Fear of c/s

[1babysmom]

When I think of possible birth emergencies that would take me from my UC at home to the operating table at a hospital, most of which are rare, I still get very nervous- well, I won't lie, the idea freaks me out- about ever having to have a c/s. I would just be so disappointed. Don't get me wrong- in any case where I'd agree to one it would have to be a SERIOUS emergency, and I'd be THRILLED just to have my baby out and safe!!!! But I think it's all the things that come with a c/s that would really get me down. But mostly, the huge difficulties it would likely pose for future births. Unless I wanted them all to be UBAC's (which I can't speak for my comfort level on UBAC's), even though many women have successful VBAC's, HBAC's, and UBAC's, I really do not want to birth my babies in a hospital if I have a choice, but so many MW's here won't touch VBAC's with a 10-foot pole...and there are very hospitals around me who will even allow women to attempt them (I'd have to drive at least an hour to the nearest one that *might*). And even if you could do a VBAC in a hospital, from what I know about these hospitals, they're still going to be so strict about how you can labor (NOT healthy, IMO), and SO quick to put you back on the table. Basically I'd feel as if all my hopes for future births (and God-willing, a lot of them) would be shattered.

I know it's silly to worry (not to mention as a Christian I know it goes against God's Word to worry, especially about things that are only mere possibilities), but it's a real fear for me, for the reasons I mentioned. I guess I just needed to get that out. I've been thinking a lot about what I'd do if I ever found out I was pg. with twins because I'm not *sure* I'd be comfortable UC'ing them (though I am now more than I would have been before), but I don't know of any MW's around here who do twin homebirths (I've done a lot of searching JIC ), and I don't even want to go NEAR a hospital...because even if they allow women to attempt vaginal twin births, I cannot imagine they'd be completely willing to help a woman in every way possible to AVOID a c/s just because it's twins, ya know?

It's not like I've just got this uncontrollable worry that is constantly nagging at me. Actually it's not like that at all. I just try to really prepare myself for all possibilities and researching what would happen in the case of c/s was one of them...but I just didn't end up finding what I'd hope to come across.

I think I just need to talk about it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation (where there aren't many- if any- options for V/HBAC's) and have an encouraging story??

[Beccadoula]

Wow...maybe you should contact someone like ICAN or SOLACE? They are both great resources. If you start out with a good midwife and a home birth - with good support and good health - you're so much more likely to have a good experience. Why worry yourself with thinking about all the could go wrong? If you're a woman of faith - you need to be in prayer about this, seriously. Don't let fear dictate to you how you live or think - it can only do damage. I'm sorry I can't be more help.

[1babysmom]

Originally Posted by gentlehandsdoula

Wow...maybe you should contact someone like ICAN or SOLACE? They are both great resources. If you start out with a good midwife and a home birth - with good support and good health - you're so much more likely to have a good experience. Why worry yourself with thinking about all the could go wrong? If you're a woman of faith - you need to be in prayer about this, seriously. Don't let fear dictate to you how you live or think - it can only do damage. I'm sorry I can't be more help.

I'm not worried about it on a regular basis or anything! Just when I think about "what if" I have to have a c/s? To me it's not worrying about what can go wrong, but getting an idea of all outcomes from all angles...I guess I think that's wise for me when planning another UC since a UC is really the ONLY birth I want...and I don't want to let myself feel like a failure because I wasn't well researched and somewhat comfortable with other outcomes, if that makes sense. It's just a concern I have, just like sort of preparing myself...like I know if something goes wrong I'll be okay with a transfer to a hospital, but I think I also need to prepare myself for the possibility of a c/s. But since one would leave me at such a dead end, it's really a concern to me, ya know?

I have no reason to believe I'll need a c/s for anything much less than a true emergency. I've already had 2 healthy pregnancies, 1 good hospital birth, 1 amazing, uncomplicated UC, and we're planning another of the latter for March. Of course I'm in prayer about it, and fear isn't dictating anything other than kinda making me get an idea about the possibilities if I WERE to have a c/s in the future- that's why I tried researching my options, so that I wouldn't feel so lost if my birth didn't go as I hope and pray for. But I didn't find anything encouraging. You know, if you're in an area very supportive of V/HBAC's it's going to be much less of a disappointment than it is in a situation like mine where it almost seems as if once you have a c/s, that's what you're in for for any and all future births.

