Dealing with social situations when your dc can't read.

[Mommy&Will]

My ds is 7 yrs. old and would be in 2nd grade in school. We are finding that he is getting into more situations where he is expected to read (Scouts, and church program). He is just starting to read, and slowly at that. The public kids his age read way above his level.

Before it becomes an issue, I'm wondering how I should handle these social situations. Last year at Scouts the leader had the boys read from a book, as they all sat in a circle. When it came to ds he said he couldn't read it. Luckily, it was the end of the meeting and hectic and wasn't largely noticed. I was thinking of checking with the leaders ahead of time to see if there was any reading material that would be covered so we could go over it at home.

[MamaMonica]

I have a 7 year old who is just starting to read, too. It's not uncommon. We haven't been in a situation yet where it's been a big issue. There are children in public school at age 7 who are not yet reading fluently just as there are kids reading at upper grade levels...it varies so much, they should have sensitivity to that fact.

I would talk to the leaders.

[phathui5]

Hm. Is it something you're working with him intensively on? I know some kids do start later, but it seems like a skill that you need to function outside of the house by his age.

What about when he's somewhere without you and has to read? I would be spending a lot of time tutoring reading.

[oneotamama]

Subbing. My ds is 7 1/2 and and we're in the same boat!

[elizawill]

i would tell your son if he is asked to read aloud to simply say he's not comfortable doing so. he doesn't need to say he can't read well or offer any explanation. simply give him full permission to politely decline. if he is in scouts or another group, be sure to tell the leader beforehand that your son does not have to read aloud. you don't need to explain why. i think not reading at public school level at age 7 is totally fine. imho, they are pushing kids way too fast these days. when i was in 2nd grade i was still learning to read as well & i'm 38 and totally fine don't worry about it. it's no big deal, and it's no one's business imo. hugs.

[4evermom]

I use the phrase "not reading independently, yet" fwiw. Sounds less black or white. My ds hasn't actually been in those situations but we'd be in the same boat if he were. He's reading more and more but he still believes he can't really read because he can't read everything he comes across. He wouldn't be able to read if put on the spot like that. I'd probably mention it to the leaders and tell them I'd appreciate their being sensitive to the situation.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by elizawill

i would tell your son if he is asked to read aloud to simply say he's not comfortable doing so. he doesn't need to say he can't read well or offer any explanation. simply give him full permission to politely decline. if he is in scouts or another group, be sure to tell the leader beforehand that your son does not have to read aloud. you don't need to explain why. i think not reading at public school level at age 7 is totally fine. imho, they are pushing kids way too fast these days. when i was in 2nd grade i was still learning to read as well & i'm 38 and totally fine don't worry about it. it's no big deal, and it's no one's business imo. hugs.

I agree. I knew a little girl who was a very bright and enthusiastic school student with a teacher who was a personal friend of the family and putting a lot of attention into helping her, but she wasn't reading till she was nine. Children start reading at all different ages - you might try imagining how you'd feel if your son were a public school student rather than a homeschooler, and try not to allow yourself to feel self-conscious about the way you've been handling this.

And here's a great thread that may help: "I have a 7 yr. old non-reader" support group. Lillian

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by 4evermom

I use the phrase "not reading independently, yet" fwiw.

Nice phrase! Lillian

[momtokea]

I would mention it to the leaders.

My friends dd is 10yo and dyslexic. She went to drama camp with my kids this year and my friend informed the instructors of her reading issues. The instructors were amazing with her and took extra care to accomodate her reading difficulties when working with the script. They made sure to never put her on the spot like that and the other kids didn't even notice she had reading difficulties.

My ds is 7 and has just caught on to reading in the last few months. I think it's a perfectly normal age to learn to read.

There are lots of adults and children who have reading difficulties for various reasons and should never be put on the spot like that. I don't see why kids should be reading aloud in Scouts unless they volunteer to do so. It's not a reading class.

[scoobymummy]

My ds started reading 'late' and reads very well now -- but silently. Remember that reading out loud and reading silently are two different skills. I don't pressure my son to read out loud even to me. I know he is reading, because he tells me about what he's read. He'll occassionally offer to read to me now, but would never do it in public. I would just tell the leaders that he's not comfortable reading out loud and leave it at that.

[emilys_mom1]

don't feel bad I also have a 7.5 yr that is just starting to ready alone. She is only at a very beginning 1st grade level. Everyone says that light with click when they are ready.

My dd has also come into the same issues at social outings. I encourage her to just ask to be skipped or ask for help from the leader. It is her choice.

