x-posted: 12 month old hitting, please help!

[StoriesInTheSoil]

I posted this in toddlers but haven't received many responses and this situation is leaving me VERY stressed. Please help, experienced mamas! This newbie is at a loss!

DS is 12.5 months old and for the past few months (he was maybe 9 months when this started?) he hits people and especially other kids. It's almost always in the face. It's like he gets overexcited and smacks. This kid LOVES to hammer and drum so it's not unusual for him to be hitting something.

The problem is that he hits other babies a LOT. Like, I can't let him play or socialize because it's the very first thing he does. It's almost like he thinks that the other baby is a toy or something?? I don't get it at all. I've tried saying NO, saying gentle, helping him to touch his face or my face gently (not the other baby's because at this point, they're screaming typically), I've tried taking him away and nursing him, I don't know what else to try.

I've got "that kid" and no one will play with him because he beats them up! I'm at a total loss here and I don't know what to do

[KristaDJ]

Hmmm, sounds pretty normal to me. 12mo's aren't known for being big on socializing, more like poking each other in the eye and seeing if each other's ears come off. I wouldn't worry about it. Just keep gently guiding his hand away and saying "please don't hit/hurt" and don't let him get too close to other babies without being there to stop him from hurting them. Really this is not a problem with your baby, mama; he sounds perfectly "normal" and he'll likely tire of this in a few more months

[Red Pajama]

At 12 months babies don't play together. They might play near each other, but not together. Until your baby is considerably older, he is going to be rough with other people, because he's a baby. It's the same reason babies take things from each other, even when it's not nice to do so. They want it, they see it, so they take it.

My advice is not to expect a young child to play nicely with another young child. Stay in close proximity when two or more small ones are together, intervene gently as necessary, without punishing. Remove your son when you need to, before anyone gets hurt, without any punishment or shaming, just move on to something different.

My youngest is almost two. I would not yet expect her to play "nicely" with another two year old. My twins are four and a half, and are at a point where I can expect some reasonable level of civility to prevail, even if I'm not there to enforce it. Once children have reasonable language skills and a sense of "self" and "others", learning the rules of playing nicely becomes a lot easier.

Until then, monitor, redirect, and model.

Good luck, and enjoy your baby.

[StoriesInTheSoil]

THANK YOU! I guess am worried about it because the other babies he plays with DON'T do it and their moms often get very nervous or upset when DS manages to get away from me and clomp their baby on the head. I think that somewhere in me I knew his behavior was in the realm of normal and just lost sight of that because his baby friends don't engage in this particular behavior.

He is by far the most physical, high need, intense one of the bunch though so it really does make sense that he interacts this way.

So is this a sign of things to come? Is he going to be an aggressive child? I love being a mama, I just hate all these mama worries

[Froglet]

I totally agree with what the other moms have replied here. I would like to add a note of encouragement to you about your DS, it sounds like he has very strong, wonderful leadership qualities. He is bold and fearless, curious and excited! What an amazing little guy! Just like all of us, he is simply in the process of developing himself. He is socializing just like a 1yo should! Try to relax, just enjoy him, don't worry about what the other mommies might think, you are a wonderful mommy, and you are doing just what your DS needs, that is all that matters. I bet they all have worries about their little ones too! ;-) All of the things you said you are doing are excelent, and they will sink in. Just continue on gently and consistantly....

Peace and Blessings,:
~K

[Enchanted Gypsy]

I feel for you. I really do. My DD began that same behavior when she was that age. It got to the point where I just did not go anywhere with her because the first thing she would do was scratch and grab a kids face, especially younger ones. She is now two years and a few months and it has lessened considerably since she turned two.

The thing is, while I do agree it's normal to an extent, I dont think a lot of kids go through it to the extent that some others do. In fact, while everyone kept telling me it was normal, no kid has yet to ever do it to my kid !

It is so hard to take the looks from other parents and not knowing what to say. It really stress's me out. We just kept saying touch gently and immediately removed DD from other kid when this happens. A few times we used time out in a non punitive way and that did seem to help....

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by tinyactsofcharity

THANK YOU! I guess am worried about it because the other babies he plays with DON'T do it and their moms often get very nervous or upset when DS manages to get away from me and clomp their baby on the head. I think that somewhere in me I knew his behavior was in the realm of normal and just lost sight of that because his baby friends don't engage in this particular behavior.

He is by far the most physical, high need, intense one of the bunch though so it really does make sense that he interacts this way.

So is this a sign of things to come? Is he going to be an aggressive child? I love being a mama, I just hate all these mama worries

Some babies never hit but most go through a phase. Yours is just advanced. He will be over it when they go through it. I absolutely do not think that a hitter = an aggressive person. It's just something most people have to work through to some degree.

[Carlyle]

I highly recommend the book "Becoming the Parent You Want to Be" by someone cool (forget who, sorry!) It has great advice for all KINDS of stuff, one of my favorite pieces of advice so far is to "honor the impulse"....i.e. figure out what your ds is trying to "say," and help him learn how to say it in a better way. It really sounds like he's trying to say "HI!!!!! I'm so excited to see yoU!" So maybe you could start telling him, "if you want to say "HI" you can give the other baby a hug" and you can eventualy start prepping him in advance of a play date---'remember when we see _____, you can give them a hug to say hi" This worked wonders for my dd and her highly physical exuberant friends. Good lucK!

ps--for a while I also needed to be RIGHT next to dd, and if I saw her "winding up" to hit someone, I would gently grab her hand and say "OH, it looks like you're trying to say HI/I want that/move away from me/whatever. You can give hugs/say "turn please"/move away yourself/whatever"

[Realcraftymama]

How about just saying, No!, Ouch!, That hurts ___!