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UC Support Thread II - Page 5

post #81 of 207
I feel for you guys. I can totally see how it might be SOOOO frustrating. Surprisingly, I am actually enjoying the frequent phone calls. (It's other stuff that annoys me mightily! :LOL)

I think it's for two reasons. 1--I'm glad I'm not the only feeling impatient to get on with things. On days I'm NOT having ctx 1-4 min apart, and I dont' feel sick, I'm not so impatient, but otherwise I like having my mom and my MIL, etc to commiserate with me. But then they're not annoying in general like some people's family (thankfully). 2--We didn't get anywhere NEAR this level of interest/concern last time. Not only is family eager (we speculate that they now have faith in our ability to have cute/sweet kids ) but I have friends checking on me, too. We even have someone who has said she is bringing a casserole by when the baby comes. I know lots of people have lots of people doing this kind of thing, but we have not had that kind of experience before. One woman on my UC email list even called me on the phone yesterday to check on me and encourage me. And she has a one week old babe! So I'm feeling particulary cared for at this time. Which I need!

On another topic...My current No. 1 favorite reason we are UC'ing this time: I don't have the added stress of figuring out whether I should go to the hospital after several hours of regular ctx. I could have concievable gone to get checked 4x now. What a nightmare that would be. I would be out of my skull with frustration. Instead of just generally off and on miserable...
post #82 of 207
Just wanted to say HAPPY EDD to you, Tracy!

I'm glad you're getting good support. That's so cool!
post #83 of 207
Thank you, Claire! I appreciate YOUR support!
post #84 of 207
Tracy,
That is one of the things I like about homebirth too, especially UC. I don't have to worry about calling anyone to come over, or going to the hospital only to be sent home. I can just relax and take it easy. If it happens, it happens.

I have to admit, I am usually one who gets impatient with *those* calls at the end. But what irritates me about it is when a person calls, asks if the baby has been born, and then hangs up. I don't mind talking, I love the distraction.

Claire! I LOVED your belly cast pictures! How awesome! Dh and I are going to do mine on Mother's Day. Our kids will be there too. We thought about having each of them put a hand on my belly, but with the seven of them, you wouldn't see my belly anymore! :LOL I love the meaning behind your decorations. Very inspiring.

Chaka, I can understand where you are coming from, I think. Often, because our pregnancy is on display for everyone to see, many people, especially family and friends, think they have some ownership over the whole process. I am sure most are well-meaning, but I am a private person, and I don't like being the center of attention in that type of situation. Dh's work has a pool for gender and when baby will be born. I am glad they are having fun with it, I guess.....but sheesh! Anyway, to you. I think Claire had some great responses.
post #85 of 207
Thank you all! The rant did help me feel a little better. This is my fourth child and no one ever paid my pregnancies any attention before. I don't like it. But, you know what annoys me even more? The fact that most of the things they say are to dh! It's like they can't talk directly to me b/c I'm nuts. After all, I'd have to be in order have a UC. : I don't like to lie, so when they asked me about the doctor and everything, I told the truth. Then, the ambush started. The passive ambush. The ambush where we must talk about her, but not directly to her b/c she may lose what little mind she has left. So, she's in the room, but let's ask her husband what's going on. Or, she answered the phone, but let's ask for her husband and ask him all these questions that he doesn't know the frickin' answer to, so he is asking her while she tries to clean the kitchen.

Okay, that's the end of that.

I can only imagine how much braver and respectable my dh is in their eyes now , since I've always been a little touched in the head, according to them. : He's such a wonderful man to put up with me and my behavior and wild ideas!

So, Tracy, had that baby yet? Just kidding.

Yes, I'm "due" this month (or next). I've been saying Spring, but now it's so close, and I want the baby to come out, so I get excited about it. A lady who conceived a month before me had her 2-week-old at our LLL meeting last night and it kinda made me wanna cry. I hope I have a newborn to take to the next meeting! I guess that's another reason why all the questions annoy me...b/c I'm tired of waiting, too.

Last night, when my MIL left our house, she said, "Call me in 2 weeks!" I asked her why, and realized it's to see who's right about when the baby is coming. Good thing I had to leave, b/c I really felt like hitting her.

