The delicate balancing act of parenting the older teen/young adult. - Page 2

[shayinme]

Originally Posted by sewchris2642

The most self-questioning, "what do I do now?" time for me as a parent isn't the infant stage, it's the adult stage. When I can't kiss away the miscarriage, the ups and downs of adult relationships, the frustrations of finding a job, etc. On the other hand, it's also the most rewarding time as well. To be on the side lines and watch my adult children struggle and find their own solutions and realize that I had a hand in all that. To see my children raise their children.

My son is only 17 but already I can see where entering adulthood can be the most challenging stage of parenting. I can "tell" my 4 yo what to do but at 17 I no longer feel as comfortable laying down the law with my son unless it was a life or death situation.

Right now planning for the future aka this college thing is our biggest issue. My son definitely wants to go to a 4 year school and I think he will excel but I also have ideas that he doesn't want to listen to and I am struggling to let him find his way, I have told him the parameters of what I can afford and he knows what he has to work with....

I finally understand my own parents so much better. In some ways the baby, and childhood years are easier at least to me.

Shay

[Shenjall]

Originally Posted by shayinme

My son is only 17 but already I can see where entering adulthood can be the most challenging stage of parenting. I can "tell" my 4 yo what to do but at 17 I no longer feel as comfortable laying down the law with my son unless it was a life or death situation.

Right now planning for the future aka this college thing is our biggest issue. My son definitely wants to go to a 4 year school and I think he will excel but I also have ideas that he doesn't want to listen to and I am struggling to let him find his way, I have told him the parameters of what I can afford and he knows what he has to work with....

I finally understand my own parents so much better. In some ways the baby, and childhood years are easier at least to me.

Shay

I feel the same way. While I'm enjoying this new, 2-way relationship I'm having with my older teens, I do miss the ease of the 1 way relationship with babies. (if that makes any sense, lol)

I know 10 isnt late for teens. Its just I still have to worry instead of sleep, lol.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by sewchris2642

...it's the adult stage. When I can't kiss away the miscarriage...

You know...when I had one of my miscarriages, I went to the hospital directly from work. I commuted by bus back then, and it was a miserable ride. When I walked downstairs to the u/s lab, I saw my mom sitting on the chairs outside, waiting for me. She'd headed over as soon as she knew I was going there. No - she couldn't kiss it away...but I don't even come close to having the words to tell her how much it meant to me that she was there...that I didn't have to walk out of the u/s lab and have nobody there, and I could just cry it out, and get a ride home. I think that was my second m/c, which makes it 11 years ago - and I've never forgotten how much it helped to have mom there.

[choli]

I don't get it. Why do people think 10pm is late for an 18 yr old to go out? That's the normal time for a night out to start around here.

[Shenjall]

Lisa, I'm so sorry for your losses. I'm glad you had your mom for support.

Its not that going out at 10pm is too late, I think we all get it, and understand that thats when "life" begins for kids around that age, but for most of us not that age, life (the day) ends at that time. So, while I understand it, I dont like it, lol. Just like I dont like them growing up so fast sometimes. (remember, tongue in cheek. )

[sewchris2642]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

You know...when I had one of my miscarriages, I went to the hospital directly from work. I commuted by bus back then, and it was a miserable ride. When I walked downstairs to the u/s lab, I saw my mom sitting on the chairs outside, waiting for me. She'd headed over as soon as she knew I was going there. No - she couldn't kiss it away...but I don't even come close to having the words to tell her how much it meant to me that she was there...that I didn't have to walk out of the u/s lab and have nobody there, and I could just cry it out, and get a ride home. I think that was my second m/c, which makes it 11 years ago - and I've never forgotten how much it helped to have mom there.

Oh, I know. Joy and Adam came to our house directly from the dr, where they learned of the miscarriage. At the previous visit, there was a heartbeat; at this visit, there wasn't. The feeling of overwhelming helplessness on my part was a surprise to me. All I could do was to hug her and Adam. While I know that was a big deal, it didn't feel like near enough.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by sewchris2642

Oh, I know. Joy and Adam came to our house directly from the dr, where they learned of the miscarriage. At the previous visit, there was a heartbeat; at this visit, there wasn't. The feeling of overwhelming helplessness on my part was a surprise to me. All I could do was to hug her and Adam. While I know that was a big deal, it didn't feel like near enough.

I sincerely hope that neither of my daughters goes through any major reproductive problems. I don't ever want them to hurt like that. But, I know that what will be, will be...and I know what you mean about feeling helpless.

[Cherie2]

thanks for the reminder that even though being a shoulder to cry on may not seem like we are doing enough, that it can still makes a big difference..

[Shenjall]

I agree with you Cherie2, Thank you!

My mother (and I use the term loosely) has never been a support, (when we miscarried her reply was, "thank god! you couldnt handle another baby anyway") so I tend to go overboard in the "helping" department and trying to take away all their pain and suffering. Nice to hear a loving shoulder can be everything.

[sewchris2642]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

I sincerely hope that neither of my daughters goes through any major reproductive problems. I don't ever want them to hurt like that. But, I know that what will be, will be...and I know what you mean about feeling helpless.

Joy and Adam went on to have 3 beautiful (I'm not a bit prejudiced children. So that story had a happy ending.

[pixiekisses]

Our big girl is 20 (will be 21 later this year), and let me just say that it went very well with her. It's so trying at times, but we pulled through. She's a great kid, amazing big sister, wonderful person. She's starting 3rd year medical school next week. Living on her own and doing great, luckily still comes home several times a week.
I think what really made a difference for us was that she always talked to me about stuff, it was so important to me that she could always say anything to me.