My mom got rid of her dog... sigh....

[SuzyLee]

I am torn between understanding and being really pissed. I guess I am mostly just venting.

My mom and dad have/had a lovely golden named Cassie, who just turned 7. She was not the easiest dog- I realize that. She couldn't be left in the house when they were gone because sporadically she will throw up for no reason that they or the vet could ever figure out (and has ruined the carpet in several rooms of their house bc of it). She has some nasty allergies that high quality food have never helped- they seem to be seasonal allergies. She also has anxiety and will sporadically pee in the house when she is left alone. So she had to be kenneled, but my mom felt awful about that since they both work all day.

My mom had cancer last year (now presumably in remission) and is currently dealing with her brother fighting a losing battle against cancer. He mom died last year so she has a lot on her plate with my g'pa. She works full time and is in school part time. So I do understand that the dog was just overwhelming to her right now. And my dad is fine with the dog, but works a ton of hours and doesn't help with Cassie much, so my mom is pretty much on her own.

They gave Cassie to a golden rescue foundation, along with a generous donation, and she was adopted within a week. So that is the good part. But I just am having a hard time with the fact that my mom didn't stick to the commitment she made when she got the dog, yk? It isn't like Cassie was awful- just some (fairly manageable) challenges.

[mesa]

I wouldn't come down too hard on her, if I were you. It sounds like your mom has a LOT on her plate, and she did the very best thing possible for the dog, next to keeping her herself. Not only did she give her to a responsible breed rescue, but she gave them a donation too. The dog is in a screened adoptive home, which is thrilled with her, I'm sure. Your mom can concentrate on staying healthy now, along with all the other stuff she's dealing with.

You said it yourself, she was dealing with the dog pretty much on her own. And the challenges you posted about with the dog's anxiety and allergies would be difficult for someone to deal with who didn't have to also deal with 1/10th of the stuff your mom deals with.

Cut her some slack, yo You always could have volunteered to foster the dog for her until her life calms down some, if it means that much to you

[gumby74]

I completely understand your frustrations with the situation. I think though that your mom is dealing with a lot and the fact that she was adopted rigt away is a great indication that she went to a family who was willing to put forth the extra effort she needs.

[lilyka]

I see your moms descision as a win win for everyone. The dog went to a good home quickly where she will be able to get the time and attention she needs. your mom does not have to feel guilty about putting her at the bottom of her list. and to say your mom has a lot on her plate is a total understatement. She is clearly not in a place to be caring for a high need dog right now. go easy on your mom. i am sure it was not easy for her to give up her friend but it sounds like everyone is happier this way.


: yay for things working out awesome for everyone!!!!

[karne]

Honestly, it sounds like it was a good move for the dog. Golden's are people dogs, so being alone and crated was probably difficult. They also need tons of exercise-I know because I havetwo of them! It's so good that your mom chose a Golden rescue, and a bonus that she donated $$. It's truly not uncommon to see older Golden's in shelters waiting for a home, which is just terrible, IMO. Your mom handled this difficult decision the right way.

[mirlee]

We had to give up a dog because of severe separation anxiety and his ability to totally flip out when coming across other dogs. It is never a decision that is done lightly, but people always seem to be mad because as the dog owner, you didn't make it work.

In our case, we completely rearranged schedules so that someone was home with him as much as possible. Even then, you couldn't leave his sight without him tearing up the kitchen, ripping apart the trash, or defecating all over the place. And I'm talking things like stepping away to switch the laundry. He really had potential to be a good dog, but he was more work than any dog I have ever in my life experienced. I had difficulty restraining him during walks if another dog came by. The last straw was our encounter with a Great Dane. I am 5ft 120 and the Great Dane was bigger than me. I was sitting on my dog and my dog was flipping out which was causing the Great Dane to get anxious and try to come over to my dog. The older woman walking the Great Dane was having troubles containing her dog. I was scared. We loved this dog. He loved to play and was very affectionate, but the other problems were very hard to overcome.

When we gave up our dog, our neighbor stopped speaking to us. He won't even look at us if we say, "hi."

I would offer support. Even now, our son bursts into tears because he misses the dog. It is really hard.

[phatchristy]

Sure, the best ideal would be that you would have a pet happily for life...but part of being a responsible owner is also knowing when you are over your head and need help.

So, IMHO, what your parents did was quite reasonable. I don't know why you're upset--did you want the dog yourself? Or, are you upset that they didn't ask you for help?

Personally, I had a relative who had a golden (which are definitely very people oriented) who kept the dog pretty much outside, and in the garage alone. I still have no clue why they got a dog, other than 'the wife felt safer' with a dog around. The dog was so attention starved. Had lots of behavioral issues with them, and they said he was super hyper.

Of course, when we had him over our home for weekends to watch he was fine--but he got so much exercise, and we kept him in the house with us! So, not really surprising.

[heartmama]

I try to focus on what feasible solution is best for the dog. If the situation is not working for the dog, and the dynamics are unlikely to change, I prefer to evaluate the options with the dog's best interest in mind.

I am asking this thoughtfully and respectfully: What would be the point of your mom keeping the dog in a compromised and anxiety-producing home when a happy adoptive family is waiting with open arms? What difference does it make to the dog if your mom can say she never gave him away? I sometimes think the "keep a pet at all costs" ideal is overly focused on the humans involved. It isn't about us. I feel glad when animals are happy. If the dog is in a good home, chances are, he is happy.

Now if she dumped the dog on the side of the road, or put him down, I would be horrified. But we are talking about the dog going to a carefully screened home. Really, that is all good news for the dog! Will he miss the old home? Yes. But very few animals are of the type to "pine away" endlessly for a past owner once they settle in to the new environment. It doesn't sound like he was getting his needs met with your mom (and I am sure she did her best--but this sounds like a needier type of dog). This new home may be a better match.

[SuzyLee]

I am mostly upset because I think when you make a committment to get a dog, you need to keep that committment. Yes, her dog got adopted quickly into a good home, but if my mom had kept a dog, that couple would have adopted another dog, and kept a dog somewhere from being put down.

I did want to take Cassie, but with a dog, a toddler and a baby on the way I knew I couldn't handle another dog to take care of.

I guess I just need to let it go and be happy Cassie was adopted.

[lilyka]

when you get a dog you make a commitment to do right by the animal. sometimes that means rehoming a critter you love. Cassie did not have a good life with your mom (for situations beyond your moms control). now she does. It is cruel to keep an animal that you do not have the resources to deal with.