Glad to have some mamas to tell all this to. Dh doesn't understand. And, neither do my friends, b/c they are not where I'm at regarding birth.

post #86 of 207
Quote:
Originally posted by Chaka Falls
Thank you all! The rant did help me feel a little better. This is my fourth child and no one ever paid my pregnancies any attention before. I don't like it. But, you know what annoys me even more? The fact that most of the things they say are to dh! It's like they can't talk directly to me b/c I'm nuts. After all, I'd have to be in order have a UC. : I don't like to lie, so when they asked me about the doctor and everything, I told the truth. Then, the ambush started. The passive ambush. The ambush where we must talk about her, but not directly to her b/c she may lose what little mind she has left. So, she's in the room, but let's ask her husband what's going on. Or, she answered the phone, but let's ask for her husband and ask him all these questions that he doesn't know the frickin' answer to, so he is asking her while she tries to clean the kitchen.
Well, good grief, Girl! No wonder you're fed up! There's a lot going on there. Believe me when I say my patience doesn't extend that far!

Although, I have found that when people have already written you off as s sometimes you can get away with saying things that others might not get away with. Before my MIL and I started really getting along I used to say some of the most outrageously blunt things to her. She would just kind of blink and go on with the conversation. Once she was talking about my SIL, making some unkind assumptions and I said, "Do you know this to be fact or are you just making things up?"

And no, haven't had my baby yet. :LOL I asked dh what Plan B was for the day and he said, "what's Plan A?" Umm, duh. To have a baby. If I'm not working on that I'm gonna need some distraction!
post #87 of 207
Ha! Tracy, plan B -- now that's funny! Oh, but so true! I think we have a full moon tonight. Maybe it will pull the ocean waves toward you and your baby out of you.

I'm feeling very MamaBear today. I've been having some good strong ctx since last night... Ooh, I guess it's been over 14 hours now. I couldn't sleep through them when I tried. I squatted with them for about 2 hours. I sat on the birth ball. And, now I'm just restless. I want to be left alone or I fear I'll bite someone. I want to go walking, but I don't know if I want to go walking enough to take my son along or not. Pushing the stroller doesn't sound like MamaBear wants to do. I just want to roam by myself. And, I don't want to take my cell phone along! Grrrr, Grrrr, GRRRRRRROWL!
post #88 of 207
Ok, I *think* I *might* be in labor. I'm not 100% sure. Went for walk to slow ctx, & they just picked up. 1.5 mins apart lasting a min each. If only I was a textbook. I'd know if this was labor.
post #89 of 207
Oh Claire! Sending you peaceful, gentle labor vibes!

Good luck!!!!
post #90 of 207
Thank you wildthing. I wish I was holding my baby with my hands, instead of my uterus right now.

Things were going really well. I was working hard. Then, my DH called the midwife. When she arrived... everything stopped.

I'm dilated to 3.

Ugh.

Next time, I hope I labor at night by myself...silently.
post #91 of 207
Alright, I'm looking for feedback here. This is the best thread, for what I think I'm needing. So, glad for all the wisdom and support here.

I'm just dealing with feeling like a bit of a failure at this point. I'm ready for this to begin... or am I? I just don't know anymore. The whole starting stopping and now it looks like my bag of water broke (after everyone left), it all seems so much. I just don't know what my body's doing. I have ctx whenever I'm upright (sitting, standing, squatting). Which it sounds like I should be doing that then, but Pat the MW said that the baby wasn't engaging. I was told before that I have an unusual shaped pelvis. My babies hang out instead of down in it. That said, I've birthed before, I'll birth again, I know. It's just I don't know what to do at this point. I need to just let go and trust that it will happen. She will be born.

My other thought is, while I was having good strong patterns, it all seemed productive to me. I mean, I was hot, groaning through them, etc. They must have been doing SOMETHING. But, I just wanted to be alone. I didn't want anyone there. DH was taking care of Jude until friend came for him. My doula friend came over, which was ok, but she kept asking me if I needed anything. I felt like people were constantly watching me, but I was alright, I was trying to ignore them. The MW had (for some reason) didn't hear her pager ring when DH first paged her. It took her about 2 hours I think to return the call. Then, I felt like I was on the clock or something. When she arrived, I thought it would be ok. That, this was just the way it was supposed to be and alright. Go with the flow. But, then, things started to change when she got there. She said after listening to me and checking me (per my request) that I was definitely in labor. I don't know why but at some point, she suggested squatting through the ctx. I tried that and said I didn't like it so much. I couldn't feel my body working. So, she said to try to lay down. Once I laid down my ctx spread out, began to feel crampy and then they stopped. She said it must not have been labor labor.

Now, this is something I noticed from myself. When the MW arrived, after she agreed with me that I was in labor. I just had this strong feeling like, "Oh, good, I can just go take a nap now." It was like once an authority figure gave me a seal of approval, I could just back off. Like I didn't have to work anymore.

