daughter calling names-vent

[jewelsJZ]

Sorry, I am really working on stopping yelling at my kids, learning more about GD, and my 3 year old, who is quite impossible anyway, is calling names a lot and she just screamed at me that I was stupid and it just made me terribly sad. I know I'm not stupid, this has never been an issue for me, but it just made me feel sad. This is a word she picked up from her older brother.
And also I am just missing my dad who passed away suddenly in March. As I am reading some GD books, I was thinking, wow, he was such a GD parent and he didn't even know the term. He was just the gentlest, kindest man, so patient and so respectful towards his kids. I often stop in situations that frustrate me with my own kids and think, "What would my Dad do?" Of course, he was bowled over by my oldests' behavior and I think my Dad had it so easy with me and my sisters. But still, he was so good at knowing what was driving our behavior, and was so comforting when we were sad or frustrated or angry. I just miss him so much.
Anyway, I know I'm all over the place, my husband just left for a business trip for a few days and I am just missing my dad and feeling sad. Hoping I get thru these next few days without dh's help, without yelling at my kids.

[LynnS6]

You sound like you're in a tough place - grieving your dad, your husband gone and three little kids at home!

Name calling in preschoolers should always be accompanied by a translation. The translation almost always is "I'm really mad at you right now!"

Several suggestions:
First, from How to Talk So Your Children will Listen... (Faber & Mazlish), do the interpretation for her. "Wow, you sound like you're really mad at me." Rephrasing it like this gives her a more appropriate vocab. I think it also takes the sting out for the parent.

Second, from Playful Parenting, you might try reframing it. "Did you say I was STUPID? Hm.... maybe, but don't you dare call me "Tenacious" (or 'chartreuse' or some other weird word like 'banana'). Then, when she says "you're a banana!" respond in mock horror. 'Oh no! You said it! How COULD YOU?!!! I TOLD you not to call me banana!" And she'll do it again. And you'll react again. And she'll laugh. And you'll laugh. Very therapeutic for everyone.