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Why do store employees DO THIS!!!!!! - Page 6

post #101 of 187
While I don't think it's exactly rude to offer a child food without first asking a parent, I don't think it's wise.

The worker in the store had no business questioning the OP. Not only is she the child's parent, but she's also a customer. Bad customer relations, IMO. When someone asks me a question that irks me, I like to reply with "Why do you ask?"

I also think that it's terribly wasteful to accept a treat on the premise of being polite, with the intent to merely throw it away when you're out of view.
post #102 of 187
My experience has usually been that people ask me before they offer things to the kids.
post #103 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by sisteeesmama View Post
Should life be that hard? No. Is it sometimes? Yep, it is.

I mean, like I said, it would be nice if everyone worried about that kind of stuff for our convenience so that we would never be put in the situation of our child being given something we don;t want them to have or could even kill them like a peanut m&m for a child with peanut allergies. But how can you make everyone care? How can you make everyone ask everytime? And should you really want that? I just don't subscribe to the mentality that because someone might have a peanut allergy that I shouldn't send my kid to school with a peanut butter sandwich, just as an example.
I don't see sending one's own child to school with a PB sandwich and giving another person's child candy as being the same thing at all. Giving a child candy without checking with a parent is pretty irresponsible. In the OP's case, the woman at least offered it in front of the mom. People do know about allergies these days. People do know that kids (at least some of them) get wired on sugar and dyes. They just don't give a crap.

Obviously, you can't make everyone care. I never thought we could. That doesn't mean I think it's okay that people don't care if they kill a child to prove their point that parents are "too mean" to let their kids experience the joys of candy. And, no - I don't think everyone who offers a kid candy has that kind of motivation, but some definitely do. There have been a couple of examples in this thread.

Quote:
This is a free country and people just do not have to subscribe to your ideals. And thank God, because it means that I don't have to subscribe to theirs!

I do genuinely feel sorry for moms with kids who have severe food allergies, I really do, but it boils down to this your situation, this is your kid.
Exactly. It's their kid. So, don't hand their kid a candy without clearing it with mom and dad. That woman in ER almost killed my niece - not because she wanted to give a little girl a candy, but because she couldn't be bothered to say, "excuse me, is it okay for me to give this to your daughter?". To say my SIL was "responsible", because she turned her head for a second, while waiting in an ER for word on her grandmother, strikes me as really bizarre.

People in our complex give dd1 crap when she's playing with their kids. They do it all the time. I don't mind. But, if dd1 had a peanut allergy, you can bet I'd have made sure they all knew it, and that dd1 had it drilled through her head that she can't take anything that's offered.
post #104 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by Proudmomoftwinsplusone View Post
I'm with ya ladybug. When my boys were about 3 we were doing a lot of errands and someone offered them hard candy. I said no becuase they would hate it and/or choke. She looked at me like i was an idiot. so we took the candy home. one twin spat it out, told me he hated it for about 20 minutes and then the other twin started to choke and i did something close to a hymlick maneveur (sp?) to get it out. Mommy knows best, people!
Not to totally derail the thread... but if you knew the candy was a choking hazard- why would you give it to your children? To prove they would choke on it or hate it? What was the point? If someone offers your child something you don't want them to have- decline it. Throw it away. But why accept it, complain about how bad it is, and then give it to your children?!?
post #105 of 187
OP, I totally agree with you, and I would be really annoyed that she questioned you about why you said no.


Quote:
Originally Posted by KweenKrunch View Post
I'd rather listen to my kids scream for it all the way home than offend someone who was trying to be kind.
Really?? You would rather make your children suffer than risk offending a stranger?
post #106 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by KweenKrunch View Post
I'd rather listen to my kids scream for it all the way home than offend someone who was trying to be kind.
First, I don't understand how "No, thanks" is offensive. Too many people out there don't know how to say no. They say yes to everything, being too afraid of what others think, trying to please every person they meet. It's sad.

Secondly, my kids matter more to me than a random person at a store. Making them unhappy for no good reason is cruel. You're willing to be unkind to your children in order to facilitate someone else's kindness? That's sort of twisted.
post #107 of 187
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post
First, I don't understand how "No, thanks" is offensive. Too many people out there don't know how to say no. They say yes to everything, being too afraid of what others think, trying to please every person they meet. It's sad.

Secondly, my kids matter more to me than a random person at a store. Making them unhappy for no good reason is cruel. You're willing to be unkind to your children in order to facilitate someone else's kindness? That's sort of twisted.
Yeah that was my thinking too......Oh well I guess I am just "Mean Mommy from Hell" who knows
post #108 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by sisteeesmama View Post
I just think other people don't have to worry about your kids allergies, while it would be nice and convenient and I can only imagine how scary it must be as a mom to have to deal with, ultimately it is not their problem.
So they shouldn't worry about my kid's allergies, but they SHOULD take the time to make the effort to give my kids snacks? Your logic is baffling. If they shouldn't worry that they may hurt someone's child by offering them food without knowing them, then perhaps they should just leave other people's kids alone, YKWIM?
post #109 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommariffic View Post
Yeah, I am a little surprised too?