After everyone left, at about 9:30pm, I believe that my water broke. I was peeing, got up and sploosh. It was clear, didn't smell like urine and I did nothing to push it out. So, I'm guessing that was my water. I've seen no real action besides diarrhea since then. MW has no time limit for moms to give birth after the water breaks, so I'm not pressured from her or anything.

I'm just left wondering what in the world to do at this point. Is there anything I can do? I have some pretty good ctx when I'm upright, but laying down slows it all. And, then I wonder if I'm really doing any good by having so many ctx, if my body is actually doing what it needs to be doing.

Ugh. Feedback?
post #92 of 207
Claire, I think that things are bound to pick up here pretty soon. I think you WERE (are?) in labor.

It sounds to me like things would have gone quite nicely if you'd not had the mw to deal with. Is that what you want to hear? I think you already think/know that.

Is there anyway you can talk this over with dh and convince him of the wisdom of waiting until the LAST possible moment to call her again (if at all)? Surely he is growing weary of this as well. I know my dh is. Tell him concretely what YOU need to get this baby born. Maybe start by asking his feedback about what HE thinks happened, why things stalled?

I want to say this strongly: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR BODY OR HOW YOU ARE WORKING. Okay? You know that your body experiences lots of ctx ahead of time to prepare. That's what happened with Jude, right? It really sounds to me like things were going just as they ought last night. You've known all along that you didn't really want the mw there. Maybe you didn't know all the reasons why, but you knew. So don't start mistrusting your body instincts now. You KNOW what you need to do. In fact you stated several insights in your post.

I think that this whole "false labor" history over the past several weeks can work to your advantage. Maybe you can just refuse to declare yourself in labor out loud. Let it go until you pass the point of no return. Refuse to call the mw til you're in transition or pushing or something. I don't know!

I hope you are getting some rest. It does sound like your water broke, so Round 2 (10782?) will likely be beginning before long. So try to sleep while you can.

You're doing fine, Mama, and don't let anyone, including yourself, tell you anything different. Everything you're experiencing is NORMAL.
post #93 of 207
Claire, your body is birthing this baby the way it needs to.

From your post, you need to be alone. This is alright! This is good! Be alone!

I believe your body seems to stop "working" when people are around b/c you need to be alone and the baby wants it that way, as well. Honor that! Keep telling yourself that your body is doing what it needs to do and how it needs to do it.

Keep those positive thoughts and mantras in your head. Say them out loud if necessary.

You can do this! You will do this. Breathe and Believe!



~Chaka~

(I bet she had the baby already!)
post #94 of 207
Awww Claire! I usually refrain from comparing y labor to another mama's be cause they are all so unique, but honestly, I felt the same during my last labor. I WAS in labor, I know I was. Mw came over, and 2 hours later she left. I needed to be alone.

It does sound like you know exactly what you want and need. Trust yourself, your body. We all know you can do this. It is what you were meant to do.


Quote:
I'm just left wondering what in the world to do at this point. Is there anything I can do? I have some pretty good ctx when I'm upright, but laying down slows it all. And, then I wonder if I'm really doing any good by having so many ctx, if my body is actually doing what it needs to be doing.
What do you FEEL like doing? Listen to your instincts....do you want to lay down, rest? If so, go for it. If you WANT to be upright, then do that.

Sending you peaceful labor vibes again Claire!
I am hoping that you are holding your sweet baby and nursing as I type!
post #95 of 207
Thread Starter 
I just read Tracy's post, her advice is right on.

I'm just dealing with feeling like a bit of a failure at this point.

Because you're having a labor that slows down when conditions aren't just right? Hey, that sounds to me like your body knows what it's doing. How are you a failure? Because you can't make it do something different? But that's the nature of labor isn't it? Your body takes over. There's really nothing you *can* do at this point, besides what your body is telling you. I think it's pretty clear that you want/need privacy. Even so, even if you get it, it might be a long labor, and there is nothing wrong with that. My last (my UC) was 32 hours, starting from when the contractions became consistent (I had "false" labor up to a week before), and for nearly that entire 32 hours the contractions never fit a "normal" pattern of labor. And then suddenly I was in transition and even more suddenly (and unexpectedly) the baby was born. I learned a really big lesson with that birth, which is that by second-guessing myself and worrying, I'm not doing anything to help the labor and only sullying the experience for myself. If only I had just trusted, and enjoyed it, for as long as it needed to go on, and however it needed to be. Ah well, maybe this next one.

