Kid who wants to keep going long past the time when it seems useful

[skueppers]

I'm not actually homeschooling my daughter at present, but plan to next year for grade K. She has a few personality quirks around learning activities that I don't really know how to deal with, and I'm interested in exploring them now so I have a better idea how to deal with them both in our activities now and in the future.

The main thing I'd like to get some feedback about is her tendency to keep going with activities long past the time when she actually seems to be focusing on them. For example, this afternoon we were playing the game Set, which she's just learning to play. The first half hour or so, she was very focused. Then she started getting distracted, wasn't really making any effort, etc. I suggested more than once that we stop playing and do something else together or separately, but she wanted to keep playing. I eventually said that I didn't want to play anymore (totally true, I find playing something like this with her when she's not engaged annoying), at which point she thought about playing the game with her toy ponies, but in the end asked me to put it away.

My preference would be for her to do these activities for as long as she's really engaged in them, and then to stop. I don't understand why she would want to keep doing them after she's essentially lost interest, and I don't especially want to do them with her when she's not actually focused on them.

Any insight into what might be going on here and how to deal with it?

[sbgrace]

I think some kids just do that at this age.
Both my kids get silly when they've lost interest. I stop the game or painting or whatever when it gets to that point and it's frustrating to me (or in our case destructive usually with two five year old boy energies going). I don't particularly give them a choice at that point but nor do I make it a punishment. Sort of "looks like we're done (I'm done...whichever) and lets do this instead".

[stlmomof2]

She sounds like a really smart kid who has trouble transitioning. I have trouble with this, too. It's hard on my brain--very jarring. My DD does this sort of thing, too. She'll act very uninterested in continuing the game we're playing but she'll continually say she doesn't want to stop. I find that it helps to not just expect her to find a new activity on her own but to actually suggest one and gently put the old one away. Also, I try to be more tolerant of DD playing with things in different sorts of ways. I admit that it sort of annoys me when she wants to stop the game to make the chess pieces talk to each other or whatever, but it really *shouldn't* annoy me. DH says that DD doesn't want to stop what she's doing because she interprets that as ending the special time that she's spending with Mommy. That may be it, too.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by mandymichel

DH says that DD doesn't want to stop what she's doing because she interprets that as ending the special time that she's spending with Mommy. That may be it, too.

I had the same thought. Sonja mentioned that she suggests that they stop playing and do something else together or separately, but I wonder if in a four year old's mind, that may seem like the end of the connection that's been going on between them during the activity. - Lillian

[Roar]

Yes, it sounds like difficulty with transitioning. I don't think it is fair to say adults wouldn't do this as I'm sure many of us regularly do. I sure do as is evidenced by the fact that I will continue to rip out the same patch of knitting and make the same mistake several times in a row before I'll admit I'm too tired to focus on it.

I would suggest making a plan ahead of time with her "I have about half an hour to play and then I'm going to need to start dinner." It is okay to nicely say that you have five more minutes and you need to move on to something else.

[darcytrue]

Originally Posted by sbgrace

I think some kids just do that at this age..

My DD can still be this way and she's 7. She will be doing something, not just games but other activities, and she will want to start letting her toy cat or baby dolls do it along with her. At that point I let her do it and figure she is bored and distracted at that point so what's the use anyway. We eventually move on to something else after she gets it out of her system, which usually isn't long.

[skueppers]

Thanks for all the input!

One of the benefits I see to homeschooling is that kids don't have to stop doing things when they would rather continue just because some arbitrary time limit has been reached. But I'd rather move on to something ELSE fun if it seems like the activity is no longer working for her!

In these situations, I definitely do try to offer alternative activities that she also likes and that would give her the opportunity to continue to have my attention (at least until her brother wakes up from his nap!), or not, as she prefers.