Is it rude to nurse around uncomfortable family members?

[Raene]

I can foresee that my in-laws will be uncomfortable with my nursing. Not that my mil didn't nurse, because she did, but I have a feeling it will still make her uncomfortable, maybe more for her husband than herself.

Should I go to another room, or should I consider it not my problem if they're uncomfortable? I'm pretty discreet, meaning I cover up with my shirt, but I'm not the type to wear a blanket over my shoulder or something.

[Cativari]

No, it's not rude nursing in front of others even if they are uncomfortable at first. It's their problem not yours. Your concern is your hungry babe.

My MIL wanted me to cover, go into another room (or tell her to go into another room) when DD was a babe. After a couple times telling her very politely that we didn't need or want those things she finally let it go. When DD was about 10 weeks old we had gone to a 4th of july event and DD got hungry she told me that I needed to nurse in the car because I'd make others uncomfortable. I looked at her and told her the other people who were feeding babes (bottles or breast) didn't have to go sit in the car and neither did I. Besides if they don't like it they don't have to look. I looked around and pointed out a couple other nursing moms too. And I continued right where I was. she hasn't bothered me since other then once when she protested to me not weaning at 1 year.

[laurelg]

No, you should not have to go elsewhere for their comfort.

That said, you have every right to go elsewhere for your comfort. While I do not believe breastfeeding is sexual, I do view it as intimate, and it is not something I am willing to let my in-laws "in" on. I also usually taking nursing breaks as an opportunity to get away from them for a few minutes.

[tndixiemom]

The only time it is rude, IMO, is when you go out of your way to do it. My BIL was very uncomfortable when my cousin would nurse at holidays. If he came into a room and she was bfing, he would look at his feet and go into the other living room(there are two living rooms at my grandparents and both are always packed). We all laughed about it. It wasn't rude of her to bf. It would have been rude if she had followed him into the other room.

[syd'smom]

nope!

[SeekingJoy]

It isn't rude to feed your baby whenever and where ever you want.

[averlee]

it is sad to me that people are SO comfortable with baby bottles. for instance, my daughter sometimes pretends to nurse her toys, it is a more unusual sight than a little plastic pretend baby bottle.
off topic, i know, sorry.

[saimeiyu]

If you're on neutral ground or your own place, no it's not even slightly rude.

If you're in their house... well, maybe a little rude. But I'd do it anyhow. They could ask me to leave if it makes them that uncomfortable, in which case, I don't want to be there that much anyhow.

[Ruthla]

IMO, it would be more rude to your baby if you DIDN'T feed him or her whenever s/he was hungry. It's rude to listen to a hungry baby cry, and it's rude to walk off in the middle of a conversation to go nurse the baby.

Nurse your baby when the baby needs to nurse. Your inlaws can look away, or even leave the room, if they're uncomfortable.

My FIL used to be like that. He'd literally face away from me while talking to me if I was nursing DD in front of him. We both knew it was his problem, not mine, and it didn't affect my relationship with him, nor did it affect his granddaughters' relationship with him. He was WONDERFUL with them once they were old enough to crawl around (and then toddle) and play with him. He just didn't watch them nursing.

[plum tree]

Nope, not rude at all!

I do agree with laurelg, that it's OK to leave the room for YOUR comfort. I found that I wouldn't let down as easily if I felt uncomfortable, so sometimes I would sneak away to a quiet spot to nurse in comfort and peace. Not to mention it was a good chance to get away from annoying family members (and uh, maybe 'fall asleep' on accident so I didn't have to back in to the room immediately ) but that's a different story .

Basically, do whatever you feel you need to do to feed your baby, and other people's comfort be damned.

[runnerbrit]

It depends. My pappa (my grandpa) is very uncomfortable when I nurse. So, when I went to visit him so he could meet my newest lo if I needed to nurse, while in his home, I went into another room. If I was at another family members home or at a restaurant nursing and he came into the room I continued to nurse. If he felt uncomfortable he could leave.

In other words, I will nurse my lo anytime anywhere but it is no big deal to go into another room if I am a guest in someone's home for a brief amount of time.

