Why do store employees DO THIS!!!!!! - Page 3

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by limabean

But I think there's a distinction between thinking that giving a child candy is okay and thinking that people's intentions are good when they offer a child candy. They're being thoughtless, and they are putting you in a bad position, but that's not their intention -- they're thinking, "Kids like candy. Hey, there's a kid. Hey, here's some candy. I'll give some candy to the kid." So while I agree with you in principle, I can also see that, nonetheless, most people are, in their own way, being kind when they do all that thoughtless parental undermining.

We're in total agreement, you're right. That's why I don't focus my irritation on any individuals. Honestly, when this happens (and it's frequent, for me), I complain to my DH about our society, rather than the person.

In fact, I wasn't even irritated at this one lady who discreetly asked me if she could give DD a lollipop (the ONLY person I can remember who did this! I was actually really happy for a moment!) and I smiled and said something like "Thanks, but it's too close to her bedtime" or something - and she gave DD the pop anyway! I just assume she just heard "thanks" and went with that. So I just smiled and thanked her, and DD (sigh) had the lollipop.

One time when DD was really little, maybe 5 months old, a guy at a liquor store (we were buying a bottle of wine for our visiting MIL) handed us some sweet for DD. At this point, it wasn't an issue; DD didn't know what it was and we just thanked the guy and DH put it in his pocket. But what was weird is, the guy launched into a tirade about parents who don't let their kids have the candy he gives them. "You wouldn't believe the number of parents who actually don't want the candy! What is this world coming to!" And apparently still keeps offering kids candy even though he's found many parents don't want them to have it

Heck, even our contractor, who's an awesome contractor, has a real bee up his butt about restricting children's access to sugar. It really makes him angry. He once saw DH had a Dunkin Donuts coffee and assumed we were God fearing, Dunkin Donuts patrons (in Massachusetts it's almost the law to eat donuts from there - frequently!) and launched into a similar tirade as the liquor store clerk. DH recently went to his house to work on his computer, and the guy slipped DH 2 bucks specifically to stop by Dunkin Donuts on the way home for DD.

So obviously I'm not the only one with strong feelings about the matter!

I've learned to mostly avoid places that offer treats, the bank being the only place we can't avoid (all 3 banks in our town offer lollipops, and believe me, DD knows this!!!). So she gets a lollipop twice a month when DH goes to the bank. What are ya gonna do? Still cheeses me off...

[laohaire]

I guess the thing that really bothers me about the people who are angry about restricting access to sugar is that those people are the sole reason we ever "restrict access." Otherwise, we just wouldn't run into it. It's not like DD was born addicted to candy. She wouldn't know about it if people didn't keep giving it to her. Like many people here, I don't like to be really restrictive about that stuff, and DD does get her fair share of sugar. But she eats far more than I would have wanted, simply because strangers keep forcing me to make a choice between being relaxed and letting her have it or making an issue. But I see it like THEY are making the issue, not me!

[abi&ben'smom]

I used to work at a restaurant where we had suckers for customers. I always decreetly asked the parents without the kids seeing (even before having kids myself). About 1/2 the parents wanted them. Some were relieved to have a distraction for their kids while they ordered their food. Some would show it to them and told them they could have it after they ate their dinner. And the other 1/2 I think were happy that I didn't let the kids see the candy!

Now I work at a place where we don't have candy for customers, but I am always picking up the rearranged aisles!!

[MSUmama]

Things like this make me compare "back then" to "now". DH and I have 16 and 14 y/o's and 4 and 2 y/o's...

Back then, this kind of thing happened all the time, and I can honestly say I wasn't happy about it but young and dumb and less inclined to say something.

Now, I can't recall anyone every offering the little ones candy, or anything, without asking me first, and usually trying to ask without the kids hearing. Even our doctor's office, which is small and serves all 6 of us, so they know us well, will ask everytime. I really appreciate that they don't assume that because it was ok last time, it's always ok.

