UC Support Thread II - Page 3

[amyamanda]

Okay, to answer the questions:

Who is pregnant and planning an unassisted birth, and what are your reasons for it?

I am nearly 28 weeks pregnant, due mid-May with #4. This will be our second homebirth and first UC. It's a bit hard to put into words why we're UCing, but DH was very strongly for it when I first got pregnant this time, and he convinced me. Even our last birth, which was an intervention-free homebirth with a hands-off midwife, felt like there were too many people there, and it really felt like we could have done it ourselves. I am feeling very private about this pregnancy and wanting to be alone with DH when I birth this time. Also, corny though it might sound, I think this baby really wants a UC. Two other factors we considered were that my midwife (whom I love) is 2 hours away, and my last labor was about 2 hours, so it would be unlikely that she'd make it in time. And we can't really afford the midwife fee (although we would make it happen if we felt we had to)...it just seemed silly to pay her to not make it to the birth, KWIM? I feel a great sense of peace about our plans and I know we are making the right choice for this birth.

Pregnant Mamas:
3. What, if anything, do you feel your unborn babe is communicating to you about UC?

I said this above, but I feel that this baby want us to have a UC. I feel so strongly that s/he is healthy, and I keep getting warm feelings of reassurance that our birth will be uncomplicated.

4. How are you preparing your body/mind/soul for birth?

That is much harder to answer! I am so busy with my three little ones, but I do try to take long baths when I can and think about the baby and the birth when I am in the tub or when I'm lying in bed awake at night. I am thinking that I need to do a bit more research on possible complications and what to do for them, not because I will need that information, but because I need to feel in control in the days leading up to the birth, if that makes sense. I don't feel there is much to do except to work through some of my thoughts and fears and previous experiences in my head. That's all.

[cottonwood]

Hi Amanda, just wanted to say welcome to the board!

btw, I'm pregnant with my fourth too.

[Spark]

Welcome Amanda! Wishing you a healthy, peaceful pregnancy.

Blueviolet -- what great answers to those questions. The excerpt from the birth story is just awesome. Oh, so beautiful!

Mamajaza -- I'm glad to hear that things are smoother with your ex. sounds like you may still need to be open to renegiating your birth plans if need be. I hope that part of birthing goes easily for you.

indigolilybear -- I can totally see how "I need you, I need you" would be an amazing point of labor. Almost seems like a good chapter in a book or a scene in a movie!

2much2luv -- Such a valuable lesson for all of us about uninhibited birth not = to easy birth. Seems to be a common theme amongst previous UCers. Birth is what it is! I need to remember this.

andrea88 -- that does sound surreal and amazing. One thing that I "regret" (if that's the right word, not sure) is that as I was pushing my son out I asked permission from my midwife to touch his head. I don't konw why I thought my perneium was suddenly her territory and not mine. This time I really want to feel the baby coming to me with my hands like you did.

ChildoftheMoon -- I hear you on what that guided baby inside. It's so calming to just tune into our little one within. I feel like this baby is really calm and not at all afraid to be born.

amyamanda -- I don't think it's corny at all that you feel your babe really wants to UC. Before I got pregnant this time, I just felt like the little soul that was going to come through me sought out UC.

So, it really is interesting that most previous UCers thought their labors would be easier than they actually were. Reflecting inwardly, I see that I think that, too. I'm thinking I'll skip the hour of pain I had with my son. My labor will be shorter and easier. I'm not sure where to draw the line of asking for what I want vs. maintaining the labor is what it is attitude. Maybe it's simply visualizing the kinds/types of births you want and knowing that even if things don't turn out like what you visualize, that it's ok. Just being open to the experience and asking that it is for the highest good. Does that make sense?

How do you all navigate between birth expectations/desires and going with the flow?

(Guess, I'll hold the role of question asker for a while until the energy on this board shifts us to other tasks) (edited to add that)

[citizenfong]

Originally posted by Spark
So, it really is interesting that most previous UCers thought their labors would be easier than they actually were.

This IS interesting, because I get nervous it won't be any easier than last time. I don't know if it could be much more painful that my last, though it could certainly be really hard in some other way.

