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Mama's giving birth for the second or more times....poll - Page 5

Poll Results: Are you afraid to give birth again?

  • 74% (248)
    No, I am not afraid
  • 25% (87)
    Yes, I am afraid
335 Total Votes  
post #81 of 115
I'm afraid! And this is baby #3.
I had 2 c/s and I want a VBAC, but I have fear for a c/s again.
post #82 of 115
I agree with others that say they aren't afraid, but nervous. My second birth went really bad and my dd is permanetly disabled, so of course I'm always afraid of stuff like that. My 3rd was a vba2c and it went great, but it was really intense and painful, and I'm nervous that if I get to the hospital too early I'm going to end up with an epidural. I'm not philosophically opposed to pain meds, I just get concerned about having to lay in bed when I'm still needing to dilate and not have complete control over pushing. Last time I was 7cm when I got to the hospital, so I hope to do that again!
post #83 of 115
Not afraid, per se. I just have a healthy respect for this process and hope that it goes as well this time as it did last time. I know there are no guarantees, so I guess I'm more afraid of that than anything.
What I'm really afraid of is the newborn period, esp the night wakings. Ugh. I have a friend who loves newborns - maybe I can loan this one out for about three months
post #84 of 115
This will be my third birth. First was a c-section...I SHOULD of beeen afraid of my treatment at the hospital but I didn't know any better! The second time I was much more prepared, did some self hypnosis and felt more in charge of my body and healthcare. My HBAC was great and very smooth and manageable......but we freaked with the NB low fever and ended up with a horrible 3 day vist to a local hospital that felt like they should punish us for having a HB (NOTHING was wrong with my child by the way and I think that drove the doc crazy, they even threatened to call CPS if I didn't comply to all the stupid tests and procedures they wanted to do) YEs, the area I live in is very anti-midwife and HB!

Anyway, with this birth I feel like it is a wild card. They say 3rd births are to a certain extent, longer or shorter labor.... and other variations. I need to keep going to the chiropractor like I did with my second, that helped a lot I think!

I remember labor starting with the second and having a fear reaction at first. I thought "I don't want to have this baby, I'm scared" but then the other part of my brain said " I REALLY don't want to be pregnant anymore so let us just have the baby! OK?"

I'm not too excited about a newborn, I just don't get all cuddly and love-dovely like some people do...... but hopefully my early bonding with this one won't be messed up like the other two!
post #85 of 115
I'm not afraid. I was a little bit the first time. Mostly of the pain and the fear of the unknown. But this time I feel a lot more confident that I can do it. With DD I went in wanting a natural birth. I was really set on it, and had it all planed out so that I could do it. In the back of my mind, though, there was still the nagging voice that kept saying, "but if you can't handle it you might get the drugs." I asked for them once in transition, but I didn't get any. So this time, I know I can do it. I know it hurts, but I can handle it. I know what it feels like to finally be able to hold my baby, and that will be able to drive me this time. I know what to expect, and for me (being a control freak) that makes all the difference.
post #86 of 115
I'm not afraid of labor even though I have horrible back labors. I'm afraid that I'm going to have the same issue with my midwife team as I had with the last team. They are are afraid of community backlash against hbac despite the fact that their governing organization supports it. This really came into play last time around when the midwife was super mean at the birth and bullied me throughout in the hope that I would transfer.
post #87 of 115
I'm not afraid, but more concerned perhaps.

This will be my third child. My first was early and had prolapse. My second was "late" and had the cord around his neck twice and was a bit blue (which while the MW wasn't concerned it did freak me out!). So, having two kids with cord "issues" makes me concerned for a third - especially as the guy across the street's kid had a cord issue and is severely handicapped because of it.

I am also very hopeful that I can keep "with it" enough not to push through crowning this time, that made for a very long healing time.

Oh, and I live FAR far away from my MW this time around so I worry that she won't make it. I'll be calling very early this time!

post #88 of 115
I answered yes. I wish I could say no, but I am terrified. Your birth experience depends a lot on baby's position. My guy was occipital posterior (sunny side up) and his head was turned up (I don't know if it was brow or not, but midwife said the largest diameter was coming through rather than the smallest). This caused the pain to be unbelievably strong. I had a fast intense labor in the beginning, getting to 8 cm within 2.5 hours (counting from when contractions got 2 mins apart, which happened in 1 hour from first contraction). I had the urge to push. The midwife thought he was coming. She suggested breaking my waters to make things happen, because the bag of waters was pushing against the cervix. That's when she found out he was posterior. That's also when labor stalled. My cervix began to swell, and I went down to 6 cm. Long story short, there was lots of pain, and it got stuck. Looking back, I think my body was trying to turn him, but once she broke the waters, all bets were off. Ended up with a 18 hour labor, in hospital with pitocin drip and epidural. (thankfully, was still able to deliver vaginally, with vacuum assistance) Prior to hospital transfer, my thoughts were, "get it out of me, now, I don't care how." I actually wanted a c-section at that point, just wanted the pain to stop. He had become only an "it."

