Yet another gem from Parenting magazine - Page 2

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by kcstar

This.

He got only mom for evenings, nights, weekends, and as much as I could pump during the day. And we're still nursing at 23 1/2 months. I'm going to call this a success.

I have a similar story when I chose to travel on business when my DD was 9 months old. We were holding steady with daily BM but the thought of any extra pumpings at any time was simply out of the question to me. Where/How could I have fit in EXTRA pumping sessions? I felt like I spent every waking moment away from work feeding the baby, caring for the baby, doing the bare minimum on the house and squeezing in some self-care whenever possible. Once I resolved that she could get formula while I was gone I was much, much better about the whole thing. The first time was an overnight and then I travelled again for a week and got to see my sister and her new baby. I pumped while I was gone and brought it all back.

We went on to nurse until she was 4.5 yo and I mommy-led weaned her. She never weaned during a business trip thought I kept hoping as the years wore on!

[sapphire_chan]

O.
M.
G.

I couldn't get past the "brands me a loser at the job" paragraph. Does she go on to whine about the Mommy Wars?


As for the second article, day 1 was : day 7 was :

[Youngfrankenstein]

Moms judging other moms is soooo universal and sad. I hated the snarkiness of this. "No, I don't want to donate my milk!"

Fine, I've never donated milk....I think it's great when people do. I'd be peeved if someone thought it was required of me....

It goes on and on.

This reminds me of homebirth and natural childbirth....why do people give a rat's patuty that we're doing that? I seriously don't care what other's do if they're happy with it!

[baglady]

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be argumentative.

This board is set up to discuss discrimination against nursers, which does happen on a frequent basis. Why then is it so hard to see that those of us who can't nurse do sometimes feel judged as well?

Of course the article was about choosing not to after a while which isn't exactly what I'm talking about. I guess I'll agree to disagree and avoid this board because I always feel hurt when I read the judgment frequently displayed. The inability to nurse long term is still raw.

[jocelynr]

Originally Posted by baglady

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be argumentative.

This board is set up to discuss discrimination against nursers, which does happen on a frequent basis. Why then is it so hard to see that those of us who can't nurse do sometimes feel judged as well?

Of course the article was about choosing not to after a while which isn't exactly what I'm talking about. I guess I'll agree to disagree and avoid this board because I always feel hurt when I read the judgment frequently displayed. The inability to nurse long term is still raw.

I really don't think people are out to judge you because you couldn't nurse longer. I'm sorry you have such raw feelings toward this issue, but it's good that you recognize it. Maybe you should take a look at Miriam Labbok's article posted on the thread about articles about feeling guilty. You can still be a lactivist and interested in getting the knowledge and help to others without being a long term breastfeeder.

[Ruthla]

This is just one woman's experience, and her feelings ARE valid. IMO, she makes some incredible points in the last page:

The message to mothers-to-be and new moms should be: Take breastfeeding one day at a time. Try it in the hospital -- you're just lying there anyway. And people there are glad to show you how. Then, if you and your baby are getting the hang of it, stick it out during maternity leave to pass all those health benefits to your baby, and to yourself. Plus, it's free, and it can be easier to stuff a ready nipple into a hungry mouth than to prep a bottle while suffering extreme sleep deprivation.

And then, see how it goes. Maybe it will be easier, and more enjoyable, than you thought, the way it was for me. Maybe you'll move on in a few weeks or months. Maybe you'll stick with it right through toddlerhood. Whatever follows, everybody will be okay.

That's the real definition of success: everybody coming out okay.

That's incredibly similar to advice I've given out to new moms numerous times. "Get nursing started, then keep an open mind. You don't have to wean at [insert age here] if both of you are enjoying it."

It's really a shame that Ms. Spencer had to vent about "breastfeeding culture" in the process of talking about her own story. But I also think this article is cautionary to Lactivists everywhere. We all need to be sensitive to women who arent' ready to commit to BFing long term. We also need to be sensitive to women who are physically unable to breastfeed exclusively, whatever the underlying reason (and if it could have been prevented.)

In general, mothers deserve respect for their parenting choices, as long as they're not abusive or neglectful. Feeding formula in a bottle is neither of those things. Women should never, EVER have to "defend" their feeding choices when they pull out a bottle in public.

Why should somebody who's mourning the loss of her BFing relationship have to rehash that every time a "well meaning lactivist" asks why she's not breastfeeding? Why should a woman who's chosen to wean early (or not nurse at all) have to defend her choices either? Feeling defensive like that is the reason some women give lame reasons for weaning when truly it was the mom's choice. And those lame reasons make it harder for those who TRULY had insufficient milk supply to be beleived.

I guess it's a fine line between "letting moms know it's OK to not be perfect" and "setting the bar too low." I guess my main beef with Parenting Magazine is that stories like Ms. Spencer's aren't being balanced by stories of women who've nursed longterm. Let new moms know that it's OK to make mistakes, and it's OK to nurse for a week or a month or 5 months, but also let them know that nursing for 12 or 24 or 50 months isn't something that only "supermoms" can attain.

