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Why do store employees DO THIS!!!!!! - Page 5

post #81 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~LadyBug~ View Post
She looked at me like I was speaking Latin. Now, my girls did not throw a fit wanting the candy but I was still very annoyed. Why do people question stuff like that? Why would they just offer THEM without asking ME first? I know, I know it was to be "nice" and "friendly" and all that garbage, but it just gets to me. Sorry for the rant.
see i could be that person asking you why? esp. if you spoke 'latin'

not to question your parenting decision. but to really understand what is going on.

i have been asked that same question - in different ways, under different circumstances. and i have not taken affront to it. instead its opened up a new way of thinking for that person. like wow!!! so some parents dont like candy for their kids. a foreign concept for them. i couple of places started offering stickers. yeah they truly did.
post #82 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~LadyBug~ View Post
my 2 and 3 year old were bored and hungry so they were not being the quietest they have ever been. They were whining and the oldest decided she wanted to re-arrange the medicine aisle all while I was trying to talk to the pharmacist.
I would guess that the above part of your post may have something to do with their offer. Maybe the employee saw you atruggling and was trying to help a bit, especially if it was her job to straighten the medicine aisle at the end of the day!
post #83 of 187
I just think this is part of life. Other people are not going to always share your outlook and values, and honestly, those who allow their kids candy are no more wrong than you are right.

I can't really identify with the feeling of anger at someone who is applying their own outlook on life to your situation, and trying to do something nice. You might not like it, but 99% of parents would have been fine with it. And even though I am not particularly keen on my kids having unnecessary candy, I would have thought of the intent not the action, and felt good that someone cared enough to want to do something nice for my kids.

And I talk as the parent of a child who does have life-threatening allergies. I often have to intercept a treat as it's handed to my child, and explain to the giver that he has severe allergies. Just last week, I had to intervene when on the last day of swim classes, the teachers brought out a big bag of candy. It was no biggie. I have strategies for this. Ds knows that we have 'his' treats at home. If he can't have something someone offers, the moment we get home, we open his cupboard and he has a treat. Sure, he can throw a fit like the best of preschoolers, but if he does, that's life. It's just as likely that he'll throw a fit over a toy he wants me to buy, or getting a smoothie at a stand, or whatever. It's life, and we deal with it.

I guess I just can't see this as such a big deal. And although sometimes I have to explain about allergies, which are not a choice, but a medical fact, I would never deem to try to 'educate' someone else about healthy eating. I think that's rude. How much effort does it take to smile nicely at someone and thank them for a kind gesture, even if it doesn't fit with our preferences? And if you really don't want your kids to eat it, trade it when you get home for something that you prefer them to eat. And allow them to be thrilled that a lady in a store did something nice for them!
post #84 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaLaLaLa View Post
We're pretty easygoing around here about candy and sweets, and my kids also are fine when someone offers something and I say "no" or "we'll put it away for later."

So, based on that, I'm not upset when people offer treats. We generally take them and either eat them or not.

What drives me wild is when people SPELL things or WHISPER things to me. Argh! We don't ever spell things in front of our kids. Never. I HATE that. It's rude and condescending and unfair to play on the fact that the kids don't have the ability to spell yet. It really irritates me more than it should when people whisper "can the kids have a l-o-l-l-i-p....." "Yes, yes, yes," I always interrupt (rudely). "They can have whatever."

Ah, I feel better having that off of my chest. Sorry to hijack.

When my two oldest were that young, I appreciated if someone would spell it or ask in a way where they couldn't hear. It avoided a heck of a lot of meltdowns with my one son, who has Autism.

I am sure they are not trying to be rude or condescending. Or that they have some strange agenda to belittle children. Why be so rude when answering them?
post #85 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommariffic View Post
I mean, it was a lollipop not crack you know?
It's funny you should say that because I just read a study a few days ago that shows that refined sugar is significantly more addictive than crack. I'm with you, LadyBug. I think that woman meant well, but should have asked you first. I worked with children with ADHD in a treatment program for a couple of years and their lunchboxes were ALL sugar because their parents were medicating them with it for their sanity without even realizing it. It IS a powerful drug and I wouldn't allow a stranger to hand my kid sugar, crack, coffee, alcohol, e.t.c. It is hard enough living life today trying to instill this in kids without store employees over-riding mama.
post #86 of 187
I work retail. And 95% of the time I quietly ask the parent if it's okay to offer something to the kid. But there's that 5%... where the kid can't refrain from running up and down the aisles, climbing the metros, "rearranging" merchandise... and the parent does nothing but quietly say "don't do that sweetums - I'm almost done!" And I am tempted to annoy the parent as much as their kid has annoyed me (*). I may act on that annoyance 1% of the time.