For days and weeks after the birth, every time I closed my eyes to try and relax, I relived the birth trauma.

Of course, I wish I had had better capability of dealing with the pain, I wish I had had a doula, and I wish a lot of things had happened differently.

So, that is why I am afraid. I'm afraid of the pain. I plan to get help and a doula and hope to overcome this fear before labor starts, because I know that can also affect your experience. At the same time, I know that even in cases where the woman is prepared in every way, the pain can still be beyond overwhelming, if the baby's position isn't perfect. Birth can also be orgasmic, if everything is perfect.
post #89 of 115
I voted not afraid, which is true as far as it goes, but I'm really not looking forward to it. If I could just skip L&D (without all the risks associated with c/s), I would. With my first, I had PROM, pit-induction for failure to progress, then AROM (I'm not sure if the diagnosis of PROM was wrong or if it was more of a leak that got sealed?) because the pitocin wasn't doing anything, then an epidural because the pitocin suddenly hit me and I couldn't deal. After that, I was just numb and kind of out of it with low bp. I pushed for 2 hours, which felt like way too much work, and dd went to NICU with respiratory issues.

I wasn't afraid (just naive) going into my first birth, and now I'm just resigned. I'm still rather naive (or optimistic?) in that I'm not afraid of any long-term negative outcomes, but I just don't want to go through the pain. I didn't get any kind of birth-high or lovey-dovey bonding feelings when I first saw my daughter, so I don't even have that to look forward to.
post #90 of 115
Originally Posted by Unicorn75 View Post
Afraid? No. Not of the birth experience.

There are aspects of my first birth that I did not like, and I will work to pre-empt those issues this time around.
This. I'm nervous about being able to refuse interventions, but I know I can do the 'natural' part.

Originally Posted by Aufilia View Post
I think I'm really more afraid of the newborn stage. I had a lot of post-partum anxiety and some PPD with DD, and I am kinda of afraid of that again.
Me too.

I'm afraid of PPD. I don't feel like having a tiny newborn all over again. I'm not looking forward to not sleeping through the night for, oh, two years again. I'm not looking forward to teething and crying without the kid being able to explain verbally why and and being so dependent on me for so long...
post #91 of 115
Originally Posted by limette View Post
I'm not afraid of labor even though I have horrible back labors. I'm afraid that I'm going to have the same issue with my midwife team as I had with the last team. They are are afraid of community backlash against hbac despite the fact that their governing organization supports it. This really came into play last time around when the midwife was super mean at the birth and bullied me throughout in the hope that I would transfer.
This sounds familiar. This is happening in my region too.
post #92 of 115
Yes, and here's why:

I had cryo surgery a few years before ds's birth. I had no idea that that could cause scarring and lead to difficulty in birth. It was the most horrendous experience of my life, and I'm still emotionally disturbed by it. I believe that when unchanged by disease or other things, our bodies are designed to do this naturally and that birth can be a wonderful life-changing, self-actualizing experience. I'm horrible jealous of anyone who experiences that. Because I never will. The worst part is being so misunderstood. I don't even get a "group" (like ICAN and the like). I had a vaginal birth, but only because the Air Force hospital I birthed in wasn't a fan of C's because they just didn't have means to perform a lot of them. I was "allowed" to labor for over 30 hours with no mention of it actually. The only person who brought it up was me, I begged for it. Over 20 hours of transition-like, mutli-peaked, pitocin contractions. With no drugs, only because the Dougie Howser anesthesiologist decided I couldn't bc of some technicality. He went off duty and at about 9.5 centimeters this seasoned old doc comes in and profusely apologizes for what I had to go through at his hand while she's putting a needle in my back. The only way I was able to muster enough to try and push him out (and up ) was that epi. All this happened while I was literally paralyzed from pain and flat on my back. Like I couldn't move, at all. For 30 hours.

I want a beautiful home birth. I may not have any scar tissue left, or it could have grown back with a a vengeance. I just won't know. But the fear I carry and will never be able to council away would keep me from being able to use any mental techniques for pain management. The fear-tension-pain cycle would have me beat in 2 hours!

So I'm afraid. I'm afraid of going through a millisecond of that feeling again. I'm afraid that this cut-happy hospital I'm forced to use now will have me on the operating table. Because having a scarred cervix means that you dilate incredibly slowly (it also means that your body just works even harder to compensate so its like transition the whole time) so I'll "fail to progress". I'm afraid that with an epidural I'll go even slower.
post #93 of 115
[/QUOTE]I actually wanted a c-section at that point, just wanted the pain to stop. He had become only an "it."

For days and weeks after the birth, every time I closed my eyes to try and relax, I relived the birth trauma.