I have ctx whenever I'm upright (sitting, standing, squatting). Which it sounds like I should be doing that then, but Pat the MW said that the baby wasn't engaging.

Do you mean that she checked you when you were standing up and the baby wasn't engaging?

After everyone left, at about 9:30pm, I believe that my water broke. I was peeing, got up and sploosh. It was clear, didn't smell like urine and I did nothing to push it out. So, I'm guessing that was my water.

I had the same thing happen -- and labor didn't start for another week. Not to say that you might have to wait that long, lol! Only that it is not necessarily always a sign that birth is imminent. In my case, the midwife thought it might be the "forewaters" -- which I don't really know anything about, but according to her my main bag was probably still intact even though I had had a big sploosh.

I'm just left wondering what in the world to do at this point. Is there anything I can do?

Yes. Not to make labor be this or that certain way, but you can (mentally) get out of your body's way! Sleep, rest, eat if you can and want, take a hot relaxing bath, go on a walk, cuddle, watch a movie, anything to distract yourself and that is enjoyable. That's all you can really do safely, and it will help!
post #96 of 207
My response this pregnancy to the due date question has been, "oh, sometime in June, or late May, or early July." Only my midwife and husband know the EDD- and he didn't even know until last week, when he asked, when is it, anyway? But I told him I don't want anyone to know that particular date. He thought that was odd but dropped it.

The thing is, it doesn't really help yet. It is so vague I have gotten some interesting responses, like, "they haven't told you the date yet?" and "they haven't given you the due date?" and "why didn't you have an ultrasound to give you the real date then, if you don't know it?" (I never said I didn't know it, folks) Mostly, what comes up is, "aren't you/why aren't you/why didn't you have an ultrasound?" "I thought they want everyone to have ultrasounds now."

I always want to say, and often do, "who are 'they'? I don't think I know them."

But I hope that as June arrives I will be less pestered than most of my doula clients and friends with the calendar countdown, since no one knows but we three people.
post #97 of 207
Thread Starter 
I always go about 40 weeks, plus or minus five days, so I feel pretty comfortable assuming a due range, but still I'm conservative about it so people don't start asking too early. I'm thinking it will likely be the third week of September, but I'm telling people late September or early October. I have *never* had anyone press me for a more specific date! I wish someone would so I could tell them exactly what I think about that!
post #98 of 207
Thank you so much for your responses. I cried, released some emotions and just relaxed reading them. I know in my heart, that yes, I want to be left alone. Reading your responses makes that validated for me. Something I don't get much of here IRL.

I have been taking time to do what I want to do today. I slept really well after I first posted. When I woke up, I took my time taking a shower and then played soccer outside with my son. We laughed and played. Then, my husband and son and I went to Whole Foods (natural grocery). I just got up from a nap and am off to take a walk.

At this point, ctx have come back are about 10 minutes apart. They are much stronger than pre-labor. It could be labor (mostof my pre-labor in the weeks past has been 5-2 mins). Either way, I'm going to go with flow.

Thank you SO SO SO much. I can't tell you what this thread means to me... and my child.

Edited to add: My DH is much more aware of my need for space. He's like my gatekeeper at the moment -- fielding phone calls and taking care of things so I can do what I need to do.
post #99 of 207
Liz,
I have had the same questions. I did have an u/s, and I told the tech that I don't care what date it says. All I wanted to know about was a gross, obvious spina bifida. My sister and neice both have it, and if one of my babies did, I would probably not have a homebirth. So many people assume I don't know when I am due, and I do know....June something-or-other. I usually tell them it doesn't matter what *due date* I would be given, because no one has given the baby a calendar. :LOL I just get a blank look when I say I don't care to know or want a more specific time frame.

I have always had people want to know exactly when I was due. I tend to ask pregnant moms now "What month are you due?" or "What season do you expect your baby to come?". Blueviolet, you sound a bit like me! :LOL I won't bring it up, but if someone asks me about something non-mainstream that I believe strongly in, I like to *share* :

Claire, I am going out for the day, but I will be sending you gentle, labor vibes and thoughts of strength.
post #100 of 207
Claire, I am thinking of you today. I would love to come over and walk with you or sit with you. Trust your body. Like you said, you have birthed before and you will birth this baby as well. If you want to sleep or rest, do so. If the cntx stop, that is OK. It could be your body's way of saying you need to sleep to prepare. Go with it. If you want to walk, go for it. Do whatever feels good. If you want to talk, feel free to give me a call. I will be home all day. I'll PM you my # so you don't have to search if you want to chat.
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