*For the record, my pappa is very supportive of my nursing and even he bragged to his friends at the VFW about my homebirth. He does not ask me to go into another room; I do it because I know his comfort level and can respect that.

[runnerbrit]

"My FIL used to be like that. He'd literally face away from me while talking to me if I was nursing DD in front of him. We both knew it was his problem, not mine, and it didn't affect my relationship with him, nor did it affect his granddaughters' relationship with him. He was WONDERFUL with them once they were old enough to crawl around (and then toddle) and play with him. He just didn't watch them nursing. "

This is my dad! LOL. It is who he is. I am nursing #3 and he still looks away. We joke about it all the time.

[Peony]

Not at all!

[Thalia the Muse]

I think it's kinder to cut people some slack if they're uncomfortable. You don't need to chose between feeding your hungry baby or offending your in-laws -- because the baby is totally going to win. But if it's not difficult to go in adjacent room and settle in a comfy chair there, why cause your in-laws discomfort?

[dianakaye]

My family (both blood and in-laws) are all very pro-bfing. With my blood relatives I am the first of my siblings to have a baby and bf, so at first everyone was a little uncomfortable with me bfing uncovered in the same room as everyone. I was a little uncomfortable with it too, being new to bfing and shy about it. Slowly we've all grown into it. At first I covered, then I didn't cover and would go to a place where I wasn't really visible, then I would just be discreet and warn everybody that wanted to leave. We've gotten to the point (LO is 9 months) where I don't have to warn or worry about who sees what. We've all just gotten more comfortable-- even my 12 year old brother isn't squeemish anymore. I think it's a compromise and a growing opportunity for everyone- if you're totally comfortable nursing around them it will help them feel more comfortable and eventually everyone will be fine with it. I would be sensitive to everyone's needs (but of course baby's immediate needs come first)...

[norajune'smama]

my in-laws were all a bit uncomfortable at first, especially my BIL's. no one in their family had bf'd. but, the more my husband and i treated it like it was normal, the more comfortable they became. last christmas i nursed dd at the table more than once (they sit at the table for hours) and she was 15 months at the time.
i'd say, if you're comfortable, it will enventually be a non-issue. at least i hope for you that it will be!

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by Thalia the Muse

I think it's kinder to cut people some slack if they're uncomfortable. You don't need to chose between feeding your hungry baby or offending your in-laws -- because the baby is totally going to win. But if it's not difficult to go in adjacent room and settle in a comfy chair there, why cause your in-laws discomfort?

I agree. My parents are nothing but supportive of bf, but I go into the living room while they're in the family room. Anyone is welcome to join me. Nursing has never been a pick-up-the-shirt-and-latch-on thing for me. It's usually a get naked/get comfy, then cover thing for me.

[StrawberryFields]

Like other posters, I don't think it is rude to stay in the same room when it makes someone uncomfortable. I do think it is rude to be purposely in-your-face about it. Meaning, if you know someone is uncomfortable with you nursing and you purposely seek them out, position yourself directly in front of them and breastfeed topless, for the sole purpose of making them squirm--that would be rude, IMO. Now, whether they deserve it or not--well, that depends on your relationship with that person

While I don't think it is RUDE to stay in the same room, I do think that it is POLITE for me to take their discomfort into consideration and if it is no skin off my nose, do something to alleviate that for them. And that goes for anything, not just nursing.

[mamadelbosque]

Definetly not rude to stay where you are and nurse. If they have a problem with it THEY can move. I've definetly had people throw towels/blankets/whatever at me when nursing DS1 at various times - I threw them back, with an eyeroll. If they threw it back at me or said anything else, I tended to respond with "how bout you go eat YOUR dinner in the bathroom and/or hidden under a towel?" nice'n loud so that EVERYONE could hear it and look at them like 'what??' That settled it for most all of them.

[noobmom]

Like others, I prefer to use BFing as a time to take a break from everyone else, so I tend to leave the room for my own comfort. That said, if someone was really uncomfortable, like my FIL, and I was in his living room, I'd move to a bedroom or something. If I was in my house in my normal nursing spot, I'd expect him to move if it really bothered him.