[krystyn33]

[QUOTE=Ruthla;14285207
It's really a shame that Ms. Spencer had to vent about "breastfeeding culture" in the process of talking about her own story. But I also think this article is cautionary to Lactivists everywhere. We all need to be sensitive to women who arent' ready to commit to BFing long term. We also need to be sensitive to women who are physically unable to breastfeed exclusively, whatever the underlying reason (and if it could have been prevented.)

I guess it's a fine line between "letting moms know it's OK to not be perfect" and "setting the bar too low." I guess my main beef with Parenting Magazine is that stories like Ms. Spencer's aren't being balanced by stories of women who've nursed longterm. Let new moms know that it's OK to make mistakes, and it's OK to nurse for a week or a month or 5 months, but also let them know that nursing for 12 or 24 or 50 months isn't something that only "supermoms" can attain.[/QUOTE]

I'm with you--she did make a good point about the pressure and how the "all or nothing" approach can overwhelm & defeat some women (saw this happen with my sister). Taking it one day & then one week at a time got me through the rough parts I know.

My problem with the article was the attitude that the advice of the AAP is somehow bull. Her line of reasoning is faulty. Just because one child might be ok with plenty of oreos and mcdonald's cheeseburgers in his diet doesn't mean there's no risk for negative health consequences or that the effort to maintain a healthy diet or to advise others of the risk factors & encourage healthy eating in our culture is just a waste of time. How wonderful for her that supplemental feedings did not diminish her supply. Others may not be so lucky. It is a risk.

Plus this article and others which have been posted this summer seem to be part of an anger-fueled backlash against breastfeeding and the AP/Natural family living approach. I don't understand why it seems easier or more logical to these writers to fault breastfeeding and breastfeeding advocates rather than the lack of cultural understanding and support infastructure (a real maternity leave) which undermines success in so many cases.

And baglady--I'm so sorry for your supply loss. It sounds like you worked so hard and did nothing wrong. After my c-section (breech) I felt similarly "raw" when reading articles about natural birth. When my son became anemic I felt the "sting" of thinking he may have been fine had his cord been left intact rather than immediately cut and I worried for so long that he would be less emotionally secure because we did not get skin-on-skin contact right away. In time I was able to heal and I remain a staunch natural birth advocate. I hope you will find peace and feel welcome should you be motivated in lactivist efforts.

[ishyfishie]

Originally Posted by krystyn33

I'm with you--she did make a good point about the pressure and how the "all or nothing" approach can overwhelm & defeat some women (saw this happen with my sister). Taking it one day & then one week at a time got me through the rough parts I know.

My problem with the article was the attitude that the advice of the AAP is somehow bull. Her line of reasoning is faulty. Just because one child might be ok with plenty of oreos and mcdonald's cheeseburgers in his diet doesn't mean there's no risk for negative health consequences or that the effort to maintain a healthy diet or to advise others of the risk factors & encourage healthy eating in our culture is just a waste of time. How wonderful for her that supplemental feedings did not diminish her supply. Others may not be so lucky. It is a risk.

Plus this article and others which have been posted this summer seem to be part of an anger-fueled backlash against breastfeeding and the AP/Natural family living approach. I don't understand why it seems easier or more logical to these writers to fault breastfeeding and breastfeeding advocates rather than the lack of cultural understanding and support infrastructure (a real maternity leave) which undermines success in so many cases.

Thank you--this was my feeling as well, which was why I posted it. At first I thought it was going to just be about "don't feel like it's all or nothing" and was prepared to be pleasantly surprised by Parenting...but then I started feeling like it was just an attack on anyone who believes that all those "rules" have good, sound logic behind them. Logic or not, I realize not everyone does/can/wants to follow every "rule"--and I respect that! I just don't like feeling like I'm some kind of mindless lactivist sheep for believing in them.

[baglady]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Why should somebody who's mourning the loss of her BFing relationship have to rehash that every time a "well meaning lactivist" asks why she's not breastfeeding?

Thanks Ruthla. That's what I was trying to say and you said it better than me.

I was working with some major PMS when I first posted in this thread.

I wasn't trying to complain. I just often feel that women who really want to promote breastfeeding often assume that all formula feeders are evil "mainstreamers" etc. I have really come to a good place about it, but sometimes some things I read here make me feel guilty. That's what I meant by "raw." It isn't the action of the formula feeding, it's the reaction to it by well meaning others that causes the guilty feelings.

I just wish more lactivists would realize that sometimes it doesn't work out for everyone and an automatic judgement isn't always nessesary.

As far as the article, the only thing I agreed with was her opinion on the all or nothing attitude. I think she was quite ill informed about many things, and I think the occasional article about long term breast feeders would be great.

