Why do store employees DO THIS!!!!!! - Page 2

[Kirsten]

I think store employees should quietly ask you (the good ones hold it up just enough so you can see or point at it and raise their eyebrows - like "is this ok?" without the kids noticing) but her intentions were to help you. I think being offended or mad isn't really fair to the employee who is just trying to be helpful in what sounds like a challenging situation.

Honestly, whining kids who are rearranging the products isn't fair to the store employee who is going to have to fix it after you leave. I do think offering the suckers during the time you were trying to talk to the pharmacist instead of as you were leaving would have been more helpful - as I'm assuming her intent was to get the kids quiet and occupied so you could finish.

The only part of your story that would irk me is "rewarding" poor behavior with candy. During - to keep them busy - would have been ok with me except they are kind of young for something that has a choking possibility (plain M & Ms would have been better) but not after. After there is no point.

[ChetMC]

Random Acts of Candy

We're originally from Canada. I noticed a lot more of this kind of thing in the US. Our kids got a lot more random candy, free balloons, stickers and temporary tattoos in American stores and restaurants than Canadian ones.

Our kids don't get a lot of candy, but I am not beyond using M&Ms to buy five minutes of quiet occupation when we really need it. There have certainly been times when I was very thankful somebody offered a sucker or a juice box.

I do what others have suggested here.... appreciate that the person has no malicious intent, accept what they're offering, pocket the sucker or the candy if there's a particular reason the kids can't have it at the time, etc. I've certainly never lectured anybody on the evils of sugar or the hazards of choking.

I do appreciate it when people quietly ask me or DH before offering the candy, but I don't expect this.

[TinkerBelle]

I agree. It is okay to politely refuse, but good golly, to actually get offended by it? I am sure that the clerk was only trying to be nice.

But then, to be asked why was a bit over the top, IMHO. I would not have liked that one bit.

I guess I can see both sides of it.

[LROM]

See I actually love situations like this, because even though I woulda been irked by the "Why?" question too, I see these as opportunities to educate everyone on natural parenting!

You kinda said it, that you don't let your kids have processed sugars, which in this case is what I woulda said too. But I woulda gone on to say (in a very happy, lighthearted voice because I wouldn't have been upset) that as an employee in the medical health part of the store, she should think twice about offering children processed sugar candy, since it's so bad for them.

Yes, they like it, and it's a lovely gesture, but it's so bad for them!

Then I woulda thanked her for her kind intentions and been on my way... without the suckers in my possession.

And I don't worry about being seen as lecturing - in this situation, the store employee started the interaction. I would have been very nice to her because I think it's a nice concept, but I would still answered the above.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by TinkerBelle

I agree. It is okay to politely refuse, but good golly, to actually get offended by it? I am sure that the clerk was only trying to be nice.

But then, to be asked why was a bit over the top, IMHO. I would not have liked that one bit.

I guess I can see both sides of it.

Yeah - this. Having people randomly ask me why I will or won't let my kids do/have something is kind of annoying.

[~LadyBug~]

Well guess what? I grabbed the "wrong kind" of fish oil tablets for my grandma (she is 92 and prefers a certain brand ) so back to Target I go either this afternoon or tomorrow morning. I will keep all this mind should I run into this type of situation

[laila2]

most annoying

The most annoying thing about it is the way she asked why not?

Clearly you had to go and she was holding you captive. The way I feel today (bad day) I would have just turn and left.:

[pokeyrin]

Another perspective on why some parents would be upset

This is friend of mine whose daughter has severe food allergies and they are currently trying to raise money for a K-9:

http://lovebugsco.wordpress.com/cate...s-perspective/

While I understand it's a kind gesture, in today's world we teach our children not to accept candy from strangers. It doesn't matter if they are an employee at a store, they still are strangers and should be asking the parent's permission and if the parent says "No" they shouldn't be asking "Why?" and the "Why?" is what would offend me.