But I had a little practice run with 2.5 hrs of ctx at one minute apart Sun. morning and it gave me a little bit of confidence that I WILL be able to do it! I don't know, it's GOT to be some easier, cause I think so much of what made it so hard last time was due to external circumstances that I did not feel able to control. We've elimenated as many of these as possible this time.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best as they say.

[2much2luv]

How do you all navigate between birth expectations/desires and going with the flow?

that is a very interesting question. My birth was not what I imagined and it was a little bit difficult to come to terms with that. Bu throughout my pregnancy I never really focused much on my ideal birth or anything. I kind of kept my expectations vague. I mainly focused on a safe birth for us both and a healthy baby, both of which I got.

[ChildoftheMoon]

How do you all navigate between birth expectations/desires and going with the flow?

With my first I had a plan-of course nothing went the way I expected it! With my second I really let go of all expectations, did not really even envision birth. I just read lots of positive birth stories and trusted my body would do its job. I had a very lovely quick birth. With this one it is a little more difficult to not envision and to let go, I guess because I may have lost some innocence, my niavety to birthing. I have read too much into the midwife sense perhaps and have opened too many worries. I am working on shaking that knowledge and that feeling of you don't get lucky twice sort of thing. That is where my meditations come in. I don't have any thing I practice for birth, as this I just let the primal take over and trust in my body to guide me on how to deal with labor. As far as the mind thing, I am just trying to keep a clear and calm mind, remain open to my intuitions so that I may be guided by it. Not sure if that answered the question, but that is all I have for now!
Brandi

[cottonwood]

Hi everyone -- I have just started a survey about pushing here:

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...hreadid=116844

Please take a look, I want to hear all your UC perspectives!

[cottonwood]

Spark wrote: "How do you all navigate between birth expectations/desires and going with the flow?"

That is SUCH a good question. And I don't really know how to answer it.

I definitely had a vision of what my UC would be -- and it turned out to be nothing like that. Looking back, I think I kind of kept waiting for it to turn into what I wanted it to be -- so I never got in with what it actually was. I wasn't able to find my way to appreciating it, and I regret that. Now, I'm hoping I can do better for myself next time, but already again I have all these visions that keep popping up, and they are very beautiful and compelling. I don't want to let go of them -- I don't even know that I could if I wanted to -- but I also don't want them to become expectations that interfere with me loving the experience that I am given. It is a quandary!

[MamaT]

Hi Mamas. This is my first Mothering post, but I loved this thread, so here goes....
I'm about 13 weeks pregnant with our third. We are planning a second UC. Our oldest child was a full on hospital birth, and the next was an incredible couple's UC. Our UC was just awesome. And we are so excited about planning a second one.
Our UC baby is getting close to two years old. He was born in the tub after an wonderfully short labor. We weren't planning a water birth, but he was posterior, and when he turned, the discomfort caught me by suprise.....we have a jacuzzi tub, and the jets did wonders! We had no complications.....he was healthy and happy. I will say, that I am so very thankful that I had learned hypnobirthing (I just bought the book and tape and self taught.) My dh slept until the last 45 minutes of labor. It was peaceful and calm. I think it would have been extremely difficult for me to have a painful scary labor, and still stay home. We had no "real": prenatal care, so it was important that we not head to a hospital for no reason. I digress....sorry....
I try to focus on a beautiful birth, and let this baby know how wanted and loved it already is. Planning the birth is MUCH easier this time. Last time, DH was hesitant. He was supportive, but unsure. This time, I considered MW prenatal, and DH didn't want any part of it. He thinks UC is the way to go.
We realize that there are risks to every birth choice, and believe that for us, the risks of UC are the lowest. I don't remember the other questions...sorry I will say I highly recommend some type of hypnobirthing....I have two very close friends that UC'ed within months of mine, and they also swore by the hypnobirthing...I look forward to sharing this awesome time with you! Have a blessed day! Tiff

[Spark]

Hi, MamaT,
Welcome to MDC (Mothering Dot Com)! We can sure use your conviction and experience around here. So glad you joined us! We'll have fun! I totally hear you on the HypnoBirthing. I won't birth without hypnosis either. It seems to be the thing that works best for me, too.

blueviolet -- that is such a wonderful lesson to learn... not just for birth, but for so much of life. Thank you for sharing it with us. I will certainly hold it close to my heart as birth approaches.

brandi -- I love your perspective. Staying open and positive. That's great!