You know, this is so me. I found myself on his first birthday reliving where I was and exactly what was happening to me at "this" time. Every hour (the ones I could remember and hadn't mentally blocked out) was like a movie playing in my mind. Even the other day, on my boy's 5th! bday! I'm still doing it. Actually remembering more and not less. There is just something wrong with that.

And now I'm bawling. I don't know if its because I rarely tell this much about my birth trauma or if its hormones but wow...
post #94 of 115
The only thing I am scared about is things that seem to get out of my control, not the birth and not the pain. My last pregnancy, I had a situation that led to pitocin. With no epidural it was very painful compared to my first. While we still feel that our choice to eventually go with the pit was 100% the right one and totally our choice, it did make me feel like my body was not in control like my first birth. The thought of a normal pit free labor and delivery actually sounds like a relief and I am excited. Nervous, but excited.
post #95 of 115
I think it's the opposite in our DDC...a lot of us are really excited to do it again!

I'm not scared because I did it twice already, and I had great experiences both times. In fact, the second birth was even better than the first. I think birth is such an amazing thing, and there is NOTHING like those last few minutes of birth and first few minutes of meeting your baby. I just feel so blessed that we might have the chance to experience that again.

My first birth was natural but more medicalized than I would have liked (I had twins with health issues, even though they were term, and had to birth in the OR). My second birth I labored mostly at home, and I felt so in control, so completely connected with my body...I'd done a lot of reading both times, but it was before my second birth that I read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I think that book, more than any other, really inspired me to connect to my labor and to appreciate the intensity and work of it all. I felt inspired, confident, strong, and appreciative of my body.

With this birth, I'm going into it with my mind open, but I'm hoping it's as nice as our second birth.
post #96 of 115
I answered "no", because I don't feel afraid, but I feel a little nervous because birth can be so unpredictable. My first labor was great but hard, pitocin-induced at 43 weeks with no pain meds, and AROM about halfway through. So definitely intense, but also definitely doable. And relatively fast for a first labor: 12 hours from the very start of the induction to DD coming out. 15 minutes of pushing. I felt great immediately afterwards, but exhausted two days later from how much I clenching I was doing during each contraction, even though I tried every time to relax completely.

My worry is, what if the contractions don't start on their own again? Or what if I have contractions on my own, without the pit, but they drag out forever and I get really tired? How will I feel then?

In general, I feel pretty confident. After all, if I did pit and AROM with no pain meds, I'm tough, right? And if I do go into labor on my own, with no pit, I'm hoping it will be better this time around. But who knows?
post #97 of 115
I'm on my third. My first was with an epidural, my second I had an epidural which didn't work, so it was non-med by surprise. This baby I'm trying for med free. I'm not scared, not really looking forward to the birth since I don't remember the pain fondly, but I am looking forward to the easier recovery. I also have midwife issues, which is causing a bit of anxiety, but that's a post onto itself.
post #98 of 115
I'm having my second. I had preterm labour at 30 weeks, but then didn't deliver until 38 weeks and needed to be induced after 4 days of ruptured membranes. I'm worried about those kinds of complications. My actual labour was lovely. But I felt the tearing. Which ended up taking over an hour to repair and that was the most excruciating, traumatizing pain of my life. I also hemorrhaged and fainted several times so wasn't feeling great immediately after birth. I still have pain and scar tissue 2 years later. So I am somewhat apprehensive to push the baby out and need to be sutured again. I also don't have fabulous midwives like I did last time. They don't inspire confidence, not in myself, but in them.
post #99 of 115
Originally Posted by trancechylde View Post
I laughed out loud at this- this is me exactly. Every time I have any gas cramps or stomach upsets, I keep telling myself "Girl, it's gonna get a WHOLE lot worse that this!"
Oh my gosh how funny! I do the exact same thing!! I sit there hugging my knees thinking how horrible it feels and then I remember its *nothing* !!! I shudder every time because as bad as that is, its going to be sooo much worse.
post #100 of 115
I'm not afraid. I had a good experience last time. I had a quick, natural labor in a hospital and delivered a healthy baby. Labor was mostly not painful and even the moments that were painful were nowhere near as painful as other experiences I've had. I went into labor without fear, viewing it as a normal, physiological process. I think that helped it not to hurt very much. It also helped that my husband was very calm, supportive, and comforting and that my doctor was "on my side" (and able to attend the birth). There are a few things I would change in retrospect, which gives me hope that this birth could be even better.

I was fortunate to be in the statistical majority of women who have uncomplicated pregnancies and healthy, full term babies. I think that it's harder to stay calm (and avoid fear) in the 10% of emergency situations were something goes wrong. It's also hard to avoid fear if your HCP and/or support people are feeling/expressing negative emotions. I think either of those things make birth harder and make subsequent births seem more scary.
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