[~LadyBug~]

Originally Posted by pokeyrin

This is friend of mine:

http://lovebugsco.wordpress.com/cate...s-perspective/

Oh I can totally see why those parents would be on alert, though mine don't have any allergies, thank goodness!

[NYCVeg]

Originally Posted by mirlee

i would have done the same thing. Honestly, I understand that the person "means well," but it sets a bad precedent for the child. "If I behave like this, I will get rewarded with a sweet treat." Also, this is candy from a STRANGER. Don't we tell our children not to take things from strangers?

I am the parent. If you want to give my child something, you need to ask me first. What if the child is allergic to wheat, dairy, eggs, whatever? What if I don't happen to have my Epi-pen with me?

If I want my child to have this sweet treat, I will buy it for them.

I agree. I think there are many reasons why a stranger shouldn't offer food/treats to a child:
1) in situations like this, it rewards the child for acting out
2) children can be diabetic or have food allergies (as my child does), and the food could make them seriously ill
3) the family might have rules about treats, or the child may have just eaten something junky, or a meal might be coming up in a few minutes, or the parent may avoid HFCS/food dyes/etc. for health or behavioral reasons--any number of parenting choices might mean the parent doesn't want the child to have a treat at that particular moment
4) at the same time, if 2 or 3 is true, saying "no" makes the parent into the bad guy and escalates the situation between parent and child

My child is allergic to a laundry-list of foods (I don't think I've EVER forgotten her Epi-Pen, but still). She knows that she is NOT allowed to share others' food or to accept food from anyone other than mom, dad, and other family members. I'm not "offended" when someone offers her something, but I still wish they hadn't--it just makes dd frustrated, either b/c I'm saying no to something that looks attractive and because it reinforces for her that there are all kinds of treats that she can't have.

[InMediasRes]

Our apartment manager would offer 2yo ds candy EVERY TIME we went into the office, even after I told her no the first time. It drove me so crazy that I stopped going in there with him, even though he loved to say hi to them, because I just couldn't handle ONE MORE meltdown.

So yes, I mind. We do usually accept, but I have a little bag of all these accumulated treats at home so we have them for other occasions, not just shopping. That's probably horrible, but oh well.

[JamieCatheryn]

I hate it when they do this too, if the person asks me I tell them honestly, "no thanks, the sugar and colors makes him go crazy" if they hand it to him without asking, I try and convince him it's a toy not a candy.

[east carolina]

I hear ya, OP. It happens so often to us that store employees, random people on the metro, etc... offer or just plain give my kid candy. No asking, no eye contact with me. I get it that most people think that kids should eat candy and I accept that I am in the minority in thinking they should not

I definitely think people should ask before offering other people's DCs food. You never know what allergies or diet they are following.

[laohaire]

I hate it too. I'm not so much offended by an individual doing this as annoyed that our culture encourages this. Just the idea that it's considered "kind" to offer candy to children just doesn't seem right to me.

My DD doesn't have allergies or anything like that, but when people give her candy they make my parental decisions for me, and put me in the position of either accepting their choices or being the bad guy. Also, if DD is not having a good time, refusing unwanted candy could also trigger a meltdown. Gee, thanks. These days I tend to just take the candy rather than cause a scene but I hate it.

It surprises me so many people on MDC think that another person putting you in a bad position or trying to force parenting choices on you is ok or even kind. I mean, we resist cultural norms on formula and many other things. What if some random stranger offered your baby some formula? And frankly that would not be as bad as the candy, since it's unlikely to cause a scene if you politely decline. What I feed my child is my parenting choice, and I resent attempts from strangers to put me in the position of changing my choices or deal with the consequences (both from potential meltdowns, plus questioning like the OP reported, or just looking at me like I'm odd for not wanting to give my child something that is bad for her body).

