DD has major anxiety about starting K

[jenniepaige]

What do I do? One min. she's excited about it and looking forward to it and the next she is literally in tears about missing me and being away from me that long. She is going to full day K and went to preschool for half the years last year. So, I'm really not sure what to do. She is so upset.
I feel horrible. Homeschool is always on the table and we even tried that before but she just doesn't learn well from me. I want her to go to K at least and get some basics. And really I just don't see that working with her.
But I am just really not sure. I'm hoping she will adjust to it, but she already doesn't want to go and she hasn't even gone yet.
I'm just so conflicted.

[Magella]

That is totally normal. A lot of kids going into kindergarten have some separation anxiety. Most of them are nervous about what school will be like. They do adjust. She will be fine.

Some things you might do are talk about what kinds of (fun) things she'll be doing at school, what you'll be doing while she's at school, the routine for picking her up (what time, where (bus stop? school?), how-walking or car?). Read books like The Kissing Hand and create a routine for saying goodbye, read stories about going to kindergarten. Pick out something from home that she can keep in her backpack or wear that will comfort her (my oldest had a locket with pictures of mom and dad in it). Does she know other kids who will be attending her school or in her class? If so, it could help to set up a playdate or two with them. Can you visit the school to play on the playground, to help her become a little more familiar with it? Also, if you can start getting into a school schedule (regarding wake-up time, breakfast time, getting dressed in the morning, bedtime) before school starts, we find that helps too (fewer changes on the day school begins).

Above all, it's very important to stay calm when she's anxious. We moms are anxious too, both at the idea of our little ones going off to school all day and at watching them feel so anxious. But they look to us to show them, through our calm behavior, that they will be okay. The more anxious we get, the more anxious they get. Listen to her feelings. Let her know that it's normal to feel nervous, that most other kindergarteners feel nervous too. And calmly and confidently let her know that she will get used to it. And just be there.

She really will be okay. It takes some time to adjust, but she will get used to school. This anxiety very likely won't last long.

[Ellien C]

Has she met the teacher, seen the classroom or does she know any kids going to the school? In my experience all of these things help a lot. My DD is very outgoing and adaptable once she's in a new situation, but the anticipation of it all is almost paralyzing to her.

If you haven't been into the school yet, can you do so? Same, if you don't know anyone there yet, could you ask the school or network around and arrange to meet some kids? If the school can't give out the names of any families with kids, ask for somone in the PTA. They will help you network.

We do a kindergarten play date at our local park in the week before kindergarten. It's sponosored by the PTA and is very fun.

[beanma]

I agree with all of Ellien C's suggestions. I have two dds with sep anxiety. My dd1 had it through the roof. Dd2 is not quite as bad. I definitely recommend going to the school and if you can get into the classroom that would be great. If not, at least play on the playground and tour the school. Is this public school? They may or may not be open to you offering to help out before school starts by doing some odd jobs around the classroom, but I don't think they usually mind if you play on the playground. Meeting some of the other students before hand is a great idea, too.

There are some good books to read that might help her feel better. There is "The Night Before Kindergarten" (the parents all get sad and cry, but the kids tell them it'll be okay) and the "Miss Bindergarten" books.

Some kids really respond to "The Kissing Hand", but it was too emotionally intense for my super anxious, super sensitive dd1. She's an unusual case, though. It might work great for your dd. My dd1, similarly couldn't handle having photos of us at school. It made her miss us more. Works wonders for a lot of kids and is reassuring for them, but my kid, not so much.

The advice about acting calm and not anxious is spot-on, too. Reassure her that you think it will be fun and most kids have a really good time and you want to hear all about it and isn't it a fun playground and the teacher seems so nice, etc, etc.

Remind her that you'll be back to pick her up at the end of the day. It's typical in K to have a picture schedule posted somewhere so kids can refer to it . "We do circle and letterland and then lunch. After lunch we'll have outdoor time and then math center and then music and then your moms and dads will come pick you up." That can be very reassuring to some kids.

Routine is also very important for most separation anxiety kids. Some kids do better if Dad drops them off instead of Mama if that's an option. If it's possible for you to stay a few minutes in the classroom (not always possible in public school) that can work well, too. You'll have to see what will work for your situation.

hth

[TiredX2]

I don't know your child, so I can't really give advice. I know that DD would have been a disaster if we had sent her to Kinder. She was definately not ready for that seperation. After a couple of years of homeschooling, she was ready and excited to try out full day school (and it was still very hard for her to deal with the seperation, but the two years definately made a HUGE difference). I am not encouraging you to homeschool because of this concern, but I did want to respond to your concern that she doesn't learn well "from you." Especially at that young of age, you really don't need to *teach* your child that much (IMO), instead, if you are exposing them to a variety of experiences they are soaking it all in. So much of the younger grades is really learning about *how* to learn and how to fit into the school community. I wouldn't say I actively "taught" DD much (we unschooled) but she was definately academically prepared for 2nd grade.

[zoebird]

i also agree with ellen.

but, also remember that you have options. you can have her go to part-day kindy, or back to part-day child care. there are options in the middle.

good luck!

[jenniepaige]

Thanks for your responses, sorry it took so long to get back I had surgery and have been dealing with all that. Zoebird, there are no options for half time K in my area unless it's private and we cant afford that right now.
I think it will take her some getting used to it. She met her teacher and got all of her supplies so now she is excited but has a fear of the unknows iykwim.
HS is always an option but we really do butt heads a lot and I think this will be good for her in the long run. I am nervous though!