Young with health problems and PPD

[Super~Single~Mama]

I'm 24, have a 7mo son and can't handle it anymore. I hate being a mom. I'm a law student and so is my BF - we're both starting school next week and I'm super nervous.

All summer I stayed home with Lincoln by myself and I hated every minute of it. I told my BF at the beginning of the summer that I couldn't do it, and he just brushed it off as "You'll adjust and be fine." It didn't go so well. He was commuting to work 2.5hours every day, and taking a class 2nights/week. I had Lincoln to myself (with no transportation) for 12-15hours a day. It was hell. I was miserable and had no outlet at all. I'm a TERRIBLE sahm. It was the most awful summer of my life.

Spring semester (right after Lincoln was born) I was taking 6credits and the rest of the time was alone with the baby. Also miserable. I didn't heal from birth for 12weeks. I tore really badly and the repair didn't heal for 12weeks. I can't even describe how horrible it was. It wasn't healed, and I was taking care of the baby essentially by myself and going to school at the same time. I have no idea how I made it through that - it was so awful.

Now - I have uterine prolapse. I can't believe it. I'm only 24!!! My repair is still painful when I go to the bathroom. its been 7 MONTHS! I can't have sex. I'm 3,000 miles away from my family and my best friend. I live in a city that I hate. I hate being a mom b/c I'm exhausted all.the.time. and I'm just miserable. My BF is tired of hearing about all my problems. We don't have any money b/c we're students so I can't afford therapy.

I just feel like I can't live here anymore. I don't want to be in school b/c I hate that too. I can't handle this. I don't know what to do. I cry more than I smile. I never laugh anymore - and I used to laugh all the time before I had a baby. I just feel like I have so many problems (did I mention I'm probably going to need reconstructive surgery b/c the repair wasn't very good?) b/c of this baby and I can't deal with it anymore.

Thanks for listening, I don't have many people to talk to.

[guest9955]

so sorry to hear that you are having ushc a hard time i also lived really far away during and after the birth of my baby, ad yes with no real sopport it can be hard at times.

If you love your baby and yourself you need to think about finding some support, join a mothers group and get out of the house- get a baby bike seat and ride to the park. get out of the house. go to LLI meetins. go to story time at the library. I ride 30 miles (im not super fit) with dd in the bike trailer. do it- its worth it. or walk. or hitch with a neighbor.

im sorry your so bummed about everything right now, just remember it wont last forever.

[spedteacher30]

go to your student health clinic as soon as you can. they will have therapists you can see for little or no money. i personally would start there, and worry about the prolapse later.

breathe in and out right now, and know that things will get better. what is the plan for the fall semester? will you have childcare lined up for your baby? will your partner be shouldering his share of the child care burden, or is it all going to continue to fall on you?

the university I attend has a law school family group, as well as a larger grad-student family group. Please seek out some fellow student parents and get some assistance. we also have a babysitting service where some undergrads babysit for students' children FOR FREE so they can study/clean/grocery shop, etc.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Thanks for the suggestions. I saw a dr yesterday (my primary one) and she prescribed me Zoloft - but she was in a hurry so she didn't explain anything about it except that it could make my baby irritable. I also got a referral to a gyn for my other issues - the reason I want to get it taken care of now is that its causing me constant pain every day.

During fall semester my MIL will be staying with us during the week to provide child care, and my BF and I will be switching off after school.

As for getting out of the house, I have no friends here at all. I've looked everywhere online and off that I can think of for a mothers group and can't find any that are close enough for me to go to. I try to go to LLL meetings, but they aren't always held at times that I can attend and the weekends are the only times we have to get things done.

I'm trying, I really am, but nothing is going my way right now.

[mom0810]

The zoloft should not make your baby irritable at all. SO LITTLE of it (if any) gets into the milk.

The things you can expect, and they are no big deal, and they go away in a couple of days to a couple of weeks, are insomnia at first, nausea, diarrhea, weight loss, dry mouth, and heightened anxiety. Most people don't have ANY of these symptoms, but some people do, and if their dr. doesn't tell them ahead of time what to expect, the side effects of starting can be scary.

What dose were you prescribed? You should start at 25 mg, then go up to 50 in a week. Stay there if you are doing okay on that dose.

If you have any other questions about the meds, feel free to ask. I'm glad you are getting both issues addressed.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Thanks mom0810. I was prescribed 25mg, but wasn't instructed to increase the dose to 50 after a week.

My dr was in a really big hurry, so she really didn't give me any instructions at all, I only know the dosage b/c it was on the prescription bottle. I am looking for a psychologist to see (I have an appointment for Sept 18, but I want to find one that I can see sooner than that) as well, so hopefully they can refer me to a psychiatrist who can give me more guidance as far as the medication.

My baby isn't sleeping at night either, which really isn't helping the situation.

At least my mom is here, she came to help out, and will be here until Sunday, but can stay longer if I need her to.

[mom0810]

Okay, 25 is usually a starting dose and not a therapeutic dose... but myself and many other moms here have taken 25 and done fine. You should take the lowest effective dose.

It may make you tired, too. But just keep going through the initialization, and you will begin doing SO much better in just a week or two. Oh my gosh, when I started, it was like someone turned the light on in a dark room. It was wonderful.

If you need your mom to stay, just ask her. I am sure she would be happy to. Ask for the help you need now. You are doing so great!

[Super~Single~Mama]

Ok, so I saw a gyn today. He pretty much didn't say anything useful.

Oh well, I called my midwife and she had some good information for me. She also gave me the number for a PPD counselor - hopefully she's ok, I'm going to call her tomorrow.

[mom0810]

Okay, good. I am glad your MW was a help.

You are on the right track. Keep taking care of yourself and take your meds. In the next week or so, things will look so much better.