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5 yr old masturbating??

post #1 of 27
Thread Starter 
Alright... getting the heebie jeebies as I post this for fear that using those words together will draw child porn freaks, so I may come back & change the title.

Last summer when I was at my mother's house, she & her husband were watching the 5 year old daughter of a family friend, we'll call the little girl G for now. Anyway, it was morning & I was on the floor reading the newspaper & G thought it would be fun to "ride" my back. She hops on my back... I'm NOT a good morning person, so I was kinda in my own funk, not ignoring her, just not getting up at all. Anyway, after a few minutes, G gets up & walks to the couch, pulls a blanket over herself & then I see her hands in her private area for a few minutes & notice her breathing get a little strained, like she's concentrating on something(all without looking at her b'c i didn't want to make a big deal out of it, as maturbation crossed my mind - i was kind of in shock-mode too, b'c she's FIVE!)

Ugh... at the time I blew it off, but now my mom just told me that she thought she caught G masturbating in the bath!! I guess G was over again & my mom had left the bathroom to grab a towel & the phone in case someone called... walked in on G, who acted surprised & then asked to get out of the bath - which mom says she loves her bathtime & stays forever until they ask her to get out usually.

OMG! Is it normal for a kid that young to really know what they're doing? Is it self discovery?? Is the poor baby being molested? Her mom lets her numerous boyfriends give her baths, which I CAN NOT BELIEVE, but always assumed she was being watched by her mom as well as the boyfriend. I'm so upset right now, I feel nauseated. Please someone tell me that kids find this out on their own & she didn't see porn or people doing it or someone teaching her.
post #2 of 27
I'm not sure if something could be happening or not. I am divided on that one. Somebody should gently ask her where she learned how to touch herself. Some 5yr olds have big mouths, and she will most likely act afraid to tell, or blurt it out.
It could be innocent, though. Maybe she discovered the big "o", and who would want to stop feeling that?!
post #3 of 27
Thread Starter 
man, i live about 26 hours from them... i'l going to pass that suggestion to my mom. wow, FIVE though? Is that physiologically possible? I never thought that people COULD even have an O until puberty??! geez, am I that naive? I don't have kids yet, can you tell
post #4 of 27
I was 9 or 10 when I accidentally had one. We had no shower head at the time, and my mom had put a hose thing on where the shower head would be. I was spraying down there to get the soap off, and had an orgasm.
Now I can barely have them:
I am not sure what age they start:
post #5 of 27
Thread Starter 
wow, thanks, i feel a little more at ease... going to go finish doing dishes & trying NOT to vomit. There are so many sick F&$%$rs though. You know I read once that one out of three kids (reported) are sexually abused?? 1 out of 3?! Not sure if those stats are worldwide or not. What's goin' on with people??

thanks for your post blade...
post #6 of 27
I hope you can stop being Nauseated and chill a little, since to me this is all very normal. I began at around 5, accidently, it feels good, you do it, go with it, doesnt mean you necesarily have orgasms at first, then you figure it out. No, you dont really know what your're doing, until you hear something and usually it's something from someone who is making fun of "it" and then you continue to get the idea it's bad and yet keep doing it.
this is one reason so many women "dont" and then dont ever find out how to please themselves or teach someone else to please them. or if you're continuing and dont understand it to be okay you feel needless shame.

If you feel that the mom could handle it without being upset than you might ask her to tell her dd that it's okay but only when alone.
-- or you could tell the girl kindly and as non-chalantly as possible that you thought she was doing this ( masterbating, fondling herself) and you wanted her to know it was okay but important that she does it only when alone.

Hope this helps. good luck.
Laura
post #7 of 27
I have to say that I think this is normal. My 5 year old dd touches herself a lot. I think it's natural - it feels nice so naturally they want to keep doing it.
post #8 of 27
YUP - that's what the fun button's for!
post #9 of 27
Actually where's that mother who posted about being molested when a child and having this same behaviour of hiding under a blanket?

I would be suspicious.
post #10 of 27
The masturbating seems normal to me, unless she is doing it so much that it is interfering with normal activites such as playing.

As far as where she "learned" to touch herself like that...nobody has to learn, they just sort of discover it by happy accident!