2much2luv -- You did get a safe birth with healthy mom and baby. And, it's interesting about allowing worries to creep in and how that changed your perspective.

Tracy -- Sounds like you've dealt with what didn't work last time and are creating a situation that supports you better. That's very wise, I think.

Gosh, this is really an interesting discussion. I feel like I've learned so much just reading other's perspective and lessons they've learned. Thank you. It was really a blessing to read what you posted.

Well, I'm just about 3 weeks until EDD. I feel really great. Like so great, I feel like I must have another month or two left. And, yet I think I'll give birth March 9th. Something about that date stands out in my mind. Every physical item is ready. I'm ready to welcome my baby into the world. It's just a matter of when she's ready to appear. I feel very in tune.

[ChildoftheMoon]

checking in

Just wanted to bump this thread up so it does not get lost.

How is everyone doing? Spark are you the next of us due? I am finally at the halfway point and beginning to enjoy, and actually feel pregnant. I really could use some spring time weather though! I am sick of being homebound, I need to go for some walks!

Just a few questions:
What are you doing to keep in shape/keep yourself strong and ready for birth?

For those of you doing your own prenatal care, do you check your urine? why or why not? Do you check the baby's heartrate, will you during labor?

What are you reading, watching for preparation?

What do you tell people when they ask about where/who you are birthing with?

I am not really sharing my plans to uc with many, especially my family, they would just not understand. I am a horrible liar, you can see right through me, and it is hard when people ask about how my appointments are going and such. I just watched a clear road to birth, it was beautiful! I am feeling really in touch with this baby. Finally! This morning I was talking to my belly and baby started kicking, the hardest kicks I have felt yet. It was wonderful!

At this point, my only concern is not getting enough walking in. I am not really an exerciser, though I am very active and in pretty good shape. I enjoy long walks and walked about 6-10 miles weekly with my last two pregnancies. I am lucky to get 1 mile in lately. I stretch and do squats in the house, but that is about it. I worry that my lack of activity will make for a longer or more difficult birth.
That is all for now. Hope you are all well. Wishing you all gentle and joyful births!
Brandi

[cottonwood]

Re: checking in

[QUOTE]Originally posted by ChildoftheMoon
How is everyone doing?

I am nauseous and tired...

What are you doing to keep in shape/keep yourself strong and ready for birth?

Birth has never been an athletic event for me, so I've never felt the need to do any exercise above what I already do -- which is basically just housework and grocery shopping. I do squat a lot though! (When I'm gardening, picking up toys, doing laundry...) And I do some stretching.

For those of you doing your own prenatal care, do you check your urine? why or why not? Do you check the baby's heartrate, will you during labor?

I did all the prenatal checks with my first two, and everything was always normal. My blood pressure doesn't even go up. No swelling (aside from a little in the ankles at the end of my last one, but it was a hot summer! Totally normal.) Average weight gain. So for my third I really felt like I had a handle on what normal pregnancy feels like for me and didn't see any point to constantly testing my health when I felt perfectly healthy. A friend, knowing that I'd had no prenatal testing, got a little concerned at the end of my last pregnancy and asked me to get my blood pressure checked, for her peace of mine. Normal, as usual. Edited to add: I did see a midwife to determine the position of the baby and placenta. I would make different choices if the baby appeared to be breech or the placenta low-lying.

I did listen to the baby's heart tones through the pregnancy, and got to the point where I could tell immediately (without timing it) if they were slightly higher or lower than usual. I thought I might check them during labor, but I never had an inkling that something might be "off", nor any more obvious signs, so I didn't. Like I know what healthy pregnancy feels like, I also have a pretty good idea of what a normal labor is like for me. Not that my labors have been the same, they've actually varied considerably. But there was still a commonality to all of them, a normality that was easy for me to sense. That's hard to explain to people. A few months ago I talked to some midwives about UC and of course the thing they were most interested in was how I knew that everything was okay if I was not measuring this or that. All I can say is, "intuition." Some people believe in it, some people don't (and some people don't but pay lip service to it.) I believe in it.

