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End of My Rope, Please Help

post #1 of 30
Thread Starter 
Very little sleep, two newborns with reflux, a demanding two-year-old who won't nap. Help.
post #2 of 30
<<<<analisa>>>>>

take a deep breath and repeat after me..

"this too shall pass; this too shall pass; this too shall pass..."

and if that doesn't work, have a shot of brandy after the kids go to bed!
post #3 of 30
One of my good friends has been in this place. 3 kids under 2 - twin infants and a 2 year old that is wild, especially now that she has competition. The boys never sleep and have lots of allergies. She was really struggling and then one of the boys mellowed out and ton and made it easier. Turns out he has cancer.

Not that this makes you situation any easier, but sometimes it helps to remember that we are blessed, even when it doesn't seem like it (I have to remind myself of this often because my ds is a manic energy child who likes to hit, throw, pinch, etc!: )

Hugs to you. This too shall pass is right!

Perhaps some playdates for the toddler?
post #4 of 30
Oh - Hugs to you! I have no time to write, but wanted to say I have totally been there. The first six months were so hard for me, so sad, so challenging. I have many regrets and I'm glad it is over.

We are all doing much better today, and if I could go back in time, I would tell myself to have faith, do my best, and be very creative in finding help and support. Talk to someone you trust about how hard this is for you. Let go of some of your sadness/frustration/guilt/anger. Share it with someone.

Like I said, I have so little time to write, I will try to get back here soon, but just wanted to say I know how hard it can be and that it won't always be this hard.

Best wishes.
post #5 of 30
Hugs
Its hard, I know it is.We all do.
Its even harder on those babies!
Walk away when you need to.Get as much rest as you possibly can

Get ALL the help you can!With everything.
Eat well.
Go for walks.


Take as much time for oyurself.Meditate.Listen to lots of wonderful music.I listened to Shaggy(lots of BASS) my girls had colic for 6 months.Id stand there with them bith in thier snugglies(didnt have any slings then) and just danced and danced and danced,,,,It felt good,and the bass helped them a bit and the rocking helped them to fall asleep(which they didnt do often)

When SO gets home, take 10!



Sending you stregnth~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know its all easier said than done,but try hard to do it every day.

Most of all if you feel really unlike yourself and feel like somehthing else is going on(i.e feeling very emotional,or irratible,even angry)then you need to speak to a doctor or midwife immediately.Post Partum Depression is very common with MOMs
post #6 of 30
Oh sheesh...I am sorry chica. Let me get this package to the UPS store asap. MAyhbe some of the toys in it will distract the two y.o.

Otherwise, hang in there if you can.

If I were still in Austin...I'd drive up there to hold your babies.

Peace,
post #7 of 30
This is a tough, tough time. DS had just turned 3 when my pair were born. There isn't much to do except muddle through the best way you can. If you have family or friends to help, please ask. There is nothing wrong with needing help. And to be perfectly honest, DS watched more TV the first 3 months of their life than he ever had combined up until that point. Did I feel guilty? Yes. But it helped me through a bad time and he has not been damaged because of it.

The first 3 months are the hardest. Or were for me. After that they start sleeping longer and things start to look better.

Best wishes!
post #8 of 30
Analisa - I read your post last night and so wanted to reply but was being demanded by two 13-month-olds.

My dd was 27-months-old when her sisters were born. She stopped napping at 25-months-old (when she weaned) and even though she still needs to nap BIG TIME she refuses.

Playdates saved my sanity. As did my LLL meetings and going to visit my mother quite often (she lives about 15 minutes away). I also hate to admit it but on days when I was super zonked I would put a movie in for my oldest and lay on the couch with my two little ones nursing and napping and just zone out. Sometimes I'd get lucky and get to snooze for 5 minutes or so before my oldest woke me up to comment about something on her movie.

I agree with so many of the pp's...this too shall pass.
post #9 of 30
Thread Starter 


Thanks, everyone. Hanging in...keep the love coming, it really helps.
post #10 of 30
{{{hugs}}} mama

My dd and ds were born at 32 weeks and came home from the hospital equivalent to 35 weeks - with very bad reflux, and on apnea monitors because of it. The newborn phase felt like it would last forever.