Mom's boyfriends giving a five-year-old girl a bath? Totally inappropriate. I can't imagine any man other than dh giving my five-year-old daughter a bath...nor would she feel comfortable with such a thing.
post #11 of 27
yes it's normal, and it doesn't mean one way or another that someone was/is being molested.
post #12 of 27
Arduinna---

I like the new addition to your sig.


DD is 5 and has been masturbating for quite a while. For a long time she *wouldn't* say it felt good (just said it itched, etc...) but I finally made it clear to her that touching yourself there is *supposed* to feel good and there is nothing wrong with wanting to touch yourself there. That it IS a private thing, though, so if she wants to she needs to go into her bed (she doesn't bathe alone). She was actually doing it a lot for a short while while she was 4 and now I don't know when she has last gone exploring. I don't think it is a sign of any problems, IMO.
post #13 of 27
Perfectly normal my dd has been doing this forever I gently explained to her that it's a private behavior and that she needs to wash her hands before and after and do this in her own room when no one else is around as that is a private area, making it a private behavior.
post #14 of 27
Thread Starter 
Thank you for all of the helpful replies. I've asked my mother if she's talked with G's mother re: bathtime in front of her mom's boyfriends & my mother says that she has. G's mom's response is that she feels comfortable with her bfs, so she wants dd to fel comfortable too, trying to make a family atmosphere i guess?? That NO WAY would her boyfriends (according to her, she's only had two steady bf's in her home, introduced to G at all) ever be strange with her dd, etc.

Anyway, haven't "chilled" b'c I do have suspicions. Now, not so much about her private behavior, but I thinks it's innappropriate as well for the mom's bf to bathe a five yr old girl. & that she's been in front of two already, and my own mom's husband too - although he's "Grandpa" to her, it's still anothher man she's in front of, yk? I think it's weird that the bf would do it at all too! So, can't be relaxed yet about it, but you guys have given me a better idea of what to ask/say for her situation. I'll post back with any happenings. thx
post #15 of 27
Arthead, I'm glad you are still "looking into" the boyfriend/bath thing.

When I said it was totally inappropriate, I did not necessarily mean that the boyfriends were doing anything wrong. The majority of grown men, of course, would never consider behaving in a sexual way with a little girl, no matter how much the media wants us to believe that so many men have the potential to molest a child. Sure, it is possible, but there are quite a lot of signs a sexually abused child begins to show. I won't get into that here, though.

Even in the absence of inappropriate behavior on the part of the boyfriends, I just strongly believe that a child the age of five should not be getting a message that it is perfectly okay for grown men she doesn't know that well to see her unclothed, and to touch her, even if it is just to help her wash. Most five-year-old seems to get a little modest at this age, and that is most likely a good thing. I think that one of the things parents need to do to protect children from becoming victims of sexual abuse is to turn their bodies over to them. Children need to know what the boundaries are, so that if something inappropriate does occur, they can recognize it as inappropriate and say no to the abuser or at least tell a trusted adult about the abuse.

I would worry that a child who is frequently bathed by her mom's boyfriends is not learning appropriate boundaries, KWIM?

Hope this helps...
post #16 of 27
I think hiding under a blanket is totally normal as well. We have been taught that it is private and to young children, private just means covered.
post #17 of 27
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so much for the ideas & responses. It's really sooo difficult to "know" the whole situation from so far away. & my mom sometimes chooses to turn her head when things come up that make her uncomfortable... so who knows if she is really asking this mom about the boyfriends... ugh. I HATE being a suspiscious/accusatory person but the stats are just so freaky. & this little girl could have to deal with these weird feelings on her own - even if it is purely innocent discovering. Anyway, no news yet... just wanted to drop in & say thanks to you for your input.
post #18 of 27
Where is that thread about molestation and the book- The Gift of Fear- was it?

I would bet more that she is being molested. Frequent masturbation is directly attributed to molestation. Plus she is at high risk being with all those different men while being bathed. Where the he** is her mothers head?

Sorry if that offended. But, jeesh!!!
post #19 of 27
My above post is the first gut instinct I got about your post. I wanted to add that I have 4 daughters and know about how they will touch themselves and all of that.

But, coupling how often she is doing it with the fact that she is around all of those men naked.

And another question-- Since when do 5 year olds need to be "given" a bath??? Around 3/4 is when all of my girls learned to wash themselves up.
post #20 of 27
Oh- and to be clear- I am not in any way attacking- just giving you some things to think about.
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