I need insemination advice for my friend in OK

[MyZymurgy]

My friend and her partner are ready to have a baby! : Apparently, though the law is making things more complicated than anticipated...

OK law makes it illegal to inseminate in the home - so cryogenic labs will only send the sperm to a doctor's office. It's also illegal to get inseminated in a doctor's office unless you are married - it even requires a husband's signature. WTF??

I don't think they have anyone in their lives at this point who is willing and able to donate for an at-home insemination. Does anyone know a way around the law? Any cryogenic labs willing to mail to a home address or a doctor known to be willing to "forget" to get a husband's signature?

I don't know much about the laws and OK... but there HAS to be a way, right??

Thanks in advance for any advice I can pass along.

[Lyndzies]

Originally Posted by MyZymurgy

I don't know much about the laws and OK... but there HAS to be a way, right?? Thanks in advance for any advice I can pass along.

I dunno... I think the best advice to give you friend would be to seek the advice of a knowledgeable attorney. From what I've been able to find out, OK is not a very gay family-friendly state, and I'd recommend that they make sure all their i's are dotted and t's are crossed before attempting to move forward (esp. finding out the state's same-sex adoption laws, etc.).

[Shiloh]

How do they know it was done "at home" and not on a weekend trip to another state KWIM?

[MyZymurgy]

OK really does sound like it's in the dark ages. It's so sad and frustrating! She told me before that adoption was almost out of the question (legally) too. I think they are hoping to have a family via the pregnancy route, though.

I suppose they could cross a state line for insemination... I hadn't thought of that. I don't know what bordering states would allow that. I don't know if that would even be realistic for them time and moneywise...

Thanks for your responses!

[cejae]

I'd nose around the gay/lesbian owned sperm banks because they might be willing to work around the homophobic rules. I just checked on the Rainbow Flag Sperm bank in California and it looks like they ship to home addresses in Oklahoma (http://www.gayspermbank.com/shipping.htm). Their donors tend to skew a bit older and they have different rules regarding known donors and circumcision than other banks. I have a friend who used to work there who I can probably put your friends in touch with. You might also want to check out Sperm Bank of California (non-profit and very very lesbian friendly) as well as Pacific Reproductive Services in San Francisco (Lesbian owned...)

Hope that helps!
CJ

[Lyndzies]

Originally Posted by MyZymurgy

I think they are hoping to have a family via the pregnancy route, though.

Well, I was suggesting they know what the adoption laws are regardless of whether they're going the "pregnancy route." I.e., is it important to them that the non-bio mom be legally recognized as a parent?

I know it was an important thing for DP and I to figure out, and we live in fairly "progressive" NJ! DP will be adopting our future child after I give birth to make sure the kid has the protection s/he deserves (in our case) of having two legal parents.

P.S. That's certainly not meant to suggest that single-parent families aren't perfectly a-okay, too! Just chiming in w/ my experience.

[MyZymurgy]

Originally Posted by cejae

I'd nose around the gay/lesbian owned sperm banks because they might be willing to work around the homophobic rules. I just checked on the Rainbow Flag Sperm bank in California and it looks like they ship to home addresses in Oklahoma (http://www.gayspermbank.com/shipping.htm). Their donors tend to skew a bit older and they have different rules regarding known donors and circumcision than other banks. I have a friend who used to work there who I can probably put your friends in touch with. You might also want to check out Sperm Bank of California (non-profit and very very lesbian friendly) as well as Pacific Reproductive Services in San Francisco (Lesbian owned...)

Hope that helps!
CJ

Awesome! I e-mailed her that link and let her know you have a connection there if she wanted contact info. I'll let you know.

Lyndzies - Oh, I'm a dumbass! LOL! I totally get what you are saying about adoption now. I'm sure they would want her DP to adopt their baby. I don't know why I didn't think of that. Good lord, the hoops these two have to jump through just to have a family. Their future children are sure loved.

Thanks again, everyone. You've all be so helpful!