What are you reading, watching for preparation?

Nothing as of yet. Funnily enough, though I cannot stand Ina May Gaskin's approach to midwifery, all I wanted to read at the end of my last pregnancy was Spiritual Midwifery. The UC books I've read have mostly not been very inspiring to me (although, to be fair, there are not that many to choose from!) One I have not read yet is Laura Shanley's Unassisted Childbirth, if you can believe that. Seems like that's the first one most people read. Anyway, I'm looking forward it.

Videos -- there's a new video available through CBirth, with more births on it than the last one I got (about three years ago.) I'm going to order that too. Also, Pamamidwife lives only about an hour north of me and I'm planning on visiting her soon and watching some videos with her. We don't have satellite TV anymore, so no "A Baby Story" for me! (Big loss, I know )

What do you tell people when they ask about where/who you are birthing with?

It depends on who it is. It seems like there are six main categories of people that ask: store cashiers, neighbors, people my husband works with, other mothers at the playground, friends, and family members. The ones I am likely to lie to (or fudge the truth) are in the first three categories -- I don't have enough time or occasion to explain anything to them, and they have my name. Mothers at the playground -- I have to feel them out, sometimes I tell, sometimes I don't. The others I don't offer up the information to, but if they press I usually will, just because I've found those people to be generally accepting. Maybe it's because they know me well enough that they know I'm not an idiot or reckless.

[indigolilybear]

>>>What are you doing to keep in shape/keep yourself strong and ready for birth?

I am walking a lot and doing yoga about once a week. I'm actually not a huge fan of yoga during pregnancy, though I normally love it. But DH and I do it one night a week together while the kids are at grammy's. I am not doing this to prepare for birth though, really, but to keep feeling well and healthy and recover faster after birth. Oh yes, and chase my three year old around....who is going through a dashing phase.

>>For those of you doing your own prenatal care, do you check your urine? why or why not? Do you check the baby's heartrate, will you during labor?

We don't check any of that, nor will we during labor. Mostly I think it is more harmful *for us* than good. I realized w/our last pregnancy that trying to be a medical professional was a losing battle and one that just stressed me out rather than helped, KWIM? I simply tune into my body and trust that that also provides a certain sense of wisdom. One that might be more intruded upon w/external type "knowledge". Sorry if this isnt' clear.

I *do* now check my BP regularly since it is up a little, but it was w/dd's pregnancy as well. I'm not terribly worried about it though and am taking herbs and doing positive suggestions. HOwever, I think it's simply normal for my body.

>>What are you reading, watching for preparation?

nothing really. Last time, our freebirth was a full time preparation project. THis time, I feel pretty comfortable and am just trudging along. I did read all the standard stuff, lots of UC birth stories, lots of JEannine Parvati Baker (who I still read simply because I find her marvelously inspiring) and watched some videos.

>>What do you tell people when they ask about where/who you are birthing with:

Kind of ditto what BV said. MOstly I tell the truth and as little as possible. If they keep asking, I keep answering!! Usually they stop asking questions soon though.

[Spark]

Wow! Am I really the next one due? No one else? Gosh, I feel special! I'm so glad we have this thread going! It's just great to be able to share what I want with a group of supportive, wise women. I'll do my best to post when I'm in labor so you all can light a candle for me, if you'd all be so kind. I'd really appreciate you keeping me in your gentle birth vibes.

I'm still feeling really great. My son and husband have been sick for the past 2 weeks though, so there's been that emotional strain. But, physically, I'm surprised at how great I feel. I almost am concerned that when I start labor I won't be ready to be done being pregnant! I trust that I will transition into readiness when the time is right. I do not need to be miserable. Right?!?!

Thanks for reviving the thread, Brandi! Nice questions!

What are you doing to keep in shape/keep yourself strong and ready for birth?
I'm always a walker. So up until my son got sick, I'd take him to the mall during off hours and walk with him in the stroller. And, then let him play at the indoor playground.