[fwlady]

I am a VBAC UC momma. I had a csection first, then the VBACs when they were being pushed for. I got really lucky, as the first FP tried to refer me to an OB at 32 wks because he couldn't get my records. Yeah, whatever. I got them in 48 hrs from the military with my sister RNs help. But, you know what happened? My very interventionalist FP *unknown to me at the time* wasn't on call that night. I had my baby with the best one in the practice, as he was JUST LIKE a MW. Next birth, fast in a hospital w/o my MW there, because I was snowed into the wrong town. I just told him how it was going to be, and didn't get any interventions at all. The next ones were UC, or planned UCs. Even when they started banning all VBACs in the hospitals that surround my town, I transferred to the only one I hadn't called. They didn't skip a beat when finding out the baby had meconium (but was fine), I was VBAC, and 23 days late, w/o back up for that hosp.

Last one was also a UC, and I had a severe PPH. So, they transferred me by ambulance. The dr that attended me gave me a Rx for Methergine, "just in case for next time". He only said this to me, but we saved it per his instructions.

Now, I am not sure that we are UCing, after the last fiasco from losing a twin, being grand multipara, and having the PPH being this far from the hospital. And, again, I lost a twin, so it is the same dynamic. If we do, it will be in the hotel down the street from that VBAC friendly hospital. Or, I will labor in the hotel and go in at the very last minute. Comes to find out, they don't really do VBACs regularly. They told me 3.5 yrs ago that they only do them during the daytime. They monitored me only 10 min every hour. They let me labor in the shower with broken waters (for 90 hrs but we didn't share that info). And, she was perfectly fine. They never took the baby out of the room, even for an xray because of the mec. They gave us a steak dinner and candlelight that night. :

Now, I am not into hosp birth at all. After having to fight for my VBAC both times (mostly the second time), I am mostly done with that. Unless I feel it is in mine or the baby's best interest. And, I was all prepared to refuse a csection if she seemed fine, or getting a second opinion. I went in with my EMTALA act paper. But, I NEVER had to fight. So, even as the hosp may get a bad rap, there are some out there that are trying very hard to do right by the mothers. Even us VBACers. So, if you live in mid MO, I will tell you who they are if you ever need a VBAC or transfer.

I am like you. I need to plan every thing. I am a control freak (not saying you are LOL). I struggle with my faith, and am also a Christian. I don't really care for the unpredictability of birth. But, it is the way it is. I think it stretches my faith, that is for sure.

I think when you have to deal with it, you just do. They cannot force you into a RCS without VERY good cause. They can't just say, oh, uh, past ceserean, this WILL be a cesarean. I believe it is breech of the EMTALA, and hospitals are said to be more scared of breaking that than hospital policies and insurance issues.

And, you have a more positive situation. You have a "proven pelvis", like our pelvises should have to prove themselves. : So, if you did have an emergency C/S, the VBAC would be a no brainer in comparison to when a mother has a C/S for the first birth, or it should be for the dr anyway. There are many more risks involved than just the "scary UR". KWIM? You have already done very well. You may very well continue. I know several women who have had 7-9 vaginal births, many induced, without any C/S. So, it does happen. You may just fly through all of this birth stuff.

I do understand your worry. I worry about if I will have to have another csection, and where will that put me for a VBA2C? I didn't bat an eye at a UBAC, but a UBA2C?? That would be tough. By my calculations, God could give us 13 children before menopause. I am having #8 after Xmas. Will I end up on the table again? And, how many times? My only real issues are PP, so I just let that go. Although this PG has been crazy. It is in God's hands. Just pray and get through one birth at a time. Kymberli

[annekh23]

I had an extreme fear, potentially even a phobia of c-sections, though for me, it wasn't the worry of the impact on future pregnancies and births, just the experience itself. It freaked me out when I found out that breech pretty much meant c-section and the 4% of babies were breech, that really scared me, it suddenly made the possibility seem so real. No one in my family had had a c-section, so I wasn't really worried about failure to progress and other emergencies were rare enough not to worry me.

First delivery was fine, 2nd pregnancy, I suddenly realised at 35 weeks that I needed a c-section and I remember crying and crying as I was devastated. Ironically it turned out that that needed c-section didn't happen so instead of one c-section birth with the potential for others to be vbacs, it actually made all future births need to be c-section.

