PPD, Dh driving me crazy, he doesn't get it

[goodmomma76]

OK, I never had PPD before, but I have been clinically depressed since my last child's birth 11 years ago, but had it under control. Then I got remarried and had a new baby in April.

I am on Prozac for PPD. I am EBF. Baby co-sleeps which was our plan all along, we talked about it and he agreed with what I said. Which is pretty much the routine when it comes to this baby, I tell him what I think and he agrees with me based on my explanation.

But with my other 2, he is explosive, very angry. He yells, he doesn't do anything but talk sweet to the baby, but is way too hard on my other 2. He has been this way for a while, and we were working on it, but we have made back steps since the birth of the baby.

Anyway, my question is this, does PPD make you not like your dh? I mean I thought at first that had to be it. But the longer this goes on, the more I dislike him. I can't decide if it's fair or not, if it's me or not.

[ShwarmaQueen]

Originally Posted by goodmomma76

Anyway, my question is this, does PPD make you not like your dh?

It was a *main* effect of my PPD. I would get so pissed at even the little things, then focus on them for WAY too long. It's really the only time in our 8 yr marriage that I thought about our relationship ending.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I honestly thought our marriage was over after having dd it was the ppd making things seem way bigger than they where. Once I got on zoloft things got a bit better but it was still a long road.

[sparklefairy]

People being explosive with, very angry, and yelling at me and/or my children makes me not like them.

Originally Posted by goodmomma76

OK, I never had PPD before, but I have been clinically depressed since my last child's birth 11 years ago, but had it under control. Then I got remarried and had a new baby in April.

I am on Prozac for PPD. I am EBF. Baby co-sleeps which was our plan all along, we talked about it and he agreed with what I said. Which is pretty much the routine when it comes to this baby, I tell him what I think and he agrees with me based on my explanation.

But with my other 2, he is explosive, very angry. He yells, he doesn't do anything but talk sweet to the baby, but is way too hard on my other 2. He has been this way for a while, and we were working on it, but we have made back steps since the birth of the baby.

Anyway, my question is this, does PPD make you not like your dh? I mean I thought at first that had to be it. But the longer this goes on, the more I dislike him. I can't decide if it's fair or not, if it's me or not.

[Samm]

Originally Posted by ShwarmaQueen

It was a *main* effect of my PPD. I would get so pissed at even the little things, then focus on them for WAY too long. It's really the only time in our 8 yr marriage that I thought about our relationship ending.

This exactly.

[frenchfry]

I'm glad you posted this. I really detest my dh right now too and am praying that its just ppd making me overreact... or something. Maybe not overreact, but atleast explains a bit.

[goodmomma76]

Thank you for your replies. I feel better knowing that this could be caused by my PPD.

He is so grumpy I think he is depressed too, but that's a whole other post. He insists it's all me...

If I am still feeling like this after being on Prozac for about 2 months, should I call the doctor you think?

[ShwarmaQueen]

Originally Posted by goodmomma76

If I am still feeling like this after being on Prozac for about 2 months, should I call the doctor you think?

It's so hard to say. You have to decide for yourself. I found that I didn't like the person I was on Prozac more than I didn't like the depressed person without it, if that makes any sense. On Prozac, I couldn't feel depressed but I couldn't feel joy either, and I felt like I was being robbed of the joy of new motherhood.

[sparklefairy]

Originally Posted by goodmomma76

Thank you for your replies. I feel better knowing that this could be caused by my PPD.

He is so grumpy I think he is depressed too, but that's a whole other post. He insists it's all me...

If I am still feeling like this after being on Prozac for about 2 months, should I call the doctor you think?

I think that you should also call for help with his angry and explosive behavior. I have to say again (and I'm very surprised that no one else is picking up on this point) that living with someone who is abusive toward you and/or your children is legit reason to a) feeling "not liking" toward them and b) take steps in addition to treating your own depression. Blaming your feelings toward him on your mental health is not the entire picture. I'm sorry that he's trying to convince you that his behavior is normal and that your feelings about it are the problem, but from your words, that is not what I'm seeing.

[darcytrue]

My DH and I did not get along at all when I was suffering through ppd. He didn't make it easier either because he didn't understand I was depressed and didn't really want to accept it. He thought it was just an excuse for me to be a b*tch all the time basically. I look back now and see that he was the cause of many of my issues that aggravated the ppd and made it worse and we have since talked it out. Have you tried talking to your DH? Let him know how you feel? If you can't talk to him perhaps finding a counselor to talk to or your medical doctor.

[LynnS6]

Not liking your husband/marriage issues are really common with PPD. Not liking your older kids is common too.

However, it sounds like your dh has issues too, which is compounding things.

Many, many women need a higher dose of meds after birth than they used prepartum. Something about how the body changes/lactating/who knows? I'm on Paxil and had to go up 20 mg after dd was born. Please talk to your doc. do you have a counselor? It sounds like maybe someone to talk to would be a good idea too.

[jramatique!]

Hi. When my daughter was first born, my husband would get very irritated with her crying and her newborn neediness. He yelled at her a few times when he got overwhelmed with her crying.

I didn't like his behavior and when we were both calm and (relatively) well-rested, we were able to talk through the issue and over the following months, he was able to get a grip on himself and learn to handle things with humor instead of frustration.

I would try talking things out with him and letting him know that his outbursts towards your older children are harmful not only to them but to your relationship as well. Give him the opportunity to voice any frustration/resentment/fear of his own without him feeling like he's committing a crime by being honest. No one in this forum is in a better position than you to gauge the true nature of your relationship and its problems.

Also, PPD can warp your perspective by making it virtually impossible to think clearly and make sound judgements. Still, in your response to another poster's comments, you said that he insists it's all you. Anytime someone in a relationship says the problems are entirely caused by the other person, I think that's a warning flag that should be looked at more carefully.

Take care of yourself and your family.

[ShineliketheSon]

I was pretty angry at DH in the beginning...I actually for the first time in our marriage felt like maybe it wouldn't work...it was a breif moment over some silly things and we were fine the next morning but my emotions really took hold of me. Therapy helps me alot which in turn helped us!

I do also agree that you have to make sure you, or your older children are not being verbally abused. I know our situations are different, I'm so sorry your going through this!!!