God and children dying...

[kblackstone444]

One of my nieces has leukemia and is currently in the hospital, has been for a week now, and the doctors are saying they can't do anything else for her anymore, that it's all up to God now. They don't expect her to make it. She just turned 6.

Can somebody point me to Bible verses (or Christian poems or songs) that I can use, if I need to, that would explain why God sometimes takes small children? My children are 8 and 14, and they will be asking why, and although I have vague ideas, I have nothing solid enough to put into understandable words.

[Whistler]

There's not an easy answer for this or some quick Bible verses to explain it all away. My good friend lost her 3yo daughter to leukemia last year and it hurt. A LOT.

Some people question how a loving God can allow us to hurt so badly, why a child can be taken so young. But He does. He loves us and weeps with us. The whole book of Lamentations is full of God's weeping over a nation that was lost. The Bible says not even a sparrow can fall to the ground without His knowing. How much more a child who dies?

My friend who lost her little girl finds great comfort in the knowledge that she is in Heaven with Jesus and she will see her again someday. Death is only a temporary separation then they will be together for eternity in heaven. The Bible says "precious in His eyes is the death of His saints." That doesn't mean God likes killing people; rather that those who believe in Him will be reunited with Him for eternity where there is no more pain, no more suffering, no more sorrow, only joy.

You asked for songs: One comforting song is "On Eagle's Wings", you can hear it on YouTube if you do a search.

I also find comfort in Isaiah 40 and Psalm 139 because they decribe such a powerful and loving God but also one who knows us intimately and knows each of our days and how long we will live before we go Home.

I hope you can put this into 8yo terms... I can't very well.

[AlwaysByMySide]

Can't necessarily point you to specific Bible verses, but I CAN point you to the book, "Tear Soup", which helped my daughter through the death of her sister. A friend of my father's is a child psychologist, and she sent it to me. I've never come across it in a regular bookstore, but I'm sure it can be ordered online.

As far as faith goes, after my daughter's death, someone told me that she was lucky, because she didn't have to go through such a tough life on Earth...she got to skip ahead to Heaven faster than any of the rest of us. She will never again feel any pain, or know any heartache.

Hope that helps.

[Snugglebugmom]

I don't have any specific bible verses about children dying either. Maybe you could say something along the lines of "Jesus loves her so much, he wanted to bring her home to heaven sooner than most other people get to go there."?
I am so sorry your family is going through this, it must be heart-wrenching. I will keep your niece in my prayers.

[Kidzaplenty]

Originally Posted by Snugglebugmom

I don't have any specific bible verses about children dying either. Maybe you could say something along the lines of "Jesus loves her so much, he wanted to bring her home to heaven sooner than most other people get to go there."?

I have to dis agree with using this statement: "Jesus loves her so much, he wanted to bring her home to heaven sooner than most other people get to go there."

The thing is, is that if you tell a child that God loved her so much he "took" her, it may scare them into hating God, so that He does not take them too or fearing that God will take anyone that loves Him. It is a bad concept.

The reality is that there is sin in this world. People get sick and people die. Children go to heaven all the time. It is a sad reality. But just remember, that God loved us so much that He gave us His Son, so that we could join them one day in heaven.

What did I tell my children when they lost their sister? I told them I did not know why God choose to allow it to happen. But God did not "do it". He was there with us as we were going through it, He was there with us as we came out the other side. We could not have made it with out Him. And their sister is now happy and whole and a laughing little girl again and no longer in pain or "broken". Waiting with Him until we join her. And when we get there, we can ask Him all about the why's.

Death is a hard concept for children to understand. But it is part of life. Some children learn about it the hard way, by a close loss. Others only from a distance. But, it is always there.

I am so sorry for what your family is going through.

[cappuccinosmom]

The reality is that there is sin in this world. People get sick and people die. Children go to heaven all the time. It is a sad reality. But just remember, that God loved us so much that He gave us His Son, so that we could join them one day in heaven.