I've had folks offer DD lollipops and things and I've always said thank you and just pocketed it. I mean, it was a lollipop not crack you know? I guess my opinion may not be as popular because on occasion we veg out with treats like that.

I would have said "they are too young, but thank you so much for thinking of us" or something like that. I wouldn't have been offended or horrified because it's a nice gesture
ETA this is as far into the thread as I have made it...

I think the problem is a lack of respect.

Both of my kids have food allergies and it pisses me off when adults just walk up and hand them something they are allergic to. Especially my 19 month old because he doesn't understand and gets really upset when I have to take it away. It happens all the time. I don't get mad at the PEOPLE who do it, because I know they are just trying to be nice. But it is bad manners...you should always ask the parent first. I really appreciate it when people DO ask me first, and I make sure to let them know that!!

And in the case of the OP it was totally out of line for the employee to question her. That would have fried me, I might even complain. It isn't like the girl would lose her job or get in trouble, but someone would probably give her a heads up not to do that in the future.
post #110 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by Britishmum View Post
I just think this is part of life. Other people are not going to always share your outlook and values, and honestly, those who allow their kids candy are no more wrong than you are right.

I can't really identify with the feeling of anger at someone who is applying their own outlook on life to your situation, and trying to do something nice. You might not like it, but 99% of parents would have been fine with it. And even though I am not particularly keen on my kids having unnecessary candy, I would have thought of the intent not the action, and felt good that someone cared enough to want to do something nice for my kids.

And I talk as the parent of a child who does have life-threatening allergies. I often have to intercept a treat as it's handed to my child, and explain to the giver that he has severe allergies. Just last week, I had to intervene when on the last day of swim classes, the teachers brought out a big bag of candy. It was no biggie. I have strategies for this. Ds knows that we have 'his' treats at home. If he can't have something someone offers, the moment we get home, we open his cupboard and he has a treat. Sure, he can throw a fit like the best of preschoolers, but if he does, that's life. It's just as likely that he'll throw a fit over a toy he wants me to buy, or getting a smoothie at a stand, or whatever. It's life, and we deal with it.

I guess I just can't see this as such a big deal. And although sometimes I have to explain about allergies, which are not a choice, but a medical fact, I would never deem to try to 'educate' someone else about healthy eating. I think that's rude. How much effort does it take to smile nicely at someone and thank them for a kind gesture, even if it doesn't fit with our preferences? And if you really don't want your kids to eat it, trade it when you get home for something that you prefer them to eat. And allow them to be thrilled that a lady in a store did something nice for them!
Thank you for that refreshing and practical post. It's getting to be so, it would be best to just resolutely ignore people when out and about. The list of offensiveness seems to get longer every year.
post #111 of 187
It struck me that saying "thank you" to a stranger who offers your kid candy when the only reason for them not to have it is that you have a dietary "preference" to exclude it is similar to saying "thank you" to your auntie for sending you that horrible pink sweater she thought would suit you so well. Auntie doesn't know you don't want it. Neither does the stranger. Would you tell auntie you would never wear her pukey sweater?

I think I would still decline politely, but I don't think I would get offended at the offer. I do get ruffled sometimes that there are so MANY offers, but at an individual kindness, no.
post #112 of 187
As I posted that, my 2yo licked his finger and stuck it in the sugar bowl.
post #113 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by KweenKrunch View Post
I'd rather listen to my kids scream for it all the way home than offend someone who was trying to be kind.
What????????? That is so foreign to me.

I totally understand that people are trying to be nice, strangers and family both. However - I am the mom and I know what is best for me AND my kids. I would not be rude to the person, I would just say No thank you. However - it still makes me just hopping mad mad mad mad mad!!!!!

I get SO irritated when grandpas or whoever offers candy or ice cream. These people have no idea if the kids have eaten a decent meal already, or if they go totally berserk after eating that type of sugary treat.

I do not appreciate people trying to make me the bad guy by saying no to these treats. I do not appreciate people deciding that I have to listen to my kids anger or sadness or screaming in the car on the way home after a long tiring shopping trip.

No adult should EVER offer any food to somebody else's children!!! If you MUST offer, you should spell the word to the Mom asking if it is okay in a manner that the child does not hear or understand.

I understand that the person might have *thought* they were being nice, but they were in fact being completely rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate.
post #114 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post
my kids matter more to me than a random person at a store. Making them unhappy for no good reason is cruel. You're willing to be unkind to your children in order to facilitate someone else's kindness? That's sort of twisted.