For those of you doing your own prenatal care, do you check your urine? why or why not? Do you check the baby's heartrate, will you during labor?
I'm not doing my prenatal care, but I'll answer this one, too, if you don't mind. At the MW's I go every month, and now every 2 weeks. I don't want to go every week, so I don't. I sometimes check my urine with the strips she provides. I've never had anything unusual. I do have her listen to the heartbeat, but I don't think it's that big of a deal. I won't check the heartbeat during labor, unless I get the feeling that something is not aligned. During my son's birth I always felt that things were very normal despite what many would consider complications (posterior, stalled labor, reverse dilation, compound presentation, etc). I just felt that this was the path his labor was taking and all was fine. I never got the feeling that something "dangerous" was happening.

What are you reading, watching for preparation?

I really liked a Clear Road to Birth. I also like Freebirth.com and some of the other UC sites. Birth stories are great. I'm doing hypnosis for preparation as well (using Birth Imagery, similar to HypnoBabies). That really assists me in many ways. Hmmm, I wonder if that's why I still feel so good. I should really get over my "got to feel bad at the end of pregnancy" expectations. I think I need to explore that a bit more.

What do you tell people when they ask about where/who you are birthing with?
I say "We're planning another homebirth." and if they're not the cashier at the grocery, I add, "just my husband and me. Hopefully, we won't even need the MW."

[yoga]

Hi.

I'm about 9 months pregnant. This birth will be my first UC, after 3 hospital births. 2 with CNMs and the last with a regular OB b/c the CNMs had been run out of town. I could have done a midwife-attended homebirth last time with a "lay" midwife, but I felt that if I was going to birth at home, I didn't want any attendants. Besides, it was gonna cost me and if I went to the hospital, it would be free. I didn't have the internet back then, so I didn't feel I could really inform myself on birthing alone. I knew I could give birth just fine, but I had no idea what to do afterward.

So, a month after giving birth the last time, we got the internet at home. I found out about UC through this site. I researched it and found that it was all I'd ever dreamed of. :LOL I decided that every subsequent child I bore would be born UC.

I don't know if I can remember all the topics being discussed, but here I go...

I'm not doing anything special to prepare for this birth. I'm visualizing her coming easily and quickly a lot earlier (I usually visualize that after the intense labor starts). I think she definately agrees with being born UC. She's visited me in a couple of dreams and she's visited a friend of mine. When I've dreamt of her, she's always just been there. No struggles or anything.

I'm also lotus-ing this child. That's actually the more exciting part for me, as I view UC as something that is natural and should occur with all births.

OK...that's it for now. I can't remember squat and want to move on and read something else. I'm impatient like that.

[Hathor]

Hi Everyone,
This is a great thread! I'm planning a uc for my next birth. My last homebirth was with a mw who I loved, but finances have made it impossible to find another. At first I saw this as a big pain in my butt, until I started hearing all about UC! Now, I think back on my last 2 births as being highly medically managed! My first was a CNM in a hospital and the only reason why I was allowed to deliver naturally was because I was quick, so they took all of their interventionist gusto out on my dd instead. Jerks.
dd2 was born at home with the help of castor oil (I am always 2 weeks late and have had to take castor oil both times or suffer medical induction) and my midwife broke the waters too.
I remember being very angry during the homebirth that it was at least as painful and at least as long as the hospital birth, I felt like I should get a refund. But now I'm beginning to see that It was the pressure to perform on due date deadline, my complete reliance on my mw and perhaps the videographer!?
Lastly, my dh is begrudgingly going along with the plans as he knows we can't afford the midwife, but keeps saying he wants a woman to be there. Ain't I a woman?
And totally lastly, I am due somewhere around June 11th so should give birth by August at the latest. hee hee.
Heather

ps. please don't out me. I have many, many midwife fans and I am hoping to cartoon my plans gently, so as not to step on any toes.

[bookwormmama]

Hi Heather,

Awesome to see you here! Congrats on your pregnancy! I'm due right around you too, maybe a few weeks ahead of you. I'm not really even getting specific about the date. This babe'll be born when he/she is ready!

