he came home. I don't have my first ppd appt for another 3 weeks (just how long it takes to get in) and its not even with counselor or anything, just a primary care who will then, I'm sure, refer me out to someone. yay military.
the kids are never my problem, true they ride my nerves somedays but I'm going to assume a 2 year old will do that to even the 'best' moms out there. Its my husband. he knows that I think what I'm going through is ppd... but its like he doesn't think about what he says or does and how that effects me right now. I feel like its my fault though because we have always been a couple who was easy going and could laugh and have playful banter between us. It was funny and nice... but now, it hurts and he doesn't understand. I understand he doesn't understand. I mean, it is odd that this is how we've always been and now its starting to bother me... overly sensitive.. but I can't help it!
For instance, yesterday was a BAD day. I snapped at him and cried a lot, lot of difficult conversations. Well today was pretty easy, but as soon as he walks through the door he sees dirty dishes in the sink and is all, "man, you didn't do the dishes?" (I'm a sahm to a 6mth old and a 2 yr old). And then later we were having a light conversation and I said something about me cleaning something or another and he scoffed at me, "ha, you clean?" Or how about dinner tonight... I made stuffed bell peppers, they were really good, and healthy... and he looked at them like I was serving him slugs or something. The baby was sitting on the couch rightnexttome and she started to roll while on the chase of a little ball. I had her, I wouldn't have let her fall, she didn't even get close.... but he flipped out.
When I said something to him he said he was just kidding like I should have known that... and I did know he was just kidding but that didn't stop his words and reactions from stinging. I told him, yeah, well it still hurts wether its a joke or not. And he took it to the extreme, "fine, I just won't joke around with you anymore."
I didn't say that! I like jokes, I like laughing... why can't he just be there and understand, some compassion would be fantastic!
Its like I can't do anything right! Now he just walked by me and said, "so is it going to be another one of these nights again? I said I was sorry."
Its day like today that make feel sooooooo alone and like I just can't win. All day I work on trying to stay positive and then it takes so little to send me spiraling downward again.
the kids are never my problem, true they ride my nerves somedays but I'm going to assume a 2 year old will do that to even the 'best' moms out there. Its my husband. he knows that I think what I'm going through is ppd... but its like he doesn't think about what he says or does and how that effects me right now. I feel like its my fault though because we have always been a couple who was easy going and could laugh and have playful banter between us. It was funny and nice... but now, it hurts and he doesn't understand. I understand he doesn't understand. I mean, it is odd that this is how we've always been and now its starting to bother me... overly sensitive.. but I can't help it!
For instance, yesterday was a BAD day. I snapped at him and cried a lot, lot of difficult conversations. Well today was pretty easy, but as soon as he walks through the door he sees dirty dishes in the sink and is all, "man, you didn't do the dishes?" (I'm a sahm to a 6mth old and a 2 yr old). And then later we were having a light conversation and I said something about me cleaning something or another and he scoffed at me, "ha, you clean?" Or how about dinner tonight... I made stuffed bell peppers, they were really good, and healthy... and he looked at them like I was serving him slugs or something. The baby was sitting on the couch rightnexttome and she started to roll while on the chase of a little ball. I had her, I wouldn't have let her fall, she didn't even get close.... but he flipped out.
When I said something to him he said he was just kidding like I should have known that... and I did know he was just kidding but that didn't stop his words and reactions from stinging. I told him, yeah, well it still hurts wether its a joke or not. And he took it to the extreme, "fine, I just won't joke around with you anymore."
I didn't say that! I like jokes, I like laughing... why can't he just be there and understand, some compassion would be fantastic!
Its like I can't do anything right! Now he just walked by me and said, "so is it going to be another one of these nights again? I said I was sorry."
Its day like today that make feel sooooooo alone and like I just can't win. All day I work on trying to stay positive and then it takes so little to send me spiraling downward again.
He wasn't around when I had our first child so post partum was easy with my first, no pressures. Then I had our second child and DH pushed me to go back to work for a few hours (from home) the day I got home from the hospital (after a c/s), stayed on me about being too grouchy and couldn't handle the situation day after day for months on end, expected me to do my usual stuff like nothing had changed and baby would just fit in to the picture somehow and it just didn't work that way. I was the one getting up all night as he refused to help and would get angry if I let the baby wake him up. Lots of things he did and said back then he says he doesn't remember now but I do. I held on to it because he hurt me. DH also didn't understand depression and thought I could just make it go away and thought I was just making it all up. 