I do now and will always promote breastfeeding. Many of my former coworkers actually said they would try it because of me. I think that's an accomplishment. In fact, when I met some of them for lunch when my guy was 4 month old, one of them said, "Wow, you're still doing it, that's so great." They only had experience with people nursing for a few weeks. I got to be the person to tell them that it really does stop hurting after a while and how easy it is not to have to make bottles in the middle of the night, etc.

I guess it's all in the eye of the beholder, right? I'm so glad to have been able to do it for the time I did. I'm also glad that I'm making enough milk for one night nursing. I think I'm doing pretty great.

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by krystyn33

Plus this article and others which have been posted this summer seem to be part of an anger-fueled backlash against breastfeeding and the AP/Natural family living approach. I don't understand why it seems easier or more logical to these writers to fault breastfeeding and breastfeeding advocates rather than the lack of cultural understanding and support infastructure (a real maternity leave) which undermines success in so many cases.

Well - the magazine is funded by formula companies - so that is what they are going to publish. I actually didn't read the article so I shouldn't be posting here. I don't want to give them my eyeballs.

[KimberlyD0]

Originally Posted by Ellien C

Well - the magazine is funded by formula companies - so that is what they are going to publish. I actually didn't read the article so I shouldn't be posting here. I don't want to give them my eyeballs.

I don't think thats the only reason for these aticles. They've been popping up everywhere.

While I don't feel that all lactavists are mean or rude, I have had some very negative reactions to my inability to BF my first child. I have experienced what many of these moms have.

When someone writes an article like this I think its importent to really listen to it.
Are some people going overbored? YES!!!
Is the Bar too high for many new moms? YES!!
Do we need better support for ALL moms YES!!

when you read about a mother experiences and how she feels about the failure to BF, and then start in on what she did wrong, or what she should have done better, which I have seen countless times. It weakens the over all cause.

I for example hemeraged and nearly died after my first was born and by the time I was healthy and home my BM had dried up. Instead of support I get "did you try A,B, or C? You could have BF you just didn't want it enough." It was attitudes like this that convinced me not to try again and it was the kindness of a friend who said "Try it, take it one day at a time and see where it gets you" THATS what made it work.

Thats the pressure mothers don't need. It saddens me to see mothers give up BF before trying because its more then they can commit to, or because they've had a previous bad experience, with BF itself or with BF advocates.

What bothers me is that when mothers like myself express how this happend, and how hurt we are, we're shut down and accused of being BF bashers, or lactavist bashers. When we're not. We're simply trying to find a better way to get the message out there.

BF doesn't have to be all or nothing. No matter how long a mother BF's they have succeded. Even if its a day, a week, a month or 6 months. They did the best they could and thats what matters.

Its like the old saying "you catch more flies with Honey"

[baglady]

:

[*Erin*]

lovely....
im so glad she is feeling so super about all her super great choices that she needs to write a "neener neener" toned article about it all. cause clearly, she DOES feel defensive. that's her deal.

blah.

[KimberlyD0]

Originally Posted by *Erin*

lovely....
im so glad she is feeling so super about all her super great choices that she needs to write a "neener neener" toned article about it all. cause clearly, she DOES feel defensive. that's her deal.

blah.

Thats not what I got from it. What I got was that she was sending a good message about taking the pressure off of oneself and taking things one day at a time. Not beating yourself up if you can't do things exactly how your suppose to.

Which I think is a very importent message especially to mom's who are struggleing or who have had to stop, no matter the reason.

More people will respond to this sort of message then a you have to do it the "right" way or its not good enough way.

[Firemom]

Originally Posted by Ellen Griswold

WOW!!!!!

That was the most offensive thing that I have ever read!!!



Is there any way to reply on that site? Because I have a few words I'd like to share.

My thoughts exactly. I have 2 teenagers now, but I am a little saddened to read this article. It seems like everything has stood still with breastfeeding after reading this.

I would think that breastfeeding would be much more revered in the year 2009

[readytobedone]

Originally Posted by shoes

And lucky her that she was never harassed for bf in public. I think she'd sing a different tune if she had. Man... :

yeah, she kind of implied that people are just being silly in claiming that breastfeeding harassment is a problem, because you can just roll your eyes and tell people around you to grow up. yep, that has always worked with discrimination. isn't that what MLK did?

but i had to notice she lives in chapel hill, NC, which is not a likely place to BE harassed for NIP. plus she was always nursing VERY young babies, which makes a big difference in people's perception.

i was actually mostly with her for the first page--i DO think we, as lactivists, need to make the BFing bar a little lower, in the sense that women who have to go back to work at 6 weeks are probably going to have an extremely hard time EBFing for 6 months. and i think sending your baby to the nursery is fine, if you need to do it. (i should add here that i think ultimately the solution isn't keeping the "bar low," but rather making sure women have the support they need to fulfill the BFing recommendations--maternity leave, etc.)

but once she started talking about giving cereal to her 3.5 month old so he'd STTN, well, i lost a lot of respect for her :

[madeofstardust]

I sent them a pretty angry email. Thanks for posting!