How would you approach this situation

[velochic]

Dd started 2nd grade today. On Friday she met her teacher. I wasn't there as I had to work, but my mom took her. Mom said that the teacher is planning to seat the kids in alphabetical order. Because of this, dd will be sitting next to the one boy in class that is THE bully (actually he bullies just the girls, according to dd). I do not want dd sitting next to this kid, but I don't want to start the school year out by complaining to this teacher who I have never even met. The teacher is also brand new this year. This kid has been a problem for years now (dd's been in class with him since kindy) and I don't really know what the school is doing about it. It's a private school, btw, but they say they take bullying very seriously. I don't know the extent of the bullying as dd hasn't really talked about it as "bullying" before... just "C drives us nuts" kind of comments. When she found out she'd be sitting behind him she was upset and then started saying that he "bullies all the girls, especially me and O".

Should I say something to the teacher or see how things pan out this year? Dd was really distraught that she has C in her class, let alone that she has to sit next to him. I want to do what I can to protect her, but don't want to make waves from day 1, YKWIM?

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation before?

[Mamax3]

I don't think it is too much to ask that your DD be moved. You can explain to this teacher who is brand new, that this has been a problem in the past for your daughter and you just want things to go smoothly, especially just starting a new school year. I am sure the teacher will be happy to have some insight and it will also enlighten her to keep an eye on the bully.

I am a strong believer that you are your child's voice in situations like this.

I don't think you are being irrational. You are not going in there and demanding the kid be removed from school or changing your daughter's class assignment because of this kid, you are simply asking for a different seat in the room. Not too much to ask in my opinion.

Good luck!

[CarrieMF]

I would not ask that your dd be moved(yet). I'd go in & talk to the teacher & ask that she watch out for this kid bothering your dd. If this kid did bother your dd before & is going to continue doing it he'll do it whether she's sitting next to him or across the room from him.

I'd also find out more info. Are they right next to each other or is there an aisle between them. How often does the teacher plan on moving the kids seating arrangments around?

[Tapioca]

Make waves. In a nice way, but I'd be firm and clear that my daughter needs to be moved and why.

[velochic]

Thank you for the replies. Dh and I talked about it. I think we're going to let her talk to her teacher about it first. If she is not able to deal with it on her own, we'll talk to him (the teacher). Hopefully this will not become an issue. I do know that this boy has been trouble for a lot of other girls (I have been room parent for years now) since pre-school, but I didn't realize he was bothering dd so much. I know this is going to sound sexist, but I'm hoping that having a male teacher this year will make the kid straighten up. I say that because he doesn't torment the boys, just the girls. There has to be some reason or influence at home that causes him to disrespect girls and not boys.

[zinemama]

I would talk to the teacher.

As a former teacher I can put myself in New Teacher's shoes and I would appreciate a heads up about someone with a history like that. Because I think (especially as a new teacher) you really want to give someone the benefit of the doubt (well, of course) and so behavior that may be longstanding and continuing, with history between this kid and others in the class, is not going to be perceived that way, but as a first offense.

If there was a history there, I'd want to know.

[mammastar2]

I think that having your daughter talk to the teacher, if she wishes, is a good response. It encourages her to look at a situation and determine whether she wants adult help, and if so, whose (yours or the teacher's initially) and what kind of help (maybe moving her seat, or just 'keeping an eye out' in case there are issues).

I would suggest that, while encouraging her to speak up and yourself monitoring the situation, you also suggest that she remember to keep an open mind and remember that kids' behavior can change over time. The boy is only in 2nd grade, so he's not exactly a hardened middle-aged sexual harasser! My daughter is still a bit wary of a girl who semi-bullied her in first grade - the school was very helpful and supportive - but it was also great last year to see them sometimes play together, and the larger, former bully girl give dd a spontaneous hug. It's good to remain open to those possibilities.

[eepster]

I'm going to be the voice of decent here. I think this boy deserve a fresh start. He may have grown up a bit and changed over the summer. Just b/c he was trouble in kindergarten and first grade (don't know what grade you're up to now) doesn't mean he will be trouble now. Boy who enjoyed teasing the girls usually start to mature around 4th or 5th grade (think back to when you were that age.)

I would just tell you DD that he may have matured and try being nice to him. Then just ask how it's going every day or two. If a problem starts, then deal with it.

[suabel]

As a teacher myself, I am somewhere in the middle about this. The parent in me would want to warn the teacher before my daughter suffered, but the teacher in me knows that if this child is indeed a behavior problem, it will become obvious right away. I'd perhaps go as far as to mention, "Susie has had conflict with Billy in the past and is a bit nervous about sitting next to him. Can you keep an eye on it?" and then just see what happens. As someone else mentioned, we are talking about a very young child here (second grade, right?). I say this gently, but this little boy is very young and is already being pegged as a bully. When teachers go in with preconceived notions about kids, it can be very difficult to shake them off and sometimes colors your thinking. Information is power, yes, but a little goes a long way. I'd let this little guy have a clean slate (with a little warning to the teacher) and see what happens. If the bullying is going to happen, this new teacher will spot it and with your warning, your daughter might feel more impowered to speak up and you can request a seat change if she doesn't herself.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by mammastar2

I would suggest that, while encouraging her to speak up and yourself monitoring the situation, you also suggest that she remember to keep an open mind and remember that kids' behavior can change over time. The boy is only in 2nd grade, so he's not exactly a hardened middle-aged sexual harasser!

I would also go in with this view. Since you haven't heard in the past that DD had a particular problem with this boy, I would wait a bit and see if it was perhaps an initial overreaction or if it was going to be an issue.

I was surprised to hear that your school does assigned seating for the whole year. I'm used to the kids being moved around every 2-5 weeks.