandboys -- You could be an UC mascot like me-- I'm seeing a midwife but holding for a birth with just my husband. That's what I really want! Also, I would certainly tell the MW what you want from her this time if she does end up being at the birth. Might as well take care of plans on both ends if choosing an UC is outside your/your partner's comfort level at the moment.

I'm finding myself with 5 weeks until EDD. I keep visualizing different ways I will have the birth I want. I'm still doing my typical pre-birth pattern of having BH that are patterned (down to 2 mins apart lasting for a minute). I do find myself wondering how I'll know I'm really in labor, but I'm comforted by the thought of not knowing for sure. (During my son's birth I knew I was in labor when my water broke and then, the ctx felt no different than the patterned BH I had for weeks before his birth.)

Thank you for the knowledge, guidance and love!

[ChildoftheMoon]

Thank you ladies, that really put my concern to rest. I didn't realize it was not something that HAD to be dealt with per say. Dd2 was an unhindered birth, she just came out, no pushing and gently. For some reason I was thinking that cord around the neck had to be taken care of to deliver the rest of the baby. Makes sense. Thank you. I have been a bit worried about this pregnancy. Worried because I have felt more anger and stress this time around. Dd2 has been having tantrums and I am at a loss and am super emotional. I feel better tonight though because I talked to dh and asked for his help. It has been hard on both of us trying to figure out how to respond to dd2 in a calm way. I am feeling more movement these days and am so excited! Trying to meditate and send joyful vibes to baby. Can't wait for nicer weather so we can get out of the house more!

Spark-I can't beleive how close you are getting! I am so happy for you. Wishing you the birth of your dreams!

Brandi

[wildthing]

Brandi,
I amjust repeating what has already been said. 2 of my babies have had their cord around their necks, one in the hospital, one at home. In the hospital, it was around twice, and the dr very non-chalantly unwrapped it...no big deal. At home, the midwife mentioned it was around her neck, tight, and was going to try to cut it. I instinctively new that I wanted to get her out fast, so I just pushed before the mw could do anything, and she was fine. I agree, it is just a variation of normal, and I believe it will work itself out if the process is not interfered with.

On a personal note, I got some really good news yesterday. I had found a mw who was very pro-UC...we met on a list that supports UC, as well as other types of births. I found out she lived in the same city as me, and we met, and I decided I would see her during my pregnancy.
Well, because of some issues that came up, it seemed as though she wouldn't be able to continue seeing me as my mw anymore, and I met with another mw she knew. The other one was okay, but there was not the connection I felt to the first one. I was going to suck it up, and just not call at all after the baby came. I really need someone who will NOT interfere with my birth, and yet still support me if I ask for assistance.
The first mw and I spoke on the phone yesterday, and she will still be able to work with me in the same capacity that we talked about initially! I am very relieved. This woman and I have developed a real friendship as well. I am quite happy and relieved!

Claire,
I have a birth image as well. I imagine my labor starting late at night, after the kids go to bed, and me laying in bed for several hours, breathing through my contractions, quietly letting dh sleep. When things start to pick-up, I imagine waking him, and my baby being born on the floor next to my bed, with only dh and I and all of our kids asleep. I imagine getting a bit cleaned up, crawling back into bed, and sleeping a few hours, then goingout and showing the kids their new baby brother or sister.

Blueviolet,
Your statement is EXACTLY why I am wanting a UC. During my last homebirth, my mw really took over, yelling at me to push, push, push, PUUUUUSSHHHH! I pushed for an hour, because I knew I wasn't ready. But it is hard to have that external distraction and ignore it when I am in the zone of my labor. I wanted to tell her and everyone to go away and leave me alone, but I couldn't get the words out. I also envision giving birth completely alone, not even dh there. I would never purposely make him leave, I don't think ao anyway. But if it happens that I have hte baby while I am alone, I am fine with that too.

[majazama]

Child of the moon-- my baby was born with the cord wrapped around her neck. After her head was out the MW told me to stop pushing while she took the cord off of her neck. It seemed to me that it was quite tight (to pull it over her head, not around her neck) and that it was unneccessary. If you have a short cord, you probably don't have to worry about that at all.

wildthing-- you are so lucky to have found a midwife that supports UC. I thought I had a good midwife for my birth, then she couldn't do it because she was "unregistered" and the College of MW was breathing down her neck. I ended up with a "regular" MW, which I never really liked, or felt comfortable with, and who actually was one of the ones to report the "ungregistered" MW. What a soap opera... which is why I'm planning a UC this time around.

I went to a doctor on monday. She seems pretty cool. If I do end up using her, I think I'll have no problems. Her philosophy on birthing is very "different" than a regular doctor. Believes in gentle birthing, using differnt positions, and low lighting when the baby is born, etc. I was pleasantly suprised. It was my first prenatal app. I wanted to hear the heartbeat and check the size.

