Need some help re:head covering - Page 2

[honey-lilac]

Originally Posted by Teenytoona

Ok, this is a bit of high-jacking, but I am really fascinated by this. Do you other women here who cover, notice a similar occurance? Men are less crass?

I don't know if it's the covering itself that makes a difference. I know I act differently when I cover and when I don't. It's hard to admit, but it's true. I took on a different personality when I started covering (and this only happened AFTER I started - I covered at first to sort of disprove that it would make a difference!) and I liked the change. I guess I never realized that my body language to men was different back then. It's hard for me to describe. So I guess if they are less crass it's because I'm acting differently, not because of the head covering. I wonder if that makes sense...

[smeisnotapirate]

Originally Posted by umsami

I've also noticed that some (not all) women who are more exposed may feel uncomfortable around me in their clothing.

For me, it's not so much the men, but the women. Men seem to take it in stride or not even notice (if I'm wearing something relatively inconspicuous - I don't wear hijab). Women REACT. Good or (more often) bad, they know and have an opinion on it.

[EdnaMarie]

I am a Christian and I sometimes cover my head when going into certain social situations.

My husband has NEVER asked me to cover my head.

[chimomma]

Originally Posted by Teenytoona

Ok, this is a bit of high-jacking, but I am really fascinated by this. Do you other women here who cover, notice a similar occurance? Men are less crass?

Big difference. throughout my life I have gone from dressing fairly provocative, to "normal" american, to "modest" (long skirt no slits, lose long sleeves), to covering body and head, to covering body and face. BIG difference in the way men treat you. Dressing provocative, men stared, said comments walking down the street, I even once had some one expose themselves. Dressed normal, still some people saying things, hitting on you, etc. Dressed covering body but not head, same thing, people would come and talk and try to ask you out in a nice way. Dressed with head/neck covered nobody tried to ask you out, men suddenly become extremely respectful. They open doors for you (not common in the big city I live in), move out of your way nicely when you need to get by, treat you like a fragile woman. Wearing face veil, men tend to avoid you completely and generally try not to speak to you except sometimes in a very formal manner when necissary. Basically exactly the goal.

[RainRaven]

Originally Posted by wombatclay

Hmmmm... there was actually an article on CNN.com just this past week interviewing young American women who cover their hair and their reasons for doing so. A lot of them mentioned that ther covered their hair despite the disapproval of their parents/partners/communities because they wanted to opt out of the "how you look is who you are" mentality of modern marketing. So they were covering their hair (and sometimes their faces) as a way to emphasize their individuality and sense of self in opposition to the advertising world of "look like this"/"don't weigh more than this"/"buy this"/"wear this". I remember one woman said it made high school dating both more meaningful as well as more challenging since the guys were sort of forced to deal with her as a person and she couldn't "hide" behind the latest styles. Maybe you could search the cnn site for the story is you think your mom might find that sort of mainstream media coverage more convincing.

Where is this article I looked on CNN and could not find it?

[smeisnotapirate]

Also, it seems to be this assumption that we covering women are poor, brainwashed, downtrodden and dominated little girls. We're actually mostly well-educated American women, most with college degrees, many with masters' and doctorates. We're teachers, scientists, professionals, voluntary SAHMs, breadwinners, politicians, and otherwise leaders in our communities. Many of us came to headcovering as adults, after trying and rejecting what is "normal" dress in American society. All our other decisions reflect our values - where we live, the groups we are a part of and give money and support to - why can't we show that by the way we dress as well?

We're strong women, going against what is popular - not barefoot and pregnant uneducated girls.

[Liquesce]

Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate

Also, it seems to be this assumption that we covering women are poor, brainwashed, downtrodden and dominated little girls. ... We're strong women, going against what is popular - not barefoot and pregnant uneducated girls.

Moderately on topic: yesterday I was out with my husband and three -- three! -- separate people all decided upon sight of me that I must not speak English and the way to handle this was to talk to my husband in the third person about me. It just really rubbed me the wrong way ... the assumption of being foreign is no big deal, I'm used to that and I do understand, but the whole "her husband can speak for her on anything" bit just ... I don't know. It gives a feeling like the perception isn't only foreignness, but also meekness.

[smeisnotapirate]

Originally Posted by Liquesce

Moderately on topic: yesterday I was out with my husband and three -- three! -- separate people all decided upon sight of me that I must not speak English and the way to handle this was to talk to my husband in the third person about me. It just really rubbed me the wrong way ... the assumption of being foreign is no big deal, I'm used to that and I do understand, but the whole "her husband can speak for her on anything" bit just ... I don't know. It gives a feeling like the perception isn't only foreignness, but also meekness.

Yeah. I go to conferences and people are surprised when I have an opinion, especially when I disagree heatedly with someone. I wonder where that comes from?

[Nim]

recently started covering the past couple years. DH didn't make me, he says he enjoys that I do, but only if I want to. It was me who brought it up to him not the other way around. Neither of us were brought up with any knowledge on the matter or even knew there was such a thing as christian covering.
It was very difficult getting family to 'get it'. Although my older sister now covers also. But now they've accepted it and nobody really brings it up anymore.
I've definately noticed more respect from men but also from women unlike what a PP mentioned.
When I used to dress in shorts and tank tops other women my age treated me very aggressively. Now that I dress modestly I think they see me as a non-threat or something.
It's definately noticable in men-I don't know if its the covering, the modest dressing or just my change in attitude. They all seemed to change together so It's hard to say.
I'm thankful for it though- when I first started I thought for sure everyone would look at me wierd and go out of their way to mock me for it. Truly the other way around- at least as far as my experience so far.