[umbrella]

We honestly didn't really have it come up, so I'm sorry that I can't offer advice. My later reader though, it half amused me and half stressed me out, that she used to flat out say, "Oh, I can't read," even when that wasn't really the case. She's a perfectionist, and since she couldn't just look at anything and Know what it says, she just took that as being unable to read. The stress part I mention only because I know some people are horrified at the thought of a 7 or 8 year old who "can't read," and so anticipating their reactions is what stressed me out. It's also something I think of whenever I see people flippantly complain about homeschoolers they think they know, and all the things they suppose those children can't do. Just because my child WOULDN'T read something, and said that she can't, doesn't actually mean that's true. In her case, it often meant that she was going to stumble over some of the words, and certainly wasn't willing to do that in front of others.

[Peppermint]

I would have a talk with the leaders of anything he is involved with about "round robin reading" it is something I am *firmly* against as a former teacher, and I *never* allow it to happen in anything my kids are involved with. People leading young children should be made aware of the damage that happens with "round robin reading" and it isn't just an issue for kids who can't read, but those who are shy about public reading, or have a learning disability, etc.

When *I* lead groups of kids, I always tell the kids that I will never make them read aloud and then I ask for volunteers to read things

FWIW- my son was a little late to read (half way through first grade he became an "emerging" reader, you know- like Biscuit level books), and yet, in just over a year from becoming an emerging reader, he tests out at a 5th grade reading level! They really do learn when they are ready:

I certainly would not be pressuring or making a huge deal out of it with him (not that it sounds like you plan to, but- I just want to remind not to let pressure from outsiders send you in that direction).

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by Peppermint

I would have a talk with the leaders of anything he is involved with about "round robin reading" it is something I am *firmly* against as a former teacher, and I *never* allow it to happen in anything my kids are involved with. People leading young children should be made aware of the damage that happens with "round robin reading" and it isn't just an issue for kids who can't read, but those who are shy about public reading, or have a learning disability, etc.

Not to mention the fact that it's, in my opinion, a lousy way of leading the kind of learning a child is in scouts (or any program) for. I led a scout den, and I would never have wasted their time with reading aloud like that - they had lots of fun activities to do. You obviously wouldn't want to make unnecessary waves by criticizing the job a volunteer is doing of running a scout group or another children's group, but this is not the kind of activity a good leader would ordinarily do with a group of children. - Lillian

[oldcrunchymom]

I just thought I would offer that my 11 yo didn't learn to read fluently until she was closer to 7.5 or 8, and is now an excellent reader. She'll read a novel in a couple of days. So unless you think there are other issues (not that I'm implying you think that!) I wouldn't worry too much about your ds not reading much yet. I think I'd talk to the activity directors as the others have suggested.

[Shianne]

My 12 year old was a late reader as well. He wasn't reading fluently til the age of 8. His older brother was giving public readings and he wanted to do it also. I told him that he would have to be fluent in order to do so. He really worked hard on his own to do so. He has been doing public readings for almost 3 years now.
He loves reading and has the same comprehension as his brother at this age and he started reading at the age of 3. So there really is no difference in my boys as far as reading goes with one starting early and the other later.

[darcytrue]

Originally Posted by elizawill

i think not reading at public school level at age 7 is totally fine. imho, they are pushing kids way too fast these days. when i was in 2nd grade i was still learning to read as well & i'm 38 and totally fine don't worry about it. it's no big deal, and it's no one's business imo. hugs.

I agree. All children learn things at different times. Just as they don't all walk and talk at the same age, they don't all read at the same age. My son was an early reader and my DD has been lagging a little. She can read but she mainly likes to read and teach herself and hates sitting and doing phonics (although I do it with her anyway).

OP - the only reason I can see that you push your child to start reading more right now is if this is bothering him. If he seems bothered by the fact that he can't read in groups then I'd start working on it with him more. If it doesn't bother him then I agree with everyone else so far, talk to the leaders about it and let them know it makes him uncomfortable.

Another idea...you could also try to find a scout group in your area that is for home schooled children. In my area there are quite a few girl and boy scouts that are set up for HS only. Some parents will refuse to put their kids in with PS kids due to the comparisons and possible bullying.

[Porcelain Interior]

I would ask the leader to approach the situation differently such as asking "Who would like to read aloud?" Many hands will shoot up and the pressure will be off.

It isn't school afterall, there's no point in calling each child out unless the leader for some strange reason wants to "test" them.