Toys in toilet, off-limit drawers, etc.

[Picard]

16 month old DS has been throwing toys in the toilet for about 2 months now. We do our best to keep the bathroom door closed as much as possible. We keep the lid closed (he opens it). We tell him that it is 'bah'. We tell him that he cannot do this. We ask him to repeat: throwing toys in the toilet is...(bah) and you ...(cannot do this). He answers quite well, which makes me think that he knows very well what he is doing and he is just testing his boundaries. How do we stop this behaviour?

Recently, he has discovered that he can reach the cutlery drawers. I have rearranged them such that the sharp knives are out of reach right now, but (especially DH) thinks that we cannot continue to remove everything that is off -limits.

After DS was dangerously trying to remove a heavy mirror from the wall, my mom admonished me not to take the mirror away, but to slap him on the wrist instead. Her husband agreed. I don't condone such behaviour, but how do I make it absolutely clear that this type of behaviour is off-limits?

I try getting down to eye level with DS, I try having him look at me (he is most of the time distracted and having way too much of a jolly good time to actually do this). And, then, he laughs and does it again, and again, and again, challenging us. Redirecting only helps so much, since he is headstrong and won't easily forget what he was doing.
I'm sure that this is normal toddler behaviour, but we need some direction for these types of situations. Any suggestions? We're not into doing time-out.

[BetsyNY]

He is far, far too young to hear "don't throw toys in the potty" and comply every single time. All of this, however maddening, is completely age-appropriate behavior.

Suggestions--you need to babyproof, and babyproof well. You absolutely need to remove things that are off limits! There are enough babyproofing products to reach from here to the Sun--drawer latches, toilet locks, reels for window blind cords, guards for VCRs, etc etc and so forth. Use them! Also, there's no reason why he should be in the bathroom unattended.

[alegna]

:

At that age impulse control is simply too much to expect.

-Angela

[PikkuMyy]

There are toilet locks and doorknob covers to prevent him from opening the bathroom door.

[swd12422]

Don't bother with a toilet lock. Get a doorknob cover for the door, and a cement block for each toilet in the house. We have a toilet lock on ours -- it was the only one that had half a chance of working, and you can still open the lid enough to fit matchbox cars and other stuff in there. Don't waste your money... (Off to get some doorknob covers, as DS is now tall enough to reach and turn the knobs... sigh)

ETA: Tell you mom and her DH that wrist slapping does nothing but piss the boy off, make you feel like $#!t, and results in DS doing it anyway, then hitting you or himself immediately after. Don't ask me how I know this...

[Cheryl313]

As one response pointed out, he is not yet old enough to be expected to maintain impulse control all the time, baby proofing is your best bet for a little bit longer.

Honestly, though, you might want to rethink your position on time-out. Especially when his is just a little bit older and taller. You can not keep everything out of reach, forever. Soon he will be old enough to maintain control of himself, and you should expect him to and have real consequences if he doesn't. If you do not teach him personal responsibility and cause and effect consequences, you and he will suffer in the long term. (But at 16 months, he's not quite ready for that yet.)

[sebandg'smama]

Maybe he is craving more water play time?

Sounds like he needs to be closely supervised at this particular age.

I can sympathize with you though, after painstakingly sewing (I'm not a sewer!) many beanbags and filling them with dried beans, my nephew who I was babysitting managed to throw every single one in the toilet. sigh.
He has good aim.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Originally Posted by Picard

I have rearranged them such that the sharp knives are out of reach right now, but (especially DH) thinks that we cannot continue to remove everything that is off -limits.

Sure you can. Or block off areas that aren't safe.

Children are supposed to explore. Don't thwart that innate urge by punishing - just make the environment safe.

[LynnS6]

My kids are 5 and 8. We no longer have child locks on anything. We took the gate down last weekend because (a) we hadn't needed to use it in 3+ years and (b) it was becoming a hazard (think 8 year old racing around, about to impale himself on open gate) and (c) they were climbing on it and swinging, making holes in the wall.

My kids don't throw things in the toilets. They don't open the drawers and get sharp knives out. Not only that, they know that when I have a large sharp knife in my hand, they should back away and not stand near me while I slice up that watermelon! They can eat with utensils, be trusted with glass glasses and understand when I say something is fragile and they should be careful.

What's the difference? Time, mostly. They have better impulse control. Better understanding. Better fine motor control. They were NEVER hit for touching things they shouldn't. We childproofed the major things (under the sink, knife drawers, put glass things up high) when they were under 3. We helped them safely explore other things.

Ds is naturally cautious and dd is naturally an explorer. So, it has nothing to do with personality. It has to do with maturity. Children who are afraid they are going to be hit do not learn internal control. They do not mature in their understanding. (OK, I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but still, I think it bears repeating.)

My basic rules for toddlers are:
1. Create an environment that doesn't lead to battles. For me, that's childproofing as much as possible.
2. When your child tries to do something inappropriate, tell him what he CAN do.
3. If you can, provide a similar alternative to help them get the impulse out. Fill up a small wading pool and let him toss toys. Let him splash in the sink. Yeah, you'll have to clean up water, but 16 month olds NEED the sensory kind of exploration.
4. If you can't provide something similar to do, then distract. Take him to another room. Provide another toy. Go for a walk.
5. If the behavior continues, then find a way to stop it (remove the toy being used inappropriately, block off the bathroom, end dinner when he throws food off the tray) and comfort his tantrums.