[bookwormmama]

Great question, Child of the Moon,

As far as keeping in shape, i feel that i'm eating the healthiest i have in any of my pregnancies. I take a yoga class weekly, and do the video whenever i can, which isn't often. I hope to get and walk some more when it gets a bit nicer out. My neighborhood is so discouraging to walk around in though, such garbage and crap everywhere. I want to try harder though, i ususally feel so much better when i walk.

For those of you doing your own prenatal care, do you check your urine? why or why not? Do you check the baby's heartrate, will you during labor?


I am not doing anything, other than paying attention to my body and listening to my intuition. I will know if something is wrong. I have checked fundal height a few times, and my size is right on.
I have normal bp, i've checked it once or twice at the store, just for fun. Just trying to keep up with my nutrition, pay attention to my vitamins etc, cause if i don't, i'm a hormonal wreck!

What are you reading, watching for preparation?


Nothing. Well, i read the cbirth messages and occasionally post one, but with this being my third child, i feel like i've already read everything! I feel confindant enough in my decision, i don't want to read about other peoples experiences and have preconceived notions about this birth. I will take what comes. I have birthed two babies and i KNOW that i can birth a third, quickly and virtually painlessly. I may get A Clear Road to Birth, for my kids to watch. And maybe dh, lol. I've listened to the heartbeat a few times with a stethoscope, but just for fun, not really paying attention to the heartrate. I pay attention to babe's movements, and if i notice a decline, i'd see my old midwife for advice. I won't check during labor either, unless i feel that something is wrong.


What do you tell people when they ask about where/who you are birthing with?

I've told a few people that we're planning a UC, most of them are incredibly supportive! I've been pleasantly surprised. I don't really get into conversation with strangers too easily, but if i did, i'd just say that we are having a homebirth. I would not specifically say we were having a midwife, and i'd not lie if they asked, but i don't offer info. Our extended family pretty much minds their own business, and they have been led to believe that we are having a homebirth w/ midwife again. If they ask directly, i'll come out and tell them. Easter at dh's aunt's house ought to be fun!



:LOL


I guess that's it. I'm going into the 3rd trimester next week, and anxiously awaiting this babe's birth! I'm starting to get a wee bit impatient, but i just have to find more stuff to do.

[ChildoftheMoon]

Wow, thank you everyone for your answers! I have read just about everything I can find on uc (I am a birth junkie), but none of it compares to this real time communication and sharing. I am very thankful for this thread. I am excited to be pregnant again and really feel uc is the way to bring this baby into the world. I have been on the path to become a midwife, and that has been my biggest obstacle with deciding to uc. Such conflicting thoughts and ideas! I have also been a doula at a couple births, and looking back I feel sad. How can I feel like I can do it myself when I feel like other women need help? And how can I help other women when I feel like they should be able to do it themselves? Anyway, this has been a struggle to unlearn and change the language in my head to match my burgeoning thoughts! You ladies have been a tremendous inspiration and have challenged me and pushed me to think more deeply about what it is I am feeling about this whole proccess. Birth for me is my life, I know that I will be a part of it even past my childbearing days, I am just still trying to find the role I will take. I thank you!

Welcome! to our new mamas to find this thread

We watched a clear road to birth yesterday (my girls and I) and my 2 year old said I will hold your hand mommy and get in the tub with you, is it time to have your baby? The girls love watching the birth videos. They are already veterans as they both were at my friends house when she gave birth, she was wonderful, wanting us to be a part of her birth. My first was there to see her sister born so they are excited and anxious to see their new sybling born. They insist it will be a girl, I am thinking a boy. We will see in July! It is hard to picture how I will be feeling when July roles around. Right now it is so rainy and windy, by July it will be horribly HOT!
Brandi

[ChildoftheMoon]

another question

If you do tear, how do you handle this? Do you heal on your own, use that sticky glue stuff (derma bond I think) or do you see a professional for assistance?

Wondering if this is a moot question, as I don't believe tearing is common in a relaxed setting of birth, but just wondering

also-can you determine your placenta's position without an u/s?

Brandi