annoyed by pediatricians - they don't seem to support BFing

[lisa133]

Hello - I just rediscovered Mothering magazine (how did I forget about it) and this forum and I totally need it. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a bizarro world where I am the only person who breastfeeds and sleeps with her children!

Anyway, I have 2 healthy boys (4 and 1/2 and 10 months). I bring them to a big Pediatric group b/c it is convenient. I don't always see the same dr. for my baby's 6 month well visit, I went to a young dr in the group. I was looking forward to seeing him b/c I thought he woudl be open-minded. Turns out he asked me "what type of formula is he on?" I was totally offended! It was the 6 month visit. Shouldn't he assume I am still nursing (which of course I was and still am). So I set him straight. (a woman I know who likes this dr defended this question "most people give their baby's formula and if you were bottle-feeding, you would be offended if he asked if you are breastfeeding." Of course that is total BS, but I digress). He also made a comment about getting the baby to "sleep through the night." that expression makes my skin crawl.

so, for the baby's 9 month visit, I had an appt with a young female dr who also has a baby my son's age. I was excited to see her but she was even worse!! I mentioned how the baby eats a lot at night (which I think is good) and she was like “through the night?” when I told her yes she literally shook her finger at us and said, “well no more of that!” of course I didn’t feel the need to explain or defend myself. I will feed my child however I see fit and he is a big healthy boy (who has never had an ounce of formula), but I did explain how I work all day and the baby and I need the nights to feed. She started telling me how it is bad for his teeth and he doesn’t need it “metabolically.” She said he should be getting all of his food during the day and sleeping all night long.
I am so offended that she is implying that I am doing something wrong. I find this type of advice totally crosses the line from medical advice to parenting advice. What does she care if I feed my son all night. He is getting extra rich breastmilk that way. I am so annoyed. And I researched the teeth issue and it is inconclusive (personally, I think it is BS. My older son nursed all night for 32 months and he has no cavities). God forbid I should comfort and nurse my baby at night. I always feel good b/c I know he is getting a ton of breastmilk at night that he might not get otherwise. How dare this doctor make me feel like I am doing something wrong and MANDATE that I stop. I think of all of the women who might not be strong-willed and listen to this type of bad advice and directives from their doctors. It’s a wonder anyone breastfeeds!

I am tempted to send her some of the articles I found. She must know that I walked out of there knowing I would do things the exact same way. I think I just need to vent but I am just so annoyed at these doctors. I know I should find someone else and I might try that. I definitely won't go back to her!

[phrogger]

Man I feel for you. I am going through the same thing with out ped and my son is only 2 months old. She is my step sons ped and has been great for him, but he is 9 with special needs. She is really on the ball with all the latest and greatest medical stuff for him, but when it comes to the baby, I think my arcaic ideas of just co sleeping and breast feeding are too much for her to handle. Like why wouldn't I want all the "man made" stuff when my older boy gets so much of it. (medications for all his issues). She already is trying to convince me that the baby doesn't need to nurse at night after the age of 4 months and that he should be in his own room by then so he isn't still sleeping with me and nursing at 5. Umm NO.

So no advice, just I feel your pain. I am actually a little jealous of my old roommate, she actually gets to see Dr. Sears for her ped and when I hear the stories after their visits, I just wish mine always went that well.

[Honey693]

I am so glad my ped breastfeeds her kids. She just assumes I'm boobing Ella and phrases all her questions like that. Either that or she looks at my chart and knows I am, but either way works. Sleep didn't even come up until our 9 month visits when she asked if she was sleeping through the night and DD is (5 hours most nights) so I said yes, most nights and that was it.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with the ones in your office. Can you switch peds?

[Asiago]

Oye, I feel for you. I am pregnant with my first right now and have interviewed about seven peds. Still have yet to make a decision. However, I do check into their views on BF'g. It seems the ones who are more enlightened on alternative vaccinating protocols, are more aware of the importance of supporting BF'g. Maybe they are just general more aware and thinking outside of the box.
Just what I have found so far.

I hope you can find a ped who is supportive of BF'g.
Perhaps you could contact your local Le Leche League. They are so helpful with referrals, I would imagine they could give you some helpful pediatrician referrals. Many LLL members also co-sleep so you may even think about joining, at least you will get a lot of support. I've only attended two meetings thus far, but it seems members are so relieved to have the support that comes with the group. They just seem to breath a sigh of relief when they start discussing these things and find other moms that think similarly.

Good luck. So sorry you have to go through this.

[Birdie B.]

I'm annoyed for you! That's kind of crazy for pediatricians to be so dismissive of breastfeeding! I think you should definitely find a new doctor. We go to a family practice, and it's wonderful! We have one doctor, and she's very very supportive of breastfeeding. She never asks about parenting style questions such as sleeping or eating at night, and she never passes judgement on what we decide to do. I would hope you could find a doc who doesn't question your practices and the benefits of breastfeeding. Good luck!