[Norasmomma]

I think that they are just trying to be helpful, but for her to ask why is a little weird-it really is none of their business what you give your child or not. FWIW I have been a hairstylist and I would ask the parent if the child could have something for sitting still, etc. I was never offended if they declined, but I live in a an area where there a tons of people who don't give their kids sugar. At the bank they give lollipops or stickers, we always get a sticker-it's DD's thing. If we don't get that sticker oh my we are gong to have a problem. I think that more places should offer something like that.

I guess I just see it as the person was trying to be helpful, not trying to ruin your children's lives or ruin your day and offend you. I guess I just have bigger stuff to worry about.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by laohaire

It surprises me so many people on MDC think that another person putting you in a bad position or trying to force parenting choices on you is ok or even kind. I mean, we resist cultural norms on formula and many other things. What if some random stranger offered your baby some formula? And frankly that would not be as bad as the candy, since it's unlikely to cause a scene if you politely decline. What I feed my child is my parenting choice, and I resent attempts from strangers to put me in the position of changing my choices or deal with the consequences (both from potential meltdowns, plus questioning like the OP reported, or just looking at me like I'm odd for not wanting to give my child something that is bad for her body).

I can understand what you're saying. I agree for the most part, and wish that it was universally accepted that you should at least discreetly ask the parent before giving a child anything at all.

But I think there's a distinction between thinking that giving a child candy is okay and thinking that people's intentions are good when they offer a child candy. They're being thoughtless, and they are putting you in a bad position, but that's not their intention -- they're thinking, "Kids like candy. Hey, there's a kid. Hey, here's some candy. I'll give some candy to the kid." So while I agree with you in principle, I can also see that, nonetheless, most people are, in their own way, being kind when they do all that thoughtless parental undermining.

[Ruthla]

That would bug me as well.

Yes, it's nice for the pharmacist to OFFER candy- but the proper thing to do is ask the parent "Is it OK if I give candy to your DC?".

My kids can't have a lot of candies for two reasons: many candies aren't kosher, and because they react HORRIBLY to food dyes. The LAST thing my kids need, when already tired and bored and acting irritable in public, is to have food dyes that will only escalate their behavior!

I have "safe" candies at home, to have for occasional treats.

At least my kids are now old enough to understand the rules, and to be understanding if they were in the kind of situation described in the OP. But at ages 2 and 3, they would have had a public meltdown!

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by east carolina

I definitely think people should ask before offering other people's DCs food. You never know what allergies or diet they are following.

A woman once handed my niece (about 3 or 4 at the time, I think) a piece of candy in a waiting room. My niece popped it in her mouth, just as my ex-SIL turned back to her, saw it and made her spit it out. I don't know what it was, but it either contained peanuts or had been in contact with them, because my niece went into anaphylactic shock right on the spot. It's probably just as well that the waiting room was in ER. Scary stuff.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by laohaire

I hate it too. I'm not so much offended by an individual doing this as annoyed that our culture encourages this. Just the idea that it's considered "kind" to offer candy to children just doesn't seem right to me.

My DD doesn't have allergies or anything like that, but when people give her candy they make my parental decisions for me, and put me in the position of either accepting their choices or being the bad guy. Also, if DD is not having a good time, refusing unwanted candy could also trigger a meltdown. Gee, thanks. These days I tend to just take the candy rather than cause a scene but I hate it.

It surprises me so many people on MDC think that another person putting you in a bad position or trying to force parenting choices on you is ok or even kind. I mean, we resist cultural norms on formula and many other things. What if some random stranger offered your baby some formula?

If someone offered me formula for dd2, I'd assume they thought she was hungry and were trying to help. It probably would be a kind gesture (assuming we're not talking about a formula company rep or something like that). I'd refuse, but I wouldn't be upset about it.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Yes, it's nice for the pharmacist to OFFER candy- but the proper thing to do is ask the parent "Is it OK if I give candy to your DC?".

This. I really don't understand why people offer stuff directly to a child. It makes no sense.