Mama's giving birth for the second or more times....poll - Page 3

[ChiroMum]

This is my fourth time, and I'm not afraid so much as apprehensive. I will never forget the absolute RUSH and sense of accomplishment after the births of my 2nd and 3rd children.

I will say that because my first birth ended in an emergency c-section (due to an induction) and the later two were both VBACs that the apprehension was due to the medical center and having to 'prove' myself able to have a VBAC. The rush and accomplishment were definitely part of that too. I LOVED being the first VBAC attended by my resident...and proving her skepticism to be completely unfounded. It is my fervent hope that I've helped other women working with her fight for their VBACs.

[firewoman]

Wow! Thanks ladies for all the feedback. I think this is such an interesting subject and I'm so happy that we can dialogue about it.

Stellarose-Surely there is a birth center closer to you than Britain. Have you considered going that route. They don't have access to pain medication like epidurals, but can easily transfer you to a nearby hospital if you need one. Birth center transfers aren't subject to the scrutiny that a homebirther would be. Also, American hospitals aren't horrible. I'm sure there are some horrible ones and I'm not sure where you live but I have birthed two of my babies in two different hospitals and had good outcomes. I have also douled for MANY women in the metro hospitals in my area and while it is definitely harder to attain a natural birth, with preparation and a good caregiver, it can be done. Just wanted you to know it isn't THAT bad here. We're not third world or anything.

Did you read the post in this thread of a woman who said despite all that we hear on MDC, she had a great natural birth at a hospital? I applaud you for attempting a homebirth and I'm sure you can do it. You have already had one baby. Are you comfortable with your midwife and her skills?

[firewoman]

Originally Posted by ChiroMum

This is my fourth time, and I'm not afraid so much as apprehensive. I will never forget the absolute RUSH and sense of accomplishment after the births of my 2nd and 3rd children.

I will say that because my first birth ended in an emergency c-section (due to an induction) and the later two were both VBACs that the apprehension was due to the medical center and having to 'prove' myself able to have a VBAC. The rush and accomplishment were definitely part of that too. I LOVED being the first VBAC attended by my resident...and proving her skepticism to be completely unfounded. It is my fervent hope that I've helped other women working with her fight for their VBACs.

This makes my heart soar!

[flapjack]

Originally Posted by stella.rose

I'm a little afraid since last time I gae birth in a wonderful British birth center where I had access to competent, mom-centered, evidence based care, plus pain relief at the same time. Now I am in home in the US and feel I have no choice but to give birth at home. I think I can probably do it, but I am afraid of unmitigated childbirth pain. I am also REALLY afraid of having to go to a US hospital if something goes wrong and having to deal not only with the completely messed up system there, but also with the hostility that is sure to confront me as a homebirth attemptor.

I have actually wracked my brain for any way that I can financially go to Europe (either the the UK again or my husband's country, Finland) to give birth the second time. Its just not possible...I would have to leave work a month early, and then take care of my current baby myself until I went into labor, and there's no guarantee my husband could make it there in time.

I should be able to do what my ancestors have done for all of human history until my grandma. But its daunting. I hate the US healthcare system so much right now. Even more than usual.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, mama.

Firewoman, I think the point that stellarose is making is that she shouldn't feel that she has to fight for anything. Doulas should be unnecessary, because all doctors and midwives should practice evidence-based care and as yet, this isn't happening.

[crwilson]

I voted that I'm afraid. I don't want to be, but I am. My first birth did not go as planned, and I had prepared myself with information and knowledge and meditation and yoga and exercise, etc. I put together a birth team that I thought would work well. My midwife ended up (unbeknownst to me) putting me on pitocin, and when I asked for something to settle my stomach (which in my mind meant pepto or something), she added demerol to the mix. It was horrific because I was so out of it that I couldn't talk between contractions. Then I'd "wake" up at the peak of the contraction in mind-numbing pain that I didn't have time to prepare for. It was terrifying to me because I couldn't tell anyone what was going on, and I just felt completely trapped. I'm scared that no matter how much I prepare in advance, I can't control what actually happens. I am a control freak, so that scares me.

[jillmamma]

Nope, not afraid. What has helped me in the past is doing lots of reading and arming myself with knowledge. If I know what to expect, I have less fear. Plus, now I know I CAN do it as I have already done it twice.