As he gets older, you can consider other consequences (time outs/time ins), but for a 16 month old, those are both counter productive and ineffective.

[meemee]

my dd stopped putting everything in her mouth when she was about 1. her bf who i am babysitting right now stopped at nearly 2.

i had to be more vigilant around him than my dd.

each child is different. they do their own things at different times.

your son is being a typical 16 month old. where that kind of behaving and knowing what's dangerous is still cannot be expected out of him.

give him the freedom to explore. absolutely. encourage his thirst for knowledge in his 16 month old way. childproof.

along with that use one word for danger and stick to it. and when you see dangerous objects let him know that. i used to poke my dd's arm with a sharp knife, or the paper clip she wanted to play with so she understood why i wouldnt let her play with it. using the word danger rarely but appropriately - over time she finally got it. and would freeze anytime i said danger.

so dont buy into the 'but that 16 month old doesnt do it' reasoning. that 16 month old is not interested in that kind of thing.

[Picard]

Thanks for your helpful replies. We live in small quarters and there is only so much we can do in regards to childproofing. I suppose that childproofing is an ongoing thing. All the danger stuff is put up high. Also, DS figured out how to undo the childproofing on kitchen cabinet doors when he was 8 months. We tried several different kinds of cabinet locks. It basically never worked for him. Both my partner and I are not into time-outs or the count to 10 routine, so we will continue to tell him about the obvious dangers and I trust that he will understand these in time.

At the moment DS is really quite proud that he can open the fridge door...he is also full of happiness in having discovered that he can stand in the lower (emptied out) drawers to get to the higher ones. Plus, he somehow put one and one together and started dragging an empty, square wicker basket to the kitchen counter, turn it over to stand on it so that he can see what we are doing. We will have to put gates on the kitchen entrances asap so that he is not in danger while we are cooking. He's such a curious kid.

[lilyka]

why don't you try keeping him closer to you? within arms reach. this will enable you to be right there when the thought takes hold...you can see it in their eyes.....and redirect, correct and teach him something better. but you have to catch it right away. He is starting to do some dangerous stuff. you need to be right on top of it and the only way to do that is to make him your super buddy. he is so young. it doesn't matter if those words come out with poerfect clarity I doubt he is really making the connection. and even using physical correction (such as slapping his hand) cannot be trusted at this age, the only way to help him learn a better way is to have him right where you can teach him (not only what he shouldn't do but give him meaningful ways to explore and play and fill his time) all day every day until you are absolutely sure he gets it.

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by Picard

Thanks for your helpful replies. We live in small quarters and there is only so much we can do in regards to childproofing. I suppose that childproofing is an ongoing thing. All the danger stuff is put up high. Also, DS figured out how to undo the childproofing on kitchen cabinet doors when he was 8 months. We tried several different kinds of cabinet locks. It basically never worked for him. Both my partner and I are not into time-outs or the count to 10 routine, so we will continue to tell him about the obvious dangers and I trust that he will understand these in time.

At the moment DS is really quite proud that he can open the fridge door...he is also full of happiness in having discovered that he can stand in the lower (emptied out) drawers to get to the higher ones. Plus, he somehow put one and one together and started dragging an empty, square wicker basket to the kitchen counter, turn it over to stand on it so that he can see what we are doing. We will have to put gates on the kitchen entrances asap so that he is not in danger while we are cooking. He's such a curious kid.

There is no point explaining the reasoning behind your requests ahead of time. Children that age usually just don't get it. They don't have the brain folds there, they just cannot get it. It's not a question of repetition, it's a question of brain-muscle growth.

That is why people use incentives when it comes to life-and-limb.

Normally I would have posted that you just need to childproof as well. Make sure you get a really, really tall gate and if possible, one that is solid so he can't climb over it (sounds like he's a climber).

He won't like it but you have to protect him. If he can climb onto the bottom drawers, it's only a matter of time, possibly days or weeks at most, before he can climb on to the counters and open a cabinet, pull down some china on top of his head. Or something.

A climber is a climber.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by Picard

We will have to put gates on the kitchen entrances asap so that he is not in danger while we are cooking. He's such a curious kid.

having a super curious child myself i would actually encourage you to keep him in the kitchen with you on a proper footstool so he CAN watch what's going on. explain to him what you are doing and why you want him safely away from the flame. i did v. strict limits with my dd. you follow those rules and you can stay or else you cant. you would be surprised at how fast they learn when they ARE curious.

when they get that curious it means they are open to some independence and chores.

so setting the table. using some safe kitchen stuff to help with chopping. dont stop him from opening the fridge. keep some of his snacks or drinks at his level so he can help himself whenever he wants to.

have you tried the magnetic 'locks'? i thought they worked pretty good. most of the plastic stuff most kids can figure out.

[pinky]

Your ds is at a challenging age. Kids that age are so curious, and they're still too small to learn impulse control.

It's hard, but I found with my second dd, I ALWAYS had to have my eye on her at that age. Curiosity always overrode any small bits of common sense that she had.

It's very intense, but it does pass. Hang in there!