how to help your children "hurry up" sometimes

[MommyDOK]

My dh and I are very involved w/ our children. We are also very much, "Stop and smell the roses" type of parents. Whatever we do, we try to enjoy the process. I seldom hurry my children---sometimes it takes minutes to get in the house from the car etc......we walk around the grocery store for much longer bc the children want to see how something works etc. At school pick up, we always stay for 30 minutes to over an hour before we go in our car etc.

BUT, there are times we need to hurry!! It drives me nuts when the 4 and 6 year old don't understand this. When do they "get it"??? DO your children understand what it means to step it up??? What would discipline look like for being really slow and stalling (on purpose)?? I have a baby too and sometimes I need to nurse him or change his diaper or something. I want to teach my older ones to be considerate of other people's needs, but they dawdle so much, I don't think they get it.

[nathansmum]

Do you prepare them for the times when you are going to be asking them to come along quicker than usual? I find if I spontaneously decide that this time is going to be quicker it still takes half and hour to get out of the house, but if I had said earlier in the day what and why then they are better about it. I think if it's not done too often they can trust that there is a good reason for being rushed. Sometimes it's not possible to do that, but when things are a true emergency, the kids seem to sense that and there is no mucking around.

[Fuamami]

I can't hardly bear to stand around and smell the roses, so I've been training my kids for quite a while. They're all pretty good and hurrying when we need to. Do you express your urgency to them? Tell them exactly what they need to do. Like, "Run upstairs and get your shoes on and then dash out the door as fast as you can! Go!" I think at 4 and 6 they should be able to do it.

[lilyka]

I would start by working on it at times you are not actually in a hurry. Sit them down and talk about how fun it is to take your time and such. point out the time you have done this. Then explain to them sometimes we just need to hurry. make a game out of it. ask them to do something as fast as possible. perhaps have a drill to get to the car as fast as possible. something silly and fun. practice going fast. how fast can you get your shoes and coats and backpacks and get to the car? use a timer (kids love being timed for some reason ) then when you are done playing for the day remind them of how fast they went and while you will try take time when you can they need to remember how sauper fast they went this day and go that fast. Perhaps even have a code word that makes going fast a little more fun. super hero fast or something.

[LianneM]

We race, either as individuals or on teams. It's practice for being a good sport when you don't win and has brought up some good discussions.

Sometimes DS asks me to count down from 10 to zero to see if he can do whatever it is before I get to zero. Sometimes he asks me to start over if he knows he won't make it, which is fine

Sometimes if it's something like getting dressed, I'll pretend I'm a coach and giving directions - like I'll have DS put on underwear and do a somersault, then put on shorts and do 5 jumping jacks, then his shirt and do a cartwheel... things like that.

I've found that any way to make it a game usually works

[LynnS6]

Like Lianne, making it a game helps. 'Can you get your shoes out of the shoe rack before I count to 5?' 'How fast can you get your coat on?'

Two other things that help:
the first is the kitchen timer. It's my all time favorite parenting tool. I set the timer and then say "when the timer beeps, we need to..." sometimes it's start getting dressed, sometimes it's going out the door. Because the timer is a neutral third party, there is less arguing. It also helps my kids gain a sense of time. Just this afternoon, dd wanted me to play with her. I needed a bit of down time first. So, I said I'd be happy to play with her in about 15 minutes. She asked first "How much is 15 minutes?" then she paused and said "can you set the timer?" (Ds actually went through a period where he would set the timer for 1 second, then 2, then 3, then 4, then 5... just to see how long a second was.)

The second is introducing the concept of 'kid time' and 'parent time'. When we go to the park, we can be on 'kid time'. Dawdling and stopping to smell the roses is not only allowed, but encouraged. Sometimes though, we need to be on 'mommy time'. If I tell my kids that ahead of time, then there is less dawdling. "We need to be on mommy time for this trip to the store because we have to be home by 4:30."

Depending on the situation, the natural consequence of dawdling to get ready is that you go out the door without all your stuff. I WOH, so my kids had to get ready in the AM. Dd went to daycare once in PJs. She's left several times without a stuffed animal because we were too rushed (i.e. she was dawdling) to find it.

Finally, I find that if I start to get ready to go about 15 minutes before I think I need to, life is much happier.

[jewelsJZ]

I agree with making it a game. We call it Team P (our last name) and I say, "How fast can Team P get our shoes on and get into the car? Ready, set, go!" This encourages my oldest to help my 3 yr. old while I get the baby into the car.

[MommyDOK]

thanks y'all for the suggestions. I will use the timer more and I like the idea of super-hero fast and mommy time/kid time. I think I'm going to get a digital watch w/ an alarm. I do use lots of warnings. It just gets frustrating when you give them 3 hours of lolly-gagging out in the front yard w/ the neighbors and then it is time to get ready for dinner and they are on S-L-O-W time, ya know??

I really want to get away from directing them....as in, "Put your shoes on. Find your homework folder. Get your lunch box. Comb your hair. Brush your teeth" etc. My oldest dd would let me tell her what to do every minute of the day and she would never learn these things herself. I"ll say, "What do you have to do to get ready for school/bed/soccer?" and she'll look at me and say, "I don't know?" Which drives me batty bc she is almost 7 and knows what to do. She just wants me to tell her what to do.

thanks again

[Surfacing]

: Love the idea of "kid time" and "mommy time"

[kombu]

Originally Posted by MommyDOK

I really want to get away from directing them....as in, "Put your shoes on. Find your homework folder. Get your lunch box. Comb your hair. Brush your teeth" etc. My oldest dd would let me tell her what to do every minute of the day and she would never learn these things herself. I"ll say, "What do you have to do to get ready for school/bed/soccer?" and she'll look at me and say, "I don't know?" Which drives me batty bc she is almost 7 and knows what to do. She just wants me to tell her what to do.

thanks again

Some friends who have a kid about the same age recently addressed this by having him pose in the act of each individual thing he needed to do to get ready in the bathroom in the morning (brush teeth, put toothbrush away, wash hands - every little thing) and took a picture of each and made a poster with all the pictures in order. It's really helped him to give himself direction.

[Seie]

I have a 2 a 4 and a 6 year old and we need to get out every morning for school.
What has really helped is that my 6 year old is now in school - and finally understands what it actually means to "be late". He desperately wants to be on time as being the kid that comes in last -when everyone is seated - isn't much fun.
But since we usually take our time too and now suddenly need to speed things up some, I have made a new morning schedule. Its very simple. Now we dress before breakfast rather than after. Before the getting dressed part would take forever and I would get SO mad sometimes when none of them would get dressed in time.
Now they simply can't sit down to eat till they are properly dressed. Our mornings are so much easier now. We have more time to eat actually and the getting dressed part -well now that part is down to maybe 10 minutes. Earlier that could take up to half an hour.
Small things - but I really find planning for us made all the difference.

[kristac]

I use "Ready, Set, Goooooooooo!" alot, and my newest addition is "Superhero Speed!" which works well although it also can cause the sillies.

[OGirlieMama]

We play "beat the clock" when I'm trying to hurry them up. "How fast can you get in your carseats today? Can you climb in before I get to...17?" I change the number all the time and sometimes they pick the number (which is often something like 64, because hey, they're 3.5 and don't quite get it...but whatever). It only works out well if everyone's already in a good mood, though. If they're grumpily dawdling because they don't want to go, the game just pisses them off.