[Spark]

Alright Mamas -- Let's start some questions going. Seems like our thread is a little sleepy lately.

Mamas who have UCed before:
1. What was your most amazing memory of birthing your child/children freely?
2. How was your UC different than you thought it would be?

Pregnant Mamas:
3. What, if anything, do you feel your unborn babe is communicating to you about UC?
4. How are you preparing your body/mind/soul for birth?

[Spark]

Ok, I'll go ahead and answer since I'm asking you all to!

3. I feel like this little soul has wanted/needed UC since before she was conceived. A few months before I become pregnant I had such an overwelming urge to plan a UC. It was such a great pull. I think a lot of that pull came from the little one I carry.

4. I'm doing hypnosis (Birth Imagery, it's like HypnoBabies). And, I'm doing the bare minimum and feeling good about it. I'm *trying* to be patient and understanding with my emotions right now. They seem to be all over the place. Fear, excitement, anger, euphoria, contentment, restlessness, etc. And, I'm focused on enjoying this pregnancy and labor. I want to say my second one was so much fun!

[cottonwood]

Spark, thanks for getting the conversation going again.

"Mamas who have UCed before:
1. What was your most amazing memory of birthing your child/children freely?"

Second stage of labor. I had been in the tub and having the most awful back labor. Really horrendous. (This started, by the way, when my MIL appeared. Coincidence?) Anyway, I was wiped out. Just feeling totally overwhelmed, thinking about them coming to take me on a stretcher to get an epidural, because there was no way I could muster up enough energy to even get out of the tub. And then, very suddenly and spontaneously I leaped out of the tub (the adrenaline surge that Michel Odent talks about in undisturbed birth) and knelt on a cushion and felt for the baby's head. In my previous birth, I'd been able to feel the head right before I began pushing. But I couldn't feel anything -- she was still up high. And then, in two contractions, she was born. The feeling of her moving through me was incredible -- sensuous, filling me, intense, beautiful. The rest is from her birth story:

"It is what you feel when you're making love, or totally involved in creating a work of art. It's being fully inside something. You can't do it when distracted or self-conscious... which, with no one but my lover here, I have no compulsion to be. I was inside birth. I can't get over it. I wish I could never get over it, that I could never forget. I would relive those last few moments a thousand times over if I could."

"2. How was your UC different than you thought it would be?"

It was long. 32 hours. My husband wasn't able to be at my beck and call, and I was bored and annoyed. I had envisioned something of a couples birth and was having a hard time getting past that and accepting it for what it was. Also, about an hour before the birth, my mother-in-law showed up. I love her dearly, and she was respectful and joyful and calm and all that, and she did eventually disappear so that I had privacy for the birth, but it was still disconcerting, distracting, and intrusive.

[majazama]

To answer your questions, spark, I send my unborn baby lovin' vibes whenever I think of it. I'm very busy right now with a 14 month old, so I don't have much time to connect with this baby. I know everything will go fine if I have an UC, and maybe that comes from the baby, or me! I don't know, don't have much time to think!

For preparations, I've tryed to help my ex to rent out the basement of his house so he is able to pay the rent so that I can have my baby there. The place I'm at right now isn't exactly in the country, unlike that house. If I have the baby there, he is going to ask the person living downstairs to go see a movie or something so it feels more private.

If any of you remember from way back, I didn't want my ex there, but he has totally changed his perspective on this birth and wants to support me. So I hope it turns out well!!!

[bookwormmama]

3. What, if anything, do you feel your unborn babe is communicating to you about UC?


Well, i've wanted to UC for a few years now, ever since my ds was born w/ a midwife. I just knew i could do it myself! But this babe seems to be really pushing me to it. I have a feeling that he/she may end up breech, and i really think that has been the impetus (sp?) to go unassisted. We'll see!

4. How are you preparing your body/mind/soul for birth?

Right now, i'm doing yoga. I take a weekly class and also have a video, but haven't actually gotten around to using it, lol. I'm also seeing a chiropractor regularly, which i didn't do at all in my other pregnancies, and i'm loving it! it's making a huge difference. My mind/soul are just feeling peaceful with this decision. 100%! And i can't wait to give birth again. I'm also trying to work out alot of anger issues with my mother, which i have a feeling may come up during labor. again, we'll see! :LOL

[indigolilybear]

Okay, Spark, here we go!

Mamas who have UCed before:
1. What was your most amazing memory of birthing your child/children freely?

Just the simple fact that we did it. KWIM? I remember thinking how monumental it would be, but really, it was so mundane and "natural" for lack of a better word....but amazing too. And I guess the transition stage where I simply repeated over and over to DH " I need you, I need you" (he wanted to leave to fill our birth tub) was really cathartic and touching for some reason. It felt really good to demand something of him and him not be able to question it. And to be so certain in the need. It's hard to explain but it's my favorite moment of the birth.

