Please tell me daycare isn't going to screw them up!

[Learning_Mum]

I've put this in the mental health forum because it is to do with my mental health issues - mods, please move if you think it's better suited elsewhere.

OK, so I have dysthymia and BPD. I have two boys under 4yo and find it really difficult to cope. I have some help, but not alot, and honestly it doesn't really matter how much it is because it's not enough for *me*, if that makes sense.

I often end up calling DH at work and getting him to come home because I just can't cope and make it through the day. Today I had to do that (because there was no one else who was available to help) and his boss has basically told him he's got to the end of the month to get something sorted or he'll be out of a job.

I never really wanted to put the kids in daycare. I'm a SAHM and wanted to be home with my kids but I think I need to face reality and realise I'm just not cut out for being needed 24/7. I'm intoverted and need alot of time to myself and alone.

I'm looking in to putting the boys in daycare 9am - 1pm Mon - Fri so I would basically be looking after them alone for four hours a day. It would also give me four hours a day to myself.

I do think I would be a better Mother and wife if I had more time alone. I can't cope with looking after the boys by myself all day. I am angry, impatient and short tempered. I think I'm probably doing more damage to them being home with them all the time than daycare would do but I guess I just need to hear from other people that I'm not going to screw them up. I know alot of kids go to daycare and they're all OK. I guess it's just something *in me* that feels like I'm not doing my job properly.

Can anyone else relate? Is this anyone in a similar situation?

[Carley]

My daughter is 3 & attends a church preschool. She started last year 2x/week for 2 hours, but stayed for the "lunch bunch" program an additional 2 (total 4 hours). It's WONDERFUL - she absolutely LOVES it & I get me time enough to miss her & enjoy picking her up.

She's been out for the Summer & I notice a HUGE difference in both of us. She's starting back up next month 3x/week & we are both going to benefit so much. Today was such a horrible day - I felt so bad! I yelled SO much - one of those days I know she would have had WAY more fun at school & I would have felt like a MUCH better mommy!

Finding the right fit is totally individual. I spent (& sometimes spend) plenty of time "wishing I were different" & that "perfect homeschool mom" I thought I was going to be when I was pregnant (LOL on that one!) but in the end both my daughter and I are both really happy & thriving with her in school.

Do what you feel is good for you! It sounds like you think you have an idea that will make your homelife better - why the heck not do it?! You can always change your mind!

Good luck mama - we can all guilt ourselves into oblivion. In the end we're just mamas trying to do best by our kids - we need to do best by ourselves too!

[chaoticzenmom]

Daycare won't screw them up. I went to many different daycares and I'm pretty mentally stable No guilt...do your best and they'll be fine.

[Satori]

Both my kids have gone to daycare and love it. My 3 yr old will start back full days 4 days a week next week and I have no worries, she loves daycare I'm looking forward to getting a mental health break several hours a day 5 days a week while in school

[IsaFrench]

where I live, day-care is sought after and there are not enough places of day care to satisfy demand;

it's supposed to be very good for socialisation with peer group & EVEN SAHM can apply for a place (for 2 to 5half days a week) because it's quite obvious that not everyone is good at multi-tasking (management of the home whilst taking care of the kids), that's my case and not much get done these days apart from the very basic.

I'm the same as you, I need a lot of time alone and in silence and am SO looking forward to my youngest starting day care next month !

BUT I've met people who just don't understand why I need daycare whilst I'm not in paid employment ... usually it's not so much that they have thought hard on the question on an ideological perspectice, it' just that they didn't make that choice for themsleves and therefore it makes them feel uncomfortable to be facing someone who has made different choices ....

1 - day care is the best solution for me because it's not one individual child minder but a group of people so less risk that things are not run how they should be, with the mutual control within the group of adults ....
2 - I need to be in a good shape to take care of my children and if that means a few hours of "free" time to do what's important for me ... then it's a need that's justified.

[Surfacing]

I think you are absolutely sensible to consider daycare for half a day. Your kids will love being around other kids and get used to routines. I can so relate to your post and really wish we started sending dd1 to daycare a lot sooner than we did. She goes two days a week and we are ALL much happier for it!

You are not a bad person. We are not all cut out for being on-call 24/7. Be gentle with yourself. What would you advise a friend?

[Pookietooth]

to you. So sorry that you are feeling guilt. I hope you are able to get the support you need. No judgement here, do what you have to do.

[ani'smommy]

I work part time, but my kids are in day care from 9-1 two days a week and 9-3 one day a week. It mostly covers the time I'm at work, but gives me 4-8 hours (depending on my schedule that week) of time to myself.

It is AWESOME and has made me a better mother. They go off to school in the AM, I spend a couple of hours getting supper started, or planned at least, do a little cleaning, throw a load of laundry in and then I get a few hours to read a book and do my own thing. Then when they get home, I have nothing to do but play with them. It is so nice to have time to have fun with them without being totally stressed about having to get stuff done, or being completely touched out.