I intended for there to be no future births but 11 months ago I got pregnant, I kidded myself for months that I could have a nice gentle vaginal birth, I became clinically depressed, partly through fear of any type of birth whatsoever, I just wanted my baby to magically appear. My fear led me to a situation where we were scrambling around for an ob at 35 weeks, which isn't adviseable!

When it came to crunch, my c-section was fantastic and my recovery has been very smooth, I don't intend to have more children, but the reasons for my c-section will still exist, so they would also be c-section, so I don't have the worries about not being able to vbac, but it was still a much much better experience than I expected.

Remember just like you don't know whether it might arise that you need an emergency c-section, you also don't know if you'll still be living in the same place or if the local hospitals and doctors will still have the same rules on vbacs.

[1babysmom]

Originally Posted by fwlady

I am a VBAC UC momma. I had a csection first, then the VBACs when they were being pushed for. I got really lucky, as the first FP tried to refer me to an OB at 32 wks because he couldn't get my records. Yeah, whatever. I got them in 48 hrs from the military with my sister RNs help. But, you know what happened? My very interventionalist FP *unknown to me at the time* wasn't on call that night. I had my baby with the best one in the practice, as he was JUST LIKE a MW. Next birth, fast in a hospital w/o my MW there, because I was snowed into the wrong town. I just told him how it was going to be, and didn't get any interventions at all. The next ones were UC, or planned UCs. Even when they started banning all VBACs in the hospitals that surround my town, I transferred to the only one I hadn't called. They didn't skip a beat when finding out the baby had meconium (but was fine), I was VBAC, and 23 days late, w/o back up for that hosp.

Last one was also a UC, and I had a severe PPH. So, they transferred me by ambulance. The dr that attended me gave me a Rx for Methergine, "just in case for next time". He only said this to me, but we saved it per his instructions.

Now, I am not sure that we are UCing, after the last fiasco from losing a twin, being grand multipara, and having the PPH being this far from the hospital. And, again, I lost a twin, so it is the same dynamic. If we do, it will be in the hotel down the street from that VBAC friendly hospital. Or, I will labor in the hotel and go in at the very last minute. Comes to find out, they don't really do VBACs regularly. They told me 3.5 yrs ago that they only do them during the daytime. They monitored me only 10 min every hour. They let me labor in the shower with broken waters (for 90 hrs but we didn't share that info). And, she was perfectly fine. They never took the baby out of the room, even for an xray because of the mec. They gave us a steak dinner and candlelight that night. :

Now, I am not into hosp birth at all. After having to fight for my VBAC both times (mostly the second time), I am mostly done with that. Unless I feel it is in mine or the baby's best interest. And, I was all prepared to refuse a csection if she seemed fine, or getting a second opinion. I went in with my EMTALA act paper. But, I NEVER had to fight. So, even as the hosp may get a bad rap, there are some out there that are trying very hard to do right by the mothers. Even us VBACers. So, if you live in mid MO, I will tell you who they are if you ever need a VBAC or transfer.

I am like you. I need to plan every thing. I am a control freak (not saying you are LOL). I struggle with my faith, and am also a Christian. I don't really care for the unpredictability of birth. But, it is the way it is. I think it stretches my faith, that is for sure.

I think when you have to deal with it, you just do. They cannot force you into a RCS without VERY good cause. They can't just say, oh, uh, past ceserean, this WILL be a cesarean. I believe it is breech of the EMTALA, and hospitals are said to be more scared of breaking that than hospital policies and insurance issues.

And, you have a more positive situation. You have a "proven pelvis", like our pelvises should have to prove themselves. : So, if you did have an emergency C/S, the VBAC would be a no brainer in comparison to when a mother has a C/S for the first birth, or it should be for the dr anyway. There are many more risks involved than just the "scary UR". KWIM? You have already done very well. You may very well continue. I know several women who have had 7-9 vaginal births, many induced, without any C/S. So, it does happen. You may just fly through all of this birth stuff.

I do understand your worry. I worry about if I will have to have another csection, and where will that put me for a VBA2C? I didn't bat an eye at a UBAC, but a UBA2C?? That would be tough. By my calculations, God could give us 13 children before menopause. I am having #8 after Xmas. Will I end up on the table again? And, how many times? My only real issues are PP, so I just let that go. Although this PG has been crazy. It is in God's hands. Just pray and get through one birth at a time. Kymberli

Thank you!!! It's wonderful to know that someone understands where I'm coming from. Your post really resonated with me.