I agree with the other posters who stated that in this day and age, it's not ok to offer a child anything without permission. Of course it's also not ok for her to question your decision to decline! What do you expect from a society that thinks it's ok to ask that babies be fed in restrooms though?

[jewelsJZ]

I prefer to be asked first. Our grocery store gives out balloons. My two older ones fight horribly over balloons, even if they both have one, so we have a rule in our house, no balloons unless it's someone's birthday. One day dd was bugging me for one at the grocery store check out line and I was telling her no, no, reminding her of the rule. This woman who works there is watching us and then goes over, gets a balloon and tries to hand it to dd! I told her no, we don't need a balloon.
I feel the same way about candy. Ask first. We allow it, but there are just way too many opportunities for them to eat sweets, they don't need even more stuff just given to them.

[baglady]

I would be annoyed that I wasn't asked first, but I would be way more annoyed at the "why?" Um... none of your business.

I had to fend of someone trying to give 7 month old DS french fries on Sunday.

[secondseconds]

Would it have been that hard to just accept them, say "Thanks, we'll save these treats for later" and stick them in your purse? You could have thrown them away eventually. Your response seems a tad immature. You don't have to proclaim your stance on nutrition to every well intentioned and kind stranger.

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by secondseconds

Would it have been that hard to just accept them, say "Thanks, we'll save these treats for later" and stick them in your purse? You could have thrown them away eventually. Your response seems a tad immature. You don't have to proclaim your stance on nutrition to every well intentioned and kind stranger.

I'm sure it's not that hard, but you're ignoring the fallout with the child in question.

Possibly some children out there would not say a peep seeing candy go into a purse, and later, into the trash - but my kid is not one of them.

Why should I be put in that position? Why is it that the rude person in this encounter considered to be the person making a parental choice for their child, rather than the person forcing their choices onto the person and causing a scene (or forcing the parent to give in to avoid the scene)?

[~LadyBug~]

Originally Posted by secondseconds

Would it have been that hard to just accept them, say "Thanks, we'll save these treats for later" and stick them in your purse? You could have thrown them away eventually. Your response seems a tad immature. You don't have to proclaim your stance on nutrition to every well intentioned and kind stranger.

I didn't think I was being immature It just irked me she would go above MY head, being the parent, and go directly to a 2 and 3 year old and not even really ASK, but show them candy. Yeah, I was a little thrown back by it, and it turned into being pissed off when she asked me why. I think any mother would be ticked if some stranger asked them why their child could not have a particular type of food. Plus, I did not not want to take the candy home, plain and simple.

[laohaire]

Yeah, and also - what's immature?

Answering a question about why you made a parental choice? (You said you don't have to proclaim your nutritive choices to every stranger - but she was ASKED!!).

Or demanding to know why a parent made a parental choice?

I can't fathom why it's not rude to demand a parent explain their choices, yet rude to politely decline unwanted candy.

[BarnMomma]

So many times I have encountered this type of thing. It drives me insane.

DS does not having anything processed. At all. Ever. Our version of a sweet treat is a croissant from the local bakery and only becasue I know they make everything in house with no artificial anything.

It's gotten to the point that I usually just claim DS has an allergy to something. Not thrilled about lying but it's efficient on deterring people who are hell bent on passing out the treats. And I HATE the "oh lighten up it's only a cookie/candy/lolli, kids love that stuff."

[Jessy1019]

Originally Posted by limabean

I don't know if I'd go that far. I think it's always okay to politely decline something. A big smile and a, "Oh, thank you so much, but he can't have that" is perfectly fine, IMO.

Yeah . . . I actually had someone come up to the kids in the grocery store one day and tell them, "If you go to the bakery aisle, you can get a free cookie . . . and then you have to go to the floral aisle to get a free balloon." Then she looked pointedly at me and said, "I'm telling THEM so now you HAVE to take them." I was flabbergasted. They were both behaving perfectly, being helpful, and it was an all-around great moment as far as their actions went (and she did compliment them, and me), but WHAT? "Now you HAVE to take them?!"