Yes, you said it way better than me!!
post #115 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyMommy2 View Post
What????????? No adult should EVER offer any food to somebody else's children!!! If you MUST offer, you should spell the word to the Mom asking if it is okay in a manner that the child does not hear or understand.
There are some posts up thread that indicate spelling it out is also inappropriate and disrespectful.
post #116 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyMommy2 View Post
I understand that the person might have *thought* they were being nice, but they were in fact being completely rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate.
I think rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate is way harsh for the situation referenced in the OP. Chances are the employee was trying to prevent further disruption of the medicine aisle in the store.
post #117 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by sisteeesmama View Post
Should life be that hard? No. Is it sometimes? Yep, it is.

I mean, like I said, it would be nice if everyone worried about that kind of stuff for our convenience so that we would never be put in the situation of our child being given something we don;t want them to have or could even kill them like a peanut m&m for a child with peanut allergies. But how can you make everyone care? How can you make everyone ask everytime? And should you really want that? I just don't subscribe to the mentality that because someone might have a peanut allergy that I shouldn't send my kid to school with a peanut butter sandwich, just as an example.

This is a free country and people just do not have to subscribe to your ideals. And thank God, because it means that I don't have to subscribe to theirs!

I do genuinely feel sorry for moms with kids who have severe food allergies, I really do, but it boils down to this your situation, this is your kid.
So where do you expect kids with peanut allergies to go to school? Do you think that is just a risk they should have to take? I don't understand the logic behind this at all...it would never cross my mind to be oppositional about important policies like this.

Not trying to be snarky, just trying to understand how you think it should be handled since you are unhappy with the current system.
post #118 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by sisteeesmama View Post
I just don't subscribe to the mentality that because someone might have a peanut allergy that I shouldn't send my kid to school with a peanut butter sandwich, just as an example.

This is a free country and people just do not have to subscribe to your ideals. And thank God, because it means that I don't have to subscribe to theirs!

I do genuinely feel sorry for moms with kids who have severe food allergies, I really do, but it boils down to this your situation, this is your kid.

Yes, because your child "right" to eat a peanut butter sandwich trumps my kids right to be safe from the risk of anaphylactic shock.
post #119 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by sisteeesmama View Post
I mean, like I said, it would be nice if everyone worried about that kind of stuff for our convenience so that we would never be put in the situation of our child being given something we don;t want them to have or could even kill them like a peanut m&m for a child with peanut allergies. But how can you make everyone care? How can you make everyone ask everytime? And should you really want that? I just don't subscribe to the mentality that because someone might have a peanut allergy that I shouldn't send my kid to school with a peanut butter sandwich, just as an example.
I think it's absolutely *no big deal* to ask parents, every parent every time, if their child has food allergies before I give them food. I ask every time we invite a new friend to our home to play. If my kid had food allergies I would hope that others would ask (but would absolutely do what I had to in order to ensure my child's safety, knowing that not everyone will ask).

Also, there are children with life-threatening peanut allergies at my kids' school, and in two of their classrooms. I don't send my kids to school with peanut products. And you know what? That's no big deal, even though they love peanut butter and initially were disappointed. I am teaching my kids that someone else's life is more important than our convenience. They've adjusted beautifully, and check the labels themselves now. And actually, they are allowed to bring peanut butter sandwiches for lunch (because there is a peanut free table), but since they don't have an opportunity to wash hands before returning to the classroom (where they can then contaminate things peanut-allergic kids may touch) we have decided together that it isn't safe to do so. Kids have immense capacity for understanding and compassion.

As for store clerks giving out candy, I think it's meant to be a kind gesture, and one that they hope will encourage repeat business. I do appreciate it when people ask me "can she have one?" or "is it okay if I offer him one?"--and I find that most people do ask. And I don't think wishing people would ask first is wishing for too much. I think it's a good habit, given both safety (choking) issues and the prevalence of food allergies.
post #120 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magella View Post
Also, there are children with life-threatening peanut allergies at my kids' school, and in two of their classrooms. I don't send my kids to school with peanut products. And you know what? That's no big deal, even though they love peanut butter and initially were disappointed. I am teaching my kids that someone else's life is more important than our convenience. They've adjusted beautifully, and check the labels themselves now. And actually, they are allowed to bring peanut butter sandwiches for lunch (because there is a peanut free table), but since they don't have an opportunity to wash hands before returning to the classroom (where they can then contaminate things peanut-allergic kids may touch) we have decided together that it isn't safe to do so. Kids have immense capacity for understanding and compassion.
I did wish ds1's school had a peanut-free table (or room) for lunch, and that he could have washed his hands. I absolutely understand the severity of peanut allergies, but cutting peanut butter out was very difficult for us - it was one of the few quick, easy lunches I could afford to feed ds1 at that time. The girl with the peanut allergy was in his class every year, and is now one of his close friends. I certainly don't begrudge her a safe place to eat, but I do wish the school had been able to find a way to provide one that wasn't quite as difficult on our end.

C'est la vie. They're in high school now, and I can afford things other than PB&J now.
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