But... it ended. They started sleeping. They grew and thrived. They figured out nursing. I figured out breastfeeding AND pumping! And now, it is all a blur. I know, as does everyone else here, how challenging the newborn (and infant) phase is. But oh, the rewards!

Keep up your spirits if you can. Let everything go except for your babies and your 2 year old. No one is going to remember that you ate mac n' cheese for dinner for 4 days straight... without cooking the noodles. ha ha Try to find a neighbor, friend, relative to take your 2 year old for a playdate or for a fun outing while you hang back with the dynamic duo. If your 2 year old won't nap (not that uncommon for 2's), insist on a quiet time - heck, bring out a Sesame Street video and get him/her ensconsed on the bed or sofa with blankets and a snack.

Re: living up to AP ideals. This was the hardest part for me. Still is something I struggle with. It's important to relax and know you won't be able to do it the same as you did with your first (or would with just one). But... through patience and creativity, you will come across solutions that work for your family, and sometimes might come up with new (and even better!) solutions to things you never would challenge or do differently otherwise!

Hang in there!
post #11 of 30
more hugs !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
post #12 of 30
Quote:
Originally posted by TwinMommy
{{{hugs}}} mama

Re: living up to AP ideals. This was the hardest part for me. Still is something I struggle with. It's important to relax and know you won't be able to do it the same as you did with your first (or would with just one). But... through patience and creativity, you will come across solutions that work for your family, and sometimes might come up with new (and even better!) solutions to things you never would challenge or do differently otherwise!

This was the hardest part for me. It broke my heart for my oldest dd to have to grow up so quickly and do so many things on her own and it also broke my heart that my baby girls weren't getting the undivided attention that their oldest sister had. But, it all does work itself out.
post #13 of 30
There is a post in gentle discipline where you can scream if you need to

Take care of yourself, just let the housework go. This too shall pass!
post #14 of 30
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by 1Plus2
This was the hardest part for me. It broke my heart for my oldest dd to have to grow up so quickly and do so many things on her own and it also broke my heart that my baby girls weren't getting the undivided attention that their oldest sister had.
Yes yes yes. Oh, you all understand!

post #15 of 30
the only thing I can tell you is it does get (a teeny bit) easier at around 6 months. I cried every single day untill then. then I found out I was pregnant agian so I cried everyday for a few more months LOL but at least the twin thing had gotten a little easier hahaha
post #16 of 30
Thread Starter 
Sigh. This is just kicking my a$$. Thanks for listening and encouraging.
post #17 of 30
Hang in there! I think the first 6 weeks with my girls were the hardest thing I'd ever done--harder than military training and I did a bunch, sleep deprivation and all. Twins beat that hands down!

You're almost to the 6 week point and things could settle down (hopefully). Can you get help from church friends? Anyone, anything, even 5 minutes to take a shower is a help. My house is still a wreck, DH calls the girls chaos and entropy and they started the day we came home from the hospital (and 25 months later nothing has changed). Is there a local twins club in your area? Even if you don't really know them, they can be really helpful. Mine is, especially for new moms, even the first time we meet them.

Hope your day was better today!

Karen, Momma of Hannah & Helen (still breastfeeding at 25 months)
post #18 of 30
Thread Starter 
Honestly, I have had a lot of help and I still feel like this is killing me. We have people from church bringing dinner. My mom and MIL and a friend have all stayed with us at various points. I'm just so so tired, and mourning having my two-year-old all to myself.
post #19 of 30
Have you had the opportunity to take short outings with Meg? Maybe have someone stay with the babies while you two go to the grocery store, Wal-Mart, get ice cream...anything like that? Even a half hour once or twice a week would do you both wonders!

I do promise you that this tough time is worth it...and you will soon start seeing it for yourself. My oldest dd was 27-months when her sisters were born...she is now 3 1/2. She ADORES her babies! She is very protective over them when we are out and about and is a great playmate with them at home (well...most of the time ). The other day I was nursing the girls down for a nap and looked across the room at Haven...she was nursing her twin baby dolls too. It was such a precious moment.
post #20 of 30
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by 1Plus2
Have you had the opportunity to take short outings with Meg?
I would love that...I do pick her up from Montessori every morning (she's there three hours a day) so we chat in the car but it's only seven minutes and she's all the way in the back row of the van.

I just haven't felt like I can leave the babies for longer than that.
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