Yes to this! We live in a fallen world, where there is sickness and death. I'm glad you responded Jenn, because I know you speak from experience, and I always so value what you write!

I was interested to read MommyofHero's response, because IMO, Christian doctrine absolutely does *not* make death a bad or scary thing. I was taught from early on that we have *victory over death*. : It's not a "full stop" ending with anihilation and a worm-ridden body. It's not a hopeless wandering of the soul forever. It's not part of a cycle that goes around and around forever.

It is sad for those remaining to lose a loved one, but we have the hope of seeing each other again, and the knowledge that for the person who died, their death was the beginning of an eternity with God, rather than an end. :

[cappuccinosmom]

I would also check to see if Joni Earikson Tada has any children's books on the subject of suffering or death. I have always appreciated her perspective on the subject of God and earthly suffering, especially as she speaks from the perspective of a person limited to a wheelchair without the use of arms and legs for the rest of life.

[father_knows_best]

Circle of Life

My child has asked me this question once or twice in different forms and we have come back to it a few times. As an Atheist i do not teach from a biblical standpoint, i was able to comfort my children in their fear of death by explaining that regardless of whether or not God is in charge of it all, all material is made of the same building material and when we die we are reintegrated/recycled into the world, which i consider a bit more delicate than the "worm ridden body". When we die we go back to the earth, grass, trees and everything we love and enjoy and when he pushed the subject i told him that the universe is full of energy and we cannot make more and we cannot make it go away, it only changes form. He was comforted that when we die we can return our energy even if in a different form to the world. From a childs standpoint becoming part of a flower, tree, grass or having part of them in a fish that a loved one might eat when hungry could comfort them very much. While one can with effort overcome the fear of death, its not the death that is feared but the uncertainty of what comes afterward. That uncertainty is why even the religious can be afraid at death despite a life of preparing for it. My child is healthy but its the best i could offer if our family found itself in such a unfortunate situation.

[EnviroBecca]

I'm so sorry about your niece!

I tell my child that we do not know exactly what happens when we die, but we can trust God to take good care of us. Jesus said, "In God's house are many rooms. When I leave this life, I am going to get your rooms ready for you." We don't know exactly what it's like in God's house or how that all works, but we can take comfort in knowing that our loved ones have their own special places with God. They are not suffering.

The sad thing about death is that it hurts the people left behind. We miss the person and feel a big empty space in our lives. It seems like nothing will ever be right again. It's okay to feel this pain and loss. God's Peace will heal us, but it takes time. We can help each other by sharing our love and peace.

I believe that suffering and death are part of the experience of life that has been designed by God to teach us and help our souls grow. Our lives are part of a great story that has a plot--it is not all sunshine and rainbows--and no one of us will ever be able to see the whole thing.

Snugglebugmom wrote:

"Jesus loves her so much, he wanted to bring her home to heaven sooner than most other people get to go there."

I wouldn't say this, for two reasons:
1. "Jesus loves your cousin more than he loves you." is not a helpful thing to tell a child. Where can they go with that?
2. I don't actually know how much Jesus loves each person, so I shouldn't pretend that I do.

Father Knows Best wrote:

While one can with effort overcome the fear of death, its not the death that is feared but the uncertainty of what comes afterward. That uncertainty is why even the religious can be afraid at death despite a life of preparing for it.

I think this is true for some people, but for me there is NO fear about what comes afterward. I don't fear death much, and what fear I have relates to (a) the pain and anguish I might experience in the physical/circumstantial process and (b) the suffering I might cause to people I leave behind.

Why does God let a beloved six-year-old die of a horrible illness? The best answer I can give is that there is no answer of which we can be certain. I trust that her life had meaning and her death had meaning, and I seek to understand that meaning as best I can and to be very flexible about where I perceive it. Maybe it's not all about her; maybe it's about the tow truck driver.

May God's Peace be with your niece and your whole family.