I think she had good intentions, but talk about overstepping! She even "checked up on me" when we ran into her again, to make sure I'd gotten them their treats (we did get balloons, but didn't have time for cookies, too). Crazy!!

[ShwarmaQueen]

I would never be so strict about candy/processed goods. A once in a while treat is no biggie IMO. Especially if kids are hungry, blood sugars are low.... Now, questioning my decision (either way) would get a big "UMM, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS"!

[hipumpkins]

most people are, in their own way, being kind when they do all that thoughtless parental undermining.

I love this line!

ETA: oh and OP I totally agree with you. I can't stand the constanr candy offers. My bank gives stickers and the tellers who have kids mouth the word"Candy?" I say just stickers,.

[riverscout]

Originally Posted by ShwarmaQueen

I would never be so strict about candy/processed goods. A once in a while treat is no biggie IMO.

I feel the same way, but for safety reasons, I never let my daughter have lollipops or other hard candy when she was only 2. I was always a bit stunned when people would offer her sweets, particularly candy, at that age. Now that she is almost 4, it doesn't seem so nuts to me.

[LaLaLaLa]

We're pretty easygoing around here about candy and sweets, and my kids also are fine when someone offers something and I say "no" or "we'll put it away for later."

So, based on that, I'm not upset when people offer treats. We generally take them and either eat them or not.

What drives me wild is when people SPELL things or WHISPER things to me. Argh! We don't ever spell things in front of our kids. Never. I HATE that. It's rude and condescending and unfair to play on the fact that the kids don't have the ability to spell yet. It really irritates me more than it should when people whisper "can the kids have a l-o-l-l-i-p....." "Yes, yes, yes," I always interrupt (rudely). "They can have whatever."

Ah, I feel better having that off of my chest. Sorry to hijack.

[mistymama]

Well I could care less if ds has a lollipop, so I've never really paid much attention. It does not happen often anyway.

At our Publix bakery they have small, sugar cookies for the kids. Each and every time the employee has asked me if it's ok if ds has one. I say sure.

I would probably decline a round hard candy - we had a scary choking incident a few years ago at Halloween that has me thinking ds will need to be an adult before he ever touches that stuff again.

I do agree that I'm sure most people mean well when they offer. I think 99% of parents around here could care less if their kids had it and would appreciate the offer.

[~LadyBug~]

Originally Posted by LaLaLaLa

What drives me wild is when people SPELL things or WHISPER things to me. Argh! We don't ever spell things in front of our kids. Never. I HATE that. It's rude and condescending and unfair to play on the fact that the kids don't have the ability to spell yet. It really irritates me more than it should when people whisper "can the kids have a l-o-l-l-i-p....." "Yes, yes, yes," I always interrupt (rudely). "They can have whatever."

Ah, I feel better having that off of my chest. Sorry to hijack.

Yeah that is VERY annoying...especially when they misspell the word they are trying to spell

[newbymom05]

I'm with the OP. We don't give our 4 yr old candy unless it's Halloween or part of a birthday party goody bag. I don't think anyone under 5 needs to eat candy at all, but that's JMO. I would be beyond irritated if it were offered to my 2 y/o!

When my 4 y/o is offered a lolli w/i his sight I accept it, b/c if I don't I'll have a very upset little boy, and who needs it? So totally agree w/ the other poster--why should I have to deal w/ that? Ask me if it's all right, not my child.

[Jackpackbaby]

Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein

To be honest, I'm suprised that you would be offended or upset by that.

I'm not. I detest when people do that. What if the child has an allergy or sensitivity (as mine does)? I understand that they are trying to be nice but there has to be some common sense. We no longer live in a world where you can just haul off and give someone's child things without a thought. Besides, then we end up looking like the bad guys for not allowing it. Most people ask me sotto voce if they can give my kids a lollipop/cookie etc.. so my kids don't hear the request. If I say no thank you they are fine with it. I appreciate people like that.