VENT! My oldest, the tyrant.

[christina10106]

That's what everyone who knows him calls him. He is about to turn 3. He has been in the terrible two's since 18 months and still going strong! I am ready to just lose my mind and run away! I would never actually do that, but my lord! This kid takes the cake! I've never met or heard of a little boy that is as strong willed and stubborn as he is. All DHs family says he acts just like my hubby did when he was that age, and DH had behavioral problems all through elementary school and middle school. He never even made it to high school. He was labeled ADD in middle school. Is this what I should prepare myself for? I have already decided to homeschool him since I do feel he would benefit more from one on one interaction. I am just soooo tired of always getting 'the looks' at the grocery store and everywhere else we go and from all our friends and family. I feel like they think it is because of my parenting that he acts this way.

[Viola]

I remember calling my children the tiny tyrants at times, mostly as a joke, until it got to the point where it was . I felt like I had a lot of this with my second daughter, who could be very strong willed and very sensitive to censure. So she'd do things over and over again that I absolutely hated, no matter how I tried to correct her. I thought she could empathize or understand if I just explained it, but she reacted poorly to attempts to correct her behavior, and just did the maddening things all the more, then threw temper tantrums if I expressed anger or upset at her behavior. It's gotten better over the years, she's usually just content to scream, "Fine!" and then suck her thumb and glare. Usually what helps is when she is all out tempter tantruming is to hold her on my lap, rock her and tell her I love her. Sometimes she's been really resistant to that, so I let her scream on the floor until I start to hear words coming out that could help me understand the problem.

I worry about her and the future, though. I hope we can work through some of this.

[_betsy_]

I may have thought that in my head, but I never would say it out loud, especially not in front of my DD, and I'd never allow anyone else to say it. Self-fulfilling prophecy, maybe?

What behaviors/power struggles/issues, specifically, are you hoping to avoid?

[christina10106]

nak

ok, i don't call him a tyrant in front of him, and i don't have much control over what others say around him. it's not something that he hears, it's more 'on the phone, dad asks how is the little tyrant doing' type of deal. that seemed a little harsh to assume i would call my son names in front of him!

Honestly, the qualities he has now, while they are rather difficult for me to deal with in the present moment, I think will carry him far in his adult life. My concern is helping him to develop them in a positive way while holding onto my sanity so that it DOES benefit him, and not hurt him. My DH suffered greatly from his extreme behavior. I want to feel like I can be better then DH's parents and give my son the appropriate outlets for his energy while instilling good qualities in him. Part of the problem with outsiders, is that my son is so big for his age. This was brought to my attention first in my parenting group at a play date before I had even noticed it. He looks like a much older child, when in fact, he is not. I'm sure my family and strangers don't think about his actual age when they see him throwing a massive tantrum because his cup is not the color he wanted or because he can't carry a case of water! Of course, I can think about this clearly know that he is fast asleep and I am reminded of how compassionate and loving he his! We just had a pretty rotten day. It rained all day=no energy outlet, he found and figured out how to undo a fire extinguisher (we *just* moved, I had no idea we even had one), and he poured an entire gallon of milk into a little cup. I was ready to lose my mind today! But it's over, and now I'm crawling into bed with my sweet little boys. Here's to a better day tomorrow.

[Katwoman]

I totally understand where you're coming from!

I unfortunately don't have any good suggestions as I'm struggling with my own DD1. But I just wanted to say, "I hear you!" Sometimes I wish it was a condition with clear guidelines as to what is helpful and what isn't. (Not that I wish there was something wrong with her, so much as I wish I understood what she needed better.) Some days are better than others. But boy! Oh Boy! Those days when we need a manual sure are longer than others.

(And I really would like to poke some people with a stick when they're giving the look. Does anyone really think that is helpful?)

[swd12422]

No advice, just hugs.... And re: the issue of looking his age, or not, that could be where some of the rude stares are coming from. Not that it justifies them, as strangers should never assume anything about a situation, but it may help to explain them a bit. I keep forgetting my son is only 1 and not even verbal yet, and then I have to laugh at myself when I realize I'm expecting 5-year-old behavior out of him! So my point is, there are lots of us morons out there who have no clue about kids, even if we have them ourselves. Count the rude starers among the idiots and don't let it phase you.