(*) 'Cause here's the deal. When you're working with a large corporation? They send you specific plans of how every blessed section of the store should look. EXACT placement of each product. And when your sweetums decides to "rearrange" that? Guess who has to fix it? It is annoying as all get-out to have to continually do so as, most of the time, we have other projects as well as customer service to handle.

As a parent, I do understand how it can be. And sometimes, nothing you try works. So a sincere apology to the person who has to fix the mess goes a long way. But yeah - I would be sorely tempted to give you some aggravation back. I've seen how much of a mess a kid can make in 10 minutes.

Just a different perspective.
post #87 of 187
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtiger View Post
I work retail. And 95% of the time I quietly ask the parent if it's okay to offer something to the kid. But there's that 5%... where the kid can't refrain from running up and down the aisles, climbing the metros, "rearranging" merchandise... and the parent does nothing but quietly say "don't do that sweetums - I'm almost done!" And I am tempted to annoy the parent as much as their kid has annoyed me (*). I may act on that annoyance 1% of the time.

(*) 'Cause here's the deal. When you're working with a large corporation? They send you specific plans of how every blessed section of the store should look. EXACT placement of each product. And when your sweetums decides to "rearrange" that? Guess who has to fix it? It is annoying as all get-out to have to continually do so as, most of the time, we have other projects as well as customer service to handle.


As a parent, I do understand how it can be. And sometimes, nothing you try works. So a sincere apology to the person who has to fix the mess goes a long way. But yeah - I would be sorely tempted to give you some aggravation back. I've seen how much of a mess a kid can make in 10 minutes.

Just a different perspective.
I made sure everything was put back where it was placed I don't make a habit of letting my children run "wild" in the store, this was an exception to the rule because I was talking with a pharmacist AND trying to keep my child from destroying the aisle. It was rough, let me tell ya, but just so everyone knows, I did make sure everything was put back and picked up.
post #88 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtiger View Post
I work retail. And 95% of the time I quietly ask the parent if it's okay to offer something to the kid. But there's that 5%... where the kid can't refrain from running up and down the aisles, climbing the metros, "rearranging" merchandise... and the parent does nothing but quietly say "don't do that sweetums - I'm almost done!" And I am tempted to annoy the parent as much as their kid has annoyed me (*). I may act on that annoyance 1% of the time.
I, too, have worked too much retail to admit to (I hated it with a passion) and I just wanted to say, hoping it doesn't sound mean, that reorganizing product on shelves is your job. If you feel as a corporate employee that you have too many projects to handle that is something the store needs to solve by putting a person in charge of JUST tidying up product. 'Cause any way you slice it, you cannot expect to arrange the perfect endcap and have it still look like that an hour later. Thats just the nature of the beast, in my opinion. Should parents supervise their children more in a store? Definitely. They should be considerate of your work load and respectful. That is why I would take it up with corporate and ask that a policy for ill-behaved children be instituted. Sometimes it's as simple as asking the mother to notice that her child is destroying or rearranging product. We all know as mamas, sometimes we're just too overwhelmed to see. But there needs to be a better way to handle this than anger. I get incredibly upset when I go into stores and am treated rudely because the retail people have come to hate every single customer. I worked retail many many many years and I NEVER lashed out at a customer or mistreated them. If I had a problem, I would speak to them about it. Even with corporate limitations, most stores have policies regarding proper ways to handle unruly kids. IMO, giving them a treat their parents may not approve of is not one of them.
post #89 of 187
As a family who keeps kosher, I hate it wen people offer food and I have to go through a big deal about either checking if the item is kosher or explaining why my girls ("they are just kids, it is just candy") cannot have the item. Added that they are just starting to realize that there is food they can't eat it makes for an annoying situation all around.

