here's my experience:
i did a little too much pushing via my anus (as much as i tried to focus on the vagina). it was when i was trying to rush things at one point.
anyway, i had a small 'skid mark' near my urethra, and i was pretty swollen after. i used prefolds dipped in comfrey tea and water. so nice.
i thought i might have a tear because i was feeling something very similar to what you describe. i looked at the perineum, and it looked normal from the vagina side (as compared to a zillion different online pictures--both photos and drawings found at medical sites), but the anus felt "soft" in a lot of ways.
whenever i would have a bowel movement, it would hurt and bleed. it scared me a lot.
so, i asked every midwife in the area to see me--everyone completely refused. i called the CNMs on my insurer's network list--all refused. i called the gyn/OBs that i'd gone to before--everyone refused.
(emotionally, this was the biggest "hurt" of my whole birth experience. that is that everyone was telling me how i would need their help during birth, but no one was willing to help after!)
anyway, i was ultimately told to go to the ER. i called the ER to talk to the doctor about what would happen. he said that they wouldn't be able to do anything because it was all too late. if there was to be a repair, they would script me to an OB, who would see me and then later schedule a surgery to repair it. i asked him what he would do in my situation, and he said to keep it clean, keep an eye on it, see if it heals up on it's own, and if i still feel like i need help, then to come in and get the script.
he also said 'it sounds like a hemmeroid caused by pushing too much in that area rather than through the vagina."
so, i looked up what that would look like, and Viola! i had it.
my process was to keep it clean. i kept it clean. i also would "tuck" my anus back in after going. after a couple of weeks (this was after lochia stopped too, btw), i had no bleeding after going. after a few more weeks, i had no pain, and now, i don't have to tuck or anything.
it's still kind of "loose feeling" around one part of the anus (the part that i had to tuck), and so it needs a little more cleaning care than before, but otherwise, it's basically back to normal.
NOW, i'm NOT saying don't go get help. You can get help if you want it and if you feel you need it and i support getting help 100%.
i'm just sharing what my experience was and what i did.
it's amazing to me that labor and birth were pleasurable, but that after birth, i had this issue with bowel movements. i laugh about it quite a bit (and did then too, after i figured out what it was). LOL
actually, i told people, why don't they tell you more about the afterwards? i guess everyone is so caught up in the baby that they don't think about it. i mean, i did need ice (though the swelling didn't really hurt that much), and i did need to focus on keeping the anus clean and tucked in and such.
it hurt, but wasn't agonizing pain. you know, just uncomfortable like sand paper on skin or something. but, it was still funny to me that i would have that after all of that bliss! LOL
anyway, yeah. yuck. TMI!
