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UC Support Thread II - Page 11

post #201 of 207
Oh Chaka, it sucks when our dh's won't stand up to their family. It really puts us in a hard spot. I woul personally be pissed too.

I told dh I don't want anyone around for at least a week, and possibly two. *IF* I feel that I would like to see someone, one of my close friends perhaps, then I will call and invite them. *IF* I want MIL to come over, I will invite her. Otherwise, if someone is rude enough to come over uninvited, I plan on being just a rude and going directly to my bedroom and closing the door. Of course, I would be a gracious host and let them know I am going...."Oh, how nice to see you, I was just going to bed to take a nap. I hope to get to talk to you later. " I expect a few of my day care parents to pop over, and SIL will probably drive down from LA on a weekend day. But I really want to just be alone for a while. I am typically very social, so I think it is up to me ot decide how much visiting I want.

Blueviolet, I LOVE your site. I spent over 2 hours the other day perusing through the birth stories. Awesome!
post #202 of 207
Chaka, I'm sorry to hear about your SIL, too. I'm sure that's the last thing you want to be worrying about right now! Your dh should really help you out more on this one. Can you reason with him?

I've already let my dh know that I don't want his family coming until at least a week later-- though I'd prefer a month! (We had this conversation the first time I was preg that ended in m/c). His family wanted to be here for the homebirth, and my dh had to explain over and over again that it wouldn't be appropriate or comfortable for me. I know they were disppointed (and they will be for this one, too) but at least we're giving them plenty of warning.

I hope it all works out for you, Chaka. And I hope you have your babe in your arms this weekend!

Well, I broached the subject of UC with dh over lunch last Saturday. It went exactly how I thought it would -- at first he was adamant that he would never agree to such a thing, but towards the end of the conversation he was giggling over how his parents would react. Actually that's probably going to be a source of contention for us -- I'm unwilling to share our decision of a freebirth with any of our family members, and dh sees this as lying. He thinks if we're doing something we have to lie about, then it's probably not a good thing to be doing. (Also, we're not very good with lying -- we both tend to wear our hearts on our sleeves). He's not convinced yet, but he can see how passionate I am about it and I can tell he's starting to warm up to the idea. I'm lucky I have 8 more months to convince him!

I've been doing all sorts of research about freebirthing and I'm finding it all so exhilirating. Pregnancy for me has been such an incredible spiritual journey -- even the first one that ended in m/c was a wonderful and moving experience. I'm just loving every single minute of it!

Blue Violet, I too checked out your website -- thank you for providing such a beautiful and resourceful site! I just love reading birth stories.

I'm so grateful to have found this thread and to be in the presence of such beautiful, enlightened women!

post #203 of 207
Thanks for the support, everyone!

My dh is really no use in situations like this. His family is more talk-about-you-behind-your-back-and-smile-in-your-face, and he's got some of that in him, as well. We talked last night and he completely understands how I feel about this, yet he has issues with responsibility and I doubt he'll say anything to any of them. C'est la vie.

I already decided that if any of them come unannounced and uninvited, I will go to my room and stay there. It really bothers me that this is our 4th kid and no one (except MIL, and she only came with #3) came to visit any other time, but this time, everyone is like, "We're coming to visit!" I don't like it.

Kate, good luck! I also felt like I'd be lying to not say I'm UCing if asked about my birth plans/doctor situation, so I understand your dh's perspective. Maybe if I had lied, I wouldn't be dealing with what I'm dealing with now! :LOL

Good luck! It sounds like your dh will come aboard quite easily.
post #204 of 207
I am not looking forward to upcoming family dinners, like rosh hashanah, because of the well-meaning and genuinely friendly questions that will, if answered honestly, lead to discussions I am unwilling to have. I don't see this as lying, however. It is for my own protection that I don't wish to discuss homebirth or anything else about my pregnancy with anyone but the most supportive of people.

So, if asked where the baby will be born, I hope to get away with saying just the name of the town. Oh, here in B---. I have no problem with being deliberately evasive or even outright lying though the absurdity of it is quite irritating.

I also anticipate awkwardness when the subject of not knowing the gender comes up, because I am afraid then the subject of a bris will come up, and I have no desire to drop the bombshell of not having a boy circumcised in a room full of people who will vociferously disagree with me. So there is plenty of evasion in store, and they'll hear the "truth" after the birth.

As far as visiting, be adamant about what you need. I certainly hope these people do not intend to stay overnight in your home without having asked. But if they do you must correct this outrageous assumption while you still have the wherewithal to do it, before labor and birth! Far more appropriate is for friends and family to keep their distance and be invited when the new mother feels like company, but it is amazing how insensitive people can be at a time like this.
post #205 of 207
I started a new thread, this one is getting quite long.

new thread

post #206 of 207
Sorry, but I am new here and there are WAAY to many abbreviations! WHat is AP and SAHM?
post #207 of 207
s stacy...

AP = Attachment Parenting or Attachment Parent
SAHM = Stay At Home Mom
WAHM = Work At Home Mom
WOHM = Work Out of Home Mom
ds = dear son
dd = dear daughter
dh = dear husband
fwiw = for what it's worth

i think that pretty much covers the basics.
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