[anjanetteopal]

nope, not afraid! Our first was an unmedicated hospital birth and although I have things I'd like to do differently this time, we're preparing for it by hiring a doula, talking through some things more thoroughly with doc, etc. Hoping this one won't be so long (last one was 41 hours), but other than that, I'm looking forward to the experience.

[chai]

Originally Posted by crwilson

I voted that I'm afraid. I don't want to be, but I am. My first birth did not go as planned, and I had prepared myself with information and knowledge and meditation and yoga and exercise, etc. I put together a birth team that I thought would work well. ...I am a control freak, so that scares me.

This thread has been REALLY interesting to me as well. I was one of the people that answered "not afraid" in the poll, but reading all the fears of other women helped me realize that I do have some fear lingering. Since I'm in currently the practice of trying to be aware of and really experience/own my emotions/reactions/etc these days, I decided to explore the fear that seemed to be lurking...

crwilson, have you read Birthing from Within? I have just started it, and it seems to provide great perspective on this idea that if we plan, we can control our births (I had the same disappointment with my last birth). Some of the guiding principles of BFW are that "the essence of childbirth preparation is self-discovery, not assimilating obstetric information," "childbirth preparation is a continually evolving process, not a static structure of techniques and knowledge," "the purpose of childbirth preparation is to prepare mothers to give birth-in-awareness, not to achieve a specific birth outcome," and "pregnancy and birth outcome are influenced by a variety of factors, but can't be controlled by planning."

These are the concepts I need to really embrace this time around, I think. I need to learn how to really dive into the birthing process and focus less on the outcome, and I've realized (with all of your help!) that facing my fears is one very important component of doing that!

[Inspired007]

Not afraid at all.

Birthing is natural and luckily my first experience with it was normal and ideal.

Of course, I was in a lot of pain but it didn't last long (only 5.5 hours) and now I know that won't last forever even though it feels like it will.

I can tell you that I am soooo not looking forward to the pain of it all, but I am not at all aphrehensive about the labor/birth.

[zjande]

I'm afraid! And this is baby #5!

I have lovely natural births, & always have the greatest mind blowing highs immediately afterward, but giving birth FrEaKInG HURTs! LOL I'm just 31 weeks now though, I have plenty of weeks to work on my birth affirmations, my confidence, & my peaceful excitement. I know that by the time I am 40 weeks along & SOOooOOoo uncomfortable, I'll be so impatient to hurry up & go into labor that I'll practically be a crazy person! lol

So yeah, not looking forward to the pain, but know that it is incredibly worth it.

[suziek]

I voted not afraid, but I do have a healthy respect for the process and its intensity and challenges.

I've been very lucky and have had lovely wonderful births.

[Dov'sMom]

Not afraid because I LOVE giving birth -- the pain and all just for the adrenaline/oxytocin rush at birth.

I am terribly afraid of something happening ot hte baby first, though.

[nini02]

I'll admit, I'm scared. I had a really bad birth experience with my son. But along with being scared, I'm much more confident in my situation this time and I'm hoping for a nice, healing experience this time around. I have a very natural-minded, low key OB who spent a lot of his career working with midwives and the hossy I'll be birthing at this time is fine with me laboring in the water. It's about the best I can hope for while being considered higher risk. But yes, I'm still pretty nervous.

[brackin]

Originally Posted by Beeblebrox

There was a point during transition of my last birth that I felt like a caged animal. I couldn't do anything to escape the intensity of what I was feeling. I wanted to run away, make it stop, etc. I panicked for a moment. I don't want to feel that again. That is what I hope to avoid with this labor. 90% of the labor was fine, it was that 10% period that makes me nervous.

This, exactly.

[Serenyd]

I think it depends on previous birth experiences and how enjoyable or awful they were.

[Astraia]

I voted not afraid.

I won't say I'm looking forward to it- whenever I get diarrhea cramps I think to myself, "oh lord, there's going to be another 10 hrs of this pain pretty soon!"

But I'm not afraid. I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve- excited and anxious and nervous but can't WAIT and the whole thing is just so much that I have trouble sleeping.

My first birth was easy and not *that* painful, and the euphoric "I did it!" high after was fabulous.

If I was still planning a hospital birth I'd be absolutely terrified but since we're going UC I have this crazy urge to start nesting and buying the stuff we need and I'm so excited!