2. How was your UC different than you thought it would be?

hmm...I really expected it to be angels singing and a hallelujah choir going....w/my assisted HB w/dd I was totally ecstatic and thought she was the MOST beautiful thing I'd ever seen. However, when DS was born, I felt like "hmm...that's over" and then I thought "he's not that good looking! He looks kind of like a neanderthal" :LOL It just wasn't as climactic as I expected I guess.

Pregnant Mamas:
3. What, if anything, do you feel your unborn babe is communicating to you about UC?

This time, not much, other than it will be okay and that is the right thing to do. I had many more doubts AND reassurances from baby-inside last time. This time, I'm not so worried or "working on it" so hard. It just feels right.

4. How are you preparing your body/mind/soul for birth

I am exercising a lot more than I have in the past during pregnancy. This helps all of the above a LOT. We had a crazy time this fall and I truly think this got me through it. Gotta love endorphins I also am doing hypnobabies, spending much more time talking and working on couples' type relaxation w/dh.....and couples time together in general. It feels very nurturing all the way around. I truly enjoy being pregnant! ANd try to remind myself constantly how special this time is. I also record any interesting dreams I have, and work on my connection to spirit as much as possible. I do lots of affirmations as well, though not as many as last time.

Great questions, Spark. They were fun to think about.

[2much2luv]

Mamas who have UCed before:
1. What was your most amazing memory of birthing your child/children freely?

The most amazing thing was how unihibited i was. I felt free to touch mysef, to reach inside and feel her head inside my body. And then when she was coming out I reached down, felt my skin stretching, felt her head easing out...oh, there's an ear, Oh, a chubby little cheek. Just amazing. Just delivering my own baby...I owned her completely. I remember after the birth of our first dd in the hospital she felt like she wasn;t ours. I remember us sitting there with her "Do you think we can change her diaper?" lol it was so dumb but there was nothing like that this time. We owned the experience and we owned her.

2. How was your UC different than you thought it would be?

It was long and exhausting and painful...my hardest birth yet. I thought it would be my easiest and least painful birth. I learned that even uninhibited birth sometimes hurts.

[amyamanda]

I only have a minute (I'll try to post more as soon as I get a chance) but wanted to say to Nicole (nicandboys) that you sound SO much like me! I have three children and another due in May; had 2 hospital births (both boys) and then had my third child (a girl) at home. I love my midwife from that birth but we're doing this one alone for a number of reasons. I am 30 and maybe not as tiny as you but I just had to say how much we have in common!

I have meant to post so many times, but my online/typing time is so limited these days. I do want to answer the opening question and the poll though, so bear with me!

[ComaWhite]

Mamas who have UCed before:

1. What was your most amazing memory of birthing your child/children freely?
feeling with my hands the head appear out of the cervix, then descend, then emerge, crown and then looking down at a head sticking out of me, a tub full of blood, my husband beside me looking bewildered and thinking just how surreal it all was. And still is.

2. How was your UC different than you thought it would be?
Just little things, I had envisioned birthing in the dark/or with candles at night, in my bed. I ended up in the tub with the sunlight blaring. I had envisioned a LOT less pain. I wasn't planning on having anyone there but me an dh, but when I hit transition I freaked and called a friend. I had *hoped* to not hemmorage or tear. I was planning on letting my body push the baby out, but in the heat of the moment I decided that I was DONE and the baby was comming out NOW and that I couldn't wait one more minute to meet my baby or be in labor for any longer, so .. I pushed like h*LL for 2 hours :
I also envisioned an instant bond with my baby, that I would lift him/her and hold him/her and feel instant fireworks. What really happened is that the second the baby was out I went numb, I looked down, "ok theres a baby there, its fine, Im done, its over, IM OUTTA HERE!" I didn't even end up holding the baby for about an hour and a half. I needed that time to zome out and collect myself and process what just really happened.

[ChildoftheMoon]

Pregnant Mamas:
3. What, if anything, do you feel your unborn babe is communicating to you about UC?

Mostly I feel like this baby is reminding me to slow down, be calm and peaceful and that when the time comes for him/her to come out to take it in stride, that it will be fast and lovely and that I can do it myself. I would really like for dh and my girls to be there, but my visions are of me alone. I feel this baby is calling me back home within myself, to get connected again.

4. How are you preparing your body/mind/soul for birth?

My body-eating well, drinking RLT, mild exercise (last two pregnancies I believe I overdid it with exercise) this time I am doing more yoga type exercising, stretching and hope to do more walking-as soon as the downpour stops! Would also like to look into swimming now that my town has a new indoor pool with childcare. For my mind/soul I am doing meditation, birth affirmation-day envisioning the birth, and also trying to focus on baby whenever I can (which can be hard wtih two other munchkins to love!).

Good questions Spark!
Brandi