[cappuccinosmom]

Actually, there are quite a few, both in the OT (I forget which prophet raised a child from the dead) and the NT (several nameless ones, as well as the little girl Jesus called "Talitha", the boy who fell from the window, and I think a few more in Acts). There is also David who's first son by Bathsheba was lost due to his sin but who stated that while his son could not come to him anymore, he knew that at the end, he would go to be with his son, implication, son is with God and David is looking forward to being with both when his life is done.

And they all point to....the Resurrection. They acknowledge that the death of a child is a tremendous grief and hurt for the family, but don't end there. Each story resolves with this point: Death is not the end, whether by miracle the child is raised, or the acknowledgement that the child is with God eternally.

[kcstar]

There's a book, "When bad things happen to good people", I believe it's by a Rabbi, that talks about things like this from a spiritual perspective. It is useful for a Christian too, though obviously less likely to talk about New Testament.

[wombatclay]

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[lilyka]

Our church teaches that is it always a tragedy when someone dies. But that death is not an end or a victory and our real lives have only just begun. We also pray for the those who have passed, that they will find rest and peace and Gods mercy will overflow on them. It helps bring home that they are being taken care of and that hope is not lost and that their life has simply changed, not ended. their lives will never end.

When my friemnds infant son died (he had SMA) she had such a great perspective. She said something to the effect "God had his plans for him and we don't know exactly what those plans were. we were never proimised 70 or 80 years. we weren't even promised today. We are here for Gods glory and only he can decide how to use us."

as for what I would tell (have told) my children ....death sucks. and it is part of the sickness of sin. and then I would let them grieve as they needed to. I do not have to have all the answers. I don't need to try and convince them that everything is ok. its not. everything has changed and someone we love will not be in our lives any more and they may have suffered greatly as they left this life and that sucks too. The only thing I have to offer them is God loves who ever died and God loves us and he is waiting to comfort both of us. When Lazurus died, Jesus wept. And he had some serious perspective on eternity but here was his friend. dead. in a tomb. and it sucked. and he cried. Death is sad and hard . . . .even for someone who can raise people from the dead. even for someone who raised himself from the dead. He knows. he really really knows. and he cares. and he is there for us.

Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty

And their sister is now happy and whole and a laughing little girl again and no longer in pain or "broken". Waiting with Him until we join her...

: it makes me happy to read this.....I picture Gabby dancing and jumping and spinning with her glorious curls bouncing all around.

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by kcstar

There's a book, "When bad things happen to good people", I believe it's by a Rabbi, that talks about things like this from a spiritual perspective. It is useful for a Christian too, though obviously less likely to talk about New Testament.

This is a really good book.

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "I don't know."

[Bluegoat]

I don't have a book erccomendation for kids, but for adults, I would suggest A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. He wrote it in the aftermath of his wife's death, and it is a very honest exploration into the aftermath of the death of a loved one.

Something Lewis wrote in another book struck me once. He said worldwide, through history, huge numbers of people died before they had a chance to be born, or as infants. More, perhaps, than actually lived. It seems God was not looking to have all of these small people live out a complete cycle of life here with us for some reason. He wants them, presumably, for heaven.

I think this is also true when we think about the death of small children. We feel terrible grief because of the loss of someone so close to us, and we also wonder why they would have been given for such a very short time, and feel as if they have been somehow cut down before their time. I think though, that in the end, all those young souls will fill Heaven, and those who have grown up and experienced all the pains and compromises of life will be in the minority.

[kblackstone444]

Originally Posted by Bluegoat

I think though, that in the end, all those young souls will fill Heaven, and those who have grown up and experienced all the pains and compromises of life will be in the minority.

I think that is a beautiful thought.

[georgia]

Kris

Here are a few Mothering articles that might be of help (not religious-based, but very useful, IMO, when discussing death and surrounding issues with children):

http://www.mothering.com/health/raging-grief

http://www.mothering.com/health/coff...n-and-funerals

http://www.mothering.com/health/dada-died