[Pandme]

Yes, I'm afraid. My first labor was 35 hours and getting stuck at 7cms for 5 hours. A double all-nighter that got so painful at the end (after they broke my water, which I consented to at the time but wouldn't again) it was like the Exorcist. I ended up opting for the epidural.

It was long and it hurt. Even when it was manageable it hurt. I cried a lot, even hours before things went really downhill and I got the epi. What concerns me is the baby was perfectly positioned the whole time, so I didn't have any back labor or any reason for stalling other than exhaustion, maybe.

I had a doula, I labored at home for 24 hours, got to 7 cms, 100% effaced. But then it stopped and it sucked. I can't help being afraid of pain, I just am. I can only hope it's a faster labor this time.

[S.Elise]

Originally Posted by firewoman

Wow! Thanks ladies for all the feedback. I think this is such an interesting subject and I'm so happy that we can dialogue about it.

Stellarose-Surely there is a birth center closer to you than Britain. Have you considered going that route. They don't have access to pain medication like epidurals, but can easily transfer you to a nearby hospital if you need one. Birth center transfers aren't subject to the scrutiny that a homebirther would be. Also, American hospitals aren't horrible. I'm sure there are some horrible ones and I'm not sure where you live but I have birthed two of my babies in two different hospitals and had good outcomes. I have also douled for MANY women in the metro hospitals in my area and while it is definitely harder to attain a natural birth, with preparation and a good caregiver, it can be done. Just wanted you to know it isn't THAT bad here. We're not third world or anything.

Did you read the post in this thread of a woman who said despite all that we hear on MDC, she had a great natural birth at a hospital? I applaud you for attempting a homebirth and I'm sure you can do it. You have already had one baby. Are you comfortable with your midwife and her skills?

Thanks for this. I have a great midwife (CPM) whose been doing home births in New York City for over 10 years, and in the field generally for I think 20. There is one birth center in immediate vicinity, but from my perspective, its just as eay to get to the hospital from my house as it is from the birth center (my midwife has admitting privileges at a nearby hospital). I thought about it a lot, and I just don't see any advantage (for ME) in a birth center over my home, since my only reservation about being at home is the pain, and you can't have pain relief in a birth center either.

I know that not all American hospitals are terrible, but I don't think there is any hospital in NYC that has a C-section rate under 26% (most are between 30 and 40%, and alas, my insurance does not fully cover the 26% one). And I am just not willing to submit to rules about eating, drinking, what to wear, how the room is set up, where and how I am going to push out the baby, my mobility, fetal monitoring. I know way too much about how useless and harmful these rules are and I am just not interested in having to argue with people while in labor in order to not be forced to adhere to them. These are all things that I simply did not need to deal with the last time around!

Plus, I am just not one of those people who can "labor like a champ"...my last labor lasted 47 hours, far from adhereing to the "24 hour/1cm per hour" rule. That might not happen again, but the fact is, had I been in any US hospital I am willing to bet a million bucks I would have ended up with pit/C-section.

I know the US is not a developing country, but when you look at our maternal and fetal birth outcomes against almost every other developed country, you start to doubt that.

I do appreciate your confidence and good wishes, though. I just know a better world is possible for the women of our country if we recognize how messed up and exceptional our system is compared to our peer countries and insist it change.

[limette]

I had planned homebirths, the first ended in c-section and the second ended in a natural,vaginal birth at the hospital after 2 hours of pushing.

Both times I hoped for pain free and made plans to deal with it if not. Both my labors we identical, both posterior. Hypno birthing did not work for me at all. The second I had a doula and labored at home until the last minute before being pushed into a transfer by my midwife.

I want to have two more kids but I'm unsure on what I want for a birth again. I was the most gung ho person you could meet about no meds and experiencing a vaginal birth and now...I'm not sure I really care...lol

Back labor is excruciating and I did it med free the second time but I don't really care about getting that badge again.

So I'm not really in fear of it so much as I'm a little leery. If I go into labor and baby is still anterior then I'll attempt a vaginal/no drugs for sure. But I am seriously considering a hospital/epidural birth for the third if posterior.

[kirstenb]

I don't know if I am afraid, but I am starting to get nervous this time. I had a pretty easy labor/delivery with DS, but I had him in the hospital and had an epidural. Overall it was a good experience. This time I am going to a birth center and am having him natural, so it almost feels like I am giving birth for the first time because it will be a completely different experience.