[tanyalynn]

You may want to find someone more in line with your values. If you ever really need their advice, advice you can trust in a situation you're seriously worried about, I for one would look for someone who's more on the same page as I am.

[lisa133]

thanks everyone! I really worry more about others than myself. I am strongwilled enough to ignore her mandate and do what I know is best. I am just annoyed that she thinks there is only one way and her way is best. It would have been so nice to hear "you are still breastfeeding! good for you!" but no. I am sure she would have been happier to hear that my baby never had the boob, has only had formula and sleeps 12 hours straight in his own crib but that is so not me.
I normally don't even get into these issues with a dr. I would never even say that my baby sleeps in a bed with me - it is none of their business - but the feeding issue came up.
I should mention that my 9 month old baby is 20.5 pounds and 30 inches so it is not like we are concerned with growth!

thanks again! really looking forward to being more a part of this forum.

[averlee]

We have moved a lot, and changed insurance, so my 2yr old has seen several different doctors & nurses. I've never had a bad comment or wrong info about breastfeeding from them- I really thought MOST docs say nurse on demand as long as possible.
I wonder what's the deal? where are all these weird anti-breast doctors coming from?

[~LadyBug~]

Wow! I am so shocked by that, seriously, by a DOCTOR! A ped. no less! Amazing, and so sad too. I would bring in some articles and educate them.

[GoestoShow]

.

Edited by GoestoShow - 12/10/10 at 6:24pm

[Bluegoat]

They both sound really - set - on certain unimportant things.

You know, there are ways they could have brought up those topics without being offensive. Such as saying -"do you feel you are getting enough sleep with him feeding so much at night" or "there is evidence that some kids have dental problems which nursing a lot at night can contribute to. Has he seen a dentist to make sure his teeth are healthy? - if not, it might be a good idea."

But they both mostly sound arrogant.

[justKate]

Originally Posted by GoestoShow

I'm not sure what the BS is that you're referring to, but as someone who struggled so hard with breastfeeding, I am incredibly offended when people ask me if I'm still nursing.

That aside, everything else about that practice doesn't sound pleasant. Makes me really glad for my evidence-based family doctor who, while very openly will express her medical opinion on things, will not press one way or another on many issues.

I sort of agree that it could be offensive either way. Assuming bottle feeding might imply that there is something wrong with BFing (especially after a certain age); but assuming BFing might imply something judgmental about the person who chooses or is unable to BF. I see it both ways.

My ped, who I don't love, told me there was no benefit to breastmilk after 6 months of age and that I should consider the Weisbluth (sp?) book for our sleep issues. Whatever. I was surprised because she's my age with young children, but to each his own. I take DD for WBCs to make sure she's "holding the curve" since she's tiny. Everything else goes in one ear and out the other. Try telling my little monkey that there is no benefit to breastmilk after six months. She'll set you straight!

[annekh23]

Couldn't doctors just open a discussion about feeding in a very general way, as in the 2nd half of the first year they'll want to know about solids too. It seems to me that you don't need to use a question with an assumptions either about milk or solid feeding, just say "tell me about his feeding habits".

[lisa133]

exactly Anne! That was my point. The first doc I went to should have just said "what is he eating?" plus, I would have figured the baby's chart said something about being breastfed. and the woman who said that annoyed me b/c she really saw nothing wrong with his question.

The second doc (a working mom like me with a baby my age) disapointed me even more. it would be one thing if I raised the issue of his nursing so much at night and it bothered me but we were perfectly happy so i was offended that she would tell me to stop doing something that was working so well for us and my baby is thriving. she totally dismissed my notion that it was good for him to get extra milk from me at night since I am away from him during the day. I wonder if she BFs. Probably not.

[Anastasiya]

Originally Posted by GoestoShow

I'm not sure what the BS is that you're referring to, but as someone who struggled so hard with breastfeeding, I am incredibly offended when people ask me if I'm still nursing.

The BS was in reference to breastmilk causing cavities. The evidence is inconclusive and the OP thinks the suggestion that breastmilk causes cavities is BS.

[mumkimum]

I'd be annoyed too, particuarly with the stuff the second doc was telling you.

We hadn't had any BF issues with our ped, but had to take dd in once for something else at the kids urgent clinic & had someone see us initially (who, I think, was a totally new resident there with pediatrics) and he kept asking "how much does she drink daily" to which I said "I don't really know, she's exclusively breastfed" 4 or 5 times until he got it. Sheesh. They don't come with gauges!
It helps to just act like everything you do is normal and expected and they're the ones who've got it all mixed up.

[GAjenn]

My ped. basically said "oh she's a year, you should wean now". She also gives me grief about not doing all the vax on the recommended schedule. We are searching for a new doc!!!!

[Evergreen]

I don't understand why they can't just look at the chart, see how the baby was fed at the last appointment and ask things like, "Is he still breastfeeding?...Ok, good...any concerns...great..."

[alegna]

This is a great example of why we don't bother with WBV at all...

-Angela

[~LadyBug~]

Just wondering but what is WBV?