Mtiger, do you chase all of the adults who leave stuff all over the store or bring them to check out and then decide they didn't really want it so you have a cart of stuff to put away just when you thought you were done? IME that was more of a hassle than bored kids.
post #90 of 187
The thing that really annoys me about having random people offering my kids junk is not only that it puts me in the position of being the "bad guy" for saying no, but it also makes my kids feel bad for being "different" (DS is severely reactive to dyes).

I really don't want to pocket the junk people hand out either because I might forget it is there, my kids won't and since my older two have impulse control issues, someone will dig it out and then I get to deal with a 24-hour, screaming, destructive meltdown. Fun all around.
post #91 of 187
Admittedly, I did not read all five pages of posts so this is probably a repeat. But perhaps she asked why in earnest. Maybe she wanted to know the reason why she should not offer candy to children, to inform her decisions at work. AND Maybe down the line, saying it outloud would reinforce it for your children so that they do it on their own.

My neice will say "No thank you, I'm not allowed to take candy from strangers." It may not be the politest thing to say, but most adults will respect that she is applying what she is learning and say "I understand!".

And it is often hard to offer to the parent without the kids hearing. Really, these people are doing it to be kind or helpful. Certainly not to make our days harder.

That being said, I wish they would lay off the candy and all just offer stickers!
post #92 of 187
I agree that it's not the worst thing in the world that a total stranger can do to your child (offer candy). I never respond angrily or get offended at the person or find that person rude. But I think the practice of strangers giving candy to kids without consulting their parents is just wrong. It's common knowledge that commercial candy is loaded with dyes, additives, artificial sweeteners, is empty calories, makes kids hyper, makes them crash after a sugar high. There's no known benefit to eating candy and plenty of reasons not to. It's common knowledge that there are health conscious, vegetarian, vegan, special dietary need or what have you people out there who don't eat a SAD.

I never get mad at people who offer my kids candy, but I disagree with it strongly. It's my responsibility what food I choose for my kids or let them choose and I don't want anyone interfering. I think it's pretty rude to completely bypass parents in this regard. I also don't like it when family members feed my kids food that I normally wouldn't.

But, now that my DS is a bit older, I keep my mouth shut or explain to my child that the food in question is loaded with chemicals and bad for him and then I leave it up to him. I offer alternatives or offer to save it for him for later, but I let him decide. He is unfortunately growing up in a world where the grocery stores are full of processed, prepackaged, chemically addled foodstuffs and he is going to have to learn to read the labels and make healthy choices himself (or not and deal with the consequences), and where complete strangers offer him sweets until he is considered to old for that. I wonder what magical age is that?

So, I'm not mad or offended by it, but I sure do wish it wouldn't happen.

Also, now that DS is 4, I often find that he has been handed candy when my back was turned

Oh, and DS has never rearranged any displays or anything like that. Here he most often gets it at the cash registers of small convenience stores where there is no aisle or display. He has been offered and given candy on the metro. It's just a kids=candy cultural thing. Not my bag.
post #93 of 187
I tend say something like "I try to only give my son healthy snacks. Thanks, though."
post #94 of 187
It doesn't bother me at all when people offer my dc candy.Thankfully my kids don't have allergies,so it's ok for them to have it.Sometimes I pocket it,other times I let them have it then.I always just say thank you.The person has good intentions.I do prefer they ask me discreetly though,but if they don't,no biggie.Today at the food bank the man calling the numbers must have given my kids each 3 bags of cookies.I always accept and say thank you.He would be insulted if we said no.There they figure the kids may not get anything like that at home,as it's expensive(not to mention unhealthy,I don't usually buy cookies,there is much better things to spend my money on).Plus it's a long,2+ hours wait.They are just trying to keep the kids happy.Today there was a family handing out coloring books and crayons,and I thought that was wonderful.Kept my kids and my 4yo niece busy the whole time we were there.
post #95 of 187
I have read every page of this trying to gage the consensus. There seem to be a few camps.
I am of the idea that as a mom my kid is my responsibility, period. No one else is responsible for knowing what she can have and can't have. If I don't want her to have something then it is my job to circumvent the candy or whatever. I would never think to blame the person offering. They were just trying to be nice to little kid and kids like candy.
I don't like candy for the potential of what it can do to our bodies, but I am not going to be a teetotaler either. I give my DD occassional treats because I believe in moderation, she does not have allergies so no problem there, of course if she did it would be my responsibility to look out for those types of problems.
Here in Colorado I find people are very friendly and we do get more offers for candy and stuff. Depending on the situation I either say 'no thank you' and smile or accept it and say thank you, eithet way I would never blame the person offering.
I agree with a pp who said the pharmacist could have asked why because it never occured to her that someone might say no, or maybe she is getting more no's lately and just wanted to get some feedback about it. It didn't have to be malicious.

But ultimately I tend to agree with another pp's friend who gets annoyed with how uptight people are these days over sugar, being that controlling can't be fun and I have even recognized it in myself and am starting to loosen the reins a bit.
So your kid eats a lollipop or an ice cream or (god forbid) a dunkin doughnut, that should be a fun part of childhood in my opinion.

I really do understand the problem that sugar presents, but I don't think it is inherently evil, it's the use that makes it bad.
post #96 of 187
I have never had someone offer my kids candy without clearing it with me first, and I let my kids have candy. I think it is unbelievably rude.
post #97 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by bits and bobs View Post
But ultimately I tend to agree with another pp's friend who gets annoyed with how uptight people are these days over sugar, being that controlling can't be fun and I have even recognized it in myself and am starting to loosen the reins a bit.
So your kid eats a lollipop or an ice cream or (god forbid) a dunkin doughnut, that should be a fun part of childhood in my opinion.

I really do understand the problem that sugar presents, but I don't think it is inherently evil, it's the use that makes it bad.
But the point to keep in mind, also, is that some of us have kids whose lives are literally at risk from adults offering them or giving them food directly. If my daughter ate (god forbid) a Dunkin Donut, she could DIE, because she has a severe allergies to wheat, eggs, and nuts. My babysitter once had to literally throw herself between my dd and the (no doubt well-meaning) mom who was offering a piece of bread. As I said, I don't get "offended," because I know people mean well, but I do get privately annoyed, because your good intentions threaten my child's life AND hurt her feelings.

Given the prevalence of food allergies, sensitivities, special diets (vegan, veg, kosher, etc.), diabetes and given that many parents in the US ARE concerned about the food their children eat, it just seems like good sense to me to ask the parent directly, rather than circumventing and risking hurting the child or causing/intensifying a melt-down.
post #98 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by sisteeesmama View Post
...she does not have allergies so no problem there, of course if she did it would be my responsibility to look out for those types of problems...
You know, I totally agree, except that it's very, very difficult to be responsible 100% of the time for something that huge numbers of people see as innocuous, but can kill your child. My niece almost died, because my ex-SIL turned her head, and someone handed my niece a candy without saying anything to her mom. She was only 2 or 3 years old. Should the parent/caregiver of a child with allergies literally not be able to ever turn their head away when out in public?
post #99 of 187
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCVeg View Post
But the point to keep in mind, also, is that some of us have kids whose lives are literally at risk from adults offering them or giving them food directly. If my daughter ate (god forbid) a Dunkin Donut, she could DIE, because she has a severe allergies to wheat, eggs, and nuts. My babysitter once had to literally throw herself between my dd and the (no doubt well-meaning) mom who was offering a piece of bread. As I said, I don't get "offended," because I know people mean well, but I do get privately annoyed, because your good intentions threaten my child's life AND hurt her feelings.

Given the prevalence of food allergies, sensitivities, special diets (vegan, veg, kosher, etc.), diabetes and given that many parents in the US ARE concerned about the food their children eat, it just seems like good sense to me to ask the parent directly, rather than circumventing and risking hurting the child or causing/intensifying a melt-down.

I just think other people don't have to worry about your kids allergies, while it would be nice and convenient and I can only imagine how scary it must be as a mom to have to deal with, ultimately it is not their problem.
post #100 of 187
Should life be that hard? No. Is it sometimes? Yep, it is.

I mean, like I said, it would be nice if everyone worried about that kind of stuff for our convenience so that we would never be put in the situation of our child being given something we don;t want them to have or could even kill them like a peanut m&m for a child with peanut allergies. But how can you make everyone care? How can you make everyone ask everytime? And should you really want that? I just don't subscribe to the mentality that because someone might have a peanut allergy that I shouldn't send my kid to school with a peanut butter sandwich, just as an example.

This is a free country and people just do not have to subscribe to your ideals. And thank God, because it means that I don't have to subscribe to theirs!

I do genuinely feel sorry for moms with kids who have severe food allergies, I really do, but it